The Trash Returned from Warhammer

No, no, no—are there any normal people left in this world?

The dining room was quiet. Asuka stole a glance at the two of them. Rei Ayanami was radiating a cold force field, eating mechanically. To her right, Shinji was looking over a document, appearing no different than usual.

She had predicted the start of the drama, but she hadn’t guessed the process, let alone the outcome. Shinji didn’t seem to fear ”yanderes” at all, and Rei wouldn’t rebel against him. Neither of them acted like Earthlings, so naturally, they didn’t understand the awkwardness an Earthling should feel.

’Great. After all that fuss, I’m the only normal person here feeling miserable, right?’

Asuka clenched her fists, just about to blow up, when the youth looked up at her.

”Eat. Do not waste food.”

’Hmph! You’re both ganging up on me!’

Asuka was even more furious, yet she could only bury her head in her food. She had finally realized a profound truth:

’As long as I’m not embarrassed, the embarrassment belongs to others.’

Shinji truly didn’t feel awkward. He could sense Rei’s dissatisfaction, but he could ignore her ”threat” because that dissatisfaction posed no danger. She wasn’t holding a bolter, nor did she have any genuine murderous intent.

He just didn’t know how to handle this kind of discontent. Astartes were used to directness; the knowledge instilled by the Chapter certainly didn’t include how to deal with complex emotions.

’Well, according to Blood Ravens tradition, if there is a dispute between battle-brothers, a Chaplain should mediate. The most common method is a lock-picking competition during a lull in combat. If the grievance is heavy, they might engage in a one-on-one melee witnessed by the Company.’

Shinji looked at the sulking girl and shook his head, dismissing the thought. Having everyone strip to the waist for an intense brawl would be too unseemly here.

’Let me think... what was the reason for my last dispute with a comrade? Oh, the Third Company said my support was too slow, so I had a match against Angelos. It ended in a draw. That doesn’t seem to fit the current situation either.’

He rubbed his chin. Astartes weren’t emotionless machines; they just deliberately ignored that aspect. It had nothing to do with Slaanesh’s corruption or anything of the sort.

To be honest, the Chaos Gods didn’t care about normal human reproductive acts—be it same-sex or opposite-sex, individual or collective. Unless you were deliberately desecrating the Emperor by performing unspeakable acts in front of his statue, Slaanesh wouldn’t even have a flicker of interest.

Thus, Shinji understood emotions; he understood why Rei was dissatisfied. He wouldn’t mind ”minting coins” for the Emperor with her, but the problem was that an Astartes never learned how to make a girl happy.

’If you make a request, we’ll mint coins. The instructors never mentioned all these twists and turns.’

Sigh.

Rei Ayanami let out a sigh. When she saw Shinji frowning in deep thought, she couldn’t take it anymore. It was born of a certain helplessness; when you ”play the lute to a cow,” you only hurt yourself. More importantly, she didn’t want to see Shinji-kun wasting his energy on such trivial matters.

’He is the savior, and he has given enough. I should not be insatiable.’

Something miraculous happened. Without Shinji saying a word, Rei resolved her own feelings and took the initiative to speak.

”Shinji-kun, how was the dinner?”

”It was very delicious. It is not inferior to my own cooking.”

Shinji answered calmly. He then saw Rei’s expression brighten instantly, like a flower blooming.

’Eh? The negative emotions vanished just like that?’

He blinked, not quite understanding the reason for such a rapid shift in mood, but an Astartes was very good at summarizing patterns. He immediately turned his head to look at Asuka.

”W-What are you doing?”

Asuka was also full of resentment, though her negative emotions were more complex. She was mentally berating Rei for having no dignity—the guy didn’t even coax you, so why did you resolve it yourself?!

’Just because he said dinner was okay? Is that all it takes?!’

”I participated in the experiments today and saw your data from the last simulation. You have improved again. You are now the pilot second only to myself.”

”Huh?”

Asuka didn’t understand why this man was suddenly praising her, but she became excited instantly. She put her hands on her hips and tilted her head up.

”Hehe! You only realized that today?!”

The negative emotions vanished here as well.

’So that’s it. Can praise solve every problem?’

Shinji nodded with satisfaction. He had learned another skill today. Had he known this, he wouldn’t have needed to take Misato for a drive; a few words of praise would have sufficed.

”Very good. Asuka, go wash the dishes later.”

”Why me? It’s clearly Misato’s turn today.”

”Because you wash them cleaner than she does. I trust you more.”

”Haha! You certainly know how to talk! Understood, this Young Lady will listen to you just this once.”

Seeing Asuka humming a tune and happily going off to do the dishes, Shinji was somewhat surprised. Previously, it would have taken a long argument; now, it only took a single factual compliment.

’Maintaining team morale is so simple. I truly have the potential to be a Chapter Chaplain.’

Shinji’s mood brightened. He brewed a cup of coffee and discussed the School Festival with Rei. Rei had intended to sing a few lines of her performance, but her mouth was quickly covered by Asuka’s wet hand.

”You have to maintain the sense of anticipation!”

This was the girl’s instruction. Sitting ”duck-style” on the floor, Asuka used her energetic voice to describe how busy the school had been today. Rei listened quietly beside her, occasionally adding comments like, ”Asuka was caught slacking by the Class Rep,” or ”Chihaya-san complained that you wasted too many materials.”

Consequently, the conversation quickly broke down, and the two girls switched to a bickering mode. Rei’s sharp, cool voice and Asuka’s high-pitched tone rose and fell.

Shinji didn’t intervene, just as usual. He had tried a few times before and always ended up in the ”who are you helping” dilemma; no matter whose side he took, the other party would rapidly accumulate negative emotions.

He simply followed Misato’s example and watched the show. When the two were tired of arguing, he finally spoke.

”The School Festival is in two days, right?”

”Yeah. You definitely have to come. Otherwise, I won’t forgive you for the rest of my life.”

Asuka was panting. Seeing Shinji looking at her, she pivoted mid-air like a leaping salmon: ”Of course, it’s fine if you don’t come. I don’t care anyway. Misato being there will be enough.”

’But you just said you wouldn’t forgive me for the rest of your life... how can someone have a left-brain/right-brain conflict within a single sentence?’

Shinji found it eye-opening. He asked, ”Are you looking forward to this festival?”

”It’s so-so. Anyway, this is the first time I’ve made so many friends and done something other than piloting an EVA, investing so much energy...”

’Understood. If something goes wrong, you’ll be sobbing into your blanket.’

Shinji understood this time. His elbow was tapped lightly. He turned to see Rei’s puzzled gaze.

”Shinji-kun, is there really no problem with us doing this?”

She felt the whole situation was bizarre. This freedom was a bit much—so much so that she felt a bit out of place.

”You think it will affect our readiness against the Angels? That you will become weak?”

”No. My resolve has become firmer. It feels like I have a goal to fight for.”

Rei shook her head slowly. She used to be like a puppet, fighting Angels to fulfill orders. But now—

”I am willing to fight the Angels for the sake of the Class Rep, Asuka, you, and everyone else. Even if I must give everything, I will protect this free life.”

”Who asked you to do it for me? You’re clearly doing it for your own life! Stop shifting the blame onto others!” Asuka protested on the spot, reaching out to pinch Rei’s snowy cheek.

’Exactly. That is the reason. That is why I never worried that these changes would affect the course of the war.’

Shinji already had the answer. Knowing how to ”fight for oneself” makes for the strongest human warriors; this is a universal truth in any era.

Was genetic surgery the reason the Astartes were so resolute? No. The beautiful hope of ”returning to the Golden Throne” was the source of strength for every Imperial warrior. It was just that in this ”peaceful” world, the beauty of life was more direct.

”Once you experience the beautiful, you can never go back to a nightmare existence.”

Shinji looked into Rei’s eyes. She was lost for a moment, then her gaze became resolute. If she were forced to return to her former self now, it would be more painful than death.

”Then what about you? I usually hear you tell stories... was that Empire really beautiful? If you could go back, would you want to?”

Asuka’s sudden question caused a rare look of daze to appear on Shinji’s face.

’This...’

Was the Empire beautiful?

Shinji looked at the cozy room, the beautiful girls. He never expected Asuka to launch such a counter-attack and stump him.

The sun had set, leaving only the living room lights. In the darkness, a cold, stern voice seemed to echo:

’Come. Do not fall into the happiness of mortals. Continue the endless slaughter. Tear through every enemy with bolter and chainsword until death.’

”As for loyalty... don’t ask.”

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