Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The rhythmic, soothing clack-clack-clack of the Hogwarts Express gliding over the iron rails was the perfect percussion to a victory march. The transition from the rugged, untamed beauty of the Scottish Highlands to the rolling, manicured green hills of the English countryside mirrored the shift in the students’ mindsets—from the wild magic of the castle back to the structured reality of their homes.

Inside the Slytherin compartments, however, reality was currently suspended in a bubble of pure, unadulterated jubilation.

Orion sat by the window of their usual compartment, leaning his head against the cool glass, watching the landscape blur. The atmosphere inside the cabin was thick with the smell of spun sugar, rich chocolate, and the intoxicating scent of an absolute, undisputed triumph.

”Seven hundred points,” Draco sighed dreamily, draped across the opposite bench like a conquering emperor. He was idly tossing a Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean into the air and catching it. ”Seven. Hundred. It’s never been done. Not even when Snape was a student here. It’s historic.”

”And the look on Weasley’s face,” Pansy Parkinson giggled, her head resting near Draco’s shoulder. She was methodically picking the strawberry-flavored beans out of a pile and eating them. ”I thought his ears were going to catch fire. He was so sure they were going to steal it at the last second. They all were.”

”They had no chance,” Millicent Bulstrode grunted from the corner, aggressively unwrapping a Chocolate Frog. ”Even with the Headmaster throwing points at them for playing a board game. It’s pathetic. Rewarding them for existing.”

Crabbe and Goyle communicated their agreement through a series of enthusiastic grunts and the simultaneous devouring of two Pumpkin Pasties each.

Orion listened to their chatter with a fond, albeit slightly detached, amusement. He accepted a Sugar Quill from the pile Pansy pushed toward him, placing it between his teeth.

As he looked around the compartment at his housemates—at Draco’s boastful pride, at Pansy’s fierce loyalty, at the hulking, simple contentment of Crabbe and Goyle—Orion felt a rare twinge of something akin to guilt.

Enjoy it while it lasts, my friends, Orion thought, mentally drafting an apology he would never speak aloud.

This year, he had been their anchor. He had been the model Slytherin, the architect of their academic dominance. He had forced Crabbe and Goyle to study. He had kept Draco’s worst, most detention-worthy impulses in check. He had played the ”nice guy”—or at least, the highly efficient, pragmatically helpful guy. He had built the 700-point mountain brick by brick, mostly to test the Headmaster’s integrity.

But the test was over. Dumbledore had proven himself to be far more astute than Orion had anticipated. And Orion’s own objectives had fundamentally shifted.

Next year, Orion reasoned silently, watching Draco laugh at a joke Pansy made, I am not going to be the tutor. I am not going to be the safety net.

The castle was a treasure trove of ancient, highly dangerous secrets. The Chamber of Secrets. The deeper mysteries of the Room of Requirement. The restricted sections of the library that he hadn’t yet breached. The heart of the Forbidden Forest.

To uncover those secrets, Orion was going to have to break rules. Lots of them. He was going to have to sneak, steal, duel, and instigate. And while he was confident in his ability to evade capture, probability dictated that the more chaos he unleashed, the higher the risk of getting caught. And getting caught meant losing points. Massive amounts of points.

I am going to tank our chances next year, Orion realized, a small, apologetic smirk touching his lips. I am going to be a liability to the hourglasses. Draco is going to be furious.

Furthermore, the competition was going to be infinitely fiercer. Dumbledore’s masterful speech at the Leaving Feast hadn’t just validated Slytherin; it had thrown down a gauntlet to the rest of the school. He had essentially told Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff that heroism was fine, but academic excellence and house unity were the true paths to glory.

Orion had seen the looks on the faces of the Ravenclaw prefects. They were already plotting study schedules. The Hufflepuffs were probably organizing peer-review groups. And Gryffindor? Driven by the sheer humiliation of a last-place finish and a 490-point deficit, Hermione Granger was going to return in September as a one-woman academic wrecking ball, determined to drag her house from the ashes.

The era of easy victories was over. The game was about to get much, much harder.

”Are you brooding?” Sparkle’s voice hummed in his mind, overlaying a digital pair of sunglasses onto his reflection in the window. ”You just won the tutorial level with an S-Rank. Stop planning world domination for five minutes and eat your candy.”

”I’m not brooding, Sparkle,” Orion replied internally. ”I am recalibrating. And I am preparing my apologies for when I inevitably cause a fifty-point deduction for blowing up a bathroom next year.”

”That’s the spirit,” she cheered.

The train ride continued in a state of blissful relaxation. They bought out half the trolley when the witch came around, feasting on Cauldron Cakes and Licorice Wands until they felt sick.

Eventually, the rural green gave way to the dense, sprawling grey architecture of London. The sky turned a familiar, smoggy overcast, and the train’s whistle blew a long, sustained note, signaling their approach to King’s Cross.

The compartments erupted into a frenzy of activity as students changed out of their Hogwarts robes and into their Muggle-appropriate (or at least, less conspicuously magical) traveling clothes. Orion smoothed his charcoal wool coat, ensuring his shrunken trunk was secure in his inner pocket.

As the train ground to a halt, the corridors flooded.

Orion and Draco stepped off the train, immediately hit by the chaotic wall of sound that was Platform 9 ¾. Owls screeched, cats yowled, and parents shouted over the din, trying to locate their children.

It didn’t take long to spot their parents. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy stood near the grand archway leading to the VIP Floo network, projecting an aura of such severe, untouchable aristocracy that the crowd naturally parted around them, giving them a wide berth.

”Mother! Father!” Draco waved, pushing through a group of second-year Hufflepuffs.

Orion followed at a more dignified pace, exchanging nods and brief farewells with his housemates.

”See you in the summer, Orion,” Daphne Greengrass said, her mother waiting nearby. ”Do try not to die of boredom.”

”I make no promises, Daphne. Have a good holiday,” Orion replied.

He reached his parents. Narcissa smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she took in the sight of her sons, safe and triumphant. She pulled them both into a brief, elegant embrace, her gloved hands resting on their shoulders.

”You both look taller,” Narcissa noted, brushing a speck of dust from Draco’s lapel. ”And much too thin. The Hogwarts kitchens clearly favor quantity over quality. We shall remedy that tonight.”

”It is good to have you back,” Lucius said, his voice a low, smooth drawl. He gripped his silver-headed cane, his eyes gleaming with pride. ”The rumors of your victory arrived before you did. Seven hundred points. A historic margin. You have done the House of Malfoy proud.”

Lucius offered curt nods to the passing pureblood families—Lord Nott, the Parkinsons, the Zabinis. ”We shall see you all at the summer galas,” Lucius called out smoothly.

With the social pleasantries concluded, Lucius turned toward the private Floo grates reserved for Ministry officials and prominent families, bypassing the chaotic line of students waiting to cross through the magical barrier into the Muggle station.

”Come,” Lucius commanded. ”The Manor awaits.”

They stepped into the large, brass-lined grate one by one. Orion threw the glittering green powder, called out his destination, and embraced the spinning, roaring rush of the Floo Network.

He stumbled slightly as he exited the grand fireplace in the receiving room of Malfoy Manor, immediately righting himself on the polished marble floor. The silence of the estate was a stark, heavy contrast to the noise of the station. The air smelled of beeswax, old magic, and fresh lilies.

Draco tumbled out of the grate a second later, immediately shaking the soot from his cloak. Lucius and Narcissa arrived flawlessly, not a hair out of place.

Before the soot had even settled, Draco began.

”Father, you should have seen it,” Draco launched into his post-game analysis, his voice echoing in the large room. ”We absolutely crushed them. Gryffindor was pathetic! And Potter? The so-called Boy Who Lived? He was completely useless to the ’House of the Brave’. He didn’t play Quidditch, he didn’t win any special awards, he just sat there looking miserable while we took the Cup right in front of his face!”

Lucius unclasped his heavy traveling cloak, a vicious, satisfied smile spreading across his pale face.

”Is that so?” Lucius murmured. ”It seems the rumors of his exceptionalism were greatly exaggerated by the old fool. A mediocre boy coasting on a tragedy he cannot even remember. It is exactly as I predicted.”

Lucius turned, his eyes lighting up with the familiar fervor of a man about to launch into a deeply entrenched political and ideological monologue.

”This proves, Draco, what I have always told you. Blood tells. Breeding tells. You cannot take a boy raised by Muggles, surround him with blood-traitors like the Weasleys, and expect greatness. The Malfoy legacy is built upon—”

”Father,” Orion interrupted smoothly, his voice cutting through the rising tide of rhetoric like a hot knife through butter.

Lucius paused, looking mildly annoyed at the interruption. ”Yes, Orion?”

Orion let out a long, heavy sigh, rolling his shoulders and adopting an expression of profound physical exhaustion. He rubbed his eyes for dramatic effect.

”While I am eager to dissect the sociological failings of Gryffindor House and the undeniable superiority of our lineage,” Orion said, his tone thick with fake fatigue, ”I must confess that the train ride has entirely depleted my reserves. The noise, the sugar, the sheer volume of... less refined individuals.”

He offered a weak, apologetic smile.

”I am exhausted, Father. I fear if I stay to listen, I will not be able to give your words the attentive reverence they deserve. I wish to retire to my room and sleep. Please, wake me for dinner.”

Narcissa’s maternal instincts instantly overrode Lucius’s desire to pontificate. ”Of course, darling. You look positively drained. Go upstairs and rest. Dobby will bring up a restorative tea.”

Lucius frowned slightly, his grand speech derailed, but he nodded graciously. ”Very well, Orion. Rest. We shall discuss your academic triumphs over dinner.”

”Thank you, Father. Draco, enjoy the debriefing.”

Orion turned and walked out of the receiving room, his pace steady until he rounded the corner and was out of sight. Once shielded by the corridor walls, his posture instantly straightened, the fake exhaustion vanishing completely. He took the grand staircase two steps at a time, moving with an energized, almost predatory grace.

He reached his bedroom, pushing open the heavy oak door and sealing it behind him with a flick of his wand. The room was exactly as he left it at the end of the winter holidays. Pristine, massive, and entirely his own.

He walked over to his large four-poster bed and collapsed onto his back, staring up at the painted cherubs on the ceiling.

”Home,” Orion whispered.

”Safe and sound,” Sparkle’s interface bloomed above him, projecting a digital banner that read ’MISSION ACCOMPLISHED’. ”You survived Year One. You didn’t just survive it; you absolutely demolished it. You manipulated the Headmaster, neutralized the Dark Lord, grounded the Protagonist, and became the undisputed king of the First Years.”

”It was a perfect year,” Orion agreed, a genuine smile spreading across his face. ”I enjoyed it. I really did. It was a flawless execution of a defensive strategy.”

He rolled over onto his side, looking at his shrunken trunk resting on his bedside table. Inside that tiny piece of luggage lay an entire library, a small armory of spells, and a massive, broken magical artifact that could alter the spatial wards of Hogwarts.

”But defense is boring,” Orion murmured, his eyes narrowing as his mind shifted gears from the past to the future.

”No more nice guy. No more waiting in the wings to catch the plot as it falls. I have a foundation now. I have Dumbledore’s own annotated textbooks. I have Level One Mind Arts.”

He sat up, the thrill of the upcoming summer pulsing in his veins.

”It’s time to start working on the Vanishing Cabinet,” Orion declared, his voice firm and resolute. ”I need it operational before the end of Second Year. If only to prove that I am better than a sixth year Draco Malfoy.”

”The Cabinet is advanced Arithmancy and sympathetic magic,” Sparkle warned. ”It’s going to take months of trial and error just to map the damaged runes, let alone repair them without accidentally splinching yourself into the void.”

”I have three months,” Orion countered. ”Three months of uninterrupted, ward-free study in the Manor. And I have the entire next school year to finalize it.”

He lay back down, pulling the silk duvet over himself. He didn’t feel tired anymore; he felt electric. The prologue of his new life was officially over. The world had accepted the parameters he had set for it.

Now, it was time to stretch the boundaries.

”I need to finalize the Accio deceleration curve,” Orion muttered, his eyes closing as he began to draft mental blueprints. ”I need to begin rudimentary Occlumency meditations using the Level One perk. I need to still perfect the Avis spell, the only spell, I am still struggling with...”

As the afternoon sun began to sink below the horizon, casting long, golden shadows across the sprawling grounds of Malfoy Manor, Orion drifted to sleep. He wasn’t dreaming of flying keys, giant chess sets, or three-headed dogs.

He was dreaming of runic equations, secret chambers, and a castle that was about to experience a very different kind of chaos.

Year Two was approaching. And Orion Malfoy was going to be ready.