Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The heavy, portentous silence in the Headmaster’s office hung in the air for a long, agonizing moment.

Professor Snape stared at his godson as if the boy had suddenly sprouted Erumpent horns and begun performing a lively tap dance. The sheer absurdity of Orion willingly invoking Lucius Malfoy’s name to assist in freeing Sirius Black was breaking the Potions Master’s carefully constructed mental barriers.

Dumbledore was the first to recover his voice.

”Orion,” Dumbledore began, his tone gentle but laced with profound skepticism. ”While your idea certainly has... merit, from a political standpoint... I highly doubt Lucius will assist in this endeavor. He has no personal stake in exonerating Sirius. In fact, given their opposing ideologies, he will likely not care enough to expend political capital on it.”

”The Headmaster is correct,” Amelia Bones concurred, crossing her arms. ”Lucius Malfoy thrives on Ministry stability when it suits him, and chaos when it profits him. Freeing a prominent member of a rival faction does neither. He won’t fight Cornelius on this; he will likely support burying the truth.”

Orion remained perfectly still, absorbing the critiques without a flinch. He offered a small, knowing smile.

”While your assessment of my father’s political motivations are entirely accurate,” Orion replied smoothly, ”I have a trump card on this particular matter. One that will absolutely ensure I can get my Father to accept and aggressively champion this cause. Do not worry.”

He paced slowly toward the center of the room, turning to face the adults.

”This is the one time, Madam Bones, you will get the conservative, pureblood faction to unanimously agree to the unmasking of a massive Ministry blunder. They won’t fight you. In fact, they will demand justice louder than anyone else.”

He stopped, his blue eyes sharp.

”I will get my Father to talk with Fudge. All you have to do is wait until tomorrow afternoon to officially reveal Pettigrew to the Minister. By then, I will have spoken to my father—first thing tomorrow morning—and the groundwork will be laid. When you present the rat, Fudge will already be primed to accept the narrative.”

Silence fell over the room once more.

”Are you absolutely sure about this, Orion?” Dumbledore asked, his piercing blue gaze searching the boy’s face for any sign of bluffing. ”This is a delicate, highly explosive political maneuver.”

”I am positive,” Orion stated firmly. ”Uncle Sev will be with us when I speak with Father. He can inform you of the outcome tomorrow and keep you in touch with our progress. How does that sound?”

Dumbledore looked at Snape, who gave a slow, incredibly reluctant nod, clearly intrigued despite his better judgment.

Dumbledore turned back to Amelia. ”It seems we have a strategy, Amelia.”

Amelia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. ”Very well. I can wait until tomorrow afternoon, but not a moment later. The longer we delay, the longer Sirius Black remains a fugitive on the run. Without this official reveal, I cannot announce a recall of the Dementors stationed around the school. The students and Black himself remain under threat.”

”In that case,” Orion interjected casually, as if discussing the weather, ”the best, most efficient scenario would be to simply get Black inside the castle and keep him safe until the paperwork clears.”

Every head in the room snapped toward him.

Amelia dropped her hand, staring at the boy. ”Wait. Do you know where Black is hiding?”

”No,” Orion admitted, offering a small shrug. ”But we don’t really have to mount a search party to find him, do we? He’s hunting.”

He gestured lazily toward the Boy Who Lived.

”Just have Potter here write him a letter. Tell Black to meet with Potter and Professor Lupin tonight. That should do it.”

”A letter?” Harry repeated, looking utterly bewildered. ”How would an owl find him?”

”Owls are magically tracking entities, Potter,” Orion sighed. ”They find people. And if he is as obsessed with protecting you as Professor Lupin claims, he won’t ignore a letter bearing your scent or handwriting. He would ignore one from the ministry though, or any with trackers on it.”

Orion turned his attention to the Defense Professor.

”I am sure Professor Lupin can provide some... key phrases or specific school time trivia to be written in the letter. Something that can help Sirius identify the message as absolutely genuine and not an Auror trap.”

Lupin stared at the boy, his mouth slightly open.

”Plus,” Orion continued, his mind mapping the logistics effortlessly, ”you must have some secure location you can arrange to meet, correct? Possibly near the outskirts of Hogsmeade village, where wizards can Apparate to without triggering the alarms. Since Apparition inside Hogwarts is not possible for humans.”

He paused, a tiny, inward smirk flashing as he remembered his own private exception to that rule.

”You set the meeting, you bring him inside the wards through the secret passages you undoubtedly mapped in your youth, and you hide him in Lupin’s office until Madam Bones gives the all-clear tomorrow. Simple.”

The room was staring at him. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked as though they were watching a chess grandmaster play a game they didn’t even know the rules to. Dumbledore looked deeply amused.

Remus Lupin just shook his head, a look of sheer, exhausted disbelief washing over his scarred face.

”Merlin,” Lupin muttered, rubbing his eyes. ”This boy is going to give everyone in this castle a stroke if he keeps this up.”

Amelia Bones let out a short, harsh bark of laughter. She turned to the Headmaster, throwing her hands up in a gesture of surrender.

”Albus,” Amelia said, stepping back toward the fireplace, ”I leave the extraction of the fugitive entirely in your hands. I have a rat to interrogate.”

She grabbed a handful of Floo powder. ”Tomorrow afternoon, Albus. Expect my call.”

With a roar of green flames, the Head of the DMLE vanished, leaving the Hogwarts contingent to execute the most bizarre, student-led rescue operation in the school’s history.