Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Think You Can Handle This Staff?

2: Violent Healer Online!

Think You Can Handle This Staff?

Chapter 2: Violent Healer Online!

Think You Can Handle This Staff?

Celeste closed the door, her back slumping against the cool wood as she let out a long, slow breath.

The image of that poor boy fleeing, his arms and legs flailing in a panicked, uncoordinated rhythm, was seared into her mind.

“A tragedy,” she muttered to herself, though not a shred of guilt touched her expression.

“A true tragedy.” Instead, her eyes were shining with the startling brightness of an explorer who had just stumbled upon a new world.

Like Columbus, but for social death.

She unceremoniously shoved the pink love letter into a drawer and submerged her consciousness into the system space.

One hundred Elation Coins pulsed with a faint, cheap light, like a faulty neon sign in a back-alley nightclub.

Celeste ignored them for now, her gaze locking onto the three additional rewards.

[Black Tassel Spear] [Type: Polearm] [Description: Standard-issue training spear of the Millelith.

The shaft is crafted from ancient Liyue wood, renowned for its exceptional toughness.

The lead, forged a hundred times from cold-wrought iron, features a deep blood groove.

It feels heavy in the hand; those without extraordinary arm strength will find it difficult to wield freely.

It has a special effect against large, clustered organisms like Slimes.] [Note: The nightmare of novice warriors, the trusted partner of seasoned spearmen.

For a priestess who has suddenly acquired the arm strength of a five-year veteran, perhaps it’s just right?] Celeste’s eye twitched.

‘That note is dripping with sarcasm.’ [Transformation Rune – Elysia’s Staff] [Type: Consumable / Appearance Item] [Description: A shimmering rune that can designate a weapon to transform its appearance into “Elysia’s Staff,” with a permanent duration.

The effect is purely aesthetic: a pink and white color scheme, crystal embellishments, and an aura of Damselette dreaminess.

Please note: This transformation only changes the appearance and does not affect the weapon’s original attributes or handling.] [Note: ♪ ~ It’s time for the magical girl!

Of course, you can also wait until the enemy is mesmerized by the pretty staff, then shout “Magical girl hour is over, it’s time for physical persuasion!” before giving them a good whack ~ ♪] The corners of her mouth twitched again.

A pink and white, crystal-adorned, dreamy magical girl staff… fused with that brutally functional black tassel spear?

Aha’s twisted sense of humor.

As expected, it might be late, but it always arrives.

[Millelith Soldier Experience Book (Five Years)] [Type: Consumable / Knowledge Infusion] [Description: Records all the muscle memory and combat experience regarding fighting, training, and survival from a regular Millelith soldier’s five-year military career.

Upon use, you will directly obtain a physical attribute enhancement and related combat skills equivalent to five years of strict, unrelenting training.] [Note: Knowledge is power, especially the kind that can be directly converted into muscle memory.

System fast-track, quality guaranteed!] Celeste’s heart hammered against her ribs.

The first two items were fun novelties, but this experience book… this was the real jackpot.

Without a moment’s hesitation, she focused her mind and selected “Use.” A seismic boom echoed through her consciousness.

An unimaginably massive torrent of information—a chaotic blend of countless images, phantom sensations, and raw bodily memories—crashed over her soul.

The iron will to hold a shield wall against a sky black with arrows.

The desperate courage of fighting back-to-back with comrades against slavering monsters.

Five years compressed into a single, brutal instant.

The burn of sweat, the endless repetition of thrust, lift, sweep, and smash, performed thousands upon thousands of times until it was as natural as breathing.

The deep ache of muscles tearing and healing, the groan of bones under immense pressure, the calluses forming on phantom hands.

Celeste let out a choked gasp, her back arching involuntarily as a fine sheen of cold sweat broke out across her forehead.

She could feel it—a bizarre, impossible sensation of her bones creaking, her muscle fibers being forcibly stretched, reorganized, and compacted in a way that defied all logic.

Her body, which had been somewhat slender from her focus on spiritual cultivation, was being injected with a core of steel-like toughness and explosive strength.

The process lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity.

When the storm finally subsided, Celeste found herself leaning heavily against the wall, panting for breath.

She felt as if she’d been trampled by a Stonehide Lawachurl and then hastily put back together with a basic Healing spell.

She subconsciously raised a hand, pushing up the wide sleeve of her priestess robe.

Her once fair and slender arm now showed the clear, smooth lines of firm muscle.

It wasn’t the knotted, exaggerated bulk of a dedicated warrior, but the feeling of contained power was utterly alien to her.

Her entire frame seemed sharper, imbued with a potent, athletic aesthetic.

“Instant effect… This system really wasn’t kidding about the ‘fast-track’!” She clenched her fist in amazement.

Her knuckles let out a series of crisp pops as a surge of power flowed effortlessly through her limbs.

Five years of grueling hard work, mainlined directly into her soul.

The feeling was even more incredible than she had imagined.

‘Thank god it’s not one of those troll systems that “rewards” you with five years of experience by trapping you in an illusion to train for five years!’ She eagerly pulled up her updated attribute panel, her gaze lingering on the Strength and Agility columns.

[Celeste – Priest Lv.20] [Strength: 60 (+50)] [Agility: 60 (+50)] [Constitution: 120 (+50)] [Intelligence: 70] [Faith: 80] [Unassigned Attribute Points: 0] Her Constitution had skyrocketed to 120, nearly doubling her durability.

But it was seeing her Strength and Agility both clear 60 that made her heart skip a beat.

She remembered tagging along to the Martial Arts Hall last week and catching a glimpse of a Level 20 melee class’s stats.

An average warrior’s strength was usually between 75 and 80, with agility around 55-60.

Even for assassins and rangers who specialized in speed, their agility only capped out around 80.

Before, her Strength and Agility combined wouldn’t have even reached half of their single primary stat.

Forget fighting head-on, she could barely outrun a stiff breeze.

But now?

The stat gap had closed to a manageable range.

With five years of a Millelith soldier’s combat experience and the high-level game sense from her past life… She was no longer just a support bot who could only hide behind her teammates and cast buffs.

She finally had the stats and skills to go toe-to-toe, to create openings, to even launch a counterattack.

Her eyes immediately darted to the black tassel spear and the Transformation Rune.

‘Let’s put a disguise on this thing first.

Don’t want to give anyone a heart attack.’ A cunning smile touched her lips.

She used the Transformation Rune on the black tassel spear within the system space.

A soft, dreamy pink light flashed, and the system notified her of the successful transformation.

With a thought— Swish!

An exquisitely gorgeous staff appeared in her hand out of thin air.

Colored in soft pinks and whites, it was embedded with shimmering, dream-like crystals and emitted a faint, sweet halo.

Anyone who saw it would assume it was a standard, high-grade priest’s staff.

But when her hand closed around it, what she felt was the obvious, heavy-duty weight and solid grip of the black tassel spear.

When she swung it, the sound of it cutting through the air was still lethally sharp, but visually… it was the ultimate deception.

“Perfect!” Celeste twirled the staff in satisfaction.

“From now on, before I start swinging, I’ll shout ‘Magical girl hour is over!’ for maximum dramatic effect.” A flicker of excitement lit her eyes.

She moved to a spacious part of the living room and began to practice the basic spear techniques of the Millelith that now flowed through her mind.

Except, what she held was a frilly pink staff of a completely different genre.

The thrust was like a viper striking from its den—powerful and heavy.

Lift, parry, block, hold, twist, pick… Her movements were a bit stiff at first, but after only three forms, her body had completely adapted to the new flow of power.

The Millelith’s muscle memory and her gamer’s intuition merged into a seamless whole.

She could even subconsciously predict the attack trajectory of a hypothetical enemy, using the staff to block and redirect the force before exploiting the opening with a vicious thrust.

The staff came alive in her hands, its dance accompanied by a sharp whistle.

A bloody, battlefield aura, completely at odds with her soft priestess robes and the cute staff, began to fill the room.

Though they were just basic moves, her stance was rock-steady and her execution was fierce, carrying a genuine sense of pressure.

Just as she executed a powerful spinning strike, the tip of the staff slicing through the air, feeling confident she could hold her own against a real warrior— “Sis!

What are you doing?!

Tearing down the house?!

Or did a Domain monster just spawn in our living room?!” Selene’s voice, laced with shock and sarcasm, echoed from the doorway.

Celeste’s movements froze.

She quickly retracted the staff and spun around.

Her sister stood in the entryway, a bag full of snacks clutched in one hand, her jaw hanging open.

Her eyes darted back and forth between the pink staff in Celeste’s hand and the priestess robes she wore, her expression screaming, ‘Did I walk into the wrong apartment?’ “Uh… just stretching.” Celeste guiltily tried to hide the staff behind her back, a futile gesture given its length.

Selene rushed over, circling her sister as if she were examining a bizarre new species of monster.

Her sharp gaze immediately caught the subtle shift in Celeste’s temperament and her more poised, powerful stance.

Her voice rose in pitch.

“Stretching?!

You use this to stretch?!

Sis, be honest, did you get possessed by the spirit of some ancient battle-cleric?

And what’s with this aura… you weren’t like this when I left an hour ago!” “What nonsense are you spouting!” Celeste forced herself to remain calm, recalling the staff into the system space with a cough.

“I’m… preparing for the martial arts exam.

Researching some… uh, special combat techniques.” She hadn’t figured out how to explain the sudden leap in her physical fitness and combat skills, so vagueness was her only shield.

“Special combat techniques?!

With results this fast?!

Do you think you just chugged a Potion of Giant Strength?” Selene’s mouth twitched.

She reached out and poked Celeste’s now-firm arm.

“Sis, your whole style is getting weird!

Other priests carry a dagger for self-defense, maybe a small buckler.

You’re out here swinging a staff like a war club!

And those moves I just saw… your form was solid.

That didn’t look like last-minute cramming at all!

And this strength…” Celeste’s mind raced, and she decided to just bulldoze through it.

“It’s… a long story.

I’ll explain later.

Let’s just say… your sister had a bit of a fortuitous encounter recently.” “A fortuitous encounter?!” Selene’s eyes widened even further.

But seeing her sister’s clear ‘I’m not talking about this right now’ expression, she had to swallow her mountain of questions.

It eventually came out as a long sigh as she patted Celeste’s shoulder.

“Sis, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but… as long as you’re happy.

Just… try to be a little restrained during the exam, okay?

Don’t traumatize the examiners.” Celeste just stood there.

‘I’ll… try?’ After finally coaxing her hyper-curious sister back to her room, Celeste sank onto the sofa.

Only then did she turn her attention to the system icon that was practically screaming “Gacha time!” in flashing neon.

The interface unfolded, revealing two card pools of completely different styles.

On the left, the background was a gentle light blue, labeled [Novice Welfare Pool (Limited)].

[Description: Available for a limited time.

Can only perform two ten-pulls.

Guarantees at least one purple-quality (Excellent) reward.

This pool contains special items for beginners, and the drop rates are slightly increased.

Cost: 1280 Elation Coins per ten-pull.] [Remaining Pulls: 2 / 2] On the right, the background was a deep, dark purple that swirled with endless stars and chaos, labeled [Permanent Pool of Myriad Worlds’ Joy].

[Description: Connecting the heavens and all worlds, this total pool has everything.

Reward quality ranges from white (Common) to gold (Legendary).

The contents are completely random—anything is possible.

Perhaps you’ll receive a wisp of an Aeon’s breath, a powerful character card, or maybe… just a steaming Teyvat Fried Egg?

With joy, the surprise is the most important part!

Cost: 160 Elation Coins per pull, 1600 per ten-pull.] [Pity Mechanic:???

(Exploring the unknown is also part of the fun ~)] Celeste stared at the “Teyvat Fried Egg” example in the permanent pool, a helpless yet amused smile gracing her lips.

‘Yep, that’s pure Aha energy right there.’ You never knew if your next pull would be a shortcut to godhood or a high-blood-pressure-inducing practical joke.

She currently only had 100 Elation Coins, not even enough for a single pull.

The 1280 needed for the novice pool felt a universe away.

“Looks like farming Elation Coins by creating chaos is my top priority,” she murmured, tapping her fingers on the armrest, her eyes gleaming with anticipation.

She couldn’t wait to see what would happen if she pulled a character card.

Would they be summoned directly?

‘Whatever, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it… probably.’ She shook her head, pushing the stray thoughts away.

Elation Coins were a long-term goal.

The most practical thing to do right now was to master her newly enhanced body and prepare for the upcoming exam.

With a thought, the heavy black tassel spear—disguised as a pink staff—was back in her hand.

Feeling the power surging through her, she began to practice in the limited space of the living room, attempting a “hardcore” fusion of the steady, fierce Millelith spear arts with her original, agile support skills.

The light of a [Power Word: Shield] flared to life around her just as her footwork shifted, the staff in her hand lashing out like a striking viper.

While casting a [Quick Heal] to top off her health, she swung the staff into a defensive posture, blocking a hypothetical enemy’s attack.

In the middle of a charging thrust, she cast a [Recovery] spell on herself, ensuring constant health regeneration.

This bizarre playstyle of ‘I’ll heal myself while I poke you to death’ felt disjointed and clumsy at first.

But soon, a thrilling pleasure emerged—the feeling of shattering the shackles of her class, of controlling the rhythm of both offense and defense.

As she fought, a flash of inspiration struck her.

This combat mode felt unusually familiar.

Able to deal damage, able to tank hits, and able to heal on the move… wasn’t this the very class she had both loved and hated in that massive online game from her past life?

“Wait a minute… my build… why is it starting to look more and more like an Enhancement Shaman?” She stopped, her expression turning thoughtful.

That class, swinging Stormstrike in the middle of a melee scrum while desperately trying to get a Healing Wave off, was a unique template in this world.

‘No, considering I’m using a staff and have no elemental abilities, it’s actually closer to a Monk…’ “Well, I’ll be,” she said, weighing the staff in her hand.

“A quarterstaff is a staff, a Zen staff is also a staff.

Am I about to invent a whole new profession in this world?” This discovery shifted her from simple amusement to the thrilling excitement of someone about to make headlines.

“Perhaps… being a priest who can fight, heal, and give both opponents and audiences a little ‘joyful shock’ is the true meta?” She caught her reflection in a nearby mirror.

Her eyes were exceptionally bright, filled with power and expectation.

A grin, eager and a little wicked, curled at the corner of her mouth.

Ding!

Her phone chimed with a notification.

It was an official notice from the Education Bureau.

[Regarding the registration for this year’s College Entrance Examination Martial Arts Tournament and Domain Point Competition…] The tournament was in three days, held at the city level.

The Domain Point Competition was in ten days, held at the county level.

All candidates in Yi City who were Level 15 or above were eligible to sign up.

The tournament was a single-elimination solo event, while the Domain competition allowed teams of up to four.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Celeste signed up.

Selene, peeking out from her room, watched her sister practically rubbing her hands together with glee after registering.

Thinking back to that terrifyingly swift staff, she couldn’t help but press a hand to her forehead.

“Sis, are you sure you’re just participating in the exam?

And not giving a live demonstration on the ‘feasibility of melee combat for support professions’?” she deadpanned.

“Also, what’s up with the length of that precious staff of yours?

Doesn’t a priest’s inventory space have to be carefully managed just to fit a few extra healing potions?” Celeste expertly twirled the staff, feeling the completely different kind of power thrumming through her body.

She gave her sister an enigmatic smile.

“That’s a secret.

Just you wait.

The ‘surprises’ in the arena might be even bigger than you imagine.” She added silently in her head, ‘After all, who would ever suspect that a priestess holding a pink magical girl staff is actually a melee-specced monk?’