Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The soft, blue light of the Ring of the Midnight Reader illuminated the cramped, organized space of Orion’s trunk-study. He stood near the desk, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling the dull ache of mental fatigue.

He had just finished his nightly synchronization, reabsorbing his Reflection Clone, which had successfully returned from another grueling shift in the Room of Hidden Things. The mental download was becoming routine, but processing the sheer volume of cataloged junk still took a moment to file away.

”Tomorrow is my first official detention since my Hogwarts debut,” Orion mused aloud, leaning against his desk.

He had to admit, there was a small, perverse thrill to it. Two years of playing the untouchable prodigy had been productive, but experiencing the full spectrum of Hogwarts discipline was a narrative milestone.

”I genuinely hope Professor McGonagall decides to send us into the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid,” Orion said to the empty room. ”I could use the opportunity to study the environment of the forest a but more. But, knowing that I specifically targeted her during the balloon barrage... we will most likely be assigned to scrubbing Cauldrons by hand without magic. Or perhaps polishing the trophies in the trophy room.”

He chuckled softly, remembering the chaotic climax of the dinner feast.

”The absolute highlight, however,” Orion murmured, a genuine smile touching his lips, ”is the realization that Dumbledore almost certainly knew Potter and I were going to target Snape specifically. And he actually managed to manipulate the rest of the staff into ’forgetting’ to warn him.”

Orion shook his head in profound respect. ”Albus really is a fan of pranks. The man holds humour with a twinkle in his eye.”

He turned his attention to the empty air above his desk.

”Anyways, Sparkle,” Orion called out. ”Show me the loot for my first official, large-scale prank at Hogwarts. And please, for the love of Merlin, tell me it is not something as useless as the glowing T-shirt.”

The blue interface materialized with a cheerful, digital chime.

”Don’t worry, boss. No fashion crimes today,” Sparkle promised, her waveform dancing. ”You scored two Tier 1 achievements and one Tier 2 achievement from tonight’s chaos. Let’s start with the basics.”

[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! ]

Tier: 1 (Basic)

Name: The Wizarding War: Aquatic Edition

Description: You didn’t just throw a balloon; you incited a full-scale, four-house riot. You turned the Great Hall into a high-velocity battlefield and proved that pureblood supremacy crumbles instantly in the face of a good water fight.

Reward: 1x Hydro-Kinetic Pistol (Water Gun).

Orion raised an eyebrow. ”A water gun?”

He accessed his Inventory. A small, heavy object materialized in his palm.

Orion inspected it closely. It didn’t look like a brightly colored Muggle super-soaker. It was sleek, matte black, and looked exactly like a standard-issue Muggle Glock pistol, right down to the textured grip and the iron sights.

”It shoots highly condensed water bullets,” Sparkle explained, reading from the item description. ”The hits carry significant kinetic pressure—enough to knock a person off balance or push them back—but it won’t actually hurt beyond a sharp sting. It is strictly non-lethal. Keep away from eyes or other sensitive parts, and keep away from children.”

Orion checked the weight, sliding his finger over the trigger guard. He took aim at the sturdy, wooden wall of the trunk and pulled the trigger.

Pew.

There was no bang, just a sharp, compressed hiss of air. A tiny, concentrated sphere of water shot from the barrel faster than the eye could track. It struck the wooden wall with a loud thwack.

Orion walked over and inspected the impact zone. A small, wet hit-mark appeared on the wood, but there was no dent, no splintering.

”Fascinating,” Orion noted, holstering the weapon in his pocket. ”Which means a headshot would probably knock a person flat on their back due to the sheer pressure, but it wouldn’t actually cause a concussion or break the skin, other than maybe leaving a red welt.”

”It’s a crowd-control toy,” Sparkle agreed.

”Interesting, but functionally useless in a lethal combat situation,” Orion concluded, walking back to his desk. ”If I am facing a Death Eater, I have my wand and spell knowledge. This is just a plaything for annoying people. What is the second one?”

[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! ]

Tier: 1 (Basic)

Name: Mission Failed: We’ll Get ’Em Next Time

Description: For attempting, and spectacularly failing, to hit the Hogwarts faculty with a water balloon. You underestimated the paranoia of the High Table. They were well prepared, and you need to be significantly faster, or sneakier, if you want to successfully target them next time.

Reward: 1x Mission Debrief Document.

Orion frowned. He pulled the item from the grid.

It was a standard sheet of thick, high-quality parchment. Written across the top, in bold, formal calligraphy, were his ’Mission Details’—specifically, the objective to strike Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore.

The sheet was extremely dense, filled with tiny, intricate paragraphs analyzing his throwing arc, his wind-up time, and his failure to account for localized defensive wards.

But what was most prominent, stamped diagonally across the entire page in massive, glowing red ink, was the word: FAILED.

”This is incredibly patronizing,” Orion muttered, glaring at the parchment.

Suddenly, the edges of the parchment folded inward. The paper twisted and contorted in his hands, rapidly forming the shape of a mouth with sharp, paper teeth.

A Howler.

But instead of bursting into a screaming rant, the paper mouth opened wide and began to emit a loud, obnoxious, drawn-out sound of pure, unadulterated jeering.

”BOOOOOOOOOO! YOU SUCK! BOOOOOOOOO!”

Orion jumped, dropping the Howler onto the desk. He scrambled backward, clapping his hands over his ears as the relentless, mocking noise echoed deafeningly in the small confines of the trunk.

”Inventory!” Orion yelled over the noise.

The Howler vanished instantly, cutting the sound off mid-boo.

The quiet rushed back into the room, leaving Orion breathing heavily.

From the interface, Sparkle was laughing so hard her digital waveform was practically a flatline of jagged, hysterical spikes.

Orion glared murderously at the blue screen. ”It was not mentioned in the description that this was a Howler, Sparkle.”

”Oh, it was mentioned,” Sparkle gasped, recovering slightly. ”I deliberately hid that part of the text from you. I wanted to see your face!”

She dissolved into another fit of digital giggles.

”Now,” Sparkle managed to say, ”if you check the extended description in your Inventory, you will find it is actually an ’Eternal Booing Howler’. It targets the person closest to it who has recently failed at a task, and it simply boos at them. Relentlessly.”

Orion’s glare faded, replaced by a slow, calculating realization.

”It targets failure,” Orion mused, looking at the slot in his grid.

”Yep,” Sparkle confirmed. ”Throw it near Draco, and the Howler will probably never stop. Since Draco must be failing at so many things on a daily basis—basic logic, Quidditch, subtle insults—the Howler might actually overload trying to process it all.”

She projected a small, evil smiley face.

”Also, this specific Howler does not burst into flames after a few minutes like a normal one. After finishing its job on one person, it just floats around and targets someone else nearby. Since failure is something everyone has done at some point... it is essentially a perpetual motion machine of mockery.”

Orion stared at the screen, a wicked, truly terrifying smirk spreading across his face. The annoyance of being pranked by his own System vanished entirely.

”Oh,” Orion whispered, tapping his fingers together like a cartoon villain. ”The fun I am going to have with this. I can drop this in the Gryffindor common room right before exams. Or better yet... near Fudge during a press conference.”

He shook his head, thoroughly satisfied with the Tier 1 rewards.

”Alright, Sparkle,” Orion said, rubbing his hands together. ”You’ve had your fun. Now, what is the Tier 2 achievement? What is the main prize for starting a riot?”