My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1293: Chapter 1122: Love Cannot Be Forced

Now I finally understand what love truly is. Love is not about forcing things carelessly, nor is it something that can be genuinely achieved through every word others say. In fact, the most important thing is to have your own joy and happiness in this lifetime. When you give up on the endings you deserve time and again, yet they still don’t arrive, how tormented your heart must be.

”There’s really no point in you doing this. What you’ve done will never make my heart love you the way it used to. My love for you already ended the day you gave up on me. It was you who abandoned it, so why tell me now that you regret it? Do you think forcibly keeping me by your side will make you happy? Do you think I would be happy staying by your side? If you truly have even a trace of affection for me, then I hope you’ll consider my feelings—don’t force me to stay with you. That would be painful for me. I feel that being with you lacks love, and a loveless marriage cannot bring happiness. You know this, don’t you? By forcibly keeping me with you, not only will you not be happy, but we will both be left scarred.”

”I don’t care about that. Even if I forcibly keep you by my side, the two of us will never live happily like before. Yet for me, as long as I have you with me, I am content. I’m not so greedy as to want you to love me like you did before. I just want to keep you by my side so you’ll never be able to leave me.”

Xia Jing didn’t expect Zhang Zhentian to be as selfish as he was before. He would even go so far as to keep her by his side, regardless of the pain they would both endure. But what’s the use of such a marriage? Can a marriage still claim happiness when staying together brings only wounds? If there is no happiness in it, why stay together? Wouldn’t that just leave both of them scarred?

”You really have no reason to do this. It will only harm both of us. You can certainly find someone else to spend your later years with. That way, they will be happy, and your family won’t be upset about your being single. I could also seek the life I want without daily entanglement. Don’t you understand? If you take this step, it would be immensely beneficial for everyone. Can’t you make some sacrifice for the people you care about?” Xia Jing really didn’t understand what her so-called husband was thinking. Why was he always so obstinate? Didn’t he realize his actions would hurt everyone?

Zhang Zhentian wasn’t able to listen to any of his wife’s words. His only concern was keeping her by his side, which was the greatest benefit for him. He had no other desires in this life; his only wish was for his wife to be by his side, never to leave. But was this not very difficult for their family? Time and again, he acted as he did, but why should they still choose to forgive him for every mistake he made?

”You don’t really need to say these things to me now. I can’t believe what you say, as you’ve deceived me so many times before. I just want to keep you by my side. Does this make you feel troubled? Or does it let your heart feel relief? Am I wrong for wanting the person I love to be with me forever? I know I’ve been selfish before, not believing in my own love or trusting anyone’s true feelings towards me. But gradually, I realized that if I don’t change, the person I love will just drift further away from me. It’s already been proven—I couldn’t change my cowardly, fearful, selfish nature, which drove you away from me. You will never want to stay by my side for life, and perhaps this is my punishment. You all think I’ve become selfish, but who considers why I’ve come to this point? Isn’t it so I can be with you? Does wanting to stay with those I care about make you feel so dissatisfied, so much so that you want to escape me, not willing to be with me? What did I do wrong to make you treat me this way? I admit I’ve made unforgivable mistakes, but I’ve already paid for them. For so many years, I’ve never had a peaceful day; I live each day in regret and remorse. This tortured existence because of my mistakes—I’ll never forgive myself. I know you’re also struggling and in pain, so aren’t we equally suited to be together because of our shared suffering? We could understand each other’s pain, and we’ve missed out on too much. I don’t want to miss another day without you, as such a loss would make my life worse than death...”

”Now that you say these things to me, it only disgusts me. You’ve said the same things before, yet you still abandoned me ruthlessly. Did you think you’d regret it someday back then? If you had known you’d regret it, would you have still abandoned me back then without hesitation? The mistakes from the past will never be forgotten. Being with you and having such a lovely child was my greatest joy; no one can understand the happiness I felt as a mother. It was my life’s pride. He’s so outstanding, and he has every right to hate me for being abandoned by his heartless mother for years. I can’t forgive myself; I don’t know how many mistakes I’ve let go because every time I face them, I’m horrified. The mistakes I’ve made are beyond explanation, and I know I’ll never be able to live with my son again. I’ve hurt them and ruined so many lives—why should I deserve to live with them? Why should they forgive me time and time again?”

Zhang Zhentian didn’t think his wife could be so self-critical. He didn’t know how to console her, realizing at that moment how utterly useless he was—unable even to bring joy to his own wife.

”Happiness comes from mutual giving. If each step you take is only about making yourself happy, neglecting everyone’s care and love, then what use is your happiness even if it reaches you? You’ve lost the things you should have protected most in this life!”