Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Celeste manipulated the wind current, descending in absolute silence to hover high above the rocky slope.

From her vantage point, she could clearly “see” the four assassins.

Each was curled up in the deep shadows of a giant boulder, holding their breath, patiently waiting for their prey to step onto the stage they had prepared for death.

“Selene,” Celeste’s voice was a low murmur, “when my ‘prelude’begins, use Shield Bash to’greet’ the first listener on the left.” “Leave the rest of the movement for me to compose.” She issued the command quickly, her choice of words still tinged with the whimsical flair of the Venti trial card.

“Got it!” Selene confirmed, her voice tight with anticipation.

Celeste raised a hand, her posture as elegant and poised as a conductor about to command an orchestra.

She could already picture the magnificent scene that was about to unfold.

A small part of her felt a twinge of pity for these “listeners” she had never met, but then again, who else was going to participate in her grand performance?

She cast aside her hesitation.

The mental framework for a basic group healing spell—Healing Rain—materialized in her mind with practiced speed.

However, the color of this particular “rain” was going to be a little… special.

“Hmm… to make the performance more flamboyant, why not add some special ‘fluorescent powder’?” she whispered to herself, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

The very next second, a massive, intensely blinding cloud of pink light erupted in the air above the assassins.

From within this garish cloud, countless shimmering pink motes of light began to rain down, each one trailing glitter as it descended.

The spell precisely covered the entire rocky slope, blanketing the area in a saccharine downpour.

This “light pollution” was so sudden, so unexpected, and so… aggressively girly.

Below, the four-man assassin squad, who had been concentrating every fiber of their being on maintaining their stealth, were collectively stunned into silence.

“What the hell?!” “Enemy attack!

It’s a mage!

Area-of-effect spell!” “Wait, no!

This is… a Healing Spell?!” “Who the hell casts a group Healing Spell on empty ground?

Are they brain-damaged?” Their initial panic at being discovered quickly gave way to utter confusion.

They realized this pink, sparkly rain wasn’t dealing any damage.

In fact, it was applying a weak, continuous healing effect to them.

The four of them exchanged bewildered glances, their minds struggling to process the situation.

But when they subconsciously looked at their teammates, their eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

Hovering over the heads of their comrades—who should have been invisible silhouettes perfectly blended into the environment—was a palm-sized, sparkling, bubble-emitting pink heart.

This heart was so vivid, so obnoxiously eye-catching.

Against the backdrop of the dark, craggy slope, it shone brighter than a ten-thousand-watt searchlight.

Four assassins, four mobile sources of pink, heart-shaped light, clearly outlining their exact positions and movements in the oppressive darkness.

A stunned silence fell over the rocky slope.

“What… what is on my head?” one assassin asked, his voice trembling.

“It’s a… heart…” another replied, his throat suddenly dry.

“Why is this thing still here even when I’m in stealth?!” “The captain’s is heart-shaped… why does mine look kind of like a peach?” “Who gives a damn about the shape right now!

We’ve been exposed!” the assassin captain finally roared, his voice cracking with desperation.

He felt his entire career, his very identity as a master of the shadows, suffer a devastating, soul-crushing blow.

What does a top-tier assassin value most?

Mystery.

Lethality.

The ability to become one with the darkness.

But now?

With a giant, glittering pink heart floating above their heads, they couldn’t blend into the darkness if their lives depended on it.

They were the most fabulous beacons in the entire goddamn forest.

This was a public execution ten thousand times more painful than a simple, clean death.

“Pfft—” In the air above, Selene finally lost her battle for composure.

She slapped a hand over her mouth, but it couldn’t contain the snort of laughter that escaped.

Her shoulders twitched violently as she fought back tears of pure mirth.

Celeste, in contrast, wore an expression of deep satisfaction, as if an artist admiring her finished masterpiece.

“The performance effect is great,” she noted with a nod.

[Ding!

The Host has inflicted a devastating mental blow on all enemies in a highly creative way, causing them to lose their will to fight.

Elation Coins +888!] “Well then, the interlude is over.

It’s time to enter the climax~” Before Celeste had even finished speaking, the wind current holding them aloft instantly dissipated.

She and Selene became two falling stars, plummeting from the sky.

Selene kept her sister’s instructions locked in her mind.

While still in mid-air, holy light began to condense around her massive shield as she locked onto the unlucky assassin on the far left, his position given away by the cheerful pink heart bobbing over his head.

“Shield Bash!” BANG!

The assassin was still reeling from the shock and shame of the heart, his mind a complete blank.

He never saw it coming.

Selene, descending like a righteous meteor, smashed her shield squarely into his face.

His entire body exploded into a shower of white light.

On the other side, Celeste’s figure was a phantom, a wisp of unpredictable wind.

A brilliant light flashed in her hand, and the gorgeously styled pink staff was already in her grip.

But in her hands, this was no tool for casting spells.

She gripped the middle of the shaft with both hands, transforming the ornate scepter into a deadly, beautiful spear.

Harnessing the terrifying potential energy of her descent, she aimed the huge pink crystal embedded at the staff’s tip.

It cut through the night sky with a sharp whistle, plunging with pinpoint accuracy toward the second assassin’s back.

Thud!

With a sickening, muffled impact, the assassin felt a colossal force strike him from behind.

Excruciating pain overwhelmed his consciousness for a split second before his body slumped to the ground, dissolving into motes of white light.

The third assassin heard the commotion and spun around in horror, only to see a point of pink, cold light rapidly expanding in his vision.

He subconsciously raised his dagger to block, but Celeste’s movements were as swift and unstoppable as a gale.

“Sweep!” The staff whistled through the air, arcing at an exquisite angle.

The hard pink crystal, acting as a lead, smashed directly into the assassin’s temple.

He didn’t even have time to scream.

His vision went black, and he followed his companion into oblivion.

The final assassin, the captain, had the fastest reflexes.

The moment his second man fell, a primal fear seized him.

He began a rapid retreat, the dagger in his hand flaring with an eerie light as he prepared for a desperate counterattack.

But Celeste was faster.

She tapped her feet lightly on the ground, her figure surging forward instead of retreating.

A fluid, sliding step, as unpredictable as a striking viper, closed the distance in an instant.

She pulled the staff back with the momentum and then thrust it forward with brutal force.

“Thrust!” The butt of the staff struck the assassin captain’s wrist with surgical precision.

CRACK!

Accompanied by the clean, sharp sound of breaking bone, the captain cried out in agony as his dagger went flying from his nerveless grasp.

He clutched his shattered wrist, his eyes wide with a mixture of absurdity and terror as he stared at the priestess before him.

She was dressed in a strange bard’s outfit, wielding a pink “spear,” and smiling with an air of lighthearted amusement.

Celeste didn’t pause for a second.

The staff spun nimbly in her hands, and the shaft, still carrying its forward momentum, whipped around and slammed heavily against the side of the captain’s neck.

“Urgh…” The assassin captain’s eyes rolled back into his head.

The last thing his fading consciousness registered was that dazzling, deadly pink before he, too, disappeared into a cascade of white light.

From the moment the pink rain of light began to fall to the end of the battle, the entire process took no more than ten seconds.

Four top-tier assassins, a team that would have struck fear into the hearts of any opponent in the dead of night, had been eliminated from the competition in the most inexplicable and deeply shameful way imaginable.

Celeste landed gracefully, retracting her staff with a cool, relaxed motion.

Selene ran over, shield in hand.

She looked at her sister’s current “cool” appearance, then thought back to the sky full of flying pink hearts just moments before.

The two conflicting images waged a fierce war in her mind, creating a truly spectacular expression on her face.

“Sis,” she held it in for a long moment before finally blurting out a heartfelt exclamation, “your ability combination isn’t just mean, it’s wicked!

You’re not just killing them, you’re murdering their dignity!” Celeste deactivated the Venti trial card.

Her appearance reverted to her own, her long hair a natural shade of pink once more.

The ridiculously flamboyant bard outfit was replaced by her familiar, holy priestess robes.

She let out a long sigh of relief, feeling as though the world had returned to normal.

The strange, persistent urge to recite poetry and break into song finally dissipated.

“Just a standard procedure,” she said with a casual shrug, opening the points panel.

“Not bad.

Gained over 2000 points.

Total score is 26,630, and our ranking rose to fourth.” Taking out that team had directly boosted them up one spot.

“However,” Celeste’s tone shifted, her expression becoming serious, “this ‘pink surprise’ also served as a reminder for me.” “A reminder?” Selene asked, puzzled.

“If we have teammates who are good at stealth in the future, wouldn’t my healing spell end up screwing them over?” Celeste analyzed calmly.

“It seems my future teammates had better all be classes that can fight head-on, out in the open.” Selene imagined the scene: an assassin teammate has just snuck up behind an enemy, dagger raised for a devastating backstab.

Suddenly, he gets “poison-healed” by her sister, and a giant, sparkling, bubble-spewing heart materializes over his head, announcing his presence to the world.

Yeah, that would definitely be pretty screwed up.

[Elysian’s Note: Having a good time with the story?

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