Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

We sat at one of the empty tables nearby because it gave us time to speak and cool off.

A crossbreeze moved through the brick arcade in slow cooling currents, carrying the faint smell of coffee and old stone and city air that had passed over water before slipping in under the tracks. My bag rested by my chair. Tomoka sat beside me rather than across from me, close enough that I could feel the heat of her body in the space between us. I was still trying to understand how I had gone from being harassed on a station platform to being dragged out here, sparring seriously with Tomoka, and then being kissed so deeply that my knees had almost given way.

I unscrewed the cap on my ocha with fingers that still did not feel fully steady and took a long drink.

Tomoka watched my throat move.

Then she said, “Can I have some of that?”

I stared at her.

She did not look embarrassed for having asked. If anything, the faint flush in her face only made her look more certain of herself.

“Sure,” I said, taking another small sip just because the way she asked made me need a second, then passed it to her.

“Thanks.” Tomoka said before drinking from the same place my mouth had been on the rim without any hesitation. After a kiss, worrying about things like indirect kisses would be ridiculous and childish. The sight of that should not have affected me as much as it did, but it did. Even knowing all that, my face warmed again. I looked away toward the open side of the arcade and tried not to think about the way her tongue had pushed into my mouth a few minutes ago or how strong she had felt when she grabbed my jacket.

It was not as deep as what I felt for my wife. I knew that. There was no comparison there.

But the similarities were too hard to ignore.

Someone strong enough to stand in front of me, force me to fight seriously, and then kiss me like that was always going to hit me in a dangerous place.

Tomoka set the bottle back on the table between us and leaned back a little in her chair, exhaling through her nose.

“You’re definitely Reiko,” she said. “But your face is a little different.”

I turned to look at her.

“It’s not in your features or your body,” she went on. “It’s how you hold yourself and what I see when I look into your eyes.” Her gaze stayed on mine, too direct to escape comfortably. “And I have to confess that what I see there makes me feel even more strongly.”

I swallowed.

“What do you mean?”

Tomoka rested one arm on the table. “Your eyes are full of resolve, but they also express femininity. A softness… A cuteness that Reiko never had.” Her mouth moved slightly, not quite a smile. “Her eyes were usually incredibly piercing and sharp. So what’s going on here? A case of amnesia?”

I looked down at my hands.

“The pictures I saw of the body that had been dropped from that skyscraper were gruesome to say the least,” she said quietly. “There’s no way anyone could actually survive that. But she just had your Number Card on her, so they assumed she was you. So did something happen to you in the subway instead? I also found out about when you disappeared before ‘your dead body’ showed up later.”

I hesitated.

I should have lied to her. That would have been easier and probably safer too.

Instead I heard myself say, “A monster grabbed me on the train. Reiko disappeared for a while.”

Tomoka did not laugh. She did not call me crazy. She only watched my face harder.

“I am Reiko,” I said slowly, “but I’m not really her. It’s too complicated to try to explain it all and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you even a little bit about it.”

“I’d still like to hear what you have to say,” Tomoka said, “whether you think I’ll believe it or not.”

Then she put her hand over mine.

My breath caught.

Her hand was warm and firm, not tentative, not pushing either. Just there. My face heated again, but I did not pull away. I could not even decide whether that was because I liked it or because I froze whenever she touched me after that kiss.

Probably a little of both.

I thought for a few seconds before speaking, “I’m also actually someone that knew and loved Reiko like you.” My voice sounded quieter than I wanted. “I don’t want to go into details. I couldn’t pretend to be Reiko convincingly even though I have her memories.”

Tomoka’s fingers shifted once over the back of my hand.

“Is this some kind of split personality thing?” she asked. “Dissociation after trauma?”

“If only it was that simple,” I said with a wry little laugh.

She was quiet for a moment.

“You’re saying that you’re genuinely someone that knew her?” she asked. “How are you able to fight exactly like her?”

“She trained me hard enough to be able to fight a lot like her.”

Tomoka frowned faintly. “Where did she find that kind of time? I think I would have met you long before if she was spending spare time training someone to be as good as her. We’re both dan rank holders.” She tilted her head. “And then there was that thing where she was dating a rich man. She wouldn’t tell me much about it, but said it was important. I thought that was extremely suspicious, considering that she was a lesbian. She never crushed on any men, unlike me. She always hated it whenever I talked about a man that caught my eye.”

“That was for the sake of her career,” I said. “She wanted to graduate with style by publishing an article that would have exposed the perpetrator of the string of murders over the last years.”

Tomoka’s eyes narrowed as she searched her memory. “I think she did mention something like that. So he was the murderer.”

“Mm.” I nodded. “Anyway...” I looked down at our hands, then back up at her. “I’m Shinohara Sumire, not Tanimura Reiko. I’m sorry, but you kissed an almost stranger.”

“Wow.” Tomoka flushed properly then, not removing her hand on mine, the color touching her cheeks and making her look younger for a second. “Well... I certainly enjoyed the kiss.”

“You started it.” I said, my lips quirked up in the corner.

“You didn’t hate it. You kissed me back like I thought she would if I ever had the courage to do that in the past.”

That sent a fresh wave of heat through me. She wasn’t wrong. Even though how we’d met was strange, I had an assortment of previous memories with her to access. I had the feeling that Reiko would have kissed her back too.

I knew that my reaction showed. There was no chance it didn’t.

Tomoka looked down at our joined hands again and then at me.

“And you said that Reiko is somehow part of you?”

“Yes.” I nodded once. “We’re strangely fused. I don’t know if it’s a forever thing, but I can’t think of a way to change that, and Reiko doesn’t want to come back.”

Tomoka’s brow drew together. “This sounds a lot like a split personality, like she’s laying low in your head.”

“It’s not that simple, I swear.”

“What would happen if you left her body?”

I let out a quiet breath.

“If I could, I don’t know. But this is complicated. She actually possessed me and I now look like her, so this body is hers, but it’s also mine…. changed.”

Tomoka stared at me.

“That makes it sound like she actually died.”

I had no answer for that, at least none that would not hurt her.

The breeze moved through again, lifting a loose strand of her hair against her cheek. Somewhere farther down the arcade a cup clinked softly against a saucer. My pulse had finally begun to calm, only for her to drive it right back up with simple questions.

Tomoka withdrew her hand just enough to sit back more comfortably, though our fingers still touched.

“Anyway,” she said, her voice lower now, “your... Reiko’s mother has been very upset. She spends a lot of time each day with the family shrine grieving. I can’t stand seeing her like that.” She looked at me with a seriousness that made my stomach tighten. “If you have any of Reiko in you like you say, you should go to her and let her know that her daughter’s...”

My throat tightened.

“Whatever I said would be a lie.”

“Probably,” Tomoka said. “And still that would probably be the kindest thing.”

I looked away.

Again, she was not wrong. That only made it worse.

“Is Shinohara Sumire your legal name or just what you’re calling yourself?” she asked.

“Yeah...” I reached into my bag and fished out my wallet to slide out my Number Card, handing it to her.

Tomoka took it and looked down at it for longer than I expected.

“Wow,” she said softly. “That’s surprising. Did you get this through a witness protection program?”

“Kind of.” I took a breath. “It’s more complicated than that, but you’re close to the truth.”

I definitely did not want to tell her that I had frightening yōkai power asleep inside me, or that the official story of Reiko’s death was tangled up with enough horror to poison half this district if spoken out loud.

“You could tell her that then,” Tomoka said, still holding the card. “You were given a new My Number card to protect you from men like the one she dated. We both know how that ended.” She glanced up at me. “Although I’m not sure how the monster was involved in all this. Was it some sort of exotic pet of his?”

I looked at her.

Tomoka looked back without blinking.

Again, she was not quite wrong in the most maddening possible way.

“Sort of,” I admitted. “You’re very perceptive. I don’t know how I feel about going and lying to Reiko’s mother to try to make her feel better.”

“You could try telling her the truth,” Tomoka said. “But I don’t know how she’d react to that. She’d probably still mourn her daughter’s death and then nothing would change.” Her fingers drummed lightly once against my Number Card. “The kinder thing to do would be to make her feel like you’re Reiko, but you have amnesia.”

“I’ll consider it,” I muttered.

“Do you have a cellphone?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s trade information so we can stay in touch.”

I hesitated.

Tomoka lifted one eyebrow. “You let me kiss you.”

“That is not the same thing.”

“Saying that is not helping your argument.” My face burned and I pulled out my phone.

Tomoka had one in her own hand a second later. She leaned closer so our shoulders touched while we exchanged contact information, her fingers moving quickly and neatly over the screen. I tried very hard not to notice the light pressure of her arm against mine.

I failed.

“You even have an email and LANE account under that name,” she said. Then her eyes moved across the screen and sharpened. “But I see that the LANE account was created just today.”

“I just got the phone here in Akiba.”

Tomoka looked up from the phone and studied me again, more intently than before.

“Strange,” she said. “You’re making me think that this fusion thing you’re talking about was extremely recent.”

“You’re far too perceptive.” I blushed and looked away. “I’ve lived like this a little longer than you think, but you’re also right. The person I am was born several days ago.”

Tomoka went still.

Completely still.

“I can’t be too mad at you then,” she said at last. “The change was recent, but you’re so sure of yourself, so confident that I otherwise wouldn’t have believed that.” Her eyes narrowed a little in thought. “How’s that possible?”

“It’s all really complicated.” I licked my lips. “You know how dreams seem to stretch out time and it feels like sometimes you lived a lifetime while you were asleep?”

Tomoka stared at me.

“You slept and woke up as who you are?”

“Again, you’re not wrong.” I gave a helpless little laugh. “I know it’s weird to hear, but it’s true.”

Tomoka did not know what to do with that. I could see the moment it hit the wall of what her mind could reasonably hold. She looked down, shook her head once, sighed, and then reached into the messenger bag at her feet. It suited her much better than a purse would have.

When her hand came back out, she was holding up a keyring.

Metal flashed between her fingers.

“Do you still have Reiko’s keys for her apartment?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“I wasn’t left with anything, so I’m kind of starting from scratch.”

“Not entirely.” Tomoka spun the keys once around her finger. “Do you remember where Reiko lived? Her lease wasn’t up yet and I hadn’t moved her things out yet.”

I searched my thoughts. What I found first was useless, Aoi’s apartment in Baku’s dream world, the number on the door, 304, the way it felt when she carried me over the threshold as her wife, the mornings we shared there. Nothing from the real one surfaced clearly enough to trust.

“Probably not,” I admitted.

“Then let’s go there together.” Tomoka lowered the keys and looked at me with practical resolve. “Even if you’re not entirely Reiko, there’s no one else who deserves to inherit her things more. She wasn’t using it much since she passively moved in with the man she was dating. I thought it was strange that she kept paying her rent and kept renewing the lease. I visited her apartment more than she did for a while.”

“But my name isn’t on the lease,” I said. “It’s Reiko’s.”

“We’ll fix that by talking to the office, but this could be a little tricky.” Tomoka slipped the keys back into her bag. “The landlady might recognize you like I did and then she might be willing to work with you. We still have time either way. You could wait until it’s time to renew the lease and you can figure out how to change the name on it.”

“Do you happen to know how much the rent is?”

Tomoka nodded. “Surprisingly low. Sixty-eight thousand yen a month, not counting utilities. Reiko had some good connections and the apartment is very nice for what she paid monthly.”

That made me blink.

“That’s... actually manageable.”

“Exactly.” Tomoka stood, picked up her bag, and looked down at me, pulling me up by my hand. “So come on, Sumire.”

My name in her mouth felt strange after having been called Reiko so many times.

I rose more slowly, slipped my phone away, took back my Number Card, returned it to my wallet and then to my bag, and capped the ocha bottle again. There was a little left. 

Tomoka waited by me.

I picked up my bag, still trying not to think too hard about the kiss, the fight, Reiko’s mother, Reiko’s apartment, or the way my life kept changing directions before I could get both hands around one.

Then I fell into step beside her and we started walking.

Special thanks to PrincessArylin, ShinjiHinako, Assurbanipal II (Achan) for beta reading book three!