Naruto : Venom

”You do the weirdest stuff ever.” Ino blandly points out. ”If I haven’t been inside your head and seen just a glimpse of what your thought process is like I’d consider you a massive idiot too.”

”Yeah you don’t exactly scream intelligent. Nor do you look the part.” Anko agrees with the other two shinobi.

...

”I always knew you were above average but never thought you’d be this smart.” Even Shikamaru thought that! ”You did a lot of stupid stuff, even before you left. I distinctly remember you being blamed for setting a building on fire in Konoha while on a demolition mission after the Invasion. Then it exploded and ANBU had to step in.”

”I’ve always known he’s smart.” Oh thank you Kakashi! Thank you so much! ”Alvarcus may seem like a bumbling fool most of the time but in reality he’s a gifted strategist in his own right. It’s just that his plans tend to be a bit unorthodox and potentially scarring. I figured that out when we fought Zabuza.”

”Zabuza?” Naruto asks. ”Who is Zabuza?”

”Ex member of the Legendary Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. He’s dead now.” I bluntly say. ”Guys, don’t we have bigger problems than trying to insult my intelligence? Like say, the FUCKING BLIMP THAT’S ALMOST ON TOP OF US?”

”Right. Here’s the plan.” Shikamaru temples his fingers together as he goes deep in thought. ”We’ve got to get Koyuki out of here-”

”Why must I leave?” Koyuki and Sandayu boldly walk out of the building that we were all in only minutes ago. ”What is that?”

”That would be your uncle’s blimp.” I monotonously summarize in six words. ”We’re going to get you away from it, right now.”

SCREEEEECH

The sound of microphone feedback tears through the air.

”Good morning you miserable wretches.” Doto’s voice resonates out of the speakers mounted to his blimp. ”I will give you one chance, only one, to hand over my long lost niece. If you comply I will spare you lives for today and forgive you all assaulting my very expensive and hard to make train. Should you fail to bring her to me I will level this entire town with impunity. You have five minutes to produce her, the clock starts now.”

”So.” I turn to the rest of the group as I pull out a kunai and wrap one of my explosive tags around the hilt. ”Can I attempt to make the world’s biggest fireball right now? Cuz I’m getting a bit twitchy.”

”Alvarcus it’s above us and the town.” Kakashi denies. ”If it is a fireball waiting to happen and you spark it now it’s going to fall down on us. That’s bad. We don’t want that.”

”But Kakashi! I wanna make a fireball! Not just any fireball the world’s biggest fireball!” I stomp my foot like a child that was just told they can’t have only cookies for dinner.

”No!” Ino thwaps me in the back of the head. ”I don’t want a burning lump of metal falling down on my head! Do it later!”

”Ow. Fine. Later when there’s less people in the crash zone.” I tenderly rub the back of my head. ”I let you slap me once and now it’s open season. Let’s not make this a recurring thing. I’m not a fan.”

”When there’s no one in the crash zone.” Ino firmly demands. ”And someone has to stop you from doing stupid things, if it’s by smacking you around then so be it. I’ll gladly smack you around as much as needed. I wasn’t kidding when I said if felt good. It’s very therapeutic.”

”Wait wait wait.” Naruto butts in. ”Ino you slapped Alvarcus?”

”Yes she did. Then she proceeded to feel up my back and comment about my masks and how uncomfortable they must be.” I blandly share with everyone and I feel just a hint of satisfaction at Ino’s mortified face when I shared the part about her feeling me up. ”Anyways, and I have no idea why I’m being the voice of reason here, we’ve got to do something.”

”You’re right. I suppose we should do something about that.” Kakashi straightens up, his lackadaisical posture vanishes. He’s all business now, he’s ready to fight to the death. ”So. Shikamaru. Team leader. Orders? We’ve got about four minutes before Doto does whatever he’s got planned.”

”Okay. Okay. I’ve got this. Just give me a moment.” Shikamaru racks his brain for any and all possible solutions. ”Can anyone get up there?”

”No.” Kakashi instantly and briskly answers.

”Nope.” Anko follows suit.

”Maybe?” Naruto says as he’s judging the distance from here to the blimp. ”I could summon a Toad to leap me up there but it’s really cold here and I don’t know if I can convince the one I’d summon to go through with it. Plus he’s so big he could take the entire thing down once he lands on it.”

”So no.” Shikamaru decides and continues plotting with the new information.

”No. I’ve got nothing that could do that.” Ino says.

”I can get up there.” It’s my turn to judge the distance from here to the blimp. It’s not that far. I could have one of my minions throw me up there. ”I can easily get up there. There’s just one tiny problem though.”

”And what is it?” Shikamaru asks. ”We could use someone on the inside.”

”Yeah… it’s just… well you see…” I awkwardly trail off.

”Alvarcus has a crippling fear of heights.” Kakashi sighs out. ”He locks up when he’s high in the air without a secure handhold on something.”

”Oh yeah. He freaked out when we were on Gamabunta way back when.” Naruto reflects back on his memories. ”It was weird to see him so out of it.”

”You’re afraid of heights?” Shikamaru asks in disbelief. ”But on the ship you made the crow’s nest your bunk! That’s the highest point on the boat!”

”Well yeah but it wasn’t that high. Plus I knew that I could easily catch myself with the mast if I fell whenever I wanted to. But the blimp is way higher and if I fall off that there’s nothing for me to grab onto. It’s a long drop down to the cold hard ground. It’s not technically the height I’m terrified of, it’s falling for extended periods of time without being able to stop myself. It’s fucking terrifying, I like being in control. In the air like that, you can’t change anything. The only choice you have is to plummet.”

”Wow. I never would have guessed you’d have such a mundane fear.” Shikamaru says. ”Alright, so no one goes to the blimp.”

”I vote for making it into a fireball.” I voice again as I flip the kunai in the air then catch it. ”Ready and willing.”

”No.” Everyone else says in unison.

”You all suck.” I pout as I put the kunai away.

”Alright so here’s the plan.” Shikamaru finally says something productive. ”Kakashi and Alvarcus are going to stop whatever it shoots at the town. We don’t know what will come out of it so we need our best ready to stop it. Anko, Naruto, Ino and I will stick with Koyuki and the rest of the people here to protect them from any Snow shinobi that attempt to infiltrate and kidnap her.”

”That’s it?” I ask in confusion. ”I thought you were some up and coming genius strategist. Shouldn’t you have specific roles for everyone and they somehow mesh together to make a complex plan come to fruition? You know, like I get to burn down the blimp, Kakashi takes out Nadare, Naruto takes out snowboard guy who’s name I forgot, Anko takes out pink pig tails whose name I also forgot and you and Ino protect everyone else while we’re looking awesome?”

”Yeah!” Naruto chimes in. ”Why don’t we do that?”

”Because we don’t know if they have anything else planned you morons.” Shikamaru scoffs out. ”We don’t know what they’re going to do, we don’t even know if that team of three is the only threat on the blimp. So we’re going with my plan. Kakashi and Alvarcus stop the blimp from destroying the town. Everyone else protect the civilians with an emphasis on Koyuki. Got it?”

”Fine.” I huff out. ”I still wanna make it a fireball.”

”What if it’s made of the not flammable gas, helium?” Anko asks.

”Oi.” I turn a glare on her. ”Don’t ruin this for me. I want this to happen so badly. I’m going to do everything I can to make it happen.”

”You little punk that’s exactly how I feel!” Anko slips up and lets anger dance on her face for a moment. ”Man up already!”

”Uh… what the hell are you talking about?” I intelligently respond with a look of confusion.

”How are you both this damn dense!” Anko shouts out with an added stomp for effect. ”I swear the only way to get you two to realize it is to throw you both in a room and lock the door! Gah!”

I glance at the rest of the shinobi here.

Kakashi looks mildly amused. Naruto looks just as confused as I am if not more. Shikamaru is quickly glancing between Ino and me. Ino is… blushing madly? What? Why would she be blushing?

Unless… no. It can’t be. Does she like -

SCREEEEECH

The sound of microphone feedback rips through the air again.

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A/N:

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