When a Blade of Grass Wants to Become Immortal

Chapter 192: Chapter 188: Wimp x Innocent Little Overlord 27

When Lao Wu heard they still had another half hour before reaching the rest stop, he grew even more excited.

Jiang Yao, sitting in the back and holding him, was so annoyed he wanted to smack him on the butt.

But looking at the little kid, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

”Dad, I want to get out and see the mountains! Look how tall the mountains outside are!”

”Grandma, I want to pick the flowers on the side of the road! I want to pick flowers!”

”I have to pee!”

”I don’t want to be in the car!”

...

Lao Wu wouldn’t stop clamoring. When Jiang Yao refused to give in, Lao Wu lunged for the front row and tried to grab the steering wheel. Ji Xiaosong stopped him, only for Lao Wu to start looking for a chance to jump out of the moving car.

At this point, Ji Xiaosong, who was holding the finally-asleep Lao Liu, reached the end of her rope amidst Lao Wu’s ceaseless shouting.

After Lao Wu’s noise woke Lao Liu up and sent him into a wailing fit, Ji Xiaosong finally snapped.

”Old Wang, pull the car over.”

The driver glanced in the rearview mirror and slowly pulled the car to the side of the road.

Amidst the roar of the engine, Ji Xiaosong threw open her door. Lao Liu, in his car seat, was screaming his lungs out, his cries so loud they seemed to make the car’s roof vibrate.

She took a few quick strides around to the other side. Through the window, she could see Lao Wu, still in Jiang Yao’s arms, giggling as he yanked on his father’s tie.

”You handle Lao Liu!”

Ji Xiaosong yanked the door open, her fingers like a claw as she grabbed the back of Lao Wu’s collar, and plucked the little meatball right out of Jiang Yao’s arms.

The leather seat let out a harsh scraping sound. Lao Wu’s laughter stopped abruptly, and his little legs kicked wildly in the air.

With a SLAM of the door that cut off Lao Liu’s crying, Ji Xiaosong pinned Lao Wu against the car’s body with one hand and, with the other, swung her hand around to wallop his backside.

The sharp CRACK of the spanking echoed through the parking area, mingling with Lao Wu’s howls and Jiang Yao’s pleas of ”Don’t hit him so hard!” from inside the car.

”This is for wanting to get out on the highway!”

Each sentence was punctuated by a heavy smack, making Lao Wu’s cries crack. ”This is for kicking the car door! This is for causing trouble day in and day out!”

Inside the car, Jiang Yao frantically tried to soothe Lao Liu. Through the window, he could only see the ends of Ji Xiaosong’s hair flying wildly with her movements. Lao Wu’s wails suddenly turned into gasps. Realizing things were getting serious, Jiang Yao was about to get out when he saw Ji Xiaosong abruptly let go.

The little chubby boy slid to the ground like a boneless heap, his face a mess of tears and snot.

”Didn’t you want to get out? The car is stopped now. What do you want to do? Pick flowers? Go on, go pick them!”

”Mom... *hic*... Mom, I can’t... *hic*... can’t reach. Carry me over to pick them.”

Ji Xiaosong was so furious smoke was practically coming out of her ears. This was Lao Wu in a nutshell—punishment and scolding were completely useless on him.

Ji Xiaosong took several deep breaths to calm herself down a little.

”You’re still thinking about picking flowers? You want another spanking?”

Lao Wu sat slumped on the asphalt, a snot bubble trembling with each sob.

He looked up at Ji Xiaosong’s raised hand, which had frozen in mid-air. He tilted his head as if he’d just remembered something and asked:

”Mommy, if I pick the flowers, will you stop hitting me? Then I should just pick the flowers. I mean, we’re already out of the car, and I’ve already been spanked. It wouldn’t be worth it to go back without picking any.”

Hearing this, Ji Xiaosong was genuinely at a loss for words.

It was a good thing she was in excellent health and had no heart conditions. Otherwise, she truly felt that a few more years of raising Lao Wu would be the death of her.

”You are not picking any flowers!”

Ji Xiaosong grabbed him by the back of his collar and started dragging him toward the car. ”Next time you dare to throw a tantrum about getting out on the highway, I’ll have your dad leave you at a rest stop to sell ice cream!”

Lao Wu suddenly clung to the car’s doorframe, his round eyes still glistening with tears. ”But... but will the ice cream lady give me a cone?”

Ji Xiaosong almost laughed out of sheer anger. Her raised hand landed gently on his butt. ”In your dreams! You’ll be there wiping tables for people, and if you don’t get them clean, you don’t get to eat!”

Pouting, Lao Wu was buckled into his car seat. He suddenly seemed to remember something else and pawed at the window, yelling, ”Mommy, Mommy! When we get to the rest stop, can we buy ice cream cones?”

In the back seat, Jiang Yao was stifling a laugh while changing Lao Liu’s diaper. Ji Xiaosong glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Lao Wu smearing his snot on the window, drawing little circles. She didn’t know whether to be angry or to laugh.

As the car merged back into traffic, Lao Wu’s high-pitched voice piped up from the back with a guarantee, ”Mommy, I’m sitting nicely now! I want two cones later, okay!”

At this moment, Ji Xiaosong had to convince herself once again, ’He’s my own flesh and blood! He’s my own flesh and blood!’

Incidents like this were a frequent occurrence throughout Lao Wu’s childhood.

When Lao Wu started elementary school, his grades were extremely skewed.

He was perennially at the top of the class in math. A perfect score was the norm; losing even a single point was considered an off day.

His language arts grades, however, were an absolute disaster.

Reading comprehension, in particular, was a catastrophe!

Q: ”Why do snails carry their shells?”

Lao Wu’s answer: ”Because snails are too poor to buy a house.”

Q: ”Why doesn’t the little earthworm have to carry a shell?”

Lao Wu’s answer: ”Because the earthworm owns land, so it can build its own house.”

Q: ”What are the benefits of ’boiling a book’? How do you think we should boil one?”

Lao Wu’s answer: ”The benefit of boiling a book is that it’s easy to do; you just add water. We should remember to add salt when we boil it.”

Q: ”During the Eastern Han Dynasty, there was a child named Huang Xiang whose mother died when he was young... After reading the story of Huang Xiang, what should you learn from him?”

Lao Wu’s answer: ”To learn from him how to have your mother die when you’re young.”

Q: ”Why do wild geese fly south in the autumn?”

Lao Wu’s answer: ”Because walking would be too slow.”

...

Knowing her child’s destructive potential, Ji Xiaosong never dared to give his school teachers any of their family’s information.

As for herself, she didn’t dare show her face in front of the teachers, terrified they would recognize her.

The language arts teacher contacted Ji Xiaosong daily. One day it was about his messy essays, the next it was about him not understanding a single reading comprehension question, and the day after that it was about his countless errors in Pinyin and character recognition.

They hired a full team of private tutors for him, but it was completely useless.

Watching Ji Xiaosong and Jiang Yao’s helplessness when dealing with Lao Wu, the four older brothers could only sigh in unison.

”Mom, if it’s really not working out, just let Lao Wu be,” said the eldest. ”As long as he’s happy. It’s not like the family can’t afford to support a brother like him.”

The eldest, acting like a little adult, patted Ji Xiaosong’s hand. He wanted to offer a few words of comfort but didn’t know what to say.

The second brother suddenly jumped up from the sofa and slapped a workbook down on the coffee table. ”Mom, look! Even though Lao Wu’s language arts is so bad it looks like a dog chewed on it, his math homework has a 100% accuracy rate!”

Ji Xiaosong looked at her second son’s awkward attempt at consolation and forced a twitch of her lips.

”That is one of his strengths.”

”Exactly, Mom! No one’s perfect, and not everyone can be as worry-free as the four of us. Our little brother is just young. He’ll be fine once he grows up.”

The third brother pushed up a pair of imaginary glasses. After speaking, he propped his chin on his hand and pondered like a miniature adult. ”I’ve done some research. Some scientists overseas weren’t even very articulate as children. Lao Wu just uses all his brain cells for mathematical thinking. Maybe his brain is structured like... like a quantum computer! The kind that liberal arts majors can’t comprehend!”

’Great, now they’re bringing quantum computers into it.’ To comfort her, they weren’t just making things up anymore; they were spouting pure nonsense.

The fourth brother suddenly pulled a handful of chocolates from a snack bag and stuffed them into Ji Xiaosong’s hand. ”Don’t worry, Mom! Lao Wu likes taking things apart, right? Once he learns Pinyin, I’ll teach him how to assemble a computer motherboard! Then, if he gets stuck writing an essay, who cares! If it really comes to it, he can just have his subordinates handle that stuff in the future.”

The eldest quickly clamped a hand over the fourth brother’s mouth. ”You should probably just keep your little mouth shut!”