My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1108: Chapter 959: Going Further and Further

”Mom, Dad, have you truly thought about it? The path we walk is becoming increasingly distant, gradually straying from our original intentions. We no longer clearly remember the kind of life we actually want. I’m uncertain how long this kind of life will go on before it ends.

Each time I wake up, I find that everything is completely different from what I imagined. At that moment, I actually feel heartbroken. Even though I’ve given everything, I believe that in the face of my efforts, I have a clear conscience—I am not ashamed before the heavens, the earth, my parents, or my own heart. But in the end, the result is that everything has gone against me. I haven’t gained anything proportional to my efforts.

When such outcomes appear before me repeatedly and I am powerless, I realize that all this pain can only linger deep within me, tormenting me over and over again, and yet I am helpless. Treating others well—who knows the bitterness and heartache deep within me at this moment? Who knows how agonizing and uncomfortable my current life is? No one has ever cared about my inner thoughts. Everyone lives for their own benefit, having long forgotten the kind of life they once most wished to give others.

I never ask for anything. What I want is just a life of genuine happiness and joy that belongs to me, even if it’s short. But what did I end up with? Nothing. Sequentially, I only receive painful memories, which repeatedly torture my heart and spirit.”

Xia Jing never expected her son to say these words today. Borrows interest and donates his child—never spoke this way to herself. She never thought there would come a day when they’d end up like this. She used to think that as long as she put in enough effort, she wouldn’t end up in this state. But why, as time goes on, does everything she desires not align with reality? Gradually, she strayed further and lost her way, unsure of what she truly wanted, moving forward step by step only to find in the end that everything was off track.

”Mom and Dad, I hope that one day our relationship doesn’t become as tough as these days. I just wish I could live happily under these circumstances. A carefree life is what I desire the most. If one day I really stray far and have deviated from my initial Beijing, and I’m walking a path that doesn’t belong to me, I hope everyone can still provide me with perfect care.

I will never forget the so-called everything I did initially and how it eventually turned out. I only hope to live a little happier in this lifetime—even just a little would make me much happier. But in the end, I found that this is truly not what I wanted. I don’t understand why I ended up here. I once thought about the life I wanted and reluctantly walked my least desired path step by step. I just wanted to blaze another different trail for myself, but in the end, what did I discover? I gained nothing at all!

The way I’ve lived up to now, in reality, all I’ve ever wanted is for my life to be a bit more vibrant—even just a little more would make me much happier. But I ended up with nothing. I lost too much. I know there’s a saying that you shouldn’t focus on what’s lost but rather on what you still have. Everything I once had, I’ve almost gradually lost. Everything I used to love has gradually all become illusions. You’ve never gotten what you desired the most.

Mom and Dad, if there comes a day when you no longer recognize me and feel I no longer believe in the child you once cherished, I also hope you can consider from your perspective what kind of reason made me this way today. I let myself live step by step to this point; it’s not easy for me. All I want is for my life to be more colorful, but in the end, I achieved nothing. I’ve reached this point step by step, yet who has ever cared about my inner thoughts or understood how much effort and sweat I’ve put in? Each step I’ve taken is harder than others; I’ve given more effort than everyone else, yet I’ve received nothing.

Time can change many things; it can make a person different over and over again. It can make everyone live happily like that, but it hasn’t washed away the pain deep within me. All I can do is let time stay in my deepest memories, tormenting me repeatedly. I can only let this serve as a reminder of the so-called harm and suffering I’ve experienced. I have no way to pretend it never happened; I have no right to forget it all.

My ideas were once too naive. I gradually became everything. Every path I took was a mistake. How I wish my path could be happier, a little bit easier—even just a little bit—at least it wouldn’t be as painful as it is now, I wouldn’t be so tired.”

Zhang Zhentian never imagined that his child could have such a vulnerable side. In his eyes, his child has always been someone with a strong life. What he should see is his own happiest side, and why he gradually became like this now. Why is it that step by step, he let his journey lead him? This decision left him with no way to turn things around. Does his life truly deserve to take this path, leaving him without any means to change his life’s course, only to let others bully him repeatedly, disturb his life?

All he wants now is just the simplest hug, the simplest care, the simplest greeting. Yet he can’t get anything. Sometimes, he’s even afraid of losing everything he supposedly has. But what did he actually get from it all? Nothing, right? He’s living too tiredly, his path is further and further away, gradually no longer in the direction he wants.