My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1007: Chapter 892: Speak the Truth

Zhang Zhentian doesn’t want his family to see his true inner thoughts. Faced with these situations, he should let his family change their views, even if those means are unscrupulous; every action is wrong. But if he could gain a little more understanding and care from his family, then suffering a little grievance wouldn’t matter. Yet, does his family truly care for him in the slightest? If every mistake he makes is judged by his family, how could they easily forgive him for causing harm again? Who knows how much damage he has caused, time and again? Perhaps his heart has long been numb, and he has no idea how to face his family’s deceit. He doesn’t understand why he did those despicable things in the past, not knowing what drove him to choose such a path, clearly aware it was a dead-end. But did he really fall into madness?

”No matter what, there are some things I hope you won’t misunderstand me more and more. I am my father. Everything I do has my reasons. If these trivial matters create a rift between us, wouldn’t you find our life meaningless? All I want is a peaceful life. Like them, isn’t the ultimate path to that life something we desire? I should also consider what the path I’m on truly means, shouldn’t I? I want to live for myself. I don’t want to change myself for anyone anymore. Do you know the pain of changing for someone else, when in the end, that person might not stay with you? He might not change for you. He knows everything you do for him is obligatory. He takes all your kindness for granted; he won’t understand how deeply you suffer and how tired you are.”

I am someone who’s been through it. I clearly understand the kind of pain I’ve experienced over the years. Those pains might mean nothing to you, but to me, they are the most fatal ones in my life. Time and again, I bury all the hurt deep inside me. I’ve never thought to make anyone feel the pain I’ve endured because I know you are my family. I can’t do that, yet I’ve unintentionally brought you enormous pain. Do you truly think this is the outcome I wish to see? It’s not what I want to see!

Now, everyone in this family has prejudices against me. Everyone thinks my presence disrupts the family’s harmony and peace, but has anyone considered what all this is really for? Is it not exhausting to do all this? Is everything I’ve sacrificed really so worthless? I also want to live happily. I wish for beauty and constant smiles, but I don’t want any harm inflicted, not hurting you, not causing damage to you. That’s not what I want to see. Have you ever considered my issues from my perspective? Have you ever thought about what every decision I make is for? Has anyone ever empathized, viewed things from my perspective? You are always so decisive, using all your judgment on me, treating me as a mistake to be viewed, never considering what kind of days I’ve been living on?

Some things I’m not quite adept at, telling you too clearly, but can you choose to trust me this once? Trust that as a father, I’ve never intended to harm you. I wish for you to live lightly and joyfully. When I see you suffering so much, living in pain, do you think I don’t feel anything deep inside? You are my son. No matter when or where, I will always try to consider how painful it truly is for you. Time and again, I’ve let all the damage rot away on you, inflicting the heaviest pain upon you. I always felt your ability to endure is greater than mine, that even a little harm wouldn’t feel like much to you. But to me, it’s impossible. I live in suffering and pain. I have no way, no mindset to bear any more harm...”