Naruto : Venom

”-and it was HUGE!” Naruto exaggeratedly waves his arms in a grand gesture.

”It wasn’t.” I correct him with a sigh. ”Barely the size of a pony.”

”That is huge for a spider.” Shikamaru points out.

”Honestly it’s pretty harmless.” I continue as if Shikamaru didn’t speak at all. ”That one isn’t a fighter at all, it’s more of a shock and awe thing. It’s very demoralizing to fight against something that feels like that. Naruto insulted my Summons so I whipped out that one to scare him straight on how awesome they really are. I might have gone just a touch overboard.”

”So let me get this straight.” Anko looks at the both of us with an unreadable expression. ”Naruto goes to challenge Alvarcus to a spar by insulting his Summons, then Alvarcus pretty much says ’fuck you I’ll show you how cool the Spiders are’ and summons whatever-it’s-called to scare Naruto into respecting them? Did I get all of it?”

”You forgot the part where they both thought what they did was a good idea.” Ino dryly adds on. ”You both are better than that.”

”Apparently not?” I weakly send Ino an innocent smile.

”Just don’t do it again.” Kakashi says despite having his nose buried in his newest book. I’m fairly certain this is the second time he’s reading it.

”I promise nothing!” I cheekily say as I sprint out of the room.

Finally, now I can relax.

...

With Anko and Ino, their Cabin

”So… I’ve decided what to teach you next!” Anko merrily clasps her hands together in happiness.

”Really? What is it? That shooting snakes out of your sleeves trick? Because that one looks really cool! Oh! How about how you flick kunai and senbon hard enough to embed into wood? That could be very useful!”

”You’d want to learn how to use snakes?” Anko asks in surprise. ”Pretty much everyone in Konoha hates snakes.”

”Yes I would totally be okay with that!” Ino assures her sensei. ”I would have so much fun doing it, imagine how easy it would be to trick people too. They’d never expect it, I mean what kind of girl likes snakes enough to make them into a weapon? The stereotype is that we’re all afraid of them. They’d probably expect me to use unicorns or pandas or something cute and fuzzy. Not, you know, the equivalent of the boogeyman of Summons for Konoha.”

”Huh.” Anko is so shocked that she sits down on one of the beds. ”I’ll have to check a couple of things first. You’d have to sign the Summoning Contract but I don’t know if they’ll let me pick someone to sign it. Orochimaru is the Contract holder but I’m not too sure they like him that much. They could let you but I simply don’t know enough about it to confirm it.”

”Aw. Damn. I can’t learn that then?” Ino dejectedly asks.

”It’s not off the table yet, it’s just unlikely. Plus you’ll face a lot of ridicule from the citizens and shinobi of Konoha. You might be okay with snakes but I can assure you most of them aren’t.”

”So? I’ve got to get stronger, having a Summon will do that. Even if I only ever learn the one move.”

”I’ll look into it for you.” Anko is still shocked that Ino wants to use snakes. ”That’s not what I had in mind though.”

”Well what is it?” Ino eagerly presses onwards. ”At first I thought your coat trick wasn’t that useful but I was very wrong so I’ll learn whatever you want to teach me.”

”Good!” Anko pulls herself out of her shocked stupor and grins evilly at her student. ”This technique will serve two purposes. One: it’s going to make you very hard to capture for any extended periods of time. Hell even being tied up won’t stop you from escaping anymore!”

”Fantastic!” Ino has a spark of determination in her eyes. ”What is it?”

”The Soft Physique Technique.” Anko happily tells Ino. ”It’s going to let you contort in crazy ways without hurting yourself. If you get really good at it then you’ll even be able to stretch out your limbs a bit. I’ve never gotten that good with it - at best I’m slightly more bendy than a normal person - but my sensei is so proficient with it he can stretch his neck several times his body length.”

”Uh… how’s that supposed to help me be a better kunoichi?” Ino asks in confusion.

”You’re going to become super flexible, dodging attacks will become much easier. When I’m done with you, you’ll be able to touch your toes while keeping your legs straight by bending over backwards.” Anko smirks in victory at Ino’s gleaming eyes. She’s gotten the attention of the younger girl with that.

”Yes! That! I’ll learn that!” Ino giddily claps in anticipation. ”So what’s the second reason?”

”You’re going to be super flexible.” Anko lets a lecherous grin form on her face. ”It’s going to make boinking a hell of a lot more fun.”

”W-what?” Ino stutters out in embarrassment.

”You heard me.” Anko predatorily stares down at the suddenly nervous Ino. ”You’ll thank me once you get finally laid.”

”B-but jutsu shouldn’t be misused like that!” Ino blurts out.

”Ino, Honey.” Anko tenderly pats Ino on the head. ”Do you really think shinobi and kunoichi don’t use jutsu to spice up their bedroom fun? The henge alone makes roleplaying a hell of a lot more intense. Sex is great, but shinobi sex is fucking crazy.” Anko pauses for a moment. ”Although sometimes you’re literally fucking crazy, a lot of shinobi aren’t completely sane.”

”Really?”

”Hell yeah.” Anko shamelessly confirms. ”I know you’ve got your sights set on Alvarcus -”

”No I don’t!” Ino blurts out. Anko doesn’t buy it for a minute.

”- but Naruto is going to be so much fun too! Although he’s a tad more of a specific kind of fun while Alvarcus has limitless stamina. That’s just all around fun!”

”What do you mean Naruto is going to be fun?” Ino asks in confusion. ”I bet he hasn’t even kissed anyone yet! He’s way too… too… he’s Naruto!”

”Have you kissed anyone yet?” Anko quirks an eyebrow at her innocent genin.

”Yes I have!” Ino haughtily turns her nose up at Anko. ”Several times!”

”And just who was the lucky boy?” Anko asks.

”None of your business!” Ino refuses to answer. ”Now tell me how Naruto of all people is supposed to be fun! I don’t believe it! He probably thinks girls still have cooties!”

”Well it depends if you’re into this sort of thing, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Hell it’s not even my cup of tea, I just know there are people out there who would have a great time with him and all of his clones.”

”What do you - oh. OH.”

...

”Unclean.” Naruto stops what he’s doing to glare at his hands. ”I feel unclean.”

”Uh… Naruto?” Shikamaru worriedly asks. ”You okay?”

”UNCLEAN!”

...

”Oh is right.” Anko smirks at Ino’s discomfort. It’s not a big as it usually is, she’s slowly becoming used to these kinds of talks. That means it’s time for Anko to step up her game. ”Alvarcus may have unlimited stamina but Naruto has unlimited di-”

”STOP!” Ino darts forwards and clamps a hand over Anko’s mouth. ”Please. Just stop. Do you ever not think about something to do with sex?”

Anko prys Ino’s hand off her mouth. ”Not when my student is too damn shy. Honey we’re kunoichi, our bodies can be better weapons than kunai. I’m just giving you a head start on using it. When all the other girls your age realize this they’ll model themselves after you because you’ll be the only girl around their age that knows what she’s doing.”

”Really? You think so?”

”I know so. It happens every generation, including mine.”

”Who did you model yourself after?” Ino asks.

”No one.” Anko smiles down fondly at Ino. ”They modeled themselves after me.”

”Oh.” Ino softly says as she regards Anko in a new light.

”Oh is right.” Anko uses the same phrase as before. ”Now enough chit chat! Let’s get started on that new technique, it’s not going to learn itself!”

...

A/N:

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