Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

While Ayaka moved the rice cooker to the table, I grabbed dishes from the cabinets and started portioning out everything we had made. I laid the hamburg steaks neatly over the plates, spooned the glossy sauce over each one carefully, then arranged the vegetables so the colors stood out well together. It was not anything too elaborate, but I could not stop myself from trying to make each dish look good. My mother had taught me how important that was. If you were going to feed people, you should make the meal look special. It was about putting the most of your heart into your cooking.

Ayaka noticed what I was doing at once.

She stood there for a moment with the rice cooker in her arms, smiling at me as though I had done something unexpectedly precious. I couldn’t help blushing lightly as I worked.

“It wouldn’t do if you ruined all that work by serving it without extra love,” she said, understanding. Of course she would. The dream version of her had taught me everything I knew.

I smiled faintly and adjusted a hamburg steak, moving it a tiny smidgen before turning back to the next.

By then Haru had come into the kitchen, his hands streaked with dirt from the yard, the cuffs of his shirt a little dusty.

“Change your clothes before eating, Haru,” Ayaka said.

He nodded at once.

“Right.”

He hurried out of the kitchen and turned right toward the hall that led to the master bedroom on the ground floor, the bathroom down here and the stairs without arguing, but not before glancing at me again on the way out. I kept my eyes on the plates and pretended not to notice.

Ayaka watched him go, then looked back at the table with a soft sense of satisfaction. She clearly wasn’t unhappy with life in moments like this.

“Please sit,” she said as I finished. “We’ll wait for Haru and then we’ll start eating.”

I nodded.

“Yes.”

“The plates look great,” she said, walking over to me to look more closely. “You’re so skilled at cooking, you might be able to land a job as a cook or chef.”

I felt my face warm.

“My mom was a very good teacher,” I said. “She was obsessed with preparing me for college, always worried that I’d eat poorly and...”

Ayaka laughed. It was almost a giggle.

“She wanted to make sure that you would make a good wife.”

My lips tightened a little at that and I tilted my head, letting out a quiet sigh.

She noticed my little sigh. “Did she know that you...” Ayaka trailed off, looking at me meaningfully.

“Know what?”

Ayaka flushed faintly and said nothing.

Then it clicked.

“...Ah.” I laughed softly.

She had probably figured out on her own that I preferred women.

Maybe she won’t be so after me to marry Haru at least.

The thought of her chasing after me for that made my skin crawl.

I took a seat and so did Ayaka. She looked at me across the table with a thoughtful expression, but said nothing yet.

It wasn’t long before Haru came back in and sat down without ceremony, wearing fresher clothes, all the dirt smudges washed off.

I realized only then that I had unconsciously taken the chair next to him, the one I always used in the dream world. The two chairs across from us had always been for my parents. The one farthest from the door was my father’s.

I had not even thought about how Ayaka had taken her usual chair too.

I could have taken Dad’s seat, but that would have felt wrong even to me, and this was awkward enough already.

I made sure not to look at Haru.

“Let’s eat,” Ayaka said brightly. “Pray if you want, but we don’t.”

I smiled. “I do sometimes, but it’s rare.”

Then I waited for Haru to start before I touched my food.

The first bite of hamburg steak was so good that it almost made me close my eyes. The outside had browned properly, the inside stayed tender, and the sauce had reduced just enough to cling without feeling too heavy. The onions had melted into the meat the way they should, leaving notes of sweetness behind without any bite. The rice was hot and soft, and the vegetables beside it had just enough seasoning to keep them from feeling like an afterthought. The cabbage was crisp and cool against the richness of the sauce.

Haru was the first of us to react aloud.

“This food is very good!”

He did not say anything about the presentation, going straight for the taste, eating like someone who had come home starving. Haru ate exactly the same way he always did, but there was a slight difference. He slowed down fractionally. When he noticed me glancing at him, he slowed down even more.

A faint smile slipped onto my face before I could stop it, and Ayaka answered with one of her own.

“Sumire did most of everything, Haru. I feel so bad for watching her cook, but there was something mesmerizing about her technique. Ah!” She looked right at me now. “You remind me so much of myself when I was your age!” Ayaka clapped her hands lightly near her plate, then took a bite of Hamburg Steak with potato and beamed at both of us.

I nodded and swallowed.

“Thank you. I’m glad that went so well.”

I could feel Haru’s eyes drift toward me again.

So annoying.

I kept my attention on my food and refused to give him any reason to think I wanted to be sitting too close to him.

“You should compliment her too,” Ayaka said intently.

“I did,” Haru complained at once. “It’s really good, okay? Her cooking is very good. Are you happy, Mom?”

I laughed despite myself.

“You don’t have to try that hard, H...” I coughed to cover it before his name finished slipping out. “Y-you have such a lovely home, Ayaka. Thanks for having me over for this meal.”

“You shouldn’t be thanking me when you did all the work.”

“Not all.” I shook my head. “You’re a great cooking partner.”

Ayaka beamed.

After that we focused on eating for a while instead of talking, and I was grateful for it. The table felt warm as it always did, although I missed Dad. I couldn’t help glancing at his empty chair and Ayaka noticed that too, but she didn’t say anything about it. 

The steam from the rice rose in small clouds every time Ayaka lifted the lid every time someone asked for extra. I got one more serving of rice and Haru asked three times. The sauce soaked into the rice in the best way when I plated the food, although there wasn’t much left for the next servings. 

Haru ate quickly, without trying to look refined about it, and Ayaka scolded him once for that before giving up and laughing instead. I took smaller bites than both of them, but not because I was not hungry. I wanted to hold onto the moment, the feelings of the meal a little longer. Cooking only for myself tonight would have filled my stomach, but my heart wouldn’t have been as full. Cooking for other people felt emotionally satisfying.

I remembered how much Ume lit up whenever we ate her curry. I couldn’t help turning a little pink, understanding how she felt. I decided that I would cook for Rui, Ume, Natalia-sama, and Akuchi someday too, though I was sure Ume wouldn’t be able to resist getting involved. Then she’d slip in the same herbal additives she always used, ingredients that nourished yōkai bodies but added a strange flavor, loaded with all her love, enough to leave you in tears. 

Haru, naturally, finished first.

“Can I have seconds of the Hamburg Steak?”

Ayaka stood at once. “Of course. She cooked four patties in case.” She looked at me and smiled as she took his plate and went to serve him again while I finished the last of mine, feeling pleasantly full. The warmth in my chest surprised me a little. It would have been lonelier if I had only cooked for myself tonight. Even with Haru’s attention drifting toward me every so often, the meal had left me satisfied in a deeper way.

Then he looked at me again.

That did it.

I finally glanced his way and made a little shooing motion at him with my fingers.

He flushed and looked away immediately, getting the message.

Ayaka laughed on her way back to the table and set a fresh plate in front of him.

“Be careful, Haru. You’ll get fat if you keep eating so much.”

“It hasn’t yet,” Haru protested. “If I start getting fat, I’ll go on a diet.”

“You should prevent it from happening by holding back,” Ayaka admonished him.

“With food this good? Don’t be ridiculous.”

That drew a small blush out of me and the corner of my mouth lifted.

It felt almost like old times.

I still wasn’t sure Haru hadn’t had a thing for me even when he was my brother in the dream world. This would only get worse if I mishandled things. I hadn’t counted on running into him, though I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t thought of that when I accepted Ayaka’s invitation. It was probably because I wanted a chance to be close to her again. She was the closest thing to a real mother that I ever had. My birth mother cooked well, but the face I was born with even scared her. Not since I was small had she held me in her arms, let alone bathed with me. She helped me become independent and then left me to figure everything else out on my own. I ended up speaking with my father a little more than her, and even then he preferred hiding behind his paper to talking. I knew he was using it so he wouldn’t have to look at me, and that pissed me off. 

I probably shouldn’t come here too often... just when I have the time.

I stood and picked up my plate, then reached for Ayaka’s too before she could stop me.

She stared at me for a second and laughed.

“You’re going to take that away from me too?”

“Why not?” I smiled. “I’m full of energy after that great meal. Thanks again.”

I carried the dishes to the sink and started washing them at once. Then I glanced over my shoulder at Haru.

“Bring yours over when you’re done.”

Ayaka, still at the table, shook her head in delight.

“She fits in with us as though...” She trailed off and did not finish the sentence.

It did not take Haru long to finish what was on his plate.

He got up almost at once, came over with his dish, lifting the rice cooker on the way and depositing it onto the counter and took the inner pot out to empty what was left into a storage container to cool. He moved quickly, a little too much so, like he was trying to stay closer to me.

“You’re making me feel guilty,” he said. “Not taking better care of my own mom.”

“Says the man that just spent an hour weeding his mother’s yard,” I said as I rinsed the last of the sauce from a plate. “I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I won’t be here all the time, so don’t worry.”

“You make it sound like I hate the idea,” Haru mumbled.

I didn’t say anything as I finished washing and took the rice pot, quickly rinsing away the little bit of starch scum that had clung to the sides and bottom despite Ayaka washing the rice so well. 

Ayaka came over then and before I could turn fully toward her, she put a familiar hand on my back and pulled me into an impulsive hug.

My cheeks went pink as she did that and on impulse, I returned her hug, enjoying the moment.

At least we can share moments like this even though you have no idea how I feel…

“It’s getting late, Sumire,” she said. “Would you like to stay over tonight in our guest room? There’s one that only guests use. There’s a bathroom right next to it. You can have a nice bath, and you can borrow a pair of my pajamas if you’d like.”

For a second, the offer hit me exactly where it was meant to. Warmly and tenderly. Staying would have been lovely.

Then I thought of Haru sleeping under the same roof while already looking at me like this.

No.

I smiled and thought about it just long enough not to seem rude before shaking my head.

“That sounds wonderful, but I must decline.” I bowed a little to her after she let me go. “I’m looking forward to trying out the bath at my new apartment, and there are things that I want to do tomorrow. So I’ll go before it gets too dark, not that it matters.”

“This neighborhood is generally safe, even at night,” Ayaka said, “but I still don’t like sending a young woman walking home when it’s getting dark outside.”

“Don’t worry. I can take care of myself.” I gave her a little wink.

“Right. You’re a martial artist!”

Haru stared at me, and even without looking straight at him I could practically hear the sound of his chances shrinking in his head.

“Right.” I smiled. “I’m sorry to eat and dash, but...”

“Could I have your contact information, Sumire?” Ayaka asked.

“Absolutely,” I said without hesitation.

Ayaka brightened at once, hurried to her purse, and took out her cellphone.

“How do I do this again?”

“Do you have a LANE account and an email account?” I asked.

“Yes. Both.”

I took her phone gently, tapped through it to get things ready and then went to where my jacket hung and took my own phone from the pocket. After a little fiddling, I bumped the phones together, finished the exchange, and handed hers back.

“That’s it.”

Ayaka looked at the screen and smiled in satisfaction.

“Is it okay if I rely on you sometimes, Sumire?” she asked.

“If I’m available, I don’t mind.” I nodded. “Just message me on LANE. It’s the most direct way.”

“Right. Thanks for all the help.” Then she turned to Haru with a very pointed look. “I would feel bad if she goes home alone. Will you escort her to her apartment complex?”

“No.” I crossed my arms at once. “It’s fine. I can take care of myself.”

Haru hesitated and said nothing.

Ayaka clapped her hands together in a small pleading gesture.

“Please. I won’t rest properly unless he sees you home. I’d hate for anything to happen to you.”

I flushed and sighed, then looked at Haru with open annoyance.

“He’d better be ready to go soon.”

I walked briskly to my jacket and pulled it on.

“Thanks for having me, Ayaka... it was wonderful.”

I knew I was being a little rude, but if hurrying could get me out of Haru tagging along, I was willing to risk it.

Haru had barely taken two steps toward the door when Ayaka leaned toward his ear and whispered, “Don’t let her get away.”

He flushed and recoiled a little, stopping.

“Mom… I was going.”

“She’s quite a woman, Haru. I like her.” Ayaka’s eyes shone with impossible optimism. “It would be wonderful to be able to call her my daughter. I can imagine the children you’ll have.”

Haru frowned so hard it almost hurt.

“You like her, don’t you? You stared enough at her.”

“...Yeah,” he admitted, embarrassed. “But she’s way out of my class. There’s no way I could...”

“You’ll never know that if you don’t even try.” Ayaka poked him lightly and winked.

“Augh...” He clutched his head. “There’s no way...”

“She’s very nice… but I get the impression that she’s yuri.”

“That’s even worse, Mom,” Haru hissed.

“Not necessarily.” Ayaka folded her arms and nodded as though she had come upon a brilliant strategy. “I’ve known some girls that were attracted to girls in school, but they eventually grew out of it. Maybe Sumire will too.”

Haru looked at her blankly.

By then Sumire was already gone. She must have sensed what kind of conversation they were having even through their lowered voices, because the front door had clicked shut before he fully processed it.

“Maybe not...”

“If you become her friend first,” Ayaka continued, undeterred, “you might be able to sweep her off her feet if a girl breaks her heart badly enough that she starts looking at men.”

Haru sighed again.

“...Fine...”

“Go on. She’ll leave you behind if you keep dragging your feet.” Ayaka gave him a small push toward the door.

“I’d have followed her faster if you hadn’t stopped me.” He glared, flushed harder, then ran out anyway.

Ayaka laughed and turned to make herself a cup of tea.

Special thanks to PrincessArylin, ShinjiHinako, Assurbanipal II (Achan) for beta reading book three!