I Became a Witch in a World Full of Urban Legends

“I got nothing left,” Lu Yibei shrugged. In reality, he  has eighteen and a half bottles left inside his bag.

Before he left, he took out half of the six bottles of Disaster that he hid in his toilet, totalling 3 litres.

He thought that it might not be appropriate to sell them all to Fu Er, and bought thirty 100ml glass bottles shortly after leaving the Night Division and apportioning the Disaster to each tiny glass bottle.

However, he accidentally spilled some of it while filling up the last bottle, and he couldn’t help but feel bad thinking about it.

Fu Er blinked as he stared at the eleven bottles of Disaster Liquid sitting gingerly on his counter, and his peripheral vision landed upon his backpack.

This kid most definitely has some more, but probably not a lot; if he brings out ten more bottles, I might just get a heart attack and die right here and right now!

In Fu Er’s opinion, more than 100g of Disaster is a respectable amount, but the boy before him plopped several kilograms of it on his counter.

It made Fu Er’s heart skip a beat – not only because he can make money off of it, but also because it is extremely terrifying.

W-what if it leaks? Or it explodes? Or I get poisoned?!

He wasn’t sure how to gauge Yibei’s power, but he was definitely sure that Yibei is very different from him.However, the mass of Disaster is about four times that of pure water – with the eleven bottles before him, the mass of Disaster should be about five kilograms.

If done correctly, he could make a net profit of one kilogram of gold!

Although it couldn’t be compared to the price of high-quality psychic items, it is enough to tip the scales of Fu Er’s judgement to his greed over his fear.

Pondering, Fu Er muttered under his breath, “Yibei, where did you get this much Disaster from?”

“Uh… Shui gave it to me. Yeah. I’m not too sure where he got it from.”

When in doubt, blame Bai Kai!

Fu Er’s pensive face relaxed as he nodded: Ah, a gift from Bai Kai. That makes much more sense. If a new psychic like him shows up with this much Disaster on him, it would probably be foul play on his part! I wouldn’t accept the trade offer no matter what!

Yibei studied Fu Er’s expression, and decided to attach another half-truth to his statement, “I heard he was hunting down a Witch a few days ago – maybe the Witch left all this Disaster behind.”

“Wait, wait, wait…” Fu Er’s eyes lit up, as if he had just obtained important information. “You’re telling me that all this Disaster came from a Witch?”

Don’t Witches produce this? Is that a rare thing? Why is he getting excited all of a sudden? Yibei couldn’t figure out Fu Er’s sudden excitement, so he could only give a vague answer. “Probably? I’m not that sure.”

Fu Er sat in silence for a moment, then turned around and shouted further into the shop, “Lin! Come over here for a second!”

The sound of footsteps shuffling drew from deep within the store, and not long after, a man with a gaunt figure and a face full of malignant sores walked out, kneeling towards Fu Er.

Fu Er carefully held a bottle of Disaster and opened the lid, then rummaged through his drawer to find a needle. He dipped a little of the liquid with the needle, and handed it over to the man with the sores.

“Smell it. Tell me if it comes from a Witch.”

“I understand,” the man responded with a strangely low and guttural voice. He accepted the needle and brought it to his nose to sniff.

Immediately, his eyes were blurred over as he frothed at the mouth. Then, he fell forward face-first to the ground, but before he fainted…

He didn’t forget to stretch out a thumbs up towards Fu Er.

“Oh my god, what the fuck?! Is he…?” Yibei asked in shock.

“He’ll be fine after lying down for a while. He likes doing this.”

…excuse me? He likes to do this?

He glanced at the man who had just fainted, and suddenly thought of Jumeng’s baseless accusations of him performing unsightly things. He couldn’t help but feel a little sick.

Damn it, that stupid, smelly goddess distracted me!

Meanwhile, Fu Er put the lid back on the bottle, and swirled the Disaster around a little before nodding, “It seems that Bai Kai did milk this from a Witch.”

…Woah? Could we please not use the term ‘milk?’ If we associate this word with Shui, I can’t help but feel that he did something bad to the Witch… a.k.a., me!

“Ah, by the way, Yibei – did Bai Kai give you a picture of the Witch while giving you all this Disaster, perhaps?”

“Uh, no. Why?”

“He didn’t?!” Fu Er’s chubby face trembled excitedly. “If a photo is attached to a Witch’s Disaster, its market price will easily increase by fifty percent!”

“I’ll have you know Witches are all stunningly beautiful,” Fu Er smiled as he continued. “You see… there are always some men who have weird hobbies – I’m sure a young man like you would understand, right? Even a worthless item becomes expensive after you attach a layer of two-dimensional skin on it.”

Shut up. Shut up right now. I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I definitely didn’t spend more than five hundred yuan to buy that stupid Bai Xiaohua body pillow.

…Okay, fine. I did, but who else would call me their One True Love other than her?!

As his thoughts evolved from denial to acceptance, he nodded and responded with no expression, “I don’t get what you’re saying, but no, Shui didn’t give me any photos with the Disaster Liquid.”

Security risks aside from attaching my photos onto the bottles, selling myself out means nothing; increasing the price by fifty percent? I refuse! My integrity is on the line!

“Ah, pity. In that case, I can only buy it at the most recent market price, less 5%.”

Yibei nodded, understanding that business is still business. He still believes that Fu Er must have found a way to sell Disaster at a price slightly higher than the transaction price.

Couldn’t he just find a photo of a random Witch and paste it on the bottle? If anything, I’m making a loss!

“Wait. What if I want to buy something from you? Do I get any discounts?” he asked.

Hearing this, Fu Er visibly frowned as he looked around, “Well… three percent. That is all I can give you on the account that we’re acquaintances.”

“Can’t you go any lower?” Yibei asked as his eyes drifted across the shelves in the store. “What if I want to exchange all the proceeds from these bottles of Disaster for your products?”

“Ah…” Fu Er was stumped, thinking before he answered, “Another two percent – take it or leave it. I can’t go any lower, since Disaster is not an easy substance to handle. If I go any lower, I won’t make any profit.”

“Deal!” Yibei nodded.

…

Half an hour later…

“Five volcanic crystals, twenty strands of hair from a corpse, and three stalks of goosegrass. Is that all, Yibei?”

Fu Er counted all the alchemical materials on the counter and confirmed it with Yibei, before asking, “Can I ask you one more question? What are you planning to refine with these materials?”

In alchemy and traditional Chinese medicine, there is a saying of Sovereign-Minister-Assistant-Courier (君臣佐使), forming a ‘government’.

The principal medicine is identified as the ‘sovereign’, then comes the ‘minister’, so on, so forth. However, the ‘minister’ should not be exceeding the ‘principal’; the combined medicine can demonstrate a synergistic effect when all parts of the ‘government’ are in the correct proportions.

This is why Fu Er was curious as to why Yibei bought only principal medicine, and none of the ‘minister.’ If possible, he wanted to purchase his formula.

“Shui told me to buy these materials. How would I know? I’m just an errand boy for him,” Yibei sighed.

Stop asking me questions! Shui is asking me to do all this, okay?!

Yibei’s calm face concealed all of his inner thoughts, and Fu Er couldn’t tell whether he was telling the truth or not.

Bai Kai doesn’t want people to know what he’s up to, so he entrusts his godson to purchase materials for him. This makes sense to me! If it involves Night Division operations, then I shouldn’t pry too much.

Even then, although the ‘sovereign’ is the principal medicine, the ‘minister’ plays an important role, and could affect the properties of whatever alchemical substance Yibei was planning to produce.

Just like how in ancient times, there would be many different ministers serving under one emperor – loyal ministers, disloyal ministers, power-hungry ministers, jesters, etc. All of them could affect an emperor’s rule.

After a short silence, Fu Er got up and displayed a greasy smile to Yibei, “Pleasure doing business with you. If you have any business, make sure you consider my store first! I’m operating at a loss helping you, you know?”

“Pleasure doing business. I’ll come back next time,” Yibei responded calmly, putting everything into a satchel. Then, he put the satchel into his bag and turned around to leave the store.

Right. All my remaining ingredients to help replenish my qi and blood can be bought at the pharmacy, but where should I sell all my remaining Disaster Liquid?

And… how am I going to refine all these materials? He wondered.

It dawned on him that he is now encountering a serious problem – he has never refined any kind of alchemical potion before this. The playback from the Serpent’s memories only included formulas, and no sort of ‘videos’ to guide him on [How To Refine Alchemical Potions!]

The formula of a potion to reinforce his core is already difficult, but a novice like him with no experience is likely to run out of materials before he could complete a successful potion.

…

Both sides of the dilapidated streets were lined with stalls, lit up with the pale, orange glow of paper lanterns.

At about 4am in the morning, the flow of people visiting the ghost market reached its peak, though it is not as noisy as one would imagine a bustling street to be – there was no sound of bargains and transactional talk. Various figures would shuffle through stall by stall, with their eyes scanning on each item as they reserved their thoughts to themselves.

Yibei wandered through the streets of the ghost market, searching for a place where he could dispose of his Disaster. At this moment, a familiar bronze glimmer broke into his peripheral vision.

Turning his head, he was stunned, before shuffling through the gaps of the crowds, and sure enough, his eyes landed on the bronze statue with a familiar shape and extremely familiar muscles.

F-fuck! That’s…!

Walking closer to the strangely inconspicuous stall, he saw Gu Qianqian sitting on a tiny, foldable chair, eating roasted pork trotters with relish on a plate.

“W-welcome! Pick whatever you like!”

Gu Qianqian noticed a customer had come, and quickly stood up with the enthusiastically fake smile of a saleswoman. However, when she raised her head to meet the eyes of her customer, her smile froze, and the plate of pork trotters that she was holding fell to the ground with a soft ‘clang!’

Her emotions were like a rollercoaster, as if she was a mobile vendor preparing to run from the government chasing her out from obstructing the road, or a thief stumbling into the head of a household, or a bully trying to fight a veteran…

In summary, her thoughts are now consisting of: We’re cooked.

Yibei looked at her, wondering how she brought the statue of Acala, the Immovable, out of the Serpent’s world within the bamboo scrolls. Before he could speak, his eyes heated up, and a premonition flashed through his brain.

[She’s about to run away.]

Yibei was visibly confused, and was prepared to push Gu Qianqian back down on her stool to have a formal discussion with her regarding the statue, but stopped when a new premonition flashed in his mind.

[She got a little reluctant to escape after dropping her plate of pork trotters on the ground.]

Yibei looked down at the scattered pork trotters on the ground that were soaked with muddied water, and a series of questions popped up in his mind.

There is no way you’re eating them when they’re covered in mud… right?

Yibei decided to walk closer to the stall, and put one hand on the statue of Acala, before squatting down next to Gu Qianqian, “Gu Qianqian. Long time no see.”

“Y-y-yeah! Long time no see indeed! H-h-h-how are you?” she smiled awkwardly as she kept urging the system in her mind.

System? System… System! What the hell do we do now?!

“What else can we do?! Give it back to him!” the system responded.

We’re giving it back?! After I rejected that guy’s payment for the statue?! He offered two urban legend cores, and we rejected him! How could I just give the statue away after what I did?! Who cares if he’s a Witch? When will there be rights for the oppressed Gu Qianqian?!

“You’re still worried over sales?!” the system yelled in her mind. “Sooner or later, you’ll die because of money – I’m telling you! Figure it out yourself. I’m not helping you!”

[Beep! The Beautiful Demon Slaying Girl’s System has disconnected.]

Gu Qianqian was panicking internally for a while, not realizing that Yibei had put his hand on her shoulder, as if he was afraid that she’ll run away.

“Y-you… what are you trying to do? There are rules in the ghost market… and there is strictly no physical assault allowed whenever the market is running!”

“Oh?” Yibei gave her a sinister gaze. “Just physical assault? So, I’m allowed to use curses, poisons, and other kinds of non-visible assault?”

Gulp.

Gu Qianqian swallowed. She didn’t consider that.

Seeing Gu Qianqian’s eyes filled with caution, he was secretly ecstatic. He was planning on pressuring her further so that he could get the statue back for free, when a sudden premonition flashed across his mind again.

[She’s gazing at the mud-covered pork trotters again.]

“You’re sweating. Are you hot?” he asked.

“No, no. It isn’t hot,” Gu Qianqian muttered; her face pale like a chicken infected with the plague, shivering and cold.

“Well, in that case…”

[She’s peeking at the fallen pork trotters once again.]

Yibei sighed as the same premonition flashed in his mind, adjusted his tone, and said calmly, “Are you scared of me? I thought we were friends.”

“Y-yeah? Yeah. Yeah, we are?” Gu Qianqian sounded as if she was doubting herself.

“Cool. We’re friends, but even if we are, I hate it when people lie to me, so could you…”

[She’s looking at the pork trotters scattered across the dirty ground again.]

His thoughts were once again interrupted by the premonition, and finally, he couldn’t help it, yelling, “God damn it! Could you stop looking at those damn pork trotters already? They’re covered in mud! They’re not edible anymore! You can’t eat them!”

“You can, actually.”

“What the fuck?!”

“Y-you heard me the first time! They’re edible! I’ll just wash the mud off! When I first became homeless, I would pick up all the scraps of food I’d find on the ground and wash them before eating them!”

[She wanted to take one final peek at her discarded pork trotters, but lacked the bravery to do so.]

Yibei massaged his temples. This girl is too pitiful. I can’t help but feel sorry for her.

He no longer wanted to bully her. He felt that, if he continued, God Himself might smite him down.

Forget it. She’s trying to do business. I’ll just buy the statue back the proper way.

As he was thinking, he patted on the head of the statue, and said in a serious tone, “Gu Qianqian, this statue…”

“I… I can’t give it to you! I picked it up! If you rob my store by force, I’ll fight you!”

Before he could finish speaking, Gu Qianqian, with tear-stained eyes, yelled.

“…when did I say I was going to rob you? I was going to ask how much you’re selling it for.”

“Oh.”

The tears in her eyes instantly receded, and she tilted her head to look at him, “Are you actually going to buy it? You need at least three urban legend cores!”

“Urban legend cores?” he frowned. “I don’t have any on me right now. How about this instead?”

As he spoke, he took out two bottles of Disaster from his backpack, placing them down in front of her.

“What is this? Ink?” she muttered in disgust. “Are you trying to trick me?!”

“What kind of person do I seem like to you?” he sighed, but explained patiently. “This is some sort of psychic material – its value is no less than the core of an urban legend.”

Gu Qianqian was about to open her mouth when a mechanical beep resounded in her mind.

“[The Beautiful Demon Slaying Girl’s System has successfully reconnected]!”

Immediately afterwards, she could hear the system’s voice yelling, “Gu Qianqian! Trade with him!”

“W-what?!” Gu Qianqian was stunned, turning to look at Yibei. “S-system, but…”

“Sister? You have a sister?” Yibei tilted his head.

“Ssibal! I don’t want two bottles, I want three!” Gu Qianqian retaliated.

The system was horrified hearing this, “Gu Qianqian! You’re trying to bargain with the World Ender! What are you trying to do?!”

“Oh, okay,” Yibei nodded, taking out an extra bottle of Disaster before placing it on her hand.

?!

TRANSLATOR NOTES:

More lore behind the Disaster Liquid! I’ve read your comments about its function, and it was, although vaguely, described in an earlier chapter (Chapter 218):

***

❀ Seeing his relief, Yibei became even more confused and asked his godfather, “Uh, what’s in that bottle? You made that thing look like a bomb.”

“Because it is,” Bai Kai explained. “A gas bomb, if we’re being specific.”

❀ “That liquid is a filthy, psychic polymer. It is difficult to get rid of, and its only use is poison. Depending on its purity, its effects range from mild hallucinations to irreversible mental damage. Only psychics and urban legends that are evil incarnates would have access to such a thing.”

“Yes,” Fu Er nodded. “Despite how beautiful it is, it’s troublesome. Whoever gets involved with it becomes unlucky!”

***

We’ve also seen its uses in combat as some kind of corroding liquid that burnt the half-formed Beelzebub, halting its healing process.

As always, if you’d like to support the translation, you can support me by clicking the button below. (Woo! Figured out how to add make it look pretty!)

Any amount helps! ^.^