Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The damp, metallic scent of the girls’ lavatory and the horrifying, slithering sound of ancient scales grinding against stone vanished instantly.

Orion felt the bone-crushing squeeze of Apparition. It was a violent compression, like being shoved through a rubber tube that was entirely too small for his body, accompanied by a deafening CRACK.

He landed hard on his hands and knees on a soft, familiar rug, the cold stone floor of the Slytherin common room biting through the fabric of his pajama pants.

He kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut for a long, agonizing second, his heart hammering against his ribs like a trapped bird. The silence of the dungeons felt unnatural after the sheer volume of the Basilisk’s hunger.

Slowly, carefully, Orion opened one eye.

He was safe. The green fire was crackling in the grate, casting long, familiar shadows across the leather armchairs.

He let out a ragged, shuddering breath, collapsing fully onto the rug. ”That was...” he croaked, wiping a bead of cold sweat from his forehead. ”...that was entirely too close.”

What the hell was it still doing there? Orion thought frantically, his mind racing to process the near-miss. Ginny had already thrown the Diary away. Was the Basilisk responding to the residual dark magic? Or did it think the Heir had returned to open the Chamber from the sink?

He shook his head, pushing the terrifying implications aside. He had secured the package. That was all that mattered.

He looked up.

Standing a few feet away, clutching his tea towel so tightly his knuckles were white, was Dobby. The house-elf was trembling like a leaf in a storm, his large tennis-ball eyes now open wide with a mixture of terror and fierce, protective loyalty.

Orion pushed himself up into a kneeling position. He didn’t brush off his robes or adjust his posture. He looked at the shivering elf and offered a genuine, unfiltered expression of gratitude.

”Thank you, Dobby,” Orion said softly, his voice steadying. ”You were alert. You didn’t hesitate. You got me out.”

Dobby’s trembling eased a fraction. A wobbly, tearful smile broke across his grey face. ”Dobby is happy to help Master Orion! Dobby promised to close his eyes and run! Dobby heard the bad hissing and grabbed Master!”

Orion nodded, reaching out to give the elf a reassuring pat on the shoulder. ”You saved my life tonight. I won’t forget it.”

He sat back on his heels, his hand automatically dropping to his robe pocket where the cold, heavy weight of the Diary rested against his side. The crisis was averted. The timeline was officially derailed in his favor.

But as Orion’s breathing slowed and the adrenaline began to ebb, the engineer’s mind kicked back into gear. He replayed the escape sequence in his head.

He frowned, looking from the heavy stone door of the common room back to Dobby.

”Wait a second, Dobby,” Orion said, a sudden realization causing his brow to furrow. ”Did you just Side-Along Apparate me... inside Hogwarts?”

”Oh,” Dobby blinked, tilting his head. ”Master cannot use this magic in school. The big magic of the castle stops wizards. But elves can pop anywhere! The magic of the school does not stop elves.”

Orion stared at him. He knew that house-elves possessed a different brand of magic—a more primal, unrestrained connection to the earth that bypassed wizarding wards. It was a well-documented fact that elves could Apparate within the castle to perform their duties.

But taking a human passenger with them?

”Will the Headmaster know?” Orion asked sharply, his voice dropping to an intense whisper. ”If I try to Apparate, the wards trigger and stop me, that is obvious. But, will Dumbledore know that someone Side-Along Apparated a wizard within the castle walls?”

Dobby shook his head vigorously, his ears flapping. ”No, Master Orion! It is not the master who is Apparating himself! It is Dobby’s magic! Also, Master is already inside the school, not coming from outside.”

The elf puffed out his chest, explaining the nuances of ward theory with surprising clarity.

”If Dobby brings someone from outside the castle, then maybe the big magic will recognize the new person and tell the Headmaster,” Dobby reasoned. ”But Master is already here. Moving Master from the wet room to the green room is just... moving furniture for Dobby.”

Orion sat perfectly still on the rug.

The sheer, staggering magnitude of the loophole crashed over him.

It was a glaring, monumental flaw in the supposedly impenetrable security of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yes, an elf couldn’t smuggle an army of Death Eaters into the Great Hall without triggering alarms. But a student—someone already registered by the wards—could bypass every locked door, every guarded corridor, and every moving staircase in the building, instantly and untraceably, simply by holding hands with a willing house-elf.

”I have unrestricted access to the entire castle,” Orion whispered, a slow, predatory grin spreading across his face.

He didn’t need the Invisibility Potion to sneak into the Restricted Section anymore. He didn’t need to walk across the grounds to reach the Forbidden Forest. He could be anywhere, at any time, instantly.

”Dobby,” Orion said, looking at the elf with profound appreciation. ”You are truly the most valuable asset I possess.”

”Dobby serves!” the elf beamed, practically glowing under the praise.

”Go rest, Dobby,” Orion instructed gently, standing up and smoothing his dark robes. ”Stay away from the second-floor corridor for the foreseeable future. The danger there is significant, and I need you fully operational for the tasks ahead.”

”Dobby will rest! Goodnight, Master Orion!”

With a soft crack, the elf vanished.

Orion was alone in the quiet common room. He walked toward the boys’ dormitories, his hand resting securely over his pocket.

Once inside his curtained bed, he didn’t pull the diary out to examine it. He knew exactly what it was, and he had no intention of engaging in a battle of wills with a teenage Dark Lord before he had his mental defenses fully fortified.

”Inventory,” Orion murmured.

The grid appeared in his mind’s eye. He reached into his pocket, gripped the cold, wet leather of the book, and willed it into the void.

The diary vanished from his hand in a flash of digital blue light.

In the grid, a new icon appeared. It was a simple, black book, but it glowed with an ominous, sickly red aura.

[ Tom Marvolo Riddle Fragment 1 (Diary)]

Orion stared at the icon. The naming convention was interesting. It confirmed the Horcrux nature of the object, labeling it explicitly as ’Fragment 1’.

”You did it,” Sparkle’s voice was quiet, respectful of the sheer danger he had just navigated. ”You hijacked the central conflict of the year. The Chamber is closed. The Basilisk is trapped. You hold the leash.”

”I hold a very angry, very confused piece of soul,” Orion corrected, closing his eyes as the exhaustion finally hit him like a physical blow. ”And a giant snake is currently throwing a tantrum in the plumbing because it missed dinner. Also, this bloody confirms that the Basilisk is not sane and the only reason why it won’t attack is because it requires orders from the heir. If it wanted to, it could have come out, but it didn’t, either because it cannot open the chamber on its own without the heir’s help, or because it can, but requires the heir’s consent.”

He pulled the heavy green duvet up to his chin. The adrenaline crash was absolute.

”Tomorrow,” Orion whispered into the darkness, ”we figure out what to do with a teenage psychopath in a book. Tonight... I sleep.”

He drifted off, the sound of slithering scales replaced by the gentle, rhythmic hum of the lake against the dungeon windows.