My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1168: Chapter 1027: A Life of Regret

Zhang Yichen had never asked his family whether they ever felt regret about their lives. He didn’t know where to begin such a question either. Perhaps everyone’s past experiences were not entirely identical, but if he chose to ask, the outcome might differ greatly from what he had imagined. If he ever uttered the question, everything might slowly undergo a tremendous change. He could not allow each family member to endure such a blow or let those who had been the best to him bear repeated heartaches and suffering. He would rather bear all the disappointment alone than let others share his burdens.

Deep down, he understood how each decision he had made in the past had harmed his family. If he continued to be as selfish as before, he truly didn’t know what purpose his life served. Was living in this world merely about causing his loved ones to be repeatedly hurt and disappointed by his choices?

In his heart, he was clear that it wasn’t the ending he wanted, nor the answer he sought. Although he had done many good deeds and saved many people in his life, he never thought he would face such an end. When he chose, time and again, to live with a new mindset, perhaps in others’ eyes it was a kind of happiness, but in his own, it was a deep torment. Who would know the feeling of having invested everything yet receiving not the answer he desired?

No one had ever considered life from his perspective. Every step he took was guided by his own thoughts, leaving marks along the way. Only he knew how far he had come. Even if everyone thought it was all unimaginable and that he was utterly mistaken, as long as he had a clear conscience, he felt it was simple. He didn’t need to care about others’ thoughts or opinions. But did he really achieve the outcome he wanted? Losing the person he loved the most and seeing his family persistently harmed by his choices, leaving him to stand by powerless - was this truly the ending he wanted? He had given so much, and every step felt incredulous. Was this really the path he once longed to follow?

There were things he truly wanted to ask, yet he didn’t know where to begin. He felt that if he could voice those inner thoughts, perhaps his outcome would be different. As he stood repeatedly at the pinnacle of life, looking at those who couldn’t reach him and those struggling below, his emotions were complicated. He had been on that path before. Why could others climb so arduously, but now he found the past hardships so light? Was it simply because he stood atop the pinnacle of life that his views on everyone changed dramatically? Or did he never intend to be tempted by such a day, only thinking of pressing others beneath his feet repeatedly, leaving them unable to rise? Was this really what he wanted to see? People have ambitions and strive for the upper echelons of society. Why insist on staying at the bottom struggling, which seemed too sorrowful?

Sometimes he truly couldn’t understand why no one ever stood in his shoes to consider all the blows he had endured. Everyone seemed so selfish. Did the paths he took really mean nothing in their eyes? Why, to him, did everyone seem insignificant, given that everyone faced hardships and every path he walked was filled with obstacles? Perhaps one day, he would realize that everything he once wanted was completely different from what he imagined. Yet, he never asked himself, always curious about his parents, wondering if they had never regretted their own lives.