Moving On from the Tsundere, I Choose the Perfect Sweetheart

Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Sure Enough! A Simp Won’t Get a House

The continuous mechanical voice bombarding Gu Yifan’s mind left him feeling dazed and dizzy.

He stood frozen on the spot for a full two and a half minutes before he came back to his senses.

’Love and Level Up??’

’A 1000x Cri... Critical Hit Spending Card???’

’A 100x Attack Speed Blue Pill????’

......

’Wait a minute!’

’What the hell... No matter how I look at them, the names of these items from the system are just so damn sketchy!?’

”DING~”

”The Love and Level Up System offers a friendly reminder to the Host: The rewards from the current gift pack are quantumly entangled with the Host. The specifics are unrelated to this system.”

As if sensing Gu Yifan’s confusion, the system’s cold, crisp, mechanical female voice rang in his ears once more.

Gu Yifan: ”...”

”Damn system, you’re a real piece of work!”

The corner of Gu Yifan’s mouth twitched, and he muttered under his breath.

On a February afternoon in Mountain City, the winter sun was glaring. Gu Yifan found a shady path and, after studying it for a good while, finally figured out how this Love and Level Up System worked.

It was pretty much like the essential support systems for protagonists that Gu Yifan had read about in novels in his past life.

It just had a ridiculously cheeky name, that’s all!

’Love and Level Up!’

Gu Yifan quickly accepted the existence of the system.

The reason was simple.

He’d already gone through something as absurd as rebirth—the height of absurdity, really—so one more system wasn’t anything to fuss about.

’It seems even the heavens couldn’t stand watching me be a simp until the day I died in my past life!’

’Goes to show just how pathetic my simping was in my past life.’

’Still, this is good!’

’That bastard... uh, the dear heavens gave me this chance at a new life.’

’In this life, I’m done being a simp!’

’In this life, I’m going to live for myself!’

’In this life, I’m going to stand at the very top of the pyramid and see what the view is like up there!’

Gu Yifan clenched his fists, vowing to himself.

’2013!’

’A full seventeen years before 2030, the year I died in a car crash in my past life.’

’This is an era where even a pig can fly if it catches the right wind!’

’The internet, e-commerce, Douyin, the metaverse, AI... I’m not too late for any of it!’

’With my experience and memories from my past life, hell, even a dead pig like me could fly!’

’Besides, with this ridiculous system, if I still can’t make something of myself this time around, I might as well just take a knife to my own crotch!’

’The economic base determines the superstructure!’

’Then let’s start with my first load of... Ptooey! My first pot of gold!’

Gu Yifan clenched his fists, getting a little worked up.

”Oh, right!”

”System, you said I can use that... whatchamacallit... Critical Hit Spending Card anytime I want?”

Gu Yifan thought for a moment, then spoke to the empty air in front of him.

His words had barely left his lips when the system’s standard, mechanical female voice once again sounded in his ear.

”DING~”

”Affirmative, Host!”

”The 0-1000x Critical Hit Spending Cashback Card gives the Host two opportunities for cashback on purchases. The multiplier is random and depends entirely on the Host’s luck.”

”Finally, a friendly reminder: The system is omnipresent. The Host can simply communicate by thinking. There is no need to speak aloud.”

Gu Yifan: ”-_-||”

’Wait a minute!’

’System, you son of a bitch, what was that last part supposed to mean?’

’Are you looking down on me for being a country bumpkin? Calling me inexperienced?!!’

Gu Yifan: ’FUCK YOU...@#$!...#$@&...’

He was like a little kid throwing a powerless tantrum.

To be fair, you couldn’t really blame Gu Yifan.

He’d suddenly been reborn into his high school days, and on top of that, he had some baffling system.

He might have seemed calm on the outside, but deep down, he was freaking out.

He was terrified this was all just a dream and that when he woke up, he’d be in the underworld.

That’s why he’d seized the chance to suddenly blow up and curse out the system—it was just to vent his pent-up emotions.

However, the system was silent as the grave, completely ignoring him.

After cursing for what felt like an eternity, Gu Yifan finally calmed down, feeling much more clear-headed.

Now, he just felt that his mouth was completely dry.

So he resentfully got up, dusted himself off, and headed for the school’s tuck shop.

The reason was simple.

Damn it, he desperately needed to rehydrate!

...

At the tuck shop in the northeast corner of the school cafeteria.

Gu Yifan walked out with two popsicles and a pack of Mala Little Prince spicy strips.

’Popsicles and spicy strips are an even better match in the winter~’

As Gu Yifan stood by the trash can outside the tuck shop, licking his popsicle, a random thought popped into his head.

He had actually planned to see what he could buy and use one charge of the Critical Hit Cashback Card. But after confirming with the system several times, Gu Yifan learned that only the one hundred seven yuan and eighty-three fen in his bank account could be used with the card!

”One hundred seven yuan and eighty-three fen?”

”System, are you sure you didn’t get that wrong?”

Gu Yifan asked the system, completely dumbfounded.

”DING~”

”In response to the Host, the system is infallible!”

The system’s emotionless mechanical voice replied coldly.

Gu Yifan: ”...”

His heart sank at the system’s reply.

’Damn it!’

’That can’t be right!’

’He distinctly remembered having at least ten thousand yuan in his bank account!’

’That was all the damn lucky money I’d saved up since I was a kid!’

Gu Yifan scratched his head, completely exasperated.

”DING~”

”Host memory recall has been initiated. Please review.”

The system couldn’t even stand to look at his pathetic state and directly dumped the memory of where the money went into his brain.

After watching the memory, Gu Yifan’s face flushed red, and he was thoroughly mortified.

’Damn it!’

’The money was gone because I’d given it to Han Ning for her eighteenth birthday party!’

’More than ten thousand yuan!’

’Fuck!’

’All just to simp for my goddess and throw her a birthday party?!!!’

”Fine. One hundred seven yuan and eighty-three fen it is, then!”

”System, hit me with a massive critical multiplier!”

Gu Yifan said through gritted teeth.

”DING~”

”Apologies. The bank card is not currently in the Host’s possession. The 0-1000x Critical Hit Spending Cashback Card cannot be used at this time.”

This time, the system didn’t hesitate, once again dumping the card’s whereabouts directly into Gu Yifan’s mind.

Gu Yifan: ”...”

After a long moment of silence.

’FUCK!’

’Of course!’

’So it’s true... simps really do end up with nothing!’

Gu Yifan cursed under his breath, silently paid with his campus card, and then slunk away.

The reason was simple.

His bank card was in Han Ning’s hands.

...

「In a flash, it was the end of the school day.」

The campus, once quiet, instantly erupted with noise.

”Holy shit!”

”Hey, look! Is that someone sitting on the roof?”

”Yeah! Holy crap, you don’t think she’s going to jump, do you?”

”Whoa... Let’s go! Let’s go check it out!”

Before long, a crowd had gathered below the tallest academic building at Mountain City First Middle School...