Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!

The girl standing in the doorway looked like a mess. A briar patch had clearly dragged her backward.

Her silver-inlaid breastplate was scarred by smoking gouges. Her midnight-blue cloak hung in muddy tatters.

Her long silver hair hung in disheveled strands across her shoulders. Sharp violet eyes flared with panic behind smudges of soot. At her hip, an ancestral mithril astral compass spun frantically on a silver chain.

Her left arm trembled against the cedar frame. White knuckles clutched a slender mithril rapier that hummed with dying sparks.

Her chest heaved violently as she fought for oxygen.

”Eldest... Senior Brother?”

she managed to gasp out. Her voice was raspy from hours of running.

Felix sat at his kitchen table. His wooden spoon was halfway to his mouth.

A fat slice of pickled radish dangled from the edge. He chewed slowly with a blank face. He looked like a man whose TV show had been interrupted by a lawnmower.

He tilted his chin slightly.

A dark bracket snapped into focus over the girl’s head:

【Target: Lyra Ashford】 【True Cultivation: Adept Tier 4 (Severely Strained Meridians / Mana Exhaustion)】 【Threat Level: Harmless Companion NPC】 【Background: Third Daughter of the Imperial Ashford Spellblade Clan. Fleeing six hunting squads of family assassins after discovering an imperial treason conspiracy.】 【Inspector Note: High noble drama. Currently composing a tragic speech in her head. Give her food immediately before she faints on your clean cedar floorboards and triggers a mandatory escort quest.】

Felix let out a low breath through his nose.

”Great,” he muttered softly. ”A walking side quest with full backstory lore. Why do these games never let you skip the cutscene?”

He swallowed his radish and lowered the spoon.

”Door was unlocked,” Felix said mildly. He pointed the handle of his spoon toward the coat rack.

”Wipe your boots on the hemp mat. I just swept the pine needles this morning.”

Lyra froze.

Her breath hitched in her throat. Her grip on the rapier slipped half an inch. Her wide, violet eyes darted around the small kitchen.

There were no glowing magic circles on the floor.

There were no floating swords humming with ancient intent.

There wasn’t even an incense burner filling the room with sandalwood smoke.

There was only a tired young man in a wrinkled gray hemp tunic. He slouched over a cracked ceramic bowl. He chewed barley porridge as if the outside world did not exist.

Is this an illusion? Lyra thought frantically. Her mind spun in circles.

I crossed the Nine Sky-Bridges, she remembered. I slipped past the outer wards of the Seventh Spire. Ancient records said Grandmaster Vivienne’s direct disciple lived here! The imperial archives described him as a reclusive monster who ignores all worldly affairs!

She stared at Felix’s relaxed posture.

He didn’t have a weapon drawn. He didn’t even have a mana shield raised. He sat completely open and unprotected, radiating zero spiritual pressure.

To an untrained novice, he looked like an ordinary peasant.

To Lyra, the truth hit like a kicked soccer ball. Her noble clan had trained her in spiritual perception since age four.

* she realized. A cold shiver ran down her spine.

*He knew I was coming. He knew about the assassins.

Her knees turned to wet clay.

She dropped her rapier with a metallic clatter. She fell to both knees on the floorboards and pressed her forehead against the wood.

”This disciple is Lyra Ashford!” she choked out.

Her voice trembled with reverence. ”I have escaped traitors to seek sanctuary beneath Solitude Spire! Senior Brother... please forgive my rude intrusion into your sacred hermitage!”

Felix stopped chewing.

He looked down at the girl prostrating before his breakfast table.

”Kid,” Felix said slowly. ”Get off the floor. The pine sap will ruin your pants.”

”I dare not rise before Senior Brother permits it!” Lyra declared passionately.

Her face pressed tight against the cedar grain. ”I know this humble room reflects your transcendent Dao heart!”

Tell me... is this simple meal a test of my resolve?

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”Are you purifying your marrow with the bitter grains of mortal suffering?”

Felix stared at her then he looked down at his bowl.

It was literally rolled barley and pickled radish. He had bought the barley from an old lady at the lower dock for eight copper coins.

”It’s just breakfast,” Felix said. He picked up his wooden spoon again. ”And it’s heavily nerfed.”

Lyra’s ears twitched. ”Heavily... nerfed?”

”The HP regen is only plus two per second,” Felix explained plainly. He took another mouthful.

”It doesn’t stack. The duration is only ten minutes. The text says minor satiety.”

He swallowed the grain.

”If you don’t eat, your stamina bar will hit zero,” Felix warned. ”Then you will pass out on my floor. I don’t feel like dragging an unconscious NPC to the couch.”

Lyra’s breath seized in her chest.

Her aristocratic mind took those alien words and spun them through ancient philosophy.

Nerfed? she thought. Her violet eyes widened in mounting terror behind her bangs. HP regen? Stamina bar?

Her thoughts raced like wild horses:

He says the food has been nerfed! That means the Heavenly Dao placed a seal upon mortal grain, suppressing its spiritual power! Yet Senior Brother eats it casually to battle Heaven’s decree!

And he knows my stamina is failing without even touching my wrist!

He is offering me a supreme Daoist test! He wants to see if my mortal flesh can endure the suppressed grain!

Tears of overwhelming revelation pricked the corners of Lyra’s eyes.

She lifted her pale, determined face. She crawled forward on her knees.

”This disciple understands!” she whispered.

Her voice shook with awe. ”I accept Senior Brother’s profound trial! I will consume the suppressed grain and temper my soul!”

Felix blinked.

He slid the bowl of porridge across the tabletop with a dull scrape. It stopped right in front of her.

”Just use a spoon,” Felix muttered. He pushed a spare wooden utensil toward her.

”Don’t eat with your hands. We are not wild animals.”

Lyra took the spoon with shaking fingers. She treated it like celestial diamond.

She scooped up a bite of the warm gray porridge. She raised it to her lips and swallowed.

It tasted surprisingly good. It was warm and nutty, with a pleasant salty crunch from the pickled radish.

The hot food hit her empty stomach. A gentle wave of warmth spread through her shivering chest. Her depleted mana core gave an appreciative flutter, soothing her aching meridians.

Lyra’s violet eyes grew moist.

Such profound medicine! she cried internally. She shoveled another bite into her mouth. It tastes like common porridge, yet it instantly mends my cracked foundation! Senior Brother has mastered the art of returning to nature!

”Told ya,” Felix remarked. He watched her eat like a hungry puppy.

”Plus two HP per second. Solid starter food.”

* * *

Lyra scraped the bottom of the wooden bowl with total devotion.

Meanwhile, Felix leaned his left elbow against the pine table.

Creak.

The table tilted three inches to the left. His half-empty clay teacup slid toward the edge. Felix caught the cup with his thumb before his warm tea could spill.

Felix frowned. He clicked his tongue in annoyance.

”I hate this table,” Felix grumbled. He shifted his weight.

”Every time the weather changes, the floorboards warp. The wobbly left leg is short by half an inch. Slanted surfaces drive me crazy.”

He set his teacup down carefully on the high side.

”If my tea spills,” Felix added, ”my whole morning is ruined.”

Lyra set her clean bowl down with delicate care.

”Senior Brother,” she offered politely. ”Perhaps I could carve a small wooden wedge from the garden fence to level the table?”

”Fence wood is pine,” Felix replied, shaking his head. ”Soft wood squishes under weight.”

After three days, the table tilts again. You need something completely rigid and super dense.

”An incompressible solid.”

He pushed his chair back. He stood up and shuffled over to a tall wooden cupboard by the wall.

He pulled the lower cabinet door open.

Inside was a messy pile of household junk. Rusted nails, balls of twine, dried peppers, an old shoehorn, and three chipped teacups lay scattered inside.

Felix reached into the back, moving aside a dried fish carcass.

”Where did Master put that heavy square brick...” Felix muttered, digging through the dust.

”Ah. Here it is.”

He hauled out a heavy, dusty square slab of golden jade.

Felix blew a cloud of gray cobwebs off the surface. He turned it over in his hands to check its thickness.

Carved into the dusty bottom base was a line of tiny, faded characters: Admin_Root_DoNotShare_1234.

Felix squinted at the tiny carved letters.

”Admin Root Do Not Share 1234?” Felix muttered, shaking his head with a quiet chuckle.

”Looks like some lazy game developer left their default Wi-Fi password on a rock. What a goofy easter egg.”

He didn’t give the letters a second thought. All he cared about was the flat, level edge.

Yet the moment the jade block cleared the cabinet door, the kitchen atmosphere warped violently.

BZZZZZZZZT!

The morning sunlight was swallowed by a blinding flash of nine-colored imperial radiance.

The air grew heavy as lead. Breathing felt like swallowing thick honey.

An ancient pressure crashed down upon the kitchen like a collapsing ceiling.

The cedar floorboards groaned under a terrifying gravitational surge.

Lyra’s breath was ripped from her lungs.

Her pupils shrank to tiny dots. Her heart hammered against her ribs like a trapped bird.

Thud!

She couldn’t stay in her seat. The imperial pressure knocked her flat against the floorboards. Her cheek slammed against the wood.

The... The Sovereign Heart Seal of the Nine Heavens! her soul screamed in pure terror.

She recognized the design from the secret archives of the Ashford Clan.

It was an eight-inch square of primordial jade. Ninety-nine coiled True Dragons were carved into the borders, their golden scales crackling with violet lightning.

The jade held the condensed authority of twelve fallen imperial dynasties.

It was an Emperor-grade Divine Artifact. A single decree from it could level entire continents. It had vanished ten thousand years ago during the First Cataclysm!

Why was it in a kitchen cupboard next to a dried fish?! Lyra’s mind screamed. Is Senior Brother about to obliterate the traitors of my clan?!

Felix walked back across the kitchen. He held the ancient cosmic artifact casually in his left hand like a cheap brick of cheese.

He reached the wobbly pine table.

He bent down. He lifted the short, wobbly left leg with his foot. Then he kicked the dusty jade square directly underneath so his tea would never spill again.

CLACK.

The ancient jade slab wedged cleanly between the cedar floor and the short left leg.

The table instantly leveled out.

Felix set both hands on the tabletop and shoved downward with all his weight.

The table didn’t budge a millimeter. It was dead flat, perfectly balanced, and rock-solid.

”Nice,” Felix said, nodding in deep satisfaction. ”Master left this brick in the cupboard when she skipped town.”

Zero vendor sell value at the sky-dock general store. But the density is incredible.

”It makes a perfect table shim.”

He picked up his teacup and set it down dead center on the pine surface. The tea sat completely still, without a single ripple.

”Perfect,” Felix smiled. ”Not a single drop spilled.”

Lyra remained pinned to the floorboards. She stared at the ancient Emperor-grade relic. It now supported half an ounce of porridge and a chipped salt shaker.

He uses the Sovereign Authority of the Heavens... as a furniture shim, she thought. Her soul seemed to float out of her body in silent shock.

He isn’t an archmage.

He is an ancient cosmic sovereign.