The Trash Returned from Warhammer

”Ritsuko, what exactly is going on with you? What happened over the last two days?”

Once all the work was finished, Misato Katsuragi could no longer hold it in. She pulled Ritsuko Akagi into the breakroom.

She knew her best friend’s personality—Ritsuko was cold to everyone, even resembling Commander Ikari in her ruthlessness, a character who would sacrifice anyone to achieve a goal. In the entirety of NERV, she only obeyed Commander Ikari’s orders. Yet today, she had assisted Shinji with everything she had, and that fervent gaze in her eyes was both unfamiliar and terrifying.

Click.

A flame flickered to life, illuminating Ritsuko’s largely emotionless face. She had a heavy smoking habit; as the nicotine entered her system, her emotions finally stabilized.

”Many things happened.”

The woman leaned against the wall, eyes half-lidded. ”To be honest, in terms of experiences outside of research, I’m not as seasoned as you. What occurred was enough to subvert one’s entire worldview. It made me see many things clearly.”

This wasn’t false modesty. Research occupied the vast majority of Ritsuko’s life, and the events of the past forty-eight hours could deal a critical blow to any normal person’s psyche. Abandonment and betrayal—just as she felt the first half of her life had been a complete waste, a new hope appeared.

”I’m sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it, then forget it,” Misato said, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

”It has nothing to do with my personal wishes. If Shinji-kun agrees, I will tell you what happened. If he doesn’t, then just be a happy idiot who knows nothing. Ignorance is the only way to stay happy.”

’I’m trying to comfort you out of the goodness of my heart, and you’re calling me names?’

Misato was annoyed, but her expression grew tense. As expected, all of this was related to Shinji. No wonder after she completed the analysis report, that guy saying, ”Well done, I really do need you,” could make Ritsuko so visibly emotional.

”Wait, aren’t you completely on Commander Ikari’s side?”

”I was. But I won’t be anymore. I have an intolerance for stupidity; I don’t like weak and incompetent people.”

Ritsuko blew a smoke ring, her eyes full of disdain.

”I originally wanted to retaliate against him, but now it seems there’s no point.”

’Huh? Commander Ikari is ’weak and incompetent’?’

Misato didn’t know how Ritsuko could even apply those adjectives to him. She couldn’t imagine how her friend’s attitude had performed a total 180-degree turn. Usually, she wouldn’t care, but if it involved Shinji, it was different.

”Don’t you usually mock me for being an incompetent adult who gets played like a fiddle by a few kids? Why the sudden focus on Shinji?”

”Have you ever heard of ’being blinded by a single leaf’? I was simply blinded by Gendo Ikari’s false display of strength.”

Ritsuko crushed her cigarette butt with her heel, a light shimmering in her eyes.

”I’m not like you. I must rely on someone else to live. Because I know too much, I am well aware that there is no hope for this world. My research is ultimately useless matter, so the meaning of my existence is to help someone else realize their ideal.”

”Commander Ikari?” Misato blinked, her gaze turning wary. She hadn’t known that this was how Ritsuko felt deep down.

”Correct. Before, it was about helping him realize his ideal. I endured humiliation and heavy burdens, hoping to secure a place for myself with my talent. But I never expected that in the end, all my efforts would be in vain. That man didn’t care at all; he abandoned me without a second thought.”

’Isn’t this a classic ’wrongly placed affections’ plot from a romance novel?’

Misato opened her mouth silently, looking at the somewhat hysterical Ritsuko. Of course, the actual plot was far more complex, because Ritsuko provided more than just emotional value, and Gendo’s abandonment was far more serious than a mere breakup.

”You’re more fragile than I thought.”

”Fragile? Don’t use the values of an ordinary woman to judge me when you know nothing. As one of the participants in the Human Instrumentality Project, knowing full well that all our work leads to destruction, I had no way to resist. Since the ending is so cursed, I have to find a reason to keep living.”

Ritsuko lit a second cigarette, her fingers trembling slightly as she recalled the past decade. Humanity’s end was a return to the Sea of LCL. She couldn’t change that script. As a scientist, she wouldn’t oppose it like a commoner might; she had a unique definition of death.

But Ritsuko was still human. Watching the train hurtle toward the terminus, she needed a spiritual anchor to display her value. Gendo Ikari had been that anchor. His plan was more complex and profound than SEELE’s. Since everyone was turning into orange juice anyway, why not help him ”become a God”?

With that merit, perhaps she could have a place in the future, surviving in a different life form.

Ritsuko’s feelings were a messy tangle of a woman’s affection, a scientist’s ambition, and a human’s survival instinct. But the topic had veered off course, and Misato hadn’t even noticed the shift in her friend’s internal emotional state.

”What ’Human Instrumentality Project’? Explain yourself.”

”Heh. That’s why I said ignorance is happiness. Don’t be in such a hurry—take your hand off your gun holster. If Shinji-kun hasn’t told you, he naturally has his reasons. Aside from causing yourself distress, you won’t be much help.”

”Ritsuko, don’t try to drive a wedge between us.” Misato’s face darkened; she was genuinely angry now.

”No, no. Shinji-kun doesn’t make mistakes in how he operates. But what’s more enviable is that he is also very gentle. He cares about efficiency, not just using people until they’re spent.”

Ritsuko didn’t hide her envy. Comparing people really was infuriating. In her eyes, Misato’s happiness was a blessing. If one wanted to use this idiot as cannonball fodder, no trickery would be required; she would charge forward happily.

Since she was ”useless” to the grand scheme, keeping her in the dark was an act of gentleness.

”I won’t let you off just because you’re praising him.”

”Oh? And who was the one who said ’don’t think about anything, just follow Shinji-kun’s orders’? I told you, his keeping you in the dark is a form of kindness. Do you really want to go against his will?”

’Damn, since when did you become Shinji’s lapdog?’

Misato took a breath, feeling that this friend she’d known for years was suddenly a stranger. But Ritsuko was right. Shinji could settle any problem; if he was providing shelter from the storm, why should I struggle?

Seeing Misato’s expression relax and return to her ”salted fish” state, Ritsuko gritted her teeth in frustration. She wished she could swap brains with this idiot.

Misato’s luck was too good—it was as if her father-star was shining down on her. Her first father allowed her to miraculously survive the Second Impact; her second ”father figure” was letting her live happily through this treacherous apocalypse.

”Do you know why I’m telling you all this?”

”Because keeping it bottled up feels bad?” Misato blinked.

”You think I’m like you? Forget it, let me be more blunt.” Ritsuko lit a third cigarette and took a deep drag.

”From now on, I am standing on Shinji-kun’s side. Because he showed me a third possibility. I want to assist him and prove my value. And this time, I absolutely will not choose wrong. I will never be abandoned again.”

Seeing Misato’s lazy demeanor, Ritsuko’s confidence surged. If even this idiot was treated with such gentleness, my value is surely higher than hers. If Shinji-kun ever has to sell someone out, I’ll at least be further down the list than this moron.

’A good thing.’

Misato’s eyes lit up. She knew Shinji had a grand ambition; having Ritsuko’s help was obviously a good thing. But for some reason, she felt a slight flutter of unease in her heart.

-

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”Shinji! Do something about her! She wanted to cut off my arm earlier!”

”Nonsense. You told me to cut it off.”

”If I told you to self-destruct, would you?”

”If it came to that, I would self-destruct immediately. Do you have that kind of resolve?”

”Shinji, look! She’s cursing me!”

While the two adults were bickering elsewhere, the two girls were having a row of their own. Shinji was long used to it, sitting nearby waiting for them to finish.

’So Gendo had that idea.’

He had gained a massive amount of information over the past few days, pushing the ”main quest” a giant step forward. He’d said there was no rush, and he was right. Now, he had not only secured Ritsuko Akagi’s loyalty but also understood Gendo’s ideal.

That man was quietly modifying SEELE’s script because he wanted to become a God?

How foolish and disloyal.

Shinji shook his head in disdain, though he admitted Gendo was quite resourceful. He had used SEELE’s resources and subverted their plan. If Shinji hadn’t returned from his ”further studies,” Gendo might actually have had a chance at success.

At the very least, SEELE wouldn’t have been on guard during the time of the Third Angel. A weak boy would have become Gendo’s tool, and when the final ceremony began—when all of humanity returned to the Sea of LCL to become one—Gendo would indeed have had the chance to become the dominant will of that massive soul-meld. In a sense, that was a deity.

”But from the moment of my return, you have already failed.”

Shinji didn’t pay it much mind. No matter how Gendo struggled, his success rate was less than one in ten thousand. Just then, he felt a shove on his shoulder and turned around.

”Are you two finished fighting?”

No one answered. Rei Ayanami and Asuka were staring at him with tense eyes. They weren’t stupid; they knew things had been happening behind the scenes over the last two days. Their bickering was just a way to get Shinji’s attention.

The world held secrets. A normal person exposed to them would, if not doubt their entire existence, at least undergo a massive personality shift from the information overload.

”Ahem. If you have something on your mind, you can tell me. I’ve disabled the monitors in the breakroom; a fourth person won’t find out.” Asuka adopted an ”I can keep a secret” expression, looking around shiftily.

”You want to share my burden?”

”Nonsense! I’m just afraid you’ll turn into a shut-in and I won’t have anyone to bully. Besides, the plot of being a ’secret savior’ is pretty interesting.”

”You were already one of the saviors.”

Shinji’s words silenced the girl. He then looked at Rei. She clearly knew more than Asuka, and her face was full of melancholy.

”Ikari-kun, if you feel pressure, we can share it. No matter who the enemy is.”

Rei’s red eyes were full of resolve. This gaze moved Shinji, and he suddenly laughed with ease.

”Don’t worry about it. I never ’act’ tough. While saving a planet, I’ve seen plenty of unexpected situations. You two just need to keep following orders.”

An Astartes didn’t know how to comfort people, and his absolute rationality wouldn’t let him struggle just for the sake of pride.

Regarding the current situation, he really had seen it all before. It wasn’t even that bad; he could think of ten worse campaigns off the top of his head.

For example: you’re in a death match with Orks, when suddenly a Hive World noble betrays you and cuts off your retreat for their own ambition. Then you turn around and realize the combat has awakened the metal skeletons sleeping underground. While you’re trying to figure that out, a Warp rift opens and countless demons pour out. Then, when you call for reinforcements, you realize a Tyranid Hive Fleet is screaming toward the planet.

Sigh. Putting it that way, with only SEELE and the Angels as enemies, his home world was surprisingly peaceful.

Asuka and Rei exchanged a glance. They saw no sign of Shinji ”acting” tough. Or rather, the way he bared his teeth while reminiscing was the scarier part.

”Fine. I don’t want to help you anyway. If you want to carry it alone, go ahead.” Asuka wrinkled her nose and put her hands behind her head, drawing out her words mockingly: ”Our veteran of a hundred battles, Master Shinji, is omnipotent. I’ll just wait to enjoy the easy life.”

”Asuka, do not speak such nonsense.” Shinji suddenly interrupted her sternly.

’Hahaha! As I thought, he needs my help. Oh, why bother with pride? I can lend you half of my shoulder.’

Asuka got excited. She wasn’t like Rei, who just did whatever she was told; she was always greedy to show her worth. She stared at Shinji happily, waiting for him to beg for help.

”Asuka, let me correct an error in your description.”

Shinji was always serious when it came to honor. He spoke one word at a time:

”It is a veteran of ten thousand battles.”

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