Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The waiting finally ended in the last week of October, heralded by a flurry of owls that descended upon the Great Hall like a snowstorm.

Orion sat at the Slytherin table, casually sipping his tea. He didn’t need to snatch the Daily Prophet from Draco this time; a handsome, tawny owl dropped a freshly minted copy directly onto his plate, courtesy of his own subscription this time.

He unrolled the parchment. The headline was massive, bold, and incredibly satisfying.

PETTIGREW SENTENCED TO AZKABAN FOR LIFE! ORDER OF MERLIN REVOKED!

The front page detailed the final, damning session of the Wizengamot. Peter Pettigrew was officially stripped of his false heroism and condemned to the Dementors. It was a clean, absolute victory for justice.

But it was the secondary headline, positioned prominently just below the fold, that made Orion’s pulse quicken.

A NEW ERA OF HEROISM: THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SLYTHERIN PRODIGY ORION MALFOY TO RECEIVE ORDER OF MERLIN, FIRST CLASS!

The article was a masterpiece of political spin. It detailed the Wizengamot’s unanimous decision to recognize Orion for his ”unparalleled deductive reasoning, exceptional bravery under fire, and profound contributions to the safety of the wizarding world.”

The Ministry explicitly linked the award to a combination of his heroic actions during the Chamber of Secrets crisis and his instrumental role in uncovering the twelve-year-old Pettigrew conspiracy. The narrative was flawless: the Ministry was cleaning house of old frauds and elevating a brilliant, young, pureblood savior.

”Orion,” Draco breathed, staring at his own copy of the paper, his face completely slack with shock. His toast fell from his hand, hitting his plate with a dull thud. ”An Order of Merlin. First Class. You... you’re getting an Order of Merlin.”

”It appears so, Draco,” Orion replied smoothly, folding the paper neatly and placing it beside his teacup. He offered a modest, thoroughly practiced smile. ”It seems my extracurricular activities have finally been recognized by the proper authorities.”

The Slytherin table was dead silent for a count of three, before erupting into a frenzy of excited, disbelieving whispers.

”The youngest in history,” Theodore Nott murmured, staring at Orion with a new, profound level of respect. ”They usually don’t hand those out unless you defeat a Dark Lord or invent a potion that cures Dragon Pox.”

”Or unless you save the Ministry from two massive, public relations disasters in a single year,” Orion corrected internally. Daphne almost snorted at that, but controlled herself.

He spent the rest of breakfast enjoying the absolute, gobsmacked expressions of his housemates. The stares from the Gryffindor table were a mixture of awe and deep, complicated resentment, but Orion ignored them entirely. He had won the political game.

That evening, the inevitable summons arrived.

Orion found himself ascending the spiral staircase to the Headmaster’s office just as the sun began to set, casting long, golden shadows across the stone.

He pushed open the heavy oak door.

Albus Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, looking serene. And pacing the rug in front of the fireplace, looking incredibly tired but fiercely competent, was Madam Amelia Bones.

”Good evening, Mr. Malfoy,” Amelia greeted him, stopping her pacing as he entered.

”Madam Bones,” Orion bowed slightly. ”Headmaster. To what do I owe the pleasure of this summons? I assure you, I have not discovered another monster lurking inside this school, yet.”

”We are well aware of that, Orion,” Dumbledore chuckled softly, gesturing to a chair. ”Please, sit.”

Orion took the seat, smoothing his robes.

”Pettigrew is still currently in the Ministry holding cells,” Amelia stated, getting straight to business. ”The Department is being incredibly thorough in processing his incarceration, given the... high-profile nature of his previous ’death’. We are taking no chances.”

She adjusted her monocle, her sharp eyes fixing on Orion.

”We will be officially transporting him to Azkaban this Thursday. On Halloween.”

Orion raised an eyebrow. ”A poetic date for an incarceration, Madam Bones. Fitting, considering it marks the anniversary of the crime he facilitated.”

”Indeed,” Amelia agreed, a grim satisfaction in her tone. ”It also happens to be the day the Ministry intends to hold the ceremony. Your Order of Merlin will be officially awarded on Thursday afternoon at the Ministry Atrium. You will need to be ready.”

Orion let out a soft, theatrical sigh, slumping back slightly in his chair.

”What a pity,” Orion lamented, his voice dripping with faux disappointment. ”I was incredibly looking forward to the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year. I suppose I will have to spend my free time getting fitted for dress robes and preparing an acceptance speech instead of buying sweets at Honeydukes.”

Amelia let out a short, incredulous scoff, shaking her head. ”You are receiving the highest honor in the wizarding world, Mr. Malfoy, and you are complaining about missing a trip to a sweetshop?”

”Priorities, Madam Bones,” Orion smirked.

Amelia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. The boy was infuriating, but she couldn’t deny his effectiveness.

”I must admit, Orion,” Amelia said, her tone shifting to a more serious, reflective register. ”I understand the political reasoning behind this medal. I understand the narrative Fudge is trying to build. But... I was expecting at least some level of resistance from the Wizengamot.”

She crossed her arms, looking at Dumbledore.

”When Lord Rosier presented the suggestion, citing the need to ’restore the veracity of the Order of Merlin’ after the Lockhart disgrace and now by Pettigrew’s own fake death, by awarding it to a genuine hero... I was surprised by how quickly it gained traction. I expected the older families to argue that you were too young, or that the award was being cheapened.”

”I was actually quite surprised as well, Amelia,” Dumbledore admitted, his blue eyes twinkling as he looked at Orion. ”But I maintained my support for the motion. He deserves the medal.”

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers together over his stomach.

”As an Order of Merlin holder myself, I hold the title with a rather flimsy note of reverence,” Dumbledore confessed softly. ”Sure, the medal grants some respect. It opens doors. But respect must be earned first, before the medal can truly mean anything. A piece of gold with a ribbon does not make a man great.”

He looked directly at Orion, his gaze piercing through the boy’s aristocratic facade.

”I have always advocated that it is your actions that define you. And Orion’s actions, despite their occasionally... unorthodox and highly stressful execution... have consistently been for the betterment and safety of others. He stopped a monster. He cleared an innocent man. He deserves the recognition.”

Orion maintained eye contact, feeling a strange, uncomfortable twinge of genuine gratitude. Dumbledore saw through his manipulative tactics, yet still acknowledged the positive results. It was a complex, mutual understanding.

”That,” Amelia sighed heavily, dropping her arms, ”is exactly why I did not say anything against the motion either. You earned it, Mr. Malfoy. The Ministry owes you a debt.”

She took a step closer, her monocle glinting dangerously as she leveled a stern, uncompromising glare at the thirteen-year-old boy.

”However,” Amelia warned, her voice hard as iron, ”this medal does not give you diplomatic immunity. It does not give you a free pass. And it certainly does not give you the right to cause any more trouble for my department in the future. Are we clear?”

Orion offered a bright, entirely innocent smile.

”Crystal clear, Madam Bones,” Orion promised. ”I intend to be the very model of a decorated citizen.”