My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1135: Chapter 995: Back Then You Rejected Me

”Mom, actually from the moment you rejected me back then, a deep-seated prejudice against you took root in my heart. I no longer naively believed you truly loved me as I once did. I always thought everything you did had a hidden agenda. Gradually, I realized I had become callous myself, becoming numb.”

Hearing Zhang Yichen’s words, Xia Jing shook her head and said to Zhang Yichen, ”Child, I’m sorry, this is something I can never regret enough. Time has already passed. For so many years, I know it’s my fault, and during the years I was abroad, you kept searching for me, always trying to send me the best food from home. I know you care about me as your mother, but child, the past cannot be undone. No one has the power to turn back time; once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. It never stops to wait for you. Those footsteps that stay in place, they represent time, not people. Even if it were a person, they couldn’t wait a lifetime for you!”

”You’ve said all this, yet you still haven’t answered me honestly. What do you really want me to do? Deep down, you should understand better than I do what I should do, right? You should know how much effort I’ve put in for you, correct? You are my biological mother; don’t you know what your own child wants? Why is it that every action you take is something your son cannot accept? Isn’t that so? In your eyes, no matter what your son does, it’s wrong. Everything your son does makes you look down on him, doesn’t it? Haven’t you thought about us as your children? You should be a mother, not a Saint. You shouldn’t put other things above loving your own child. At that time, everything in your eyes ruled everything. You reviewed everything related to you, but you never took me into account, because I never resided in your heart from beginning to end. In your heart, I was always someone insignificant!”

”I’ve said it many times, it’s not that you’re unimportant to me, nor is it that I haven’t put you deep in my heart. It’s because you are important, because as your mother, I see you as incredibly important, that I want you to know, many things cannot be turned back. I’ve done so many wrong things, missed so many of the most important moments of your life, done so many bad things to you, what qualifications and reasons do I have now to beg for your forgiveness? I shouldn’t live selfishly as before. I should open up, face the world freely, show everyone I’m not like I used to be. I’ve walked past that broken-hearted phase, I can face the life I need to live joyfully and happily, without any more worries. Yet why does no one want me to achieve even this simple request?”

”Don’t forget, you are a mother. When you do anything, shouldn’t you think about your child? Why haven’t you understood what you actually should do or shouldn’t do? Do you really put so much importance on fame and gain in your eyes? Don’t you really know how much this son of yours is suffering? As time passes, I believe that one day you’ll realize the pain in my heart as your son. But shouldn’t you at least start to understand my inner pain now? My own mother, since you decided to bring me into this world, why do you keep hurting me again and again? Why do you make me hurt all over, and even when you leave me wounded all over, why do you want to break my heart too? You’ve done so many atrocious things to me, yet I’ve never sincerely hated you because I consider you my mother. I shouldn’t look at you with hateful eyes; I should see you as the person dearest to me. But I didn’t expect your consistent wrong steps to bring this outcome. Do you know you need ten lies to cover up a single one? Do you know a lie can tear a family apart? Do you realize every lie comes at the expense of everyone hurting badly? When you lied to me, you didn’t think of these because you believed your plan was flawless, that no one would know. But you didn’t understand how much effort I put in to know certain things from you. I know what I’ve done might seem trivial to you, but they are the best and largest pieces of my heart. I always thought that as long as my mom and dad could come back to me, I could do anything. But in the end, I realized it was all my mistake. I shouldn’t say this because saying so wouldn’t bring any benefits or understanding from anyone. Such extravagant hopes are useless. I don’t want to say anything; I just want to sincerely plead with you once: are you willing to come back to me? If you’re willing to come back to me, please never deceive me again with any doubts, because every lie makes me hurt deeply. I can never believe that my mom has deceived me again.”

”Sorry, as I’ve said, if there’s no way back, then I see no need to return to your side. You are my child, a fact that won’t change throughout your life. I believe in you, you are my proudest achievement. In my heart, you always come first. But I can’t show it because I’m afraid if my son knows where he stands in my heart, he will feel proud. I’m afraid I’ll leave for certain reasons. I cannot return to your side, but I hope you can still live happily and joyfully because you are my son. I believe you can steel your heart because I myself have a hardened heart. I make every decision without regret and have cut off any retreat for myself, child. You have to know that in life there are not many things to regret. Once you miss something, it’s forever gone, with no opportunity for repentance. If that’s the case, you must not make a wrong decision, nor take a false step, because one misstep leads to another, and if you lose your way entirely, you’ll lose everything in life. You’re right, time flies, but mom still hopes you can see me as the most beautiful mother in your heart!”

”The moment you said you still hoped I could consider you the most beautiful mom in my heart, my heart was truly touched. At that moment, I felt a slight softening in my heart. I couldn’t believe whether what you said was true or not, because I’m afraid of getting hurt!”