The Trash Returned from Warhammer

Beep, beep, beep.

At seven in the morning, Rei Ayanami woke up right on time. She rubbed her eyes and looked down, only to find herself tightly hugging her cat plushie again, burying its face completely into her chest. The top of its head was a bit damp.

’Mm, another sweet dream last night.’

She wiped the corner of her mouth and walked dizzily to the bathroom to wash up, still in her underwear.

As she woke up a bit more, she glanced down at the doorway and hurriedly went back to put on the clothes she had carelessly tossed onto the sofa. This time, she confirmed her reflection in the mirror, gave a firm nod, and walked to the door—only to freeze again and slap her forehead.

”I almost forgot. Ikari-kun and Misato are going to Headquarters early this morning. No need to go next door for breakfast.”

Rei retreated back into her apartment, took some random items from the fridge to fill her stomach, and then stared blankly at the wall clock.

There was still a long time before the noon meetup. Why was time moving so slowly?

She didn’t know when it had started, but she had learned the meaning of ”boredom.” Previously, standing still for an entire day didn’t matter to her, but now she couldn’t stand it after just twenty minutes.

’Forget it. While I have time, I’ll watch the new anime gave me.’

Rei stood up and somewhat clumsily turned on the TV, sliding the borrowed disc into the player. She stepped back a few paces and sat upright in a formal kneeling position (seiza) before the table, her red eyes reflecting the flickering screen.

”My Little Sister Can’t Be This Cute? What a strange name. Hmm, this sister is a bit like Asuka—equally unreasonable and two-faced. How does the protagonist deal with her? He’s too ordinary; not at all like how Ikari-kun can completely suppress her.

Oh, so this is what they call ’Tsundere.’ If the protagonist didn’t truly like her, the plot wouldn’t have progressed at all from the start. I see—it’s a story about moving from mutual dislike to mutual understanding, and finally to love.

Not much reference value. If Ikari-kun disliked Asuka, he would probably just kill her directly; it wouldn’t be as simple as an argument.

And is this girl called Kuroneko a ’Chuunibyou’ type? Fantasizing about the unknown, wishing for great power, hoping to be born different? Uh, I suppose I don’t need to fantasize.”

Rei’s way of watching anime was different from most people. Her posture was perfectly straight, and she occasionally jotted notes in a notebook. During ”stomach-churning” scenes, her mouth would hang open slightly; during ”fan service” moments, her pale face would turn slightly red.

She maintained this posture, watching episode after episode, growing more invested as she went. She learned trendy terms like ”Otaku” and ”2D,” and didn’t stop until the alarm rang, pressing the pause button with a sense of lingering interest.

”Mm. It turns out I am an Otaku too. I am not good at communicating with people, I don’t like tidying up, and I prefer staying at home.”

Rei had a sudden realization as she looked around her bright living room.

TV, game console, DVD player—everything was there. Discs were piled in the corner. Thinking back to the anime, she realized what she was missing.

She needed to find a way to get a computer, then learn how to use the internet. Things like Cosplay seemed quite interesting too.

Her red eyes sparkled. At some point, she had moved from isolated indifference to the other extreme: she possessed an infinite curiosity about the world.

Delicious food, novel vocabulary, fun games—she wanted to try everything. Her attention was entirely focused on these ”meaningless” things. Yet she knew very well that these meaningless things were what allowed her to become a person, whereas the EVAs and the Human Instrumentality Project would only turn her into a tool.

”It is all thanks to Ikari-kun.”

Rei broke into a smile. Feeling inspired, she went back to her bedroom to open her drawer, dawdling for another twenty minutes before finally leaving. By the time she opened the door to the neighboring apartment, the flush on her face had yet to fade.

Misato’s home was quiet. Without even thinking, Rei went straight to the innermost room and slid the door open.

The air conditioner was humming. The blanket had long since been kicked aside. The girl with orange-red hair was lying on the bed in a spread-eagle shape, her pajamas hiked up, her mouth open as she let out light snores, occasionally mumbling something.

”This sleeping posture is second only to Misato-san.”

Rei looked at Asuka’s wild sleeping position. Seeing the hiked-up clothes exposing half her chest, Rei immediately frowned. She walked to the window and pulled the curtains open with a sharp whoosh.

Intense sunlight immediately flooded the room. Asuka cursed a few times in German, rolled over half a turn, and faced the wall. Rei didn’t let her off, grabbing a mirror from the table to reflect the sunlight directly onto her face, adding her own sound effects:

”Pew, pew, pew. Monster-revealing mirror.”

Asuka’s face contorted before she finally forced her eyes open. She sat up with a vacant stare, rubbing her messy hair. Only after seeing Rei by the window did some light return to her eyes.

”Scheiße... do you not want people to sleep in the morning?”

She cursed out of habit and flopped back onto the bed, pulling the blanket over her head.

”It is currently 11:25 AM. There is 1 hour and 15 minutes left until the assembly time, and you have not eaten breakfast.”

”Ugh, I’ll eat breakfast and lunch together. Let me sleep for one more hour.”

”No. When the time comes, you will get anxious and start blaming others randomly.”

Rei, having suffered from this many times, refused immediately. She frowned.

”Why did you stay up late again? You knew today would be busy.”

’I was just thinking about today’s events and couldn’t stop tossing and turning!’

Asuka remained silent, squirming on the bed like a maggot. Thinking about it now made her feel stifled; was she some elementary schooler too excited before a field trip? How could she be so hyped up that she only fell into a daze of sleep at 4:00 AM?

”I’ll sleep for one hour, not a minute more. Get out.”

”No. You will just push your luck and say things like ’It doesn’t matter if the Class Rep and the others wait a bit’.”

”I definitely won’t say that this time! Just let me sleep for half an hour.”

Rei felt helpless, feeling as though she were trying to wake a daughter who was oversleeping.

’This isn’t right. I’m her rival—how did this become a mother-child relationship?’

But seeing the wriggling ”maggot” on the bed, she couldn’t help it and brought out her trump card.

”Ikari-kun said it: he won’t wait even a minute past the assembly time. He’ll have the Security Department drag you to NERV for a full day of simulation training.”

”He wouldn’t dare! I’ll fight him!”

This move was super effective. Asuka threw the blanket aside and sat up angrily, her azure eyes now fully awake. This felt exactly like being promised a field trip only for your parents to surprise you with a math Olympiad class.

”Scheiße, are you lying to me?”

”No. That is exactly what Ikari-kun said.”

”Then why were you smiling just now?”

”I was smiling at someone’s foolishness. To fall for the same trick ten times and still believe it.”

”I... I’ll fight you first!!”

The two girls scuffled for a while before finally separating, huffing and puffing. But after a few minutes, they returned to their usual state.

Asuka went to the bathroom to wash up, tidying her long hair while speaking casually.

”Do you know why Shinji went to Headquarters so early?”

”Ikari-kun didn’t say, so I didn’t ask.”

Rei’s voice drifted in from the kitchen. Having just had a satisfying scuffle on the bed with Asuka, she was now expressionlessly making lunch for her.

”Tch. So you still haven’t fixed your ’doll’ attribute. You can’t just let them do whatever they want. Men... if you let them off the leash too much, they’ll just go looking for someone new.”

Asuka lectured in an adult-like tone, then braced herself for a cold retort.

But this time was different. Rei was silent for a long time before finally replying, ”Mm. You have a point.”

”Huh? Did you find something suspicious?” Asuka immediately poked her head out.

The two stared at each other across the living room. Rei remained cold, while Asuka was full of confusion. After a long while, the girl with icy-blue hair sighed.

’As expected—outwardly sharp, but actually an idiot. Even though they live together, she hasn’t noticed that Misato-san is wandering on the edge of a crime?’

”You live with him and don’t know? Perhaps I should be the one to move in. Weren’t you envious that my room is fully equipped?”

”In your dreams! Give up on that idea!”

Asuka immediately forgot about the ”suspicion” and pulled her head back.

This was her biggest ”win”—a place to belong that rivaled Unit-02. She wouldn’t give it up to anyone. But why was this ”doll” saying such inexplicable things?

Asuka thought it over. A moment later, it clicked.

’It’s Chiharu! It must be that spiteful pink-haired girl. I wondered why she was always running over to the apartment for no reason!’

.

.

.

”Shinji-kun, take me with you! I want to go to the New Year’s festival too.”

On the other side, in the steel corridors of NERV Headquarters, Katsuragi Misato was clinging to Shinji’s arm, pestering him.

As expected, this woman’s ”factory reset” after a hangover meant she was back to normal. He didn’t need to soothe her negative emotions like he did with Asuka; she was finally acting a bit like an adult.

”Don’t you have to go to Tsukuba this afternoon to interface with Dr. Ito?”

Shinji didn’t fall for her act. He had come to Headquarters early this morning for something extremely important.

The external batteries he had been longing for were finally developed. From now on, the EVAs wouldn’t have to drag a ”pig’s tail” into battle. This was a major breakthrough for humanity in energy technology. Shinji didn’t know the principles behind it, nor did he need to.

He only needed to understand that, theoretically, one high-energy battery could sustain an EVA in high-intensity combat for 20 minutes. This time varied depending on the strength of the AT Field, but one mustn’t forget that these batteries were swappable.

”I can just do the interface tomorrow.”

Misato really wanted to say that, but seeing Shinji’s excited expression, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Last night, in a half-drunk, half-awake state, she had thought a lot. The biggest difference between an adult and a child is that an adult isn’t willful. Once she determined she couldn’t stop Shinji, her only remaining path was full cooperation. This morning, she had even sent a large box of coffee to Ritsuko—a first for her.

Everyone had to do their utmost to help Shinji reach his goal. The better prepared they were, the safer he would be.

”Fine, fine. I’ll head out now. After I bring the goods back, I’ll see if I can catch the fireworks festival. Is that okay?”

”Yes. Complete your work, and I won’t interfere with your relaxation. Misato, relaxation is for better service. Only—”

”Alright, I get it! Just remember to wait for me to get back.”

Seeing him start to lecture again, Misato quickly fled. Otherwise, she’d be stuck there listening to him for an hour without a single pause.

’She runs quite fast.’

Shinji lowered his hand wordlessly. The people around him were becoming more and more free-spirited. Just then, his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket.

”Mm, it’s me. SEELE places great importance on this battery? Of course they do; they paid the R&D costs. It can significantly boost the EVA’s combat power.”

”That’s right. Have people follow them. Use this shipment to find SEELE’s secret base where they store the Mass Production units. The legendary ’Free Angel’ might be there as well.”

After the brief communication, Shinji put his phone away and looked at the staff performing their duties in the corridor. Quite a few of them were spies sent by SEELE.

They were supposed to be the eyes of the masterminds. But at some point...

All these people had sworn loyalty to the Emperor.

Read ahead (100 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting