My Alleged Husband

Chapter 892: Chapter 829: The Incomparable Human Heart (Extended Chapter)_8

But have the things I’ve done really brought happiness to everyone in the family? Actually, not at all—my actions reflect nothing but my own thoughts, and in doing so, I’ve hurt so many people in the family. I’ve never truly considered what kind of consequences my actions might bring to them. I’ve always been so selfish, so self-serving. If there were truly something like Nepenthe in this world, wouldn’t I be so happy? I wouldn’t have to think anymore about these troubling matters that weigh on me. I could live carefree forever, without a single thought about swallowing pride in this family. Now that I’ve chosen this path, what else can be done? I have to keep walking, no matter how difficult this road may be. There’s no turning back. Never compare hearts, this saying carries wisdom. Even if I were to give all my heart, it wouldn’t guarantee others would treat me sincerely in return. Perhaps they’d deliver a fatal blow behind my back, throwing me into an abyss from which I’d never recover. And then, in that moment, whom could I turn to? Everything—every single thing—is only the consequence of my own actions.

Perhaps this time, I’ve truly made a mistake. Perhaps my actions have genuinely hurt my father. Hearing my son say that my father shed tears... does that mean that I, as a son, have failed so utterly? Is it so easy for me to make my father cry from sadness with just a few careless words? Then how much of a failure does that make me as his son? What should I have done, as a son, to ensure my father never loses his regard for me? To simply let him see me as someone who belongs by his side? In every action I take, I’ve never truly thought about what the ultimate outcome might be. Yet I always choose my paths recklessly, without regard for the consequences.

It’s only after I make mistakes that I realize how unforgivable they are. All I’ve ever wanted was a stable life, but I’ve ended up with nothing, instead hurting those who love me the most. My actions have been nothing short of monstrous. If time could truly rewind, I would never have left so easily back then. If I had to leave, I would have taken my son and my family with me—even if it meant wandering the world together. That would’ve been a true family. But now, this family has been shattered beyond repair, with no way to piece it back together. What should I do to bring everything back to its original state? What kind of ending should I expect from all that I’ve done? Again and again, my regrets pile up—so much that I’ve lost count of how many mistakes I’ve made. My son has been hurt by me to the point of numbness. He doesn’t even know what real heartache feels like anymore, because deep inside, all he wishes is for his father to return to him. Now, I’ve come back to him, but even then, I couldn’t give him any care or love—only more pain. Everything I’ve done has never been the right thing. Am I really such a failure as a father? Not only have I shown no care for my son, but toward my father, I’ve caused nothing but harm. As both a child and a parent, what should I do to keep all of this sorrow at bay? Why is it that no matter what I do, I can never achieve the perfect ending? Was it really because I abandoned them once, that everything ended up with this outcome? I’ve spent so much time reflecting, trying to figure out how to regain what was lost, but truly, there’s no way. There’s no way to change the past. The choices I once made have been sealed—they’re immutable. Even if I gave everything, what difference would it make? There’d still be no sincerity in return. Even if I wish again and again to live joyfully, to protect my family from harm, I still unintentionally end up hurting those who matter most to me—the ones who care about me the most.