My Alleged Husband

Chapter 973: Chapter 866: A Way Out

Zhang Zhentian simply couldn’t comprehend why his own father refused to give him a way to survive. He just wanted to linger a few more days in this world, to spend more time with his family under this roof, but what had all his efforts and their outcomes brought him time and again?

Thinking back on his many years of anticipation, dreaming of returning to this home—only to discover, at the very moment he truly came back, that everything he’d hoped for was nothing but a mirage, an illusion. Not a single thing had helped him achieve his goals. Time and again, the things he reached for eluded him, and time and again, everything he longed for was destroyed by his own family’s hands.

What he desired was clearly within reach, right before his eyes—yet he couldn’t grasp it, couldn’t possess it. On the contrary, his family continually undermined him, over and over. How agonizing, how unbearable that feeling was. Perhaps this was the path he was destined to walk, a road no one could walk in his place. He saw through it all, more clearly and thoroughly than anyone else.

Xia Jing simply couldn’t bear to watch a perfectly good family fall to pieces like this. Everything had unraveled after she returned to this home. If her return really was the reason for all that had transpired, then she would rather leave alone than let anyone else in the family get hurt. This wasn’t the outcome she’d wanted. Not at all. Time and again, this same ending had chipped away at her confidence, leaving her yearning for things she would never obtain. Deep within her heart, she suffered indescribable pain—but who could possibly understand?

”I don’t think any of you need to keep arguing over these matters anymore. If my return is what caused this to happen, I’m willing to leave by myself and bear all the consequences. I’m willing to go far away again, and never set foot in this house ever again. I hope you can return to the peace and quiet of the life you had before. That kind of life is the only gift I can give you. Time and again, my reappearance has brought changes to this home—triggering conflicts and disputes among you because of me. My heart is far from at ease. I cannot bear to sit idly by, knowing my family is broken and bruised because of me, while I merely spectate innocently, cluelessly, watching all of you. I can’t do it!

Now, I’ve come to view everything in life with indifference, because I’ve realized a truth: even if I treasure something deeply, the end result isn’t necessarily the one I long for. What I’ve gained is pain, over and over again. I believe I’ve lived without regret, but the only people I owe any apology to are all of you. You are the ones I’ve hurt most profoundly in this lifetime. How I wish these things had never happened. But they did. These events have become unchangeable facts, and no matter what I do, I can’t rewind time. I can’t pretend they never occurred.

If my departure means you’ll no longer fight and argue, then my sacrifice will have been worthwhile. But if my leaving only leads to continued clashes among you, then I can’t understand what the point of my actions would be. Everything I do has a purpose, and you all know this—you know I’ve always been the kind of person who pursues a goal relentlessly, sparing no effort and stopping at nothing until I achieve it!

You understand me better than anyone, because you know every decision I’ve ever made has been flawed. Deep inside, I’m forever caught in a battle of inner turmoil, a struggle rooted in past wounds I can’t escape. You have no idea how frightened I am—frightened of the harm others might inflict on me, frightened that all I’ll receive from people in the end is pain. All I want is for you to live happy and peaceful lives, yet in the end, I’ve given you nothing—nothing at all.

Dad, because I returned to this house, everyone here was harmed. That’s my fault. If I could turn back time, I swear I wouldn’t come back to this home. I would’ve honored my original promise: once I left this house, I would never step through its doorway again. That way, all of you would suffer much less pain; every day wouldn’t be filled with fear and tension. Your lives would’ve been lighter, easier. But everything that happened—I’m the one who brought this pain upon you. Deep down, I am filled with guilt, yet I’ve made my choice and returned, because I missed all of you. I missed having a family, missed the companionship of my loved ones. Yet now, I have no choice but to leave again, because my return has caused you hurt. My leaving is the best resolution—for all of you.”

Zhang Yichen never thought he’d one day see his mother make a decision like this. After working so hard just to come back to this family, she ended up choosing to leave anyway. Was it all because of the repeated arguments that erupted in this home after her return? Was it because his wife had been reduced to this state? Were all these mistakes truly his parents’ fault? Was his wife truly free of blame? If only her heart had been a little more open, if only she’d been a little more tolerant, then none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t be caught in the middle, torn in both directions. What on earth was he supposed to do? If his parents truly left this time, he would lose all connection with them forever. Was he really supposed to let this happen? He’d been waiting for years—for years—to finally reunite with his family. Why must they choose to leave again? Why must this pattern of hurt repeat itself, over and over? What did they think of their son? Was he simply a tool they could hurt whenever they pleased, or a pawn to use for their own ends?

Sometimes, he really couldn’t understand what kind of people his parents were anymore. He wished so desperately that they’d give him a way to survive, too. He knew their lives had been anything but easy over the years.

But was his life any easier? Was his life not also filled with difficulties? Every day of his years was like walking on thin ice, always fearful of being hurt by someone. He worried that his family’s inadequacies might lead to rejection or exclusion by others. Time after time, he worked tirelessly to improve himself, to raise his abilities—all for the sake of giving his family a lifetime lived above others.