The Trash Returned from Warhammer

Shinji-kun is, as expected, a very special Lilin.

By the shores of Lake Ashi, a delicate youth sat on a jetty, softly humming a tune. His crimson eyes watched the sunset as it nearly dipped below the horizon, and a gentle smile played across his lips.

He wasn’t angry because of Shinji’s sudden outburst of violence. As an Angel, he had used his formidable autonomy to learn a great deal of knowledge, yet he was ultimately not a human being.

Shinji’s actions seemed logical to him. It was only natural for a human to attack upon discovering his true identity; however, two things had exceeded Kaworu’s expectations.

First was the power. His Lilin vessel could not deceive the other at all; Shinji had realized he wasn’t human at a single glance. Furthermore, the power displayed during that outburst was akin to a man-sized EVA—it had nearly punched through his AT Field.

Thus, his choice to retreat was not just a matter of having no hostility, but a choice driven by the instinct for survival.

”Second, that will is like steel, without a single crack.”

Kaworu reminisced about that moment of contact. That blazing, resolute will was fascinating; he had never seen a Lilin possessing such willpower.

Unhesitating, as if he didn’t care at all about the consequences of his actions. It wasn’t hatred, let alone a personal grudge; it had become a sort of instinct, much like an Angel’s drive to return to Adam.

He had made many assumptions before coming to Tokyo-III, thinking that a boy of Shinji’s age must be living a very difficult life—perhaps even burdened by the weight of being an icon due to his strength. But within those few seconds, Kaworu realized he had been dead wrong.

Mission had become his instinct. Like a giant supporting the heavens, he didn’t even feel tension or joy from such pressure, because instinct is simply instinct.

”The perfect Lilin?”

Kaworu felt as though he had discovered a treasure. He had come out of curiosity, and now he was becoming more curious by the second. Shinji was unlike any human he had ever met; the most captivating thing was that sense of freedom.

”An individual who should have been bound by fate—who, despite possessing maturity beyond his years, would still have become a mere tool if he didn’t run away. That was the pre-written script. Yet, without those old men knowing, he broke his chains and transcended the script.”

This was what intrigued him most. As the First Angel and the designated Final Angel of the script, Kaworu was capable of deducing Shinji Ikari’s tragic destiny—it was meant to be a series of continuous mental breakdowns.

But the Shinji he saw was detached from all of it, completely unaffected. If it were just psychological resilience, that would be one thing, but what was more terrifying was that he had taken control of the script.

His red eyes turned toward the hills, spotting a familiar face. Was that not a confidant of those old men? When did he become Shinji-kun’s loyal hound, strictly monitoring his every move?

The world had exceeded his understanding.

Kaworu considered it: whether he snitched or started an open war, everything was within Shinji’s control. What did this feeling feel like?

Right—including SEELE, everyone was like a pig in a pen waiting to be slaughtered. Kaworu hadn’t thought about struggling, but suddenly one day, one of the pigs jumped out of the pen, picked up a butcher knife, and started sharpening it. This was very interesting.

A character in the play had jumped out of the script and become the one writing it. To Kaworu, who wanted to explore the meaning of his own existence and find answers, this was full of attraction.

As the Angel of Free Will, he didn’t care about the fate of the world, much less what those old men wanted to do. Aside from the mission brought by instinct, Kaworu wanted to understand what freedom was and why he existed.

’Especially now, when even the instinct to return to Adam has grown weak. Is this the freedom you brought? Or is it the prelude to a stronger shackle?’

With his hands in his pockets, Kaworu smelled something amiss, but he didn’t sink into deep thought; his ideas were rather romantic.

Kaworu was similar to Rei Ayanami, yet completely different in certain aspects. He had skipped the ”doll” stage with his stronger sense of autonomy, actively seeking contact with various people, which inevitably led him into the ”Three Questions of Philosophy.”

In the original timeline, he was the one who offered redemption to Shinji Ikari; the contact and deep exchange between the boys allowed him to find his own answer.

But now, the situation was different. The latter didn’t need his understanding at all; rather, it was Kaworu who sought something from him.

”Why do I exist? What is freedom?”

The youth raised his hand, peering at the stars through the gaps in his fingers, his tone melancholy.

”Shinji-kun, can you provide me with the answer?”

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”Is that so? The Fourth Children is still staying at Lake Ashi? The Committee called to inquire, and he hasn’t reported anything to them either?”

Shinji sat on the sofa with his legs crossed. He appeared normal, but in reality, he hadn’t lowered his guard. While cooking, he had already formulated five different battle plans, every single one of them designed to be lethal.

”Are you sure it’s an Angel? I’ve used all sorts of instruments to detect it; there isn’t a trace of a blue wavelength.”

Ritsuko Akagi found it very strange. What kind of Angel ignores Terminal Dogma to go contemplate life by the lakeside?

”At the very least, he is not human.”

Shinji was also somewhat uncertain; this was different from the Angels he had seen before. But after thinking for a moment, he reminded her: ”Lilith is the Second Angel, yet Rei’s biological signal shows no abnormality. Do you not know the details regarding the Angel of Free Will?”

”I’ve heard of it, but that is the Committee’s highest secret. I see... he should be an existence similar to Rei. An Angel’s soul carried by a human vessel? The soul of Adam?”

Ritsuko sat up straight instantly, opening a dense pile of surveillance reports and staring at the handsome face on the screen.

”He’s completely different from how Rei used to be. You can’t see a single sign of an Angel. This disguise is far too exquisite.”

”It’s not necessarily a disguise; he has no need to disguise himself.”

Shinji shook his head. A psychic scan was more accurate than the naked eye or psychological analysis. The youth named Kaworu Nagisa had been sincere from start to finish. Ritsuko’s words gave him some inspiration.

An existence similar to Rei... then, theoretically, there was a possibility of him becoming a normal person. The difference was that Rei Ayanami lacked autonomy and required his guidance and intervention.

”Perhaps he really just came to find me to make friends, hoping to find some answers from me. Truly bizarre.”

Shinji’s expression turned odd. It was like the legendary ”literary youth” syndrome; some people are just that irrational. But then, Rei Ayanami and this Kaworu weren’t exactly normal

people to begin with. The more contact they had with humans, the more they would realize what they were missing.

”Searching for the meaning of one’s own existence? A truly romantic notion.”

As a Doctor of Psychology, Ritsuko could certainly understand. This was an extremely complex psychological expression—a universal phenomenon.

Just as Rei Ayanami made Shinji her purpose for existing, and Asuka craved the gaze of others.

It’s just that human ”beasts of burden” don’t have the energy to think about such profound questions, and ordinary Angels don’t have the intelligence for it.

”By rights, you should have become someone similar, saying things like ’is my only meaning in life to pilot the EVA?’”

”I moved past that stage long ago. But you’re right; being similar to Rei means he is destined to be incomplete.”

Shinji didn’t entertain Ritsuko’s joke. An Astartes never traps themselves in such dangerous self-questioning because they undergo brainwashing every day until they are as solid as a rock.

Meaning of existence? Loyalty unto death is the meaning of existence. Self-worth? Carrying out the mission is value.

If anyone dared to doubt themselves on those two questions, they’d be prime traitor material within minutes. Survival in 40K requires being steadfast, because the smallest crack becomes an opening for corruption. But Earth is different; the setting of the AT Field seems naturally designed to drive biological beings to break it down—this was especially clear from Rei’s changes.

Going off on a tangent. Back to the present, Shinji roughly understood where this illogical event originated. Kaworu Nagisa hadn’t lied.

”The deal does exist. SEELE was forced to bring the Angel of Free Will onto the stage early. But those old men aren’t stupid; they must have made preparations. No wonder ’Owl’ received orders for strict surveillance—it’s to prevent his instinct from taking him to Terminal Dogma.”

”Yes, the collar on his neck has been analyzed. It will self-destruct if he gets too close to Terminal Dogma. An existence similar to Rei? I understand. After he dies, his soul will enter the next body.”

Ritsuko said suddenly, and many things immediately began to make sense.

No wonder he acted without fear.

Shinji nodded. He had seen that tank full of Rei Ayanamis and had read the top-secret reports from the Research Department.

The current Rei Ayanami was already Number 2. There had been one who looked like a child before, who died in an accident. The moment she died, Number 2 was activated. It was only because of his intervention that there was no Number 3.

”It matters not. It just increases the difficulty slightly. If I want to kill him, he cannot escape. But doing so carries a high price; given his current threat level, there’s no need for a forced kill.”

Shinji thought it over and made a judgment:

”He should be glad the Blood Ravens don’t have a racial fetish—after all, that 3rd Captain has collaborated with the Eldar before.”

”True. But I’m still a bit puzzled. The Angel of Free Will went through all that trouble just to come and make friends with you?”

”Do not try to understand the xeno. I have seen too many things that defy reason.”

Once Shinji understood the root of the matter, he didn’t dwell on it. Which of the four things in the Warp wasn’t abstract? Which one could a normal person understand?

”Then how do we dispose of this strange enemy?”

”You’ve called him an enemy yourself, so why obsess over the disposal? Monitor him first and prepare for combat. When I decide to act, I must ensure total annihilation. I have no interest in being his friend, and even less interest in becoming his life mentor.”

Shinji’s will was clear. An enemy was an enemy; whether they brought goodwill or malice, they could not shake his resolve.

”Understood. I will continue observation. However, since the Angel of Free Will is so unique, have you not thought about squeezing the value out of him?”

Ritsuko Akagi sounded like a textbook femme fatale; every word was cold.

She wasn’t as idealistic as Misato, who liked to look at things from other people’s perspectives. A human making friends with an Angel that wants to destroy them sounded unreliable no matter how you sliced it.

”I don’t need you to remind me of that. If it weren’t for the fact that the Angel of Free Will is extremely special—and that the value of his existence potentially outweighs immediate destruction—would he still be sitting calmly by Lake Ashi contemplating life?”

Ritsuko hung up the phone, satisfied. As expected, her worry was unnecessary. Shinji was only ever the one using others; he was never the one to be used.

She had indeed overthought it. Shinji had already made his plans while cooking. He didn’t care about Kaworu’s wishes, and he could guarantee the Angel of Free Will would cause no harm.

Even if he were deceived, the body of Adam was in his hands. It would be useless even if Kaworu reached Terminal Dogma; instead, he would find himself in an inescapable death trap. As for what was more important—

Splash.

The bathroom door slid open, and Rei Ayanami stepped out wrapped in a towel. Her long, ice-blue hair was dripping wet, and her skin was blindingly pale. Unfortunately, before she could fully step out, a hand yanked her back.

”Have you no shame! Even I know to keep the lights off, yet you just walk out like that!”

”Uh, I forgot.”

”Don’t try to play cute to get away with it! You think I want to help you wash your hair? I’m only doing it to keep an eye on you! As expected, I can’t relax for even a second!”

Hearing the bickering in the bathroom, Shinji’s expression changed slightly. More importantly, according to the 13th amendment of the Human Instrumentality Project, the ritual required at least one ”God” as a sacrifice. No wonder SEELE was trying every possible way to find the Adam embryo.

This ”God” would have to be either the complete Lilith or the complete Adam. No—based on the Emperor’s Conjecture, perhaps even that wouldn’t be enough, because the threads of fate had already been tangled by him.

Therefore, that youth named Kaworu Nagisa possessed a value that could be utilized.

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