After I Died, the Scumbag Went Mad

Chapter 210: Chapter 209: Asher’s Killing Intent for Howard Finch

Probably because I was so frightened, I didn’t sleep soundly.

Almost being assaulted by Howard Finch, almost being trafficked by them—it was all a huge shock to my system.

’I wonder, if it had been the old Cecilia Caldwell instead of the me I am now, how would she have handled it?’

’She probably would have rationally brought a knife, slashed them both, and then handed them over to the police, right?’

But I’m not that Cecilia Caldwell anymore.

Sometimes I even doubt whether I’m the same Cecilia Caldwell that Asher loves.

’If the one Asher loves is the old Cecilia Caldwell, then am I—the me who has lost her memories and no longer has her old personality—still the person he loves?’

’If your personality changes, are you still the same person?’

”Cece... I need you to live. I’m begging you, just live.”

”Asher... You can’t bind me.”

”Cecilia Caldwell, don’t be so cruel.”

”But I don’t have a heart...”

I had a nightmare. In the dream, I was constantly self-harming, hurting myself. I used every method I could think of to die, desperate for release.

Asher had me bound in iron chains, crying and begging me to stop.

When he couldn’t stop me, he started to commit suicide and self-harm alongside me. He hurt himself right in front of me, yet I watched coldly, making no move to stop him.

”If you want to die, I’ll die with you. If you want to hurt yourself, I’ll hurt myself with you...” Asher’s voice was laced with desperation.

I watched him coldly, struggling against the chains. ”Asher, it’s useless. We can’t escape... I’m a monster. I’ll never develop real feelings for you. Even if you died right in front of me, I wouldn’t actually be sad.”

Asher looked at me in despair. The knife in his hand fell to the ground, blood dripping from his fingertips.

He was silent for a long time before speaking, his eyes rimmed with red. ”Cece, are you hungry? I’ll go get you something to eat.”

And then he left, looking so utterly hopeless as he walked away.

I thrashed wildly in my dream, and the clanking of the chains made my heart ache intensely.

I wanted so badly to call out to Asher, to tell him not to hurt himself.

”Don’t... Asher, don’t.”

”Asher!”

I jolted awake from the nightmare, breathing heavily. Sweat had soaked the hair at my temples.

Asher wrapped his arms around me from behind, comforting me in a low voice. ”Cece... did you have a nightmare?”

Gasping for breath, I looked at Asher. After a long moment, I nuzzled into his arms.

’I’m not sure what my feelings for Asher are right now. Is it dependence? Or maybe I like him...’

But with so many memories missing, it couldn’t possibly be love.

”Don’t hurt yourself again, okay?” I whispered, my fingers gently tracing the scars on his wrist.

Asher’s body stiffened in my arms. ”Cece,” he whispered, ”do you feel sorry for me?”

I could feel him waiting for my answer, hoping I would say that I did.

It felt like he had been waiting for this answer for a very long time.

’I struggled internally. I had to say it, even if it was just a lie to comfort him.’

”Asher...” I squeezed his wrist and whispered, ”I do.”

Asher froze for a long moment, then suddenly, excitedly, kissed my forehead. He hugged me tight and just kept rolling back and forth on the bed.

’...’ ’His behavior was a little childish.’

”Stop rolling around...” Finally, I ended up lying on top of him, held in his embrace. The position was far too intimate; one wrong move and things could easily get out of hand.

Asher just stared at me. His eyes were so beautiful; I couldn’t help but be struck by them every time I looked.

”Cece...” Asher whispered my name, as giddy as a child.

”You’ll believe me, won’t you?” I asked, desperate for some sense of security.

”I will always... be the first to recognize you,” Asher said, holding my head and kissing my forehead.

I rested in his arms, lying quietly and listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

”Go back to sleep for a while. It’s still early,” Asher whispered.

But I wasn’t sleepy anymore.

Seeing that I wasn’t getting off him, Asher shifted his body carefully. He was clearly a little uncomfortable...

I didn’t notice at first, not until I felt his body temperature rise.

”Cece... don’t torture me,” he pleaded softly.

My ears flushed red, and I sat up with a jolt.

The movement only seemed to make Asher’s expression more pained.

I quickly lay down beside him, my back turned to him, and said nothing more.

’An unmarried man and woman lying in the same bed... it really was too dangerous.’

”Cece...” Asher hugged me from behind, his breath hot against my skin.

I felt a flicker of fear. The trauma from losing my child and being attacked by Howard Finch must still be lingering...

”Don’t be afraid. I wouldn’t do anything to you,” Asher’s voice was so gentle, it instantly eased my tension.

He just held me, his breathing gradually growing hotter.

’My ears grew redder. How could he have so much stamina? I was only on top of him for a moment...’

Apparently not content with just that, he reached out and took my hand.

I tried to pull away, but he was stronger. ”Cece... help me.”

”...” ’I didn’t want to help.’

’I wanted to sleep.’

’This kind of thing is so lewd.’

”Cece, we’re husband and wife.” ’I knew it,’ I thought. ’He always pulls the husband-and-wife card at times like this.’

Resigned, I turned over. Curled up like a shrimp in his arms, I... helped him.

It wasn’t the first time, but every time, my heart would race. The feeling... was strange.

It was a feeling I’d never had before.

Back when I was still Cecilia Caldwell, I’d been with Julian Fletcher more than once, but every time felt like a humiliation. There were no good memories at all.

With Julian Fletcher, it was mostly just him venting his frustrations. There was never any gentle caress or soft words to soothe me, no fingers lightly strumming my nerve endings.

”Cece...” Asher’s voice trailed off, laced with a hint of sexiness. The corners of his eyes were tinged with a faint blush.

The heat on my fingers was scalding. I didn’t dare look at him.

”The doctor said that after a month... we can... we can do *that*,” I mumbled.

My face flushed an even deeper shade of red.

’It’s just a basic human need, right? I can’t just let him keep bottling it up like this forever.’

Asher’s hand, holding my fingers, paused for a moment. He pulled me closer and leaned down to kiss me.

His kiss was fiery, but he didn’t stop my hands. ”I’m afraid of hurting you... Three months is best.”

He had already asked and found out.

I gritted my teeth and bit his beautiful lip—hard enough to draw blood.

He was just too beautiful. His features were smudged with desire, especially his lips, now stained with a trace of blood. He looked like an enchanting demon, bewitching me and making me want to bite him.

”Cece...” He was always looking at me with that deep, passionate gaze.

A gaze that felt like it could sear my very soul.

I wanted to look away, but he held my chin, trapping me.

He didn’t seem to have any extravagant hopes that I would fall in love with him, but he still asked softly, ”Can you love me?”

’Love him the way I once loved Julian Fletcher...’

My eyes reddened, but I didn’t know how to answer his question.

I didn’t know how to love someone anymore.

’And what I’d felt for Julian Fletcher clearly wasn’t love, either.’

When I didn’t answer, Asher didn’t press the issue. He just continued to kiss me.

But in his kiss, I sensed his disappointment...

It was as if he was saying, ’Cece... this is fine, too. It’s fine if you don’t love me.’

’If you don’t love, you won’t feel the pain of loss.’

After a long while, my wrist was sore and my whole body felt weak. He finally let me go. After cleaning up, he held me as we fell asleep.

Sometime early the next morning, Asher got a call from Lucas Grant.

”We’ve dug deeper into the human trafficking ring. If we’re lucky, we should be able to find those gifted youths who went missing.”

”What about my wife?” Asher asked in a low voice. Right now, all he wanted was to clear the Silvia Lynch identity of any wrongdoing.

”It’s a bit complicated. Howard Finch is sticking to his story that Silvia Lynch was rescuing those homeless children as a front for human trafficking. He’s saying she’s the mastermind...” Lucas Grant sounded troubled. ”We... have to bring her in for questioning. It’s procedure.”

Asher said nothing, but even half-asleep, I could feel a dark aura radiating from him, like he was about to tear someone apart.

”Hey... don’t get mad. It’s just a formality. We all know she was framed, but we need evidence, right?” Lucas Grant sounded flustered.

”Will Howard Finch die?” Asher wanted Howard Finch dead.

”Probably not. He’ll get a few years in prison,” Lucas Grant sighed.

”Fine... Then I’m telling you, he will die.” Asher’s voice was low, like a summons from the Grim Reaper himself.

Lucas Grant’s voice was clearly panicked. ”Sebastian Lancaster, what are you planning to do? The case isn’t over, he’s in a detention center...”