My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1107: Chapter 958: The Past Misunderstanding

”Actually, there was a time in the beginning when I couldn’t fathom under what circumstances or reasons you made the choices you did. Gradually, I realized, since I couldn’t understand it, why should I keep pursuing the past repeatedly? Shouldn’t I be looking forward? Shouldn’t I be living happily? Why make my life so unbearably painful, allowing myself to be hurt over and over again?”

During that time...

Zhang Zhentian just couldn’t understand why his father was unwilling to give him a chance to live, just wanting to exist in this world a few days longer, to accompany his family a little more. But what did the outcomes bring him in the end, time and again?

Thinking back on how many years he had longed to return to this family, he only realized at the moment he truly returned that everything was just a mirage in his dreams. There wasn’t anything that allowed him to achieve his goals; everything he wanted ended up being unattainable, time and again ruined by his own family.

The things he desired were clearly within reach, yet he couldn’t obtain them, couldn’t have them. Instead, he suffered from his family’s relentless destruction. How painful, how torturous was that feeling? Perhaps it was a path he inevitably had to walk alone; no one could substitute him, and he saw it all more clearly than anyone.

Xia Jing couldn’t bear to see a perfectly good family end up like this. All of it happened after his return. If it truly was because of his return that these things occurred, then he’d rather leave alone than let every family member suffer harm. This wasn’t the outcome he wanted the most. Such outcomes time and again made him more confident, yet what he wanted ultimately remained unattainable. The pain deep within his heart, who could understand?

”I believe none of you should argue over these matters anymore. If my return caused these issues, I’m willing to leave alone and bear all the consequences. I’m willing to leave once more, never to step into this family’s door again. I also hope you can return to the peaceful, happy life you once had, the life I can offer you. My repeated appearances led to changes in the family again and again, causing conflicts and disputes. Deep down, I can’t rest easy. I can’t let my family suffer endlessly because of me, while I complacently sit by, waiting for my family to become battered and bruised, while I remain innocently bewildered, looking at you. I can’t do it!

Now I’ve taken everything lightly, because I understand a truth: even if I value everything immensely, what I finally obtain may not be the outcome I desire. I’ve exchanged it for pain over and over again. I feel guiltless, except towards you, because you are the ones I’ve hurt the most in my life. How I wish these things had never happened, but they eventually became reality. I have no way to change it or to make it as if it never happened.

If my leaving allows each of you to avoid further disputes, I feel my sacrifice is meaningful. But if my departure leads to continued arguments within the family, then I don’t understand the purpose of my actions. Everything I do has a reason. You understand too, I’ve always been one who pursues purpose, relentless until achieving it!

You understand me better than anyone, because you know everything I do is wrong. Deep inside, I’m always struggling, battling once more, leaving me no way to confront the past pains. I’m fearful of the hurt that others might bring me in the end. I just want you to live happily and safely, yet in the end, I can’t give you anything.

Dad, my return hurt every family member; it’s my fault. If time could go back, I would never return to this home. I would abide by my original promise to never step foot through this door again. That way you would suffer less, not live each day on edge, and could have more peace daily. But all of these are hurts I’ve inflicted upon you, and deep inside, I feel deeply guilty. Still, I have no choice. I supported your decision to return because I missed you, wanting a family, wanting the company of my relatives. But now I have to leave, for my return has caused you harm, and leaving is the best outcome for you.”

Zhang Yichen never imagined his mother would make such a decision. After all the effort to return to this home, she ultimately chose to leave, just because of recurring disputes at home, just because his wife became like this. Could all these faults really lie with his parents? Was his wife entirely faultless? If only she were a bit more open-minded, if only she were a bit more forgiving, things wouldn’t be this way. He wouldn’t be caught in the middle. What should he do? If his parents leave again, he would completely lose all connection with them forever. Should he let this happen? After years of expectations, his long-awaited family, why choose to leave again? Why repeat the hurt over and over? In their eyes, what is he, just a tool to be hurt or a pawn for achieving their goals?

Sometimes, she really couldn’t imagine her parents being this way. He also wished his parents could give him a lifeline. He knew they had lived through tough times over the years.

Was his life any easier, not tough at all? Every day of these years felt like walking on thin ice. He feared being hurt by others, feared his family would be marginalized due to his lack of capability. He strove repeatedly to enhance his abilities so that his family could always live above others.

Until I figured everything out, I knew that the greatest happiness in my life is waiting, again and again. My life path will never be altered by anyone’s damage. I am to live the life I should live. Why should I follow others’ paths towards a relationship that doesn’t belong to me? Why follow others’ paces, deciding the path I should walk? That’s not what I want. My life must be upright, guiltless, striving step by step for the pinnacle of life, using all my efforts. I want to make them my stepping stones, to be forever under my feet, used only by me.