Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The transition from the sprawling, quiet luxury of Malfoy Manor to the bustling, steam-choked chaos of Platform 9 ¾ was as abrupt as ever.

Lucius and Narcissa had escorted the boys through the Ministry’s VIP Floo network, bypassing the crowds of frantic Muggle-born families trying to navigate the magical barrier. Lucius stood tall on the platform, his silver cane resting firmly on the cobblestones, his eyes scanning the crowd with a look of supreme, judgmental detachment.

”Second year,” Lucius said, looking down at his sons. ”The expectations are higher. You have set a standard, Orion. I expect it to be maintained. And Draco...” He offered a thin smile. ”I expect the Quidditch Cup to reside in Slytherin House by June.”

”It will, Father,” Draco promised, practically vibrating with excitement. He had spent the last month doing nothing but training for Quidditch and bragging to his reflection in the mirror.

Narcissa pulled them both into a brief, scented embrace. ”Write to us. And please, Orion, keep your... companion out of trouble.”

”Robin is a model of pureblood decorum, Mother,” Orion lied flawlessly.

With final nods of farewell, the twins boarded the scarlet steam engine, leaving their parents behind as the whistle blew its final warning.

They secured their usual compartment near the middle of the train. The moment the door slid shut, Draco threw himself onto the plush bench, throwing his arms out wide.

”Second year,” Draco declared, looking immensely satisfied with himself. ”We are going to crush them again. Back-to-back House Cups. And with the new brooms, Gryffindor won’t even touch the Quaffle.”

The compartment door opened, admitting Crabbe and Goyle, who lumbered in and immediately claimed the bench beside Draco. Pansy Parkinson slipped in behind them, wearing a stylish dark green traveling cloak.

”Pansy,” Draco greeted her, sitting up slightly. ”Where’s Millicent?”

”Sitting with Tracey and Daphne a few cars down,” Pansy said, taking the seat next to Orion. ”They were talking about Arithmancy electives for next year. Too boring for me. I’d rather be here.”

She smiled at Draco, then turned to Orion. ”You look well, Orion. Have a good summer?”

”Productive,” Orion replied, pulling a heavy book on Advanced Runic Alignment from his bag.

”The only problem with this year,” Draco grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at Orion’s midsection, ”is Orion’s new sidekick.”

Pansy blinked, looking confused. ”Sidekick? What sidekick? Did you get an owl, Orion?”

”Not quite,” Orion said.

He set his book down and reached a hand into the deep right pocket of his school robes. Over the summer, amidst his runic studies, he had asked Narcissa to teach him the basics of spatial expansion magic. While full-scale Undetectable Extension Charms required Ministry approval and master-level spellwork, a localized, minor expansion charm on a garment was a useful pureblood trick. His pocket was now roughly the size of a spacious backpack on the inside.

Orion whistled softly.

A small, furry black head popped out of the pocket. Beady, inquisitive eyes scanned the compartment.

Pansy let out a startled squeak. ”What is that?!”

Robin gripped the edge of the pocket with tiny paws and hoisted himself out, clambering smoothly onto Orion’s lap. The Niffler sat on its hind legs, its long snout twitching as it picked up the scent of Goyle’s brass belt buckle.

”Pansy, meet Robin,” Orion introduced, scratching the creature behind the ears. ”Robin, this is Pansy. You are explicitly forbidden from taking her earrings.”

”Aw,” Robin chirped in Orion’s mind, looking crestfallen. ”Pretty shiny on ears.”

”I know,” Orion murmured aloud, giving the Niffler a stern look. ”But no.”

”A Niffler!” Pansy gasped, leaning closer, her initial shock turning to fascination. ”Oh, he’s actually quite cute. But aren’t they menaces?”

”Absolute menaces,” Draco complained loudly. ”He stole my favorite silver comb three times in August! I had to lock my trunk and hide it just to sleep!”

”He’s just enthusiastic about the local economy,” Orion defended his pet, reaching into his pouch and pulling out two Galleons. He handed them to Robin, who immediately began clinking them together happily on Orion’s knee.

Draco rolled his eyes, standing up and smoothing his robes.

”Whatever. I’m not letting a rat ruin my mood. I’m going for a walk.” Draco grinned, a nasty, familiar light entering his grey eyes. ”I need to go find Potter and the Weasel. It’s only fair I give them a heads-up about the Nimbus 2001s. I want to see the look of absolute despair on Weasley’s freckled face.”

”Come on,” Draco gestured to his muscle. Crabbe and Goyle obediently stood up, their knuckles cracking in anticipation.

Orion didn’t look up from Robin, who was now trying to balance a Galleon on his snout.

”Good luck, Draco,” Orion said mildly. ”Try not to get punched again. I didn’t bring any healing paste.”

”Very funny,” Draco sneered, sliding the compartment door open and marching out with his bodyguards in tow.

With Draco gone, the compartment settled into a comfortable, quiet rhythm. The train rattled northward. Pansy eventually pulled out a copy of Witch Weekly, occasionally casting wary but amused glances at the Niffler on Orion’s lap. Orion opened his runic text, dividing his attention between the complex diagrams and the satisfying clink-clink of Robin playing with his candy loot.

Nearly an hour passed.

SLAM.

The compartment door was thrown open with such force it bounced off its stoppers.

Orion slowly lowered his book. Robin dropped his coins, diving back into the expanded pocket with a squeak of alarm.

Draco stood in the doorway, Crabbe and Goyle looking bewildered behind him. Draco’s face was a picture of utter confusion and profound irritation.

”They aren’t here,” Draco announced, stepping inside and shutting the door aggressively.

Orion raised an eyebrow. ”Who?”

”Potter and the Weasel!” Draco threw his hands up. ”I walked the entire length of the train. Twice! I checked every compartment. Granger is sitting with Longbottom a few cars down, looking like she’s about to have a panic attack, but Potter and Weasley are completely missing!”

”Missing?” Pansy frowned, setting her magazine down. ”Did they miss the train?”

”How do you miss the Hogwarts Express?” Draco scoffed, sitting down heavily. ”It’s the only train! I wanted to rub the brooms in their faces, and they didn’t even show up!”

Orion leaned back against the plush seat, maintaining his neutral expression while a deep, internal amusement rippled through him.

Dobby, Orion thought with a smirk. You mad, magnificent little elf. You actually did it. You sealed the barrier.

In the original timeline, Harry and Ron, unable to pass through onto Platform 9 ¾, had panicked and stolen Arthur Weasley’s flying Ford Anglia to follow the train. If they were missing now, it meant the flying car sequence was officially in motion.

”I fail to see how this is a tragedy, Draco,” Orion said aloud, picking his book back up. ”The air quality on this train has significantly improved in their absence. And Granger’s distress is always a pleasant bonus.”

”But I had a speech prepared!” Draco whined, crossing his arms. ”About the brooms! And poverty!”

Orion let out a soft chuckle, turning a page.

”Why are you so upset, brother?” Orion teased, keeping his eyes on his reading. ”You spent an hour searching a train for a boy you claim to despise. One might start to wonder if you secretly enjoy Potter’s company. Do you miss his dazzling repartee?”

Draco’s face turned a violent shade of pink. ”I do not!” he sputtered indignantly. ”I hate him! I just... I wanted to see him squirm!”

”Of course you did,” Orion said smoothly, not looking up. ”Well, perhaps they found a more... creative way to get to school. Let’s just hope they don’t crash into anything.”

”Like a very old, very angry, highly violent magical tree?” Sparkle added in his mind.

”Exactly like that,” Orion thought, a genuine smile finally gracing his face.

The year was starting off perfectly. The timeline was intact, the Golden Trio was about to get themselves into massive trouble, and Orion was completely, wonderfully uninvolved.