I Became a Witch in a World Full of Urban Legends

First, you come late, and now, you try to give me an alternative when you’re the one who’s late. Interesting!

Lu Yibei glanced around him, confirming that the entire library was still bewitched by their mobile phones. Lowering his voice, he whispered, “You’re telling me you have other ways for me to… trust your organization?”

“That is correct. Would you like to give it a gamble?” the bug’s face morphed into one of confidence.

“Absolutely not!” he yelled after hesitating for a tenth of a second. “Ab. So. Lute. Ly. Not!”

“I don’t even know your name! Or what kind of urban legend you are! And you think that I can trust you?” he continued.

Like hell I will! A weird bug overseeing an entire organization who knows of my ‘true’ identity… it knows all of me better than I know myself! What will I get myself into if I believe this stupid bug?! Where do they come from? Do they have a physical form? Do they…

“I expected as much,” the bug responded amidst Yibei’s garbled thoughts. It wiggled its backside, and then leapt onto Yibei’s shoulder firmly.

Yibei kept staring at the bug, trying to guess what it was doing. However, the bug simply took off without him knowing.

Like a strange, tiny black hole had swallowed the bug, leaving nothing behind.

A strange premonition plagued itself in his mind, warning him that something is coming, and it was too late to dodge.N-no! Is it too fast? Or does it have any special abilities?!

The urban legends at the Southern Suburbs Slaughterhouse had terrifyingly powerful psychic fluctuations, and despite that, Yibei was able to predict their actions with ease. However, he found that he couldn’t predict in advance the actions of the bug, which filled him with unease, especially with the warning his brain gave him.

S-should I be scared? Or… should I just stomp on it and run away?

“Ms. Vaccaria, or, Mr. Vaccaria? My apologies, I am unsure how you would prefer to be addressed as.”

“…just my name will do.”

“I understand, Vaccaria,” the bug re-landed on his shoulder. “To display my sincerity, I shall inform you about the kind of urban legend I am – and as you can see, I am a… bug.”

Yibei blinked, “Do you think I’m stupid, or…?”

If you’re just a bug, then I’m a stupid bitch!

A stupid bitch with no bitches in all nineteen years of his life!

The little bug squirmed, revealing a cute, tiny hand out from the side of its body. It brought the hand up to its head, and displayed a 😝, “Oops! You got me! I guess I really can’t trick you!”

…all those big words to make a tiny fool.

“Well, to be honest,” the bug chirped. “I do not actually know the kind of urban legend I am. After all, I had just awakened not too long ago. If you wanted to guess, I assume that I am some sort of urban legend relating to the Internet, or an artificial intelligence.”

Yibei simply squinted at the bug with a skeptical gaze – there was no way he would believe the bug without finding sufficient evidence to prove its origin.

“Internet addiction is like a plague that poisons the younger generation – their phones devour their souls, the rise of artificial intelligence threatening their existence. You have heard of these, haven’t you? The conspiracy theories regarding the future of humanity.”

“Can these things even form urban legends?”

“Well, imagine you are on the toilet, and a beluga whale emerges from it – do you ever imagine why that happens?”

“Uh…” Yibei pondered, before answering the bug. “Maybe the whale wanted to scare somebody, but failed, and was sealed into the toilet, enduring its fate for three whole years. Now that its sentence is over, it broke out of the toilet, killing anybody that sits on it. Then, it becomes strong, but loses all of its hair – it decides to retire and become obsolete; it gets married, and has a granddaughter named Chibi Maruko-chan.”

The bug blinked at him, taking a few minutes to process the intense imagery that Yibei just described before speaking, “My apologies, but quick question – what in the actual fuck are you talking about?! Is it possible for us to have one normal conversation? You’re supposed to go ‘Woah! Why would there be a beluga whale in my toilet?’!”

“I can’t believe a Witch like you has this much shit in her mouth!” the bug exclaimed. “Even the toilet’s jealous! And I can’t continue on with what I want to say!”

Yibei stared at the bug for a few seconds, before sighing and speaking in an extremely exaggerated, yet expressionless tone, “Woooooooooah. Why would there be a beluga whale in my toilet…”

The bug smiled in satisfaction as it explained, “The very same reason that explains my existence – I don’t know. There is no way to explain either scenario. To answer your first question about my name, I have taken on many IDs in the past, so I never had a concrete name.”

“You’re born from the Internet, correct? Why don’t you just name yourself the Virtual God, Virtual-anything, or if you really wanted to be mysterious, Null?”

“You make a good point,” the bug pondered. “Your proposal is good. I will consider the name.”

“Now,” the bug chirped. “Enough introductions. Let’s get back to business, shall we? About our cooperation.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me the first time,” the bug nodded. “Everybody in the organization wants you in, but I am sure that an outcast like you would not want to be subject to bureaucracy, correct?”

Actually, no, bug – that is not the truth. As long as I am able to earn a fruitful living, I literally do not care – I’ll just leave the killing and the ‘setting people on fire to silence the witnesses’ to the rest of my colleagues.

“To be honest,” the bug continued, taking Yibei’s silence as confirmation. “Other than signing an alliance contract, I can’t think of any other way to gain a hundred percent of your trust.”

“However, once the contract is made, we cannot do any harm onto each other until the contract is met. That is inconvenient for all parties, correct? After all, we may strive for the same goals in the future, but hold different opinions,” the bug continued.

…why does it sound like they are planning to betray me before we even start our cooperation? You know what? That’s good! I appreciate the honesty! Gives me all the reasons to stab all of you in the back when the time comes!

“Okay,” Yibei nodded. “I agree – but again, I cannot trust you without a contract.”

“There is a simple way to circumvent this,” the bug displayed a smiling emoji. “You do not have to believe me – I know you are skeptical of us from the very start, but try to complete some commissions on the forums, and we will exchange it with information that you want to the best of our regulations. Moreover, you can complete commissions for resources – that way, if the information turns out to be false, you still earn something from it. I hope you consider it.”

Yibei fell into deep thought.

It’s a tempting offer… even if the information is false, the false information must come from something, which means that I can use it as reference. Plus, I can gain resources I need. However…

I can’t help but think that this bug is hiding something from me – does it truly want to cooperate with me for nothing in return? I don’t believe it.

“I have said what needs to be said,” the bug squirmed as it leapt back onto the table. “It is almost time, and I will be on my way. Would you like to see me off?”

“Sure thing!”

As soon as Yibei said that, a thick textbook rolled into a cylinder came whizzing out of his hand.

Slam!

The textbook smashed straight down onto the table with a crisp sound, and the ambient noise of the library turned back to normal.

The students seemed confused as per why they were suddenly bewitched by their phones, but went on to continue with their work.

And on the table, all there was left was a lump of ash that resembled graphite.

Yibei felt his phone vibrate, revealing a message from Meow Xiaoqi.

[100 2/3 CATS: Did you just kill our boss’ clone again?]

[VACCARIA: ??? Your boss asked me to see it off.]

[100 2/3 CATS: ??????]

…

At 2:05pm, within the endless corridors of the Huacheng Folk Culture and Research Administration.

In a modern-looking room that contrasts from the outside, a silver-hair girl whose face was the complete opposite of the warmth of the room sat in front of a desk, staring at the computer before her. From time-to-time, she would pick up a teacup with the words [For The People] engraved onto it, taking a sip from it.

The afternoon Sun fell through the windows, coating her with a light-gold shimmer, causing her moistened lips to glimmer.

On her computer was unexpectedly, not the interface of an online mahjong game, but detailed information about a murder case.

Jiangli hasn’t been touching mahjong frequently these days, and only plays about thirteen rounds to maintain her skills. The rest of her time is spent on scourging and studying the various commissions of the urban legend forums.

After doing due research and comparisons, she was surprised to find that most of the commissions listed on the forums were closely related to the cases that have been tackled by the Night Division. However, the commissions listed were eerily detailed, as if they were being written by the victims themselves.

Jiangli moved her mouse and stopped her cursor to study the gruesome, gore-filled photo on her screen.

They are helping these urban legends fulfill their final wishes, but at the same time, they are hunting the most dangerous of them. Are they not as bad as I imagined them to be?

No. Urban legends are still urban legends at their core – to believe that they have a conscience is to be complicit.

…but, should I accept this commission?

Knock, knock.

“Come in.”

She quickly closed the forums, and called out to whoever was knocking on her door. She could see the all-too-familiar figure slipping in through the door, immediately shutting the door behind him.

“Good afternoon! Not playing mahjong today? Thought you mentioned wanting to get better at it.”

Jiangli glanced at his expressionless face and calmly spoke, “There is no need to ‘get better at it’ when I am already at the level beyond the reach of ordinary humans.”

“Awesome! You really are a genius mahjong girl, aren’t you?”

Jiangli blinked, “I’ve never been called that before, but yes, I suppose you could call me that. By the way, Lu Yibei, you’ve worked really hard at the Southern Suburbs Slaughterhouse yesterday.”

What the…? Is she trying to hint that… he cursed inwardly, before glancing at the teacup on her table and boasting, “Well, of course! I am born to serve the people! I am for the people!”

They were like two warriors fighting against each other in a deadly battle, and neither of them could find a flaw in one another.

“Then, why didn’t you report any anomalies immediately after repairing the seal yesterday?” she asked.

“Uh, I forgot. My bad. I was busy with something important.”

“And what’s so important for you to neglect your duties, may I ask?”

“I was, uh, watching Mew Mew’s stream?” he blurted out.

The two warriors continued to fight, and though their swords would pierce through each other’s armour, they finally found a middle ground.

“I see,” Jiangli waved her hand, as if announcing for a temporary truce. “I was merely just testing you – the seal of the slaughterhouse is stable, thanks to your work. Good job – now, it is time for you to begin your next task.”

As she spoke, she opened the drawer next to her, took out several sheets of papers neatly stapled onto one another, and spread them out in front of her student.

“These are the new tasks that I have selected specially for you. Take a look at them.”

[URBAN LEGEND 3101

CODENAME: MISSING CHILD

THREAT LEVEL: UNKNOWN

FIRST APPEARANCE: NEW YEAR’S EVE

CASE OVERVIEW: A CHILD ON FUCHUN ROAD MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED AFTER PLAYING WITH HIS FRIENDS. THREE DAYS LATER, AN URBAN LEGEND INCIDENT OCCURRED. ALL INDIVIDUALS AFFECTED REPORTEDLY RECEIVED AN INVITATION TO A GAME OF HIDE-AND-SEEK…]

…

[URBAN LEGEND 2204

CODENAME: THE HAPPY COMMUNITY THAT CANNOT LIVE BEYOND FORTY

THREAT LEVEL: UNKNOWN

FIRST APPEARANCE: APRIL 15th, 2015

CASE OVERVIEW: AN UNREPORTED URBAN LEGEND CIRCULATES WITHIN THIS COMMUNITY, WHICH IS KNOWN FOR ITS HIGHEST HAPPINESS INDEX IN THE CITY. IT IS BELIEVED THAT THEIR HAPPINESS COMES AT A PRICE, WHERE NONE OF ITS RESIDENCE CAN LIVE PAST THE AGE OF FORTY…]

…

[URBAN LEGEND 0102

CODENAME: CURSED NOTE

THREAT LEVEL: UNKNOWN

FIRST APPERANCE: UNKNOWN

CASE OVERVIEW: CURSED NOTES ARE CIRCULATING WITHIN VARIOUS HIGH SCHOOLS IN HUACHENG. THOUGH INITIALLY THOUGHT TO BE A PRANK DEVELOPED BY STUDENTS, AFFECTED STUDENTS WHO DID NOT CREATE THREE ADDITIONAL COPIES TO BE DISSEMINATED ARE THEN MET WITH CONSEQUENCES. SEE ADDENDUM 1 FOR FURTHER INFORMATION…]

…

[Your love will never fade, and so will your loved ones. Huacheng’s Niujiao Mountain Cemetery welcomes you and your loved ones with open arms!…]

The first three files already filled Yibei with confusion, but when he opened up the fourth file, his expression morphed greatly.

“N-no! What do you mean by this?” he asked, holding the leaflet up. “Are you threatening me that if I don’t complete these tasks, you’ll bury me alive?!”

“It’s not what you think,” she explained, gently plucking the leaflet away from his hand. “Generally speaking, before we bury you, we would need to borrow a special incinerator from the mental hospital and visit a crematorium”

“Besides,” she continued. “As a member of the Night Division, it is reasonable to prepare a grave for our members as soon as possible.”

“Uh…”

“It’s one of the main employee benefits that has been around since the start of the organization.”

“That’s… a weird benefit.”

“It is.”

“That’s way too shady. I don’t want to be buried – can I claim some other employee benefit instead?”

She thought for a moment, before politely declining, “No – pick one of the cases, see which one you like better.”

Vaccaria, I have selected these tasks because they are the most compatible with the commissions in the urban legend forum! She added in her heart.

From Jiangli’s seasoned point-of-view, there is an unquantifiable amount of danger in investigating cases that coincide with the commissions in the urban legend forums. Hence, it is best to complete them with a partner.

However, what she was doing goes against Night Division policy – the only reliable partner she could rely on was none other than Lu Yibei.

One problem. I am unsure how to recruit him as my investigation partner.

“Uh, Jiangli?” he asked shakily as he read through the files again and again. “These cases seem a little scary. Are you sure somebody like me, a new Night Division employee, will be able to take them on?”

“Oh, I would have forgotten if you didn’t mention it,” Jiangli explained. “New recruits cannot take on cases with Threat Levels exceeding D+, but worry not! I found a loophole!”

She randomly selected a file and pointed towards the Threat Level on the file, “All the cases that I chose have an unknown threat level, so technically, you are allowed to investigate them.”

Looking at his shocked face, she suddenly put on an elder-like tone with sincerity, saying, “I am doing this for your own good, Yibei. I am trying to make it so you become one of the main Operators of the Night Division as soon as possible.”

For my own good… damn you, Genius Mahjong Girl! I know what you’re trying to do! He grumbled inwardly.

“I still don’t think this is appropriate,” he put his hands up in doubt. “I barely even know how to cast a spell, and to take on a case like this? I think…”

“Isn’t Bai Kai your guardian? I’ll have you know that he is currently one of our strongest Operators of Huacheng’s Night Division. Are you telling me that he hasn’t handed you anything to help you out? Did he not even train you? That’s weird. That’s very suspicious.”

“He… did?” he pondered for a moment, coming up with a half-truth, half-lie, “Shui only taught me how to cast a fireball, I think?”

“Enough with all the ‘I think’s. There is no need to complicate things,” she interrupted. “I believe in your ability to tackle on these cases. If anything, your little fireball would be more than enough to complete these.”

Please don’t tell me these are the matters she had to attend to before calling me here. Wait – is she holding a grudge because of what happened last night? She wants me dead, no?!

He gritted his teeth, selecting a sheet of papers from the table before stuffing it into his coat pocket. He turned around, prepared to dip before Jiangli called out to him.

“Wait, Yibei, one last thing…”

He turned around, only to be greeted with a terrifying smile that could literally stop a child from crying forever.

“You got this! May Mew Mew be with you on your mission!”

“?!”

TRANSLATOR NOTES:

From the last chapter, both entities occupying Yibei’s body have actually been mentioned previously – Nüba (or, just Ba) has sort of been mentioned (iirc, not frequently by name but by incantation) in the fire-based spells that Witch-bei casts (the one that starts with ‘Desolate wilderness, ash…’, you know, considering that Nüba is the goddess of drought, and the incantation paints an image of drought. We can finally put two-and-two together, woohoo!). In (Witch) Lilim’s case, she has only been mentioned by name once in the epilogue of Season 2 (read on Nightcore Novels). Just writing this down to clear up some confusion in the comments section!

EDIT: (one day after posting) I’ve switched up the TL a bit due to some mistakes in dialogue. Thank you catventurer4 for pointing them out, especially the dialogue part; I tried formatting this so that the paragraphs are spaced more evenly just like in NightcoreNovels so that it isn’t an eyesore to read but… :v not really sure how to fix this since it looks normal on the WordPress site, but I hope y’all are able to bear with the inconsistent paragraph spacing ToT.

As always, if you’d like to support this translation, you can do so at https://ko-fi.com/slicedbreadsbakery! Any amount helps!