Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

You’d think when you reveal yourself as the Big Bad Evil Guy, there would be some kind of, I dunno. More of a reaction, maybe? Like, okay, Karen already knew who I was, so that wasn’t a shocker for her. Me showing myself as Mimic in a public venue gave her a bit of a surprise, but given the setting and, y’know, me using a bit of shapeshifting to jump up and down on her six month old excite button, I didn’t really expect her to get super upset right then and there. Maybe some morning after regrets, but then I half expected those myself.

I kinda expected a little more shock and awe from the bystanders. Not, like, my own personal cheering section who were waiting for their turn when I ragdolled Karen to leave her drooling blissfully in a corner or some shit, my ladies are one and all ride or die, and I love them for it. No, I’m talking about the mix of Revel till they drop partiers who’d hung on until the hospitality workers got to join the Revel. Given that in the refurbished Temple of Love, hospitality workers includes everybody from wait staff to full on prostitutes, I can’t really blame them, because nobody parties harder than somebody who spends most of their waking hours making sure everybody else’s party turns out nice. When the line cook and the bartender are providing the food and drink for themselves and their fellow workers, there probably won’t be too many sprigs of parsley or fancy umbrellas, but the food is gonna give you mouthgasms and the drinks will taste like heaven and hit you hard enough to send you there if you’re not careful.

Then again, now that I think about it with my brain rather than my gut, or even parts southward of that, I really shouldn’t be quite so surprised. The Revelers had been up and partying for at least twenty four hours straight, and their most recent fortification via food and drink came from the hospitality folks, which meant aforementioned heavenly drinks. The hospitality folks themselves are generally like any other Customer Service workers. If Satan and Cthulhu walked up to a Customer Service Desk and declared they were about to end the world, the typical Customer Service Desk jockey would just sigh, ask them to wait a moment, then go digging for the ’end the world’ forms to fill out.

Overall, the Winter didn’t go that badly. Yeah, I got myself mauled a couple times, but I don’t think I’ve managed to get through a Season yet without that happening. Might be a problem if my Kitten ever does manage to put a bun in my oven. On the one hand, I’m well aware that said oven is surprisingly durable. On the other, at one point I literally had a hole punched through me from front to back, big enough for Saffron to put her forearm through. We checked.

But other than that, we managed to score a shit ton of meat for the Alliance, all courtesy of a Dragon that apparently killed the indigenous Atlanteans a lot harder and more deliberately than the Europan settlers ever did. I mean, I guess Sengann and Balor did them pretty dirty back in the day, but I’ve already eaten both of them to death. I kinda did the same thing to the Dragon in question, too. Heh. Now I’m kinda wondering, since the Dragon didn’t recognize me when I went full on Mimic’s Maw In The Mortal Realm, and the local Spirits Rabbit and Lily didn’t either, what Mimic’s reputation is gonna be. Be kinda nice if at least one group of people in the world saw me as ’righter of wrongs’. Shit, even just ’eater of bad guys’ would be better than ’Walking Ragnarok’ or ’Black Swan with a Thousand, Thousand Young’.

Y’know, I’ve never sat down and thought about it before, mostly because there’s always been some kind of heavy emotions involved when somebody called me one of those, but maybe those aren’t really the awful appellations they sound like coming out of Lenny’s mouth. Seriously, what is Ragnarok? The Twilight of the Gods, if I’m remembering that mythology book right. First of all, sparkly vampires aside, twilight is only super scary if you’ve never dealt with sunset. If you’ve been living in the eternal sunshine of empowered immortality, the idea of the sun going down probably sounds scary as fuck. But if you grew up with the idea? Twilight is just another part of the cycle of day and night. Yeah, it’s gonna be night time for a while, but after night comes morning.

Also, even if the Gods in question only get one day and then they’re gone, the Gods here and now, at least most of the ones I’ve been dealing with, are no great prizes. For every Loki, who was only ready to be a decent person because he’d spent centuries starving and thought he was about to die, there’s two like Dionysus or Canta or even Marie, if you look at her right, who just want to do their thing, maybe help some folks out, and another only god knows how many who are all about fucking over every Human or Human Adjacent person who doesn’t kiss their ass fast enough, long enough, or with exactly the amount of tongue they wanted at that moment.

Such a colorful way of describing my peers. Also, thank you for including your mother and I in the better portion of the Divine spectrum.

Honestly, she kinda falls into that second category.

Excuse me?

Oh, hey, don’t get me wrong, Dad. I love Mom, and she’s awesome, but before I came along she was pretty much just focused on doing her thing.

She was protecting me from my ongoing torture!

She was utterly and completely focused on her thing, didn’t really pay attention to anything else other than that.

She was watching over... he trailed off, and I could practically feel the heat in his face. Oh.

Three, two, one, we have comprehension. Not saying I’m upset at her for that. ’Keeping to herself and doting on her husband’ is way better than the bullshit One-eye and Thunder-cock are getting up to.

By Thunder-cock do you mean Thor or Zeus?

Does it matter?

Thor was violent and toxic, but not nearly as casual a rapist as Zeus.

Fair point. I was talkin’ about Zeus though.

I felt him smile, and he thought, nonetheless, I appreciate you holding me apart from my peers.

Of course, Dad. You’re the best.

I know.

At any rate, being the Walking Ragnarok might not exactly be the ’Big Bad Evil Guy’ I’ve previously assumed. Same kinda logic applies to ’Black Swan with a Thousand, Thousand Young’. A Black Swan is just a paradigm shift. Shit, I think we had at least half a dozen in my short lifetime before getting Isekaied. So if I’m just the one who’s gonna make some kind of big change, and then shit’s gonna follow me like dominoes falling down, how you feel about that is really dependent on whether you liked the status quo.

For anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, the status quo when I arrived kind of sucked shit through a tube.

So yeah, maybe not everybody who hears about me is gonna have Lenny’s or duBois’ reaction of ’kill it, kill it, kill it before it reproduces’.

Shit, I think I really do have baby fever or some similar shit. Which is fine, I guess, but I need to keep my eyes on the ball. In this case the ball is my actual current kids, and I’m including Marie’s horde hoard in that. Which means I need to remember that I’ve got a trio of birthdays to plan before Summer. I’m not sure which of them I’m more worried about. Maze and Lindsey I’ve got no idea what to get them, but I’m pretty sure I could come up with something. Ria, on the other hand, wants me to find her sister. All I really know is that her sister Adrienne is in a City on a peninsula, which means she’s somewhere along the coast.

So after almost a day and a half straight spent partying, both kid friendly and very much not kid friendly, I was kinda beat. Unfortunately, ’swarms of Dire Bears and a Dragon are attacking the Homestead’ is a reasonable excuse for not showing up for Vickerson’s mentoring session. ’I just spent the past thirty six hours partying’ is not.

After I left my ladies napping with the kids, who were still kinda sleepy from the big meals and all the running around yesterday, I stepped up to the Bath and showered off the worst of the accumulated funk. Once I passed my own sniff test, I put my uniform on and stepped over to Vickerson’s room. Like, outside, not inside, because I didn’t want to interrupt Cadet Brat. Again. I pounded on the door for a solid five seconds; I wasn’t sure if that was enough to get through the soundproofing Wards, but I figured maybe they’d notice the door shaking or something. After that, I opened the door a few inches, smiling at the nostalgic organic crunch of the Devotional enchantment dying, and called out, ”everybody dressed in there?”

The only response I got was a sort of groan from Vickerson.

”Okay. I’m coming in. Three. Two. One.” I stepped into the room to see Vickerson blinking up at me. Oddly, Cadet Brat wasn’t anywhere to be seen. ”You okay? Where’s your roommate?”

”She chose to remain at the Temple. Which let me sleep undisturbed on my Devotional Day for once.”

I blinked at that as things came together in my head. ”Temple? Wait... Temple of Love?” She nodded, levering herself out of bed and stumbling over to her armoire. I guess having a roommate that spent one day a week tryna set self-service records didn’t leave her with a lot of shame or anything. ”She was at the Temple of Love on New Years?”

Vickerson winced. ”We, uh, both were.”

I felt my own face heat a little bit. ”So. I guess you saw me up there?”

”Your Concubine is very beautiful.”

I smiled at her attempt at politicking. ”Yeah. Yeah, she is. You know that’s Sister Siobhan from the Infirmary, right?”

She sighed as she tied her pants over her shirt. ”I’m aware. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that.”

I stepped over and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it for a short moment. ”Hey. I’m sorry if we made you feel some kinda way. She takes her duties seriously.”

She nodded. ”I know. I’m just... I’ve been dealing with some, um, relationship issues?”

I put on my best ’understanding mentor’ face. ”Things not going well with Hildegarde and Citron?”

She just gawped at me. ”How did you?”

I chuckled a little. ”It’s kinda obvious?” I mean, it wasn’t that obvious, but her reaction definitely confirmed my suspicion. ”Look, it’s not a problem. Really, it’s a good thing.”

”Really?”

I nodded. ”Yep. Can you keep a secret?” She nodded as she slipped her jacket on. ”It’s one of the secret requirements for graduation.”

”One of?”

I grinned at her. ”Hey, if I tell you the others, they aren’t secrets any more.”

She sighed. ”Fair. I just hoped maybe my Mentor would help me out with those.”

I smiled at her again. ”I mean, I’m not not going to point you in the direction of things you need to do.” I looked her over, doing a bit of the straightening and primping thing. ”You ready to go?”

”Yes, Ma’am.” Then she slumped just a little. ”I’m still a little tired after yesterday though.”

”Hildegarde get you all tuckered out?”

She smiled up at me. ”She was very enthusiastic.”

”You have fun?”

”Yep.”

”Okay then. Let’s go.” I took her by the hand and stepped to the entryway of Lancaster House. One short flight later, and I called out to the assembled Lancasters. ”Hey! Larry! Bonnie! Lenny! Lachlan! Raven! How’s the New Year treated you so far?”

Lachlan waved at us, trying to empty his mouth of the waffle he’d just filled it with. Raven rolled her eyes and shook her head at his antics. Larry looked like he was gonna stand up and greet us, but Bonnie pulled him back down beside her, leaned into him, and said, ”very, very, very well, Commander.”

Finally, Leonard stood, did a little half bow, and said, ”Good Tidings for the New Year to you... Tabby.”

”Good Tidings to you too! You remember that Cadet I wanted your help with?”

He nodded, looked at Vickerson, and said, ”Cadet Vickerson is the Cadet in question, I presume?”

Oh, Goddess. Lord Lancaster knows my name.

”Yep. She’s the one. Real knack for getting folks working together. Which, y’know, not my core competency. So, you think you can maybe teach her a thing or two?”

”I’m certain I can. Once breakfast is done?”

I stepped us both over to the table and sat down next to Raven, settling Vickerson in the seat next to me. ”Lesson one for the day, Cadet. If Lancasters offer you breakfast? Get you some waffles.”

”Yes, Ma’am.”