Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The rest of the academic day dragged by with agonizing slowness. Orion sat through Herbology, meticulously pruning a Flutterby Bush while his mind remained fixated on the rattling wardrobe in the Defense classroom.

To know one’s greatest fear was to know one’s greatest vulnerability. A strategist who did not understand his own weaknesses was a strategist destined to fail.

As the final bell rang, echoing across the sunlit greenhouses, Orion didn’t join Draco and the others heading down to the dungeons for dinner. He packed his bag deliberately, allowing the crowd to disperse, before changing his trajectory back toward the main castle.

The Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom was quiet when he arrived. The golden afternoon light slanted through the high windows, illuminating the dust motes dancing in the air. Professor Lupin was standing near his desk, stacking a set of essays from a Fifth-Year class he had just concluded.

Lupin looked up as the door clicked shut. He looked tired, the scars on his face prominent in the fading light, but he offered a warm, welcoming smile.

”Mr. Malfoy,” Lupin said pleasantly. ”Did you forget something from the earlier lesson?”

”Not quite, Professor,” Orion replied smoothly, stepping into the room and letting his bag slide from his shoulder onto a nearby desk. ”I returned for something I missed.”

He walked toward the center of the room, looking at the battered wardrobe pushed into the corner. It gave a faint, restless shudder.

”I was hoping to request a private, one-on-one session with the Boggart,” Orion stated calmly.

Lupin paused, setting the essays down. He looked at Orion with a mixture of surprise and genuine regret. ”Ah. I see. I must apologize, Orion, for ending the class so abruptly this morning. I realize none of the Slytherin students were given the opportunity to face the creature. I assure you, it was not intentional bias. I had planned to dedicate our next lesson entirely to your House’s practical application.”

”There is no need for apologies, Professor,” Orion said, waving a hand dismissively. ”In fact, I imagine most of my housemates were profoundly grateful for the interruption. Slytherins do not typically enjoy broadcasting their deepest vulnerabilities to a room full of giggling Gryffindors.”

Lupin smiled wryly. ”A fair point. The public nature of the exercise can be... daunting for those who value privacy.”

”Precisely,” Orion nodded. ”I am here purely for my own edification, sir. I consider it a vital piece of personal practice to understand the exact nature of my subconscious fears.”

Lupin studied the thirteen-year-old boy. He saw the cold, analytical detachment in the boy’s blue eyes—a stark contrast to the usual, hot-headed arrogance of the Malfoy name.

”Very well, Orion,” Lupin agreed softly. ”I appreciate your dedication. However, I must insist that I remain present during the encounter. I cannot allow you to deal with a Boggart entirely alone. They feed on fear, and they can inflict significant psychological distress if left unchecked. As your professor, I have a duty of care.”

”Please do not misunderstand, Professor,” Orion replied, his tone remaining polite but firm. ”As a Slytherin, I dislike broadcasting my weaknesses. But you are a faculty member. I am not averse to revealing my fears to someone in a position of trust.”

Though I would never have allowed Quirrell or Lockhart to witness this, Orion added mentally. You, at least, possess a shred of professional integrity.

”I appreciate your trust,” Lupin said, drawing his wand. He moved toward the corner, levitating the rattling wardrobe back into the center of the open floor.

Lupin positioned himself a few paces to the right of the wardrobe, keeping his wand at the ready but lowering his arm to show he was not immediately engaging.

”I will step in only if you are overwhelmed,” Lupin promised. ”Remember the incantation. Riddikulus. And remember that the spell relies entirely on your ability to force the creature into an amusing form. Focus on the humor, not the terror.”

”I understand,” Orion said. He didn’t draw his wand immediately. He stood perfectly still, grounding himself, feeling the hum of his magical core.

”Are you ready?” Lupin asked, his hand resting on the brass handle of the wardrobe door.

”I am,” Orion nodded. ”And Professor? Please do not interfere unless I explicitly request it, or if I lose consciousness. I wish to deal with this myself.”

Lupin hesitated for a fraction of a second, recognizing the iron will in the boy’s voice, before giving a sharp nod.

He pulled the door open and stepped swiftly back.

The air in the classroom seemed to chill instantly. A heavy, oppressive silence fell over the room as the Boggart emerged from the shadows of the wardrobe. It spun like a dark, blurry whirlwind, sifting through the layers of Orion’s mind, searching for the core of his dread.

Orion watched it spin, his heart rate steadying. He felt the probing pressure—not Legilimency, but an empathic radar locking onto the frequency of terror.

The blur slowed. The shape began to solidify.

It wasn’t a Basilisk. It wasn’t the Dark Lord. It wasn’t his father.

Stepping out of the wardrobe, his long, silver hair and beard catching the golden afternoon light, was an exact, flawless copy of Albus Dumbledore.

Lupin sucked in a sharp breath of surprise.

The Boggart-Dumbledore was not wearing the flamboyant, starry robes he favored at feasts. He was wearing deep, somber purple velvet. And he was not smiling.

The expression on the Headmaster’s face was devastating. It was a look of profound, agonizing sadness, mixed with an unyielding, terrible resolve. It was the look of a man who did not want to strike a blow, but felt that the Greater Good left him absolutely no other choice.

The Boggart raised its hand. Clutched in its fingers was the jagged, unmistakable length of the Elder Wand.

Orion stared at the apparition. The cold realization settled deep in his bones.

He wasn’t afraid of monsters because he could outsmart them. He wasn’t afraid of Voldemort because the Dark Lord was a predictable, arrogant brute.

His greatest fear was the one man in the world who was smarter, more powerful, and infinitely more capable of long-term manipulation than Orion could ever hope to be. His fear was that one day, despite all his planning, all his careful neutrality, and all his restraint... Dumbledore would decide that Orion Malfoy was a threat to the narrative, and simply remove him from the board.

”I am sorry, my boy,” the Boggart-Dumbledore whispered, the voice perfectly mimicking the Headmaster’s gentle, echoing timbre. The Elder Wand sparked with a terrifying, white-hot light, leveling directly at Orion’s chest.

Orion didn’t reach for his wand. He just stared into the sad, blue eyes of his greatest nightmare.