The Trash Returned from Warhammer

”Hey, stop persecuting Asuka. I’m honestly afraid she’s going to shut herself away one of these days.”

The next morning, Misato buttered her toast with deliberate slowness while wagging a finger in a lecture.

”On the contrary, I provided her with psychological counseling yesterday, allowing her to vent quite a bit of negative emotion,” Shinji said calmly, gently stirring his oatmeal.

”Then why, when I came home late from overtime last night, did she look like that?”

Misato’s curiosity was piqued. When she got home, the house was dark, and she’d assumed no one was back. But passing Asuka’s room, she heard movement; she opened the door and found a massive, squirming maggot—Asuka—writhing on the bed, her distraught emotions impossible to mask.

”So, what exactly happened? Tell me so I can have a laugh too,” Misato said, propping her chin on her hand, a gossipy smile on her face.

”A moment ago, you were the one saying not to persecute Asuka. Misato-san, you’re becoming increasingly unsuitable as a guardian,” Rei glanced at her, then stole a glance at the calm Shinji, finally breathing a quiet sigh of relief.

Because of her recent intensive German studies, she had heard what Asuka said. She hadn’t expected Asuka’s iron-hard mouth to suddenly soften, making such a direct ”attack.”

Fortunately, Asuka fit most of the criteria of a ”failed golden retriever” archetype as described by the class representative; she was too worried about too many things and ran away before she could be clear.

That note definitely wasn’t written by Rei. Having watched many romance dramas lately, Rei found the note filled with romantic color. To her, a confession was the most sacred ritual—a blending of Hearts. Time, location, and atmosphere were all indispensable; how could one be so flippant?

Instead, she suspected Asuka had written the note herself. Given Asuka’s level of stubbornness, she’d likely never speak up without a premise. However, Asuka’s brain probably couldn’t think up such a ”hard-to-get” scheme.

’Asuka cares too much about face. She actually let this opportunity go because she was worried about a promise. Hmph, if you’d just been clearer, spoken louder, I wouldn’t have really forced you to jump off a building.’

Fortunately, Ikari-kun hadn’t heard.

’Asuka is truly emotionally unstable, to have directly issued me a request to mint coins.’

Shinji sipped his milk-soaked oatmeal, eyes narrowing slightly. He wasn’t some useless anime protagonist; no sound, however faint, could escape a psyker’s ears.

He had heard it, of course, and he understood it—or rather, he understood every word of the Language Asuka had used from the start. But out of consideration for how fragile that ”glass cannon” was, he chose to maintain this beautiful misunderstanding after his initial tolerance.

If Asuka knew he could understand her from the beginning—that she had revealed her innermost thoughts in German for the sake of her pride—this inconsistent glass cannon would likely shatter into dust.

As for Asuka’s request to ”mint coins,” Shinji had spent ten minutes seriously considering it last night.

The Angels were not yet annihilated; the inner knots were not yet untied. How could one mint coins? Furthermore, the group’s relationships were already a tangled ball of yarn. Now was not the time to stimulate growth or make things more complex, because the situation was already beyond what a few words or minutes could resolve.

”My primary energy remains focused on dealing with the Angels and fulfilling my oath. When the dust settles, there will be plenty of time and candidates for minting coins. Of course, if anyone is overly urgent and strongly insists, prior minting is also within consideration.” (High Gothic)

”Ikari-kun?”

Rei tilted her head; she truly couldn’t understand High Gothic.

”My decision is to maintain the status quo. Minting coins for the Emperor is the most insignificant of all ways to demonstrate loyalty.”

’Huh?’

Rei’s pupils shrank. She wondered if Ikari-kun hadn’t just heard, but understood. If that were true, she’d have to change her plans. But before she could dwell on it, she heard the door open.

Asuka walked out, hair a mess, yawning. She froze upon seeing the people in the living room, panicked for a second, and then immediately put on her usual overbearing mask.

”Why is it bread again? Can’t we change up breakfast for once?”

”If you want to eat something else, get up earlier and make it yourself, or starve. I’m heading to Headquarters; you go to school on your own.”

Shinji frowned and lectured her immediately.

’Ah, the familiar taste.’

Scolded by Shinji, Asuka actually felt relieved. She turned and headed to the bathroom. She had spent the entire night thinking; the active, conflicted emotions she’d displayed had left Shinji stunned even from his own room.

’You don’t sleep in the middle of the night and you spend it tying yourself in knots, really?’

But Asuka was truly that conflicted.

One moment, she was extremely optimistic, imagining Shinji had heard her, run to find her in the middle of the night, realizing they liked each other, leading to dates, marriage, and of course—the wedding scene, with Rei in the background biting a handkerchief like a loser.

The next, she was extremely pessimistic, imagining being rejected by Shinji, mocked by everyone, her psyche collapsing to the point she couldn’t even launch Unit-02, losing all value, and finally ending up like her mother, swinging on a rope.

’Is it better if he heard, or better if he didn’t?’

That question alone took two hours.

’Asuka, aren’t you a decisive, mature, independent adult? No, no, no—adults also get conflicted about things they cherish.’

That self-reflection took another two hours.

’Is he something I cherish? How could that be? But it’s true—he takes up space in my sense of self-worth. This cannot fail.’

That contemplation of life took another two hours.

’So did he hear, and who would he choose? Actually, I don’t want Rei to be a loser... forget it, better if he didn’t hear.’

That question went back to the origin, taking another two hours.

Then, the sun rose.

”What am I even doing...”

Asuka covered her face, looking at her bloodshot eyes in the mirror, realizing the script had completely spun out of control since she arrived in Japan.

She should have made a grand entrance, defeating those ”nepo babies” with the perfect pose. She should have been thinking about how to become the best pilot and crush all her peers. How did she end up resigning herself to this?

Yes, at some point, she had resigned herself to it. It was as if receiving Shinji’s affirmation was enough, even if she wasn’t the ”best.” She was living in a relaxed, happy atmosphere. After a whole night of struggling, she hadn’t even thought about how to take back the #1 spot.

Asuka didn’t know that she wasn’t much different from the original timeline; she was still inconsistent and dishonest with herself. It was just that because of Shinji’s appearance, that dishonesty had changed its flavor.

She no longer obsessed over combat capability, only to have her confidence and self-esteem crushed by the ”nepo babies” and collapse completely. Because from the start, she couldn’t obsess over combat power; the gap between them was so large that even being ”unreconciled” felt ridiculous.

Therefore, this dishonesty shifted to other aspects. Combined with making friends, every time negative emotions piled up, they were vented in time.

”You really are a lucky person.”

Rei stood behind her, her red eyes seemingly seeing through her heart.

”What are you spouting nonsense for? Want to mock me for my insomnia?”

”No, I was just thinking what you would be like if Ikari-kun weren’t so strong.”

”That goes without saying—obviously I’d trample you guys under my feet.”

”But what if you couldn’t?”

Asuka was momentarily speechless. If the idiot Shinji were weak, how could she not be able to do it? But what if she really couldn’t?

She clenched her fists. That would be a hundred times worse than now—to see hope and then descend into despair. It would be better to just resign herself from the start.

”Fine, fine. With the invincible Master Shinji to shield us from the wind and rain, we just need to enjoy life.”

”Are you dissatisfied with this life? You have friends, you can laugh wantonly, form a band, excitedly experience the school festival. The problems you care about are merely complex emotions.”

Rei said this quietly, and seeing Asuka’s expression shift, she retreated silently.

”At least you aren’t a hopeless masochist.”

”You’re like a ghost, just saying inexplicable things.”

Asuka watched Rei’s face disappear from the mirror, muttered a few words, and then erupted angrily. ”Who are you calling a masochist?!”

Complaints aside, she felt Rei had a point. The script since she came to Japan was indeed different from what she’d imagined, but all in all, it was still quite pleasant.

Yes, pleasant. No matter how awkward Asuka was, she could distinguish good from bad. It was just that certain things stuck in her heart like thorns, preventing her from facing her true feelings.

It was the same in the original timeline, and it was the same now. The feedback from this inconsistency simply had different consequences.

Asuka, of course, couldn’t realize this—just as she always claimed to be a mature adult whose words matched her actions—and just as her attention wandered quickly after thinking for a while.

’Wait a minute... does he know German?!’

.

.

.

”Is that so? Shinji-kun smoothed out Asuka’s negative emotions?”

At NERV Headquarters, Research Division.

Ritsuko Akagi held her coffee, listening to Misato gesture, her eyes constantly shifting to the boy standing by the door.

”You don’t know how direct this guy is. I nearly died laughing when Rei told me. If those boys tried to copy his method, they’d deserve to be single forever.”

”Shinji-kun’s methods are, of course, irreplicable. It is a gentleness exclusive to him.”

”Ritsuko, can you at least praise people when they aren’t listening? Never mind—Shinji, did you hear that? She’s praising you.”

Shinji had no reaction. He hadn’t come to Headquarters for Asuka’s sake today, but before getting to business, discussing these things wasn’t a waste of time. Of course, he didn’t need anyone to tell him how to do his job.

He turned his head slightly to look at Ritsuko Akagi. This new companion blew smoke up his backside every day. He thought for a moment before speaking:

”Asuka’s personality is very strange. Her negative emotions accumulate extremely quickly.”

”A fragile, prideful personality; a child unable to face herself. Inconsistent and unwilling to truly know herself. Actually, you have done quite well. You’ve diverted much of Asuka’s attention; even if she hits a wall occasionally, it won’t shake her self-esteem.”

Ritsuko’s description was very accurate, or rather, the ”Pilot Psychology” department had extremely detailed analytical data. She took out a file bag and handed it to Shinji.

”Here is the relevant data. The formation of Asuka’s personality is not without cause.”

Shinji opened it. It was no wonder Pilots were all ”problem children.” Asuka was the standard case of a personality twisted by her original family.

Her mother had become mentally unstable during an experiment; her father was indifferent to the pair and had an inappropriate relationship with her mother’s attending physician.

Worst of all, Asuka had discovered it herself, and finally, she had witnessed her mother hanging herself.

It was no wonder she used confidence, strength, independence, and maturity to wrap herself up, refusing to expose even a sliver of fragility.

Shinji raised an eyebrow. These experiences were a psychological ”critical strike” for a young girl. However, he didn’t take it to heart—among the three people present, who didn’t have a tragic past?

He glanced at the awkwardly smiling Misato and understood why she had taken Asuka in. Katsuragi Misato also had a tragic past but possessed a powerful sense of empathy—just as she had invited him in at the time, hoping to bridge the cracks in their hearts with love.

Only, as time went on, it wasn’t clear who was bridging whose cracks anymore.

But Misato didn’t know one thing: Asuka’s mother had lost her mind during the Unit-02 experiment. Shinji instantly associated several things.

”Is this why you showed me the data?”

”Yes. The bell needs to be unhooked by the one who tied it. If you have a way, let her mother open her Heart Wall, because other than you, no one can do it.”

”A lingering soul... I may not be able to do it either, but I accept this kindness. Thank you on Asuka’s behalf.”

”You’re welcome. My current purpose for existing is to solve problems for you.”

The two of them spoke as if trading riddles.

Misato was confused, but Shinji didn’t intend to let her know. He put away the data, having formed a rough idea in his mind. He only needed to reveal a certain truth to Asuka at the right time to resolve the trauma deep in her heart.

’Hmm. Let’s call it the Asuka Instrumentality Project.’

Read ahead (100 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting