Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

I let out a long breath the moment the door clicked shut behind Haru and leaned back against it for a second, my shoulders finally loosening.

Then I smiled.

“He sure grew up...” I murmured.

I thought about the way he carried himself now. But honestly it was weird that my dream brother had a stronger thing for me than ever. I always noticed the way he looked at me with admiration and something else in his face ever since he learned that I was learning martial arts. The real one struggled to not to look at me all evening.

Why had Baku rolled back time so much in his dream world? Were all his figments based on real people like Mom and Haru? Were they all people who had prayed to him at some point? Copied people, copied lives, copied relationships, all arranged into an ideal world for me to train in?

I wondered if Haru had always been this age. Probably.

I frowned and pushed off the door, walking farther into the apartment.

My thoughts sat in me strangely.

“I wonder if I should text Natalia-sama and let her know I’m doing fine...” I muttered, pulling my phone out.

I unlocked it and stood there thinking for a moment, my thumb hovering uselessly over the screen while another thought came in right behind it.

“I think there was some room in the closet for more clothes to hang up... so maybe I don’t have to tell her I don’t want them.”

I finished walking back toward the living room while I thought out loud, the habit feeling a little silly, but it was a little comforting in the now quiet apartment.

“I remember seeing some nice clothes on the rack she reserved for me in her closet that I didn’t look too closely at back then. But if it causes her a financial burden, I’ll tell her that I’ll be just fine wearing Reiko’s clothes and just get a few more that suit me a little more over time.”

That made me laugh under my breath.

It was weird thinking that after two months living as Sumire had changed me so much. These were all small things that I wouldn’t have understood just after changing into a girl.

If I told her I didn’t need her clothes, Natalia-sama would probably smile at me and then send twice as many just because I tried to refuse politely.

Still holding my phone, I wandered to the sliding door opening to the balcony, happening to glance up, looking outside.

The moon hovered there over the railing, pale and low.

And beneath it were two glowing eyes, mirroring the moon and reflecting its light.

I stopped walking.

They blinked slowly at me.

“What’s that?”

I frowned, forgetting about Natalia-sama for the moment, and stared at whatever it was. The eyes kept watching me. The shape around them was dark enough at first that I couldn’t quite make it out, a low still form perched on the balcony. Then it turned its head just slightly, and the moonlight caught delicate whiskers and a feline face.

“A cat?” I said softly. “What’s it doing up here?”

I searched through Reiko’s memories on instinct, looking for anything useful. There were a few cats in there. Strays spotted on side streets. A café with one sleeping in the window. A cat curled up on a wall she passed once and admired without stopping. Nothing that seemed relevant. There was nothing about this particular cat. I was reasonably sure she had never owned one.

The cat kept staring at me.

“I wonder if it’s hungry...” I murmured.

I thought about what I had in the kitchen and made a face.

Nothing in the refrigerator worth mentioning. Nothing a cat ought to eat anyway, unless it had some very strange taste and a willingness to live off raw Kewpie mayo, which I doubted would be good for it even if it accepted the offer.

I hurried into the kitchen and started opening cabinets.

My mouth twisted when I found what I expected.

“As I thought... but I wonder if they’re Tomoka’s...”

I pulled down a bag of dried anchovies and stared at it for a second. I wasn’t much for eating dried fish with their little heads still on, so offering a few up to a cat felt less like generosity and more like finally finding someone who might appreciate them other than Tomoka.

“That should be fine.”

I carried the bag back to the door to the balcony and opened it.

I half expected the cat to bolt the instant the glass moved.

It didn’t.

It only looked at me.

I stepped outside without speaking, careful not to move too directly at it. The night air brushed cool against my face. The balcony wood gave a faint little creak under my feet. I stopped a comfortable distance away, opened the bag, took a small handful of dried anchovies, and laid them down on the boards near the railing.

Then I backed off a step and waited.

The cat looked at the fish.

Then at me.

Then back at the fish again.

Its eyes were an odd yellow in the moonlight, bright enough to seem unnatural for a second, though maybe that was only because the balcony light behind me was low and the whole scene felt unreal after the evening I’d had. It was a small cat, lean and elegant rather than scruffy, with fur dark enough that the moon only picked out its edges cleanly at the tips of the ears, the line of its cheek, the fall of its tail curled around its paws.

“You’re not scared of people?” I asked softly.

The cat blinked again.

I crouched slowly, resting one arm on my knee, and kept my other hand well away from it.

“How did you get up here?” I asked. “Did you sprout wings?”

That earned me nothing but another steady stare.

I smiled despite myself.

“Fair enough.”

For a few seconds neither of us moved. The apartment behind me was quiet. The city beyond was fairly quiet, a few cars running, the faint murmuring of neighbor’s televisions leaking out of their apartments, and one dog barking far off and then stopping. The moonlight bathed the railing and the cat’s whiskers and the tiny fish laid in a neat little pile between us.

After a while, at last, it stepped forward.

Not hurriedly, nor warily.

It lowered its head and began eating.

I watched it in silence, oddly relieved by how ordinary that looked. It crunched into a fish, slowly swallowing it. Another little fish was taken neatly between its teeth. It didn’t make a mess as it ate. It didn’t gobble the fish, eating with surprising dignity, the way cats tended to, even while accepting handouts from strangers.

“Hm,” I said. “So you really were as hungry as I thought.”

The cat flicked one ear at me without looking up.

My phone was still in my hand.

That reminded me.

I unlocked it again with my free thumb and finally typed out a message to Natalia-sama.

しのはらすみれ304: I’m home safely. A lot happened today. I’ll explain tomorrow if that’s alright. Thank you again for everything.

I looked at the words for a second before sending, then added:

The apartment really is nice.

Then, after another second of hesitation:

And please don’t worry too much.

I sent it before I could overthink it and set the phone down beside me on the balcony boards.

The cat had almost finished by then. It licked delicately at one paw, then fixed me with those moonlit eyes again.

“You’re very elegant,” I murmured. “More than me, at least.”

The cat did not seem impressed.

I laughed quietly.

The laughter faded fast enough that the silence opened back up around me. With it came the rest of the night. Haru’s face during our match. Having taken his hand when we ran. Tomoka’s mouth on mine. Mom’s warmth. The old ache of seeing what used to be my house, stepping into it and leaving it again. Reiko’s apartment too. For the moment, my apartment, a place that still felt borrowed. I didn’t think that I’d see this place again either.

It was as though finding myself meant putting together pieces of who I was over the last few months, rather than my original self. I had plans to integrate some of that too, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after.

My smile thinned.

“I still don’t know what I’m doing,” I admitted to the cat.

It sat there, listening better than most people.

“I’m making stuff up as I go. That’s probably obvious.”

The cat just blinked slowly.

I wrapped my arms loosely around one knee while I sat there, leaning against the railing, the cooling night air slipping under my shirt.

“There are so many people in my heart,” I said quietly. “Too many things I’m supposed to become. It feels like if I stop moving for even a minute, my old self might catch up with me.”

The cat lowered its gaze to lick one paw again.

“I guess that wasn’t very interesting,” I said.

My phone buzzed softly beside me.

Natalia-sama had answered already.

きゅうびのひかり: Good. I’m relieved. Message me tomorrow. Let me know how your search for a job goes. Sleep well, Sumire-chan.

I stared at the message and felt my chest loosen just a little.

“She types like herself… no shorthand or any slang,” I murmured.

The cat had risen to its feet by then.

“You’re going somewhere?”

It paused near the railing and looked back at me.

I don’t know why, but I had the faintest feeling it understood more than people would suspect.

Then it jumped up onto the rail in one smooth motion and balanced there for a breath beneath the moon, and sprang away into the dark.

I rose quickly and stepped forward, reaching the railing in time to see only the last flick of its tail vanish into the shadows below.

“Cats are really impressive animals...” I whispered, shaking my head. I wondered why it didn’t stay. Maybe it had chosen this balcony as its home since no one had been living here regularly for a while.

I stood there for a few more seconds, looking out into the dark where it had gone.

Then I gathered the bag of dried anchovies and carried my phone back inside, leaving the few tiny anchovy crumbs left on the boards and headed back inside, sliding the balcony door shut behind me.

The apartment felt quiet again, not quite as lonely as before.

I let out a quiet breath when I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

The apartment was finally still. No Haru staring at me. No Tomoka kissing me stupid. No Ayaka looking at me with those warm motherly eyes, even though I was almost a stranger to her. That made my chest hurt in a way I still didn’t know how to deal with.

It was just me, the tiled bath room, and the little sounds of a place that was mine now.

I moved to the tub and turned the faucet on.

There was no water in the bathtub. That made sense. No one had been living here. Tomoka hadn’t been wasting money keeping bathwater hot for no reason. Nothing but cold water came out at first. I waited until the temperature started climbing, then crouched to plug the drain and let the tub begin to fill.

While the water ran, I went back into the dressing area and started undressing.

I slipped Reiko’s jacket off first and hung it carefully where it wouldn’t wrinkle. Then I set my phone aside and pulled my shirt over my head. My skirt followed. I sat on the edge of the washer and tugged down my stockings one at a time, smoothing them as I took them off without focusing much on it.

A thought from girl Sumire’s memories drifted through me while I was doing that.

The weather was going to get cold soon. It would be uncomfortable wearing clothes like this for much longer without leg warmers and other things better suited for lower temperatures.

I smiled to myself.

It wasn’t just two months of dream memories crammed into my brain. It was sixteen years of a life I hadn’t directly lived and yet in some ways felt more clear than the one I actually had. Those memories sat in a different place from the ones where I grew up as an awkward boy with a face people found frightening. I didn’t need those memories anymore. Even if I could throw them away, though, I still wouldn’t completely be who I was now.

It was strange how a dream life could feel more real to me than the one I had actually lived.

I peeled off my panties and unfastened my bra, my fingers much more dexterous than they had been two or three real-world days ago. These things didn’t feel completely normal yet, but only a tiny part of me still resisted. That part was bigger than it had been in the dream world with all my memories suppressed and hidden from me, but now they weren’t. In the dream world, I had learned how to make that voice quieter and less insistent.

I went quickly to the washing area beside the tub and glanced over at the water level.

Half full by now.

Good.

Steam rose from the surface and that steam continued to build in the air, increasing the humidity.

I sat on the stool and reached for the shower head. The thought came uninvited that Reiko had used this stool before. Tomoka probably had too. Maybe Tomoka had been the last one sitting here, completely naked, rinsing her hair in this exact place.

I felt myself blush.

DOKI-DOKI

What would it be like if she came back and things got out of hand between us?

As pushy as Akuchi could be, none of the other women in my life had been like Aoi except for Tomoka. Well, not quite. Rui had gotten her fill of my breasts and more than a few kisses. At least one of those kisses had been started by me. Still, Tomoka was different. Strong in a very direct way, comfortable with sweeping me off balance.

I wet my hair and started shampooing it carefully the way my mother had taught me, massaging it in with both hands and making sure the whole length got worked through properly. Then I rinsed it out and let the suds run down over my chest, my back, and my stomach as the soap left it. I applied conditioner next, especially to the ends, and left it in while I reached for the bottle of rose body wash and Reiko’s sponge.

That made me blush again.

I soaked the sponge, worked the body wash into it, and started washing myself properly, making sure every centimeter of me was scrubbed clean. My neck. My shoulders. My arms. Under my breasts. My stomach. My thighs. I left my crotch for water alone, not out of fear or squeamishness, just because those parts were sensitive and didn’t need rough scrubbing or soap getting in there. That was something else that Mom taught me.

When I passed the sponge over my breasts, I flushed harder.

I wasn’t immune to it. Not completely. Running the sponge over my nipples sent little jolts up my back and made my stomach tighten in a way that was embarrassing and impossible to deny.

I rinsed myself well and washed my backside too, careful and thorough.

It still struck me sometimes how naturally I could touch and wash this body now. Then again, Reiko had become my wife in our hearts in the dream world. That gave me every right. But it wasn’t only that. This body was mine now no matter how I looked at it. Being shy about my own body was a good way to lose my mind.

I rinsed my crotch carefully, running my fingers through to make sure anything inside there, sweat, dampness, a stray bit of toilet paper, anything at all, washed clean away.

Then I straightened, hearing the bath nearing its limit.

I hurried over, shut off the faucet, and turned the bath heater on, nudging the temperature a little closer to where I wanted it. After that I sat one last time to rinse the conditioner from my hair, then got up smelling the rose body wash faintly on my own skin.

I wrapped my hair up with a small towel, twisting it into place, and climbed into the bath.

The heat took me at once.

I sank down slowly with a little shiver of delight and smiled in reflex. The water felt so nice that for a moment I could only stare at the far wall and let my eyes drift closed.

Then Haru’s younger voice came back to me from the dream.

“Wake up, baka. Don’t sleep in there. You’ll drown.”

I jerked my eyes open and sighed.

“It’s kind of dangerous taking a bath at the end of the day.”

I yawned and focused on staying awake.

I soaked there for a while, letting my thoughts go where they wanted. To Tomoka, the cat on the balcony, about how much Haru had changed and my fights today.

I’d had three fights in one day.

I shook my head in disbelief.

Was I going to end up fighting someone every single day now?

With only five days left, really soon to be four, before the exam, getting in all the practice I could was practical. That didn’t mean I went looking for chances to beat people up. Reiko hadn’t taught me martial arts for that.

I wondered how much time Tomoka had to come and spar with me before then.

I should text her before sleeping.

I should, but tomorrow already felt crowded. I needed to go to Midorigaoka and see whether that assistant coaching job with the volleyball team might be a good fit. Whatever I did had to be flexible enough that I could be free on the day of the exam and there were things I wanted to do. I needed to recover some things from my old apartment. I wondered if Rui would need some of my time too.

I wonder what she’s doing…

Maybe Mom’s suggestion would be better.

If I became a model, maybe I could set my own appointments. Or maybe a manager could work around my schedule if it didn’t work that way. The thought embarrassed me a little. It wasn’t that different from wanting to be an idol, but there’d be less singing and dancing. It also felt like the only real skill involved was having a nice body.

Well, maybe some kind of personality and behavior mattered too.

I stayed in until I worried my fingers would prune if I pushed it much longer. Then I got out, dripping, and reached for a towel.

I dried myself carefully, rubbing the towel over my skin, then unwrapped my hair and worked it dry enough that I could blow-dry the rest without it dripping all over the apartment. While the dryer hummed, I found myself wondering whether Reiko had anything like pajamas.

Did she sleep naked or did she wear something light?

Once my hair was dry enough, I took my phone and wandered out into the apartment with a towel wrapped around me, the smaller towel from my hair already tossed into the bathroom hamper. I went to the clothes that weren’t hung up, the ones stored in storage bins and started searching through them for sleepwear.

There were a few nightgowns.

No especially cute pajamas.

There were tanks and soft bottoms, though. Those would work.

I chose those instead, remembering with a groan how I ruined one of Natalia-sama’s best nightgowns the first time I woke up as a girl. I’d peed all over myself and soaked the soft fabric, partly because my bladder was smaller and partly because I hadn’t expected it to be so hard to find my waistband in a panic. Guys didn’t sit down to pee. At least I never had until now. I certainly hadn’t expected to wake up in Reiko’s body and discover that I’d done something horribly embarrassing right away.

I sighed in embarrassment at the memory of Rui and Ume taking turns at my breasts while I was helpless and disoriented, shamelessly taking advantage of the situation. It hadn’t gone any farther than that despite Akuchi’s best efforts to get to me.

I pulled on a clean pair of Reiko’s panties, then the soft bottoms, then the tank over my breasts.

After that I finally got into bed.

There was only one pillow, the one under my head.

I frowned at it, then at the empty space beside me.

When I was a guy, I slept without holding onto anything. It had never mattered. Now the lack of something to hug left me feeling oddly restless. I turned onto my side with a soft sigh and admitted to myself that I needed to buy another pillow somewhere, sometime.

That realization embarrassed me a little.

It felt almost childish, as if I needed stuffed animals for comfort or something equally silly. I’d had plenty of those in the dream world and hadn’t even touched them while I was there.

How childish can you be?

I chewed my lip, then picked up my phone from beside me and sent a quick message to Tomoka.

しのはらすみれ304: I’d like to spar sometime when you’re free. I’ll be busy tomorrow finding a job. But soon. Please let me know if you can!

I stared at the message after sending it and yawned.

Maybe it was too late to expect a reply. Maybe she was already asleep.

I was almost ready to set the phone aside when it buzzed in my hand.

ともラテ: I would love to. I’m not free tomorrow, but in a few days, I should have some time. I’ll let you know if anything changes. I look forward to it!

I smiled without thinking and typed back at once.

しのはらすみれ304: Thank you. That sounds fine. What I need to do will take some days. I look forward to it too!

I set the phone down after that and let my eyes close.

I still wished I had something to wrap my arms around, but I was tired enough now that the wish wasn’t too nagging and rest came for me anyway.

Noncanon, but some lovely fanservice! I only say that because the apartment changed drastically and her bed turned into a futon.

It’s canon enough since Sumire’s fast asleep at this point, lol.

Special thanks to PrincessArylin, ShinjiHinako, Assurbanipal II (Achan) for beta reading book three!