I Became a Witch in a World Full of Urban Legends

Lu Yibei had once seen an article online titled “Detailed Response Plans After Being Attacked by a Face-Hugging Bug.”

At the time, he had scoffed at the article, didn’t even glance at it, and clicked the top right corner.

Is there any hope after being attacked by that thing?

Of course, there’s no hope, but as for response plans, there actually are some.

To avoid being killed by a face-hugging bug, you just have to kill the victim before the bug does.

But obviously, he couldn’t kill himself, so he started to regret it a little. If he’d known he’d run into this situation today, he should have read that article carefully.

….

The little girl acted like she was right at home, straddling Lu Yibei as if she weren’t an outsider at all, which made Lu Yibei quite annoyed.

Taking advantage of the moment while she was rummaging around on him, Lu Yibei mercilessly flung her off, not caring at all whether she’d get hurt.

In his eyes, a little girl who could jump nearly 1.7 meters straight up from flat ground couldn’t possibly be an ordinary human. A little tumble shouldn’t hurt her, especially since she also had psychic energy fluctuations.However, Lu Yibei completely underestimated this brat’s combat power.

He had just thrown the little girl off, and as soon as she landed, her small, pale-red feet lightly tapped the ground with her toes, and her figure sprang up again, arms outstretched…

“Pa-ji-!” She hugged Lu Yibei’s head again.

The little girl clung to Lu Yibei, arms wrapped around his neck, her flat chest pressed against his face, and he actually felt like he was about to suffocate.

Who knows where she got so much strength from-Lu Yibei couldn’t bear the pressure, feeling both ashamed and angry.

“Let go! Mmm… don’t… mmm… Professor, save me…” Lu Yibei struggled, calling out intermittently.

Just as Lu Yibei was calling for Professor Ma, the little girl suddenly leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Big brother, don’t you recognize Mengmeng? Didn’t we have a great time before?”

As she finished, she flashed a sly smile at an angle where Professor Ma and Liu Seer couldn’t see.

Mengmeng? Who’s Meng… wait!

Could she be Gou Meng?

In an instant, a thunderbolt exploded in Lu Yibei’s mind, his ears buzzing, and he immediately gave up resisting.

He had thought she was some little monster born after 2020, but it turned out she was an old demon from 3020 BC.

Isn’t that even more impossible to deal with?

After experiencing so many events and seeing so many hauntings, Lu Yibei finally realized just how terrifying that pesky little sister who once clung to his house really was.

He had only managed to become the King of Hauntings within a hundred miles of Hua City by taking advantage of the situation and snatching the victory from Plague Taisui.

Since ancient times, starting a business is easy, but keeping it is hard.

Gou Meng’s domain was more than seven times his, including places like Tang City, which was full of ancient tombs and hauntings. For hundreds or even thousands of years, not a single haunting dared to cause trouble. She was far stronger than he was now; even hauntings of the same catastrophe-class might be pinned to the ground and beaten by her.

Yet, someone as strong as Gou Meng had actually been stabbed in the back. One could imagine how terrifying her enemy must be.

Now, getting involved with her-who knows how he’d die in the end.

What kind of cursed fate is this! Why am I so unlucky? Meeting her at a time like this, I’m probably going to get dragged down with her. Lu Yibei thought.

While Lu Yibei was worrying about imaginary troubles, Gou Meng turned and gave Liu Seer a sweet smile. Seeing it, Liu Seer felt a chill all over, as if he were standing naked in the dead of winter.

“Grandpa, I want to go upstairs and play with big brother for a while. You stay down here and deal with this shameless old man, okay?”

Can I say no? Liu Seer complained inwardly, forcing a loving smile and nodding, “Alright, alright, you two go! Have fun.”

After speaking, a flash of sympathy appeared in Liu Seer’s eyes.

With Lady Gou Meng’s eccentric, mischievous personality, this kid would be lucky to get away half-intact.

But Lady Gou Meng is actually so close to this kid? Liu Seer wondered.

“Yay!” Gou Meng cheered, slipping behind Lu Yibei like a slick eel, climbing onto his shoulders, grabbing his ears with both hands, “Let’s go, big brother, let’s go upstairs and play!”

“….”

Lu Yibei glanced at the excited Gou Meng out of the corner of his eye, secretly gritting his back teeth.

Fine! I’ll endure it. It’s not like I can beat her anyway.

With that, he silently stood up and walked toward the second floor of Chunfeng Residence, following the direction Gou Meng’s soft little hand pointed.

“….”

Watching Lu Yibei carry Gou Meng away, Professor Ma was momentarily speechless.

Why did it turn out like this?

I was clearly the first to arrive, the first to get to know her, the first to show kindness. I was first in everything.

I’m so jealous! I want a cute little girl to ride on me too. Professor Ma thought.

Liu Seer looked at Professor Ma, as if reading his thoughts from his dazed expression, then glanced down at his own bulging belly and sighed silently.

No, old pal, you really don’t want to get involved with this goddess…

Second floor of Chunfeng Residence.

Lu Yibei propped his chin with one hand, sizing up the little one sitting in the wicker chair, looking all harmless and innocent, deep in thought.

Did she look even smaller than when she was in Hua City?

Tang City was her domain, and her entity was here. By rights, she should be the strongest haunting in this area.

So why was this? Was it because she was weakened by the betrayal, or does being smaller mean she’s closer to her peak state? Like the pinker the hair, the harder the hits.

Lu Yibei was secretly pondering when Gou Meng suddenly asked, “By the way, why are you in Tang City? Was it because you got my call for help?”

“Call for help?” Lu Yibei tilted his head, eyes full of confusion.

“It’s that ‘Me, ally, send money!’ message!” Gou Meng blinked her big watery eyes and explained, “I had Grandpa Turtle send it to all our allies.”

“….”

Thinking of a certain suspicious telecom scam text he’d deleted and blocked, Lu Yibei was momentarily speechless.

Whoever believes that kind of message is an idiot!

Anyway, he’d just pretend he’d never seen it.

After a brief silence, he shrugged and said, “Never saw it. I came with the professor as his assistant and muscle, to join the Dongyi Culture Research Project Group.”

“What’s so interesting to research about that?” Gou Meng pursed her lips like a kid hearing adults want to study her toys. “If you really want to know, why not just ask me directly?”

“You mean, study you?” Lu Yibei replied indifferently.

What’s there to study about you? In modern times you just smoke, drink, and play games all day; in ancient times, you’d probably just play pitch-pot, race horses, or gamble over tea.

Tsk, not a shred of depth!

“Aiyo-!” Gou Meng waved her soft pink hands, undid a button on her Qipao, pressed her legs together in a shy pose, “If you want to study me, I wouldn’t say no! But the condition is…”

“Stop right there!” Lu Yibei cut her off without hesitation before she could name her price. “I’m a law-abiding citizen, not interested in your type. I like the cool, aloof queen type.”

With your flat chest and stubby legs? Ha!

As he spoke, Lu Yibei glanced at Gou Meng’s chest and the chubby little legs peeking out from under her skirt. Though his face showed no expression, his eyes flashed with a mocking, insulting look.

“Damn! Judging people by appearances!” Gou Meng protested. “I wasn’t always like this, you know. I used to be, at least, this… no, this big! Got it?”

As she spoke, her small, pale, chubby hands traced two exaggerated curves in front of her chest.

Used to be? So she really isn’t in her normal state now?

Lu Yibei narrowed his eyes and probed, “Speaking of which, I went to The Midnight Watchers Society in Tang City earlier. They said you were attacked by some unknown force and your power was severely damaged. Is that true?”

“Uh, why are you asking that?”

It’s not that I don’t trust you, I’m just worried you’ll take advantage of me!

Gou Meng weighed her little schemes, a flicker of panic flashing in her eyes before she regained composure and declared proudly, “I did get a little hurt, but it’s nothing serious. I’ll be back in no time, ready to take back everything!”

After speaking, she sighed silently in her heart.

To say she wasn’t afraid of Fuyang’s revival would be a lie. After all, it was born from the same source as her, and its power completely suppressed hers as a haunting.

But in reality, she couldn’t afford to show even a hint of weakness. If she fell, everyone in Taoyuan would suffer, so she had to appear strong in front of everyone.

Especially now, with Grandpa Turtle’s fate uncertain, her heart was clouded with worry and confusion. Except for Liu Seer, she didn’t dare contact anyone connected to Taoyuan.

After the first assassination attempt, Gou Meng had carefully considered every detail and concluded that, if not for a traitor leading the way, even those top psychics and hauntings led by Fuyang’s familiars couldn’t have snuck into the depths of Taoyuan unnoticed.

In other words, there was a traitor within Taoyuan.

That was one of the reasons Gou Meng was so excited to see Lu Yibei.

Although Lu Yibei was a bit of a rookie compared to the members scattered around Tang City, he was still a fairly reliable ally.

“Really?” Lu Yibei glanced sideways at Gou Meng, tilting his head. “Then hurry up and recover! The Midnight Watchers Society in Tang City has already noticed something’s wrong.”

“In about four days, if you still can’t maintain order in Tang City, they’ll activate the city barrier and blast Taoyuan to hell.”

Hearing this, Gou Meng froze for a moment, then her eyes darkened and she cursed fiercely, “Pah! Those useless freeloaders! Usually they slack off under my protection, stealing wages, and now they’re kicking me when I’m down!”

“Just wait till I deal with them, especially that Shang Nanxing! Back when she was starving on the streets, I took pity and fed her for five years. No conscience at all, I’m so mad!”

Normally, she’d probably have already gone over with a knife… Lu Yibei watched Gou Meng silently, waited for her to finish, then nodded, “Seeing you so lively, I’m relieved. I’ll go tell them to stick to the original plan.”

“Anyway, you can handle these troubles in the short term, right? If there’s nothing else, I’ll be going.”

With that, he turned around, pretending to leave.

Just testing her-if he really got away, that’d be great!

Whether she could recover her power quickly or not, he didn’t want to get dragged into this.

People could die! Lu Yibei thought.

Seeing this, Gou Meng’s little face went pale. With a “whoosh,” she jumped up from the rattan chair and lunged at Lu Yibei with open arms.

Hearing the wind behind him, Lu Yibei, already on guard, dodged to the side. Gou Meng flew past him, a sly glint of triumph just appearing in her eyes before her pupils suddenly contracted.

“Flutter-!”

With a soft sound, a pair of jet-black wings suddenly unfurled behind Gou Meng. She circled once in midair and flew straight at him, “smack!” wrapping her arms around his head.

“You’re not allowed to leave!”

“Mm… mm…” Lu Yibei tugged at the arms wrapped around him a few times, letting out a series of muffled groans.

Hearing this, Gou Meng paused for a moment, then climbed over his shoulder, straddling his neck and sitting on his shoulders.

“Whew-!” Finally able to breathe fresh air again, Lu Yibei let out a long sigh, glancing sideways at Gou Meng on his shoulder and saying irritably, “What are you doing?”

“Aiya, I’m just looking out for you, aren’t I?” Gou Meng said earnestly while rubbing Lu Yibei’s dog head.

“Helping a deity is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We’re so close, of course I have to give you a chance to get some benefits! Don’t you think so?”

Lu Yibei, “…”

She needs my help? That doesn’t make sense!

Without a haunting transformation, my psychic energy fluctuation is at most B+. How could I possibly help her?

Could it be… Lu Yibei thought, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“How about this! While I’m recovering my strength, I’ll reluctantly appoint you as my imperial mount and grand general. When I fight my way back to Taoyuan, I’ll open my treasure vault wide-gold and silver mountains, you can pick whatever you like, how about that?”

Imperial what now? Lu Yibei frowned. “Aren’t you afraid it’ll be uncomfortable? To be honest, my body is pretty good. Every morning at seven I just can’t sleep in anymore.”

“Heh!” Gou Meng sneered, glancing at Lu Yibei’s lower half out of the corner of her eye. “Oh, so confident? But I can’t sit there!”

Lu Yibei, “…”

Being talked to like this by an old monster with a porcelain doll’s face, he felt deeply humiliated.

As the saying goes, a gentleman can be killed but not humiliated-he decided to drop the act!

“You’re actually seriously injured, already very weak, and have no combat power left, right?” Lu Yibei looked at Gou Meng sideways and said coldly, “I’ve been observing you since I first saw you. Your psychic energy fluctuation has never exceeded Class C.”

Yes, the moment Lu Yibei entered Chunfeng Residence, as his eyes grew slightly warm, he sensed a psychic energy fluctuation of about Class C- hidden within.

Because that psychic energy fluctuation was so weak, he didn’t pay it much mind, only sending out ten Paper Cicada Immortals carrying Alchemical Bombs to lie in wait in the corners around Chunfeng Residence.

When Gou Meng appeared, although he vaguely felt this little girl looked familiar, her psychic energy fluctuation was so weak that he never connected her with that great being whose every move could send psychic energy fluctuations surging to near catastrophe-class.

After confirming Gou Meng’s identity, Lu Yibei originally thought she was deliberately suppressing her psychic energy fluctuation, but after some conversation and observation, combined with Mao Sanyou’s words that morning… the result was intriguing.

According to Mao Sanyou, the blood Gou Meng spilled on the ring road could make enough spicy blood soup to feed Tang City University for a day. The fact that she could still bounce around and fly up to hug someone’s face was already a miracle.

So there was only one truth: Gou Meng wasn’t faking it-she really was very weak now!

Thinking this, Lu Yibei grabbed Gou Meng’s wrist and quietly activated his psychic energy.

Sensing the psychic energy fluctuation in Lu Yibei’s body becoming active, Gou Meng’s expression changed, exclaiming, “You mutt, didn’t I teach you a lesson already? Wait, you, what are you trying to do?”

“Pesky little sister, have you ever cried for yourself in your life?” Lu Yibei said quietly, forcing a stiff, terrifying, corpse-like smile onto his face as he spoke.

Gou Meng, “?”

“A cute little girl like you, I bet if I give you a beating, you’ll cry for a long time, right?”

Gou Meng, “???”

The next moment, she felt the world spinning, and then a burning pain shot up from her butt. Her short little legs started kicking involuntarily, like paddles struggling in the air.

“Smack-smack-smack-!”

Chunfeng Residence, main hall.

Professor Ma and Liu Seer were chatting happily. It turned out that these two well-traveled old men, once they avoided the topics of Gou Meng and fortune-telling, got along quite well.

“The three of us entered that underground palace together. The space around us was vast, and though the carved beams and painted pillars had decayed, you could still see the grandeur of the past…”

Professor Ma was sipping tea and leisurely recounting his youthful adventures sneaking into ancient tombs to Liu Seer, when suddenly a dull “thud!” sounded overhead, and dust drifted down from the wooden beams.

Immediately after, he heard a heart-wrenching scream.

“Awooo-! Help, Lu Yibei is killing someone!”

Stunned for a second or two, Professor Ma snapped back to his senses, jumped up, and shouted upstairs, “Lu Yibei, what are you doing up there?”

“It’s nothing, Professor, I’m just disciplining a child! Kids act up mostly because they’re spoiled-give them a beating and they’ll be fine! You two carry on,” Lu Yibei replied.

“Exactly!” Liu Seer nodded in agreement. “Just disciplining a kid. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Go on, old friend, you were saying you entered the underground palace-what happened next?”

Is that really your granddaughter? Professor Ma frowned at the smiling Liu Seer and said seriously, “Old friend, that’s your child he’s hitting.”

“It’s fine, it doesn’t… Oh crap!” Liu Seer’s expression suddenly changed mid-sentence, and he scrambled upstairs in a panic.