Pregnant During An Apocalypse [BL]

Chapter 247: Chapter 247 - Let’s try

Shao stirred, his body aching and numb, yet strangely comforted by the soft, warm scent surrounding him. It was sweet and faintly caramel-like—soothing in a way that dulled the pain in his head and eased the tremors in his chest. The cold tile beneath him didn’t feel as biting anymore, not while that scent cocooned him like a blanket.

For a moment, he let himself stay there, eyes closed, lulled into quiet by the rhythmic rise and fall of someone’s breath.

He felt a weight near his legs, then a warmth at his side. Gentle, almost too gentle. The kind of touch that didn’t demand anything from him, just existed there to offer a sense of presence. His body knew before his mind did that someone was holding him, and he wanted to stay like that a little longer. It felt safe.

But then something snapped.

His eyes flew open.

Jai was there—right above him, cradling his head in trembling hands. The boy’s eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks streaked with tears that he didn’t bother wiping away. His lips were moving, but no sound came out. It was just quiet sobbing, tight and silent and so raw it made Shao’s chest twist.

Shao panicked.

He jerked upward, ignoring the stab of pain that lanced through his bandaged side. The sudden motion startled Jai, but before he could react, Shao scrambled across the floor, dragging himself to the door and pressing his back against it. His breath came in sharp, fast pants as if he were suffocating.

”Sh-Sh-Shao!” Jai’s voice cracked as he crawled after him. ”What the hell are you doing?!”

”Don’t touch me,” Shao gasped, holding a hand up. ”No—no, did I—did I touch you again? I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry—I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean—”

He grabbed fistfuls of his own hair and yanked, his fingers trembling as panic consumed him. ”I didn’t mean to—I didn’t mean to hurt you again—I’m sorry—I didn’t know—I didn’t want to—please—I’m sorry—”

Blood began to seep through the bandage on his shoulder again.

”Stop it!” Jai cried, crawling to his side. ”You’re making it worse—Sha—Shao, stop! Your wound—”

But Shao didn’t seem to hear him. He rocked slightly, wide eyes staring at something that wasn’t there. He kept mumbling apologies, his voice breaking. ”I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m so sorry—”

And then Jai just moved. He reached out, wrapped his arms tightly around Shao’s trembling form, and held on.

”Please,” Jai whispered, his voice breaking completely. ”Please don’t scare me like this... You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t do anything. You’re okay, Shao. You’re okay.”

Shao’s breath caught.

”You didn’t touch me like that. You didn’t do anything wrong. I swear,” Jai continued, crying into his shoulder. ”Please stop... please come back...”

Shao’s hands slowly lowered. His breathing didn’t steady immediately, but he stopped pulling at his hair. He didn’t lean into Jai, not yet—but he didn’t push him away either.

Jai held him tighter, rocking them both slightly.

Eventually, Shao’s panicked gasps slowed. His shoulders stopped shaking, and his fists, which had been curled tight against his chest, slowly loosened. He wasn’t crying. He hadn’t cried at all. He just sat there like a shell of himself, breathing unevenly in Jai’s arms, shrinking into the warmth but not responding to it.

He didn’t return the embrace.

He didn’t push Jai away either.

Jai didn’t say much—just quiet shushing, his palm moving gently over Shao’s hair. The bandage on Shao’s shoulder had soaked through with red, the layers dark and wet.

Without a word, Jai leaned back a little and carefully began unwrapping it. His hands moved with practiced gentleness, even though his own fingers were shaking. He took one of the clean gauzes and pressed it softly over the wound. Shao hissed, but he didn’t flinch away. He just stared down at the floor, his expression empty.

”I’m sorry,” Jai murmured as he wound the bandage back around. ”I’ll be careful...”

Shao didn’t reply. He didn’t even look up.

Once the bandage was tied off, Jai sat back on his heels, just looking at the man in front of him.

”Shao...” he said, voice low and hesitant, ”do you... like me?”

The words hung in the air for a moment. Shao’s eyes slowly lifted. For the first time since he’d woken up, he looked directly at Jai. His lips parted slightly, and then he shook his head—but halfway through, he stopped, and gave the slightest nod.

”I don’t know,” he whispered, gaze flickering away again.

Jai’s heart dropped at the answer. He looked away too, trying to swallow down the sudden tightness in his chest.

But then Shao spoke again.

”...But I want you.”

Jai blinked.

”I... I can’t control myself,” Shao whispered, voice filled with shame. ”I feel like I’ve changed into something awful. A beast. I keep thinking things I shouldn’t think. Feeling things I shouldn’t. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He gently pulled himself out of Jai’s arms, his hands trembling slightly.

”So please,” he said, not meeting Jai’s eyes. ”Let’s put some distance between us. I don’t want to cross a line again. I’m sorry, Jai.”

He got to his feet unsteadily and walked out of the bathroom, his footsteps slow and heavy.

Jai sat on the cold tiles, his arms still curled loosely in front of him, as if Shao might come back to fill them again.

He didn’t.

Jai didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t even like Shao like that—he thought—but hearing those words... seeing Shao look so broken and ashamed...

It hurt more than he expected. A strange, empty hurt.

He sat there for a while in silence, eyes staring blankly at the door Shao had just walked through.

Jai sat on the cold bathroom floor, eyes fixed on the bloodied gauze left behind. His hands were trembling, but not from fear. From something else—something heavier.

”I don’t accept this,” he muttered, voice cracking with frustration.

He got to his feet, his legs stiff, and bolted out of the bathroom. He caught up to Shao just as the other man was slowly making his way down the hallway toward the only bedroom in the house.

”Shao!”

The man stopped but didn’t look back. His head was bowed, his steps hesitant.

”I don’t accept this,” Jai said louder, firmer.

Shao turned slightly, avoiding his gaze. ”It’s dangerous for you. Don’t you understand?” he muttered. ”I can attack you any time. I don’t trust myself.”

Jai stared at him, heart pounding. He didn’t have all the answers. Honestly, he had none. But something inside him screamed that if he let Shao pull away now, he’d lose him. Not just physically—but emotionally. Permanently.

And that scared him more than anything.

Jai took a deep breath. ”You said you wanted me, right?” he asked, his voice not as steady as he hoped. ”L-Let’s try it.”

Shao’s head snapped up, eyes wide with disbelief. ”Are you crazy? Do you even know what you’re talking about?!”

Jai flushed slightly but held his ground. ”Sex, right?” he said, gulping down his nerves. ”I can do it.”

”No!” Shao snapped. ”No, I can’t! I won’t!”

He turned to walk away, but Jai stepped forward quickly, grabbing his wrist—not tightly, just enough to stop him.

”Why not?!” Jai demanded, exasperated. ”You said you wanted me! W-We can do it as friends—”

Even as the words came out, he realized how ridiculous it sounded. The moment hung in the air, thick with tension and something like shame.

Shao yanked his hand free, scoffing bitterly. ”Friends? Friends fuck? Jai, I don’t want to do this! I will never lay a hand on someone who doesn’t want me.”

”But I’m consenting!” Jai shouted, his voice rising.

”No, you’re not!” Shao shouted back, voice shaking. ”You don’t even like me like that! You’re just... trying to fix me or comfort me or whatever this is! Why would you want to sleep with me, Jai? It’s not okay. I won’t take that from you.”

Shao’s voice broke on that last line. He turned and rushed down the hall, disappearing into the bedroom. A second later, the door slammed shut.

Jai stood frozen in place, chest heaving.

His fists clenched at his sides.

”But I agreed to sleep with you...” he muttered under his breath, more to himself than to anyone else.

The house fell into a painful silence.

Jai... Jai let out a soft sob. ”But I don’t want us to be distant...”

He sank to the floor just outside the bedroom door. For a long time, he just sat there, staring at the seams in the wooden paneling, listening for any sound inside the room. There wasn’t any.

His thoughts spun in circles—what had just happened, what Shao had said, what he had said. What he was even feeling.

He didn’t know if it was affection, desperation, or just fear of being left alone again. But what he did know was that he didn’t want Shao to go back to that hollow, unreachable state. He wanted to see him fight. He wanted to be near him.

Jai drew his knees up and hugged them to his chest. ”You idiot,” he whispered, voice shaking. ”Why did you have to say all that? Why do you make me care about someone I didn’t even like a few days ago...”

Inside the bedroom, Shao sat on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall, listening to the faint echo of Jai’s voice just outside the door.

Neither of them moved.

Neither of them knew how to fix it.