Naruto : Venom

”OI!” Naruto’s voice calls out from the deck.

Ino and I share a quick look.

”I’m not here.” I calmly say to her as I throw myself onto the hammock. ”I was never here.”

”What like I’m supposed to be up here?” Ino scoffs out with an undignified snort. ”This is the last place he’d try to find me, he’s gotta be looking for you. I guarantee it.”

”ALVARCUS!” Naruto shouts again, this time specifying who he’s looking for.

”Told ya.” Ino smirks in victory at me.

”I’m still not here.” I grumble under my breath. ”Maybe if I ignore the problem he’ll go away.”

”Let’s see how that works out for you.” Ino smiles to herself at my antics.

”I’M GOING TO COME UP THERE IF YOU DON’T ANSWER ME!” Naruto is drawing a lot of attention. Some of the sailors, movie crew and even the Director are watching him in amusement. It isn’t everyday you see someone dressed in bright orange yelling to the sky without getting a response.

”Dammit man!” I lazily roll over and poke my head over the side of the crow’s nest. ”Can’t you get the message that I don’t want to be bothered? Like at all? Ever? On this entire excursion?”

”Pfft like I care about that!” Naruto waves off my obvious hostility. ”We’re doing lunch! Shikamaru, Ino and me. We still need to find Ino though but she’ll totally be there! Join us! It’ll be fun!”

”No thanks.” I pull my head back over the ledge. ”Seriously I’m on vacation. That means doing things that don’t stress me out. Too bad most of the things that stress me out are perfectly content with constantly bothering me!”

I may have been shouting for Naruto to hear me but I’m also starring straight at Ino. Get the hint, I want some me time. You know, where no one else bothers me at all? Including you?

”ALVARCUS COME ON!” Naruto whines louder than most people yell. ”WE HAVEN’T HUNG OUT IN FOREVER!”

”Yes Alvarcus. We haven’t hung out in forever. I think this will be good for you.” Great. Ino is joining in on trying to get me to go do lunch.

”What do you call the entire conversation we just had? That counts.” I point out. ”We even had a nice little heart to heart talk. It was cute.”

”That’s not hanging out, that’s… I don’t know what to call that. But not hanging out!” Ino starts to tap her foot. ”Do I need to threaten you again?”

”Probably.” I admit. ”I really don’t want to do this. You can’t use my female form though, Midori is off limits.”

”I still need to get those clothes from you.” She points out without lessening the tempo of her tapping foot. ”But that’s for later. Right now we’re doing lunch.”

Ino takes two steps forwards so she’s standing right next to the edge of my hammock. Then she grabs the edge of it and a very sinister shadow dances on her face as she grins at me with evil intentions.

”Don’t do it.” I warn her in the most serious tone I can muster.

”Look out below!” Ino cackles and with a mighty heave she flips the hammock and me over. Unfortunately the other side of the hammock is right next to the edge of the crow’s nest. So yeah, she literally flipped me off.

”YOU ASSHOLE!” I shout as a fall a surprisingly short distance of two meters, then all my downward momentum halts. I launched out a few chakra strings from my back, some attached to the mast and the bottom of the crow’s nest while other’s attached onto the deck and the cabin of the ship. I’m suspending myself midair. ”The fuck Ino?! I was so comfy!”

”He can fly?” Fantastic, I can feel the Director salivating at my sheer awesomeness. I just made him want me in his stupid movie even more.

”I forgot he could do that.” Naruto rubs his chin in deep thought. ”What else can he do again? I know he loves chakra strings. Wait a moment, Ino? Was she up there entire time?”

”I’m not sorry!” Ino leans half of her body out of the crow’s nest to look down at me. ”Whoa. You’re floating!”

”And you’re falling.” I playfully grin up at her as I change the final string I made, which is currently wrapped around her waist, into an earth whip. ”How terribly unfortunate.”

Her eyes go wide and I give it a sharp tug pulling her out of the crow’s nest.

”ALVARCUS YOU BASTARD!” She screams on the way down. I even cackle crazily as she passed me, it was hilarious. Still though she’s a kunoichi and landed perfectly on her feet. Though she was forced to a knee to spread out the force, like she just stumbled and not fell an insane distance. Then she straightens up and dusts off her coat and sends me an angry glare. ”You come down here right this instant! After that you’re definitely going to lunch if I have to drag you kicking and screaming! You owe me!”

”Uh… you threw me over first? If anything we’re even now.” She couldn’t have forgotten that already. There’s no way.

”Yes, but you are wearing pants. I on the other hand am wearing a skirt. You owe me.” She crosses her arms to intensify her angry glare.

”True but under the skirt you’re wearing shorts.” I point out from my still suspended position. ”You didn’t give anyone a show.”

”And you know that how, exactly?” Ino’s tone changes from angry to livid. ”Alvarcus Mar have you been creeping on me?!”

”Yeah that’s not going to work. Ino your skirt is anything but conservative. Everyone knows you wear shorts under it.” I don’t let her obvious attempt at flustering me work.

”Damn I thought that would work. Seriously how are you always so collected? Nothing phases you.” Her mock anger vanishes and she cutely pouts. ”It’s not fun if you don’t react at all.”

”It’s not that I don’t get flustered, it just takes more to fluster me. That’s all.” I should probably stop floating in the air. It’s weird talking down to everyone. Plus all the pointing from the movie crew members and sailors is getting annoying.

Okay so it’s only slightly annoying, it’s very nice to get this much recognition. Even if it’s only for a simple trick I have, this isn’t anything truly impressive.

”Well how about this!” Naruto clasps his hands together in preparation for a jutsu. ”All men throughout the world cry in defeat when they see this jutsu! It’s unbeatable, no one has ever bested it! Sexy Jutsu!”

A cloud of smoke envelops his body and I know exactly who is going to come out of it.

”Alvarcus-kun!” A flirty female voice calls out as the smoke disperses. ”Why don’t you come on down here?”

Naruko. He’s gone and turned himself into Naruko. Long blonde hair pulled back into twin ponytails. Luscious full lips curled into a seductive smile and wide playful eyes. And she’s wearing absolutely nothing, she’s being covered by thin trails of smoke that seemed to linger and keep the more… shall we say interesting bits hidden. Very generously sized interesting bits, Naruko is stacked.

”We can have so much fun together Alvarcus-kun!” Naruko flirtily calls out again and sends me a saucy wink. ”As much fun as you want!”

”Hehe!” I let a wide lecherous grin form on my face. It’s one that Jiraiya would be immensely proud of. ”HAHA! YES!”

I let the strings holding me fade and fall all the way down to the deck. Unlike Ino I don’t bend my knees to absorb the blow, rather I keep them straight and crack the wood in the process of landing. Whoops, oh well I made this trip more than profitable for the Captain. He’ll forgive me. Then I extend out both of my arms towards Naruko, stretching my already massive perverted grin even wider.

”Come to daddy!” I wave my extended hands in a ’come hither’ motion as I start to close the gap between us. ”Yes yes yes yes yes! Oh we’re going to have so! Much! Fun!”

”Alvarcus-kun!” Naruko happily skips towards me, mirroring my open arms.

When we’re half a second from embracing I let my act drop. The goofiness and perversion that was on my face vanishes and it’s replaced with something more sinister. Naruko’s eyes widen in shock at my sudden switch from pervert to prankster but it’s too late for her to change course.

”Gotcha!” I snatch both of her wrists in my own hands then start to fall backwards. This causes Naruko to be pulled down on top of me but we don’t land chest to chest. Instead her stomach hits the sole of my foot, I propped a leg up as I tumbled backwards. Using the momentum from our planned fall I continue to roll backwards even after my back hits the ground and using the leg that Naruko is braced on I push her off of me. She goes flying through the air, over the side of the ship and crashes into the probably freezing water. I don’t stop there though, I continue my roll until I’ve done a complete somersault to land on my feet again.

I fully straighten up and casually dust myself off to scores of shocked faces and one person clapping like this was the best show they’ve ever seen.

”That, ladies and gentlemen, is a move I call the cold shower.” I bow to my audience. Okay so I’m a bit of a showman at heart, I don’t deny that.

”Jura. Please say we got that on camera.” The Director says out of the corner of his mouth.

”Hell yeah we did.” Jura confirms. ”From the moment Orange Boy started to yell up at him.”

”Perfect.”

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A/N :

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