Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

The walk back to the Slytherin dungeons was a brief, refreshing respite from the suffocating politics of the Headmaster’s office.

As he approached the blank stretch of stone wall that concealed the common room entrance, he paused. He reached into his robe pocket, and retrieved the Marauder’s Map from the inventory.

”I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” Orion whispered.

The ink spread rapidly.

Draco Malfoy was stationary in the center of the Slytherin Common Room, surrounded by a cluster of familiar dots: Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and Millicent Bulstrode. The rest of the house was scattered around the room and castle, likely enjoying the free day Dumbledore had granted them.

”Perfect,” Orion murmured, a shark-like grin touching his lips as he tapped the map closed. ”Mischief managed.”

He stepped up to the wall and spoke the password.

The heavy stone door ground open with a resounding scrape that echoed loudly in the quiet corridor.

The moment Orion stepped over the threshold, the atmosphere in the common room shifted drastically.

The low, localized hum of dozens of private conversations didn’t just fade; it evaporated instantly. Every single head in the room—from the wide-eyed first-years huddled near the tapestries to the seventh-year prefects lounging on the leather sofas—snapped in his direction.

The silence was thick, expectant, and heavy with unspoken questions. The entire House of Slytherin was looking at the twelve-year-old boy who had allegedly walked into the legend of their Founder and emerged unscathed.

Orion met the collective stare of his housemates without breaking stride. He didn’t smile, nor did he look intimidated. He maintained a mask of absolute, aristocratic calm, projecting an aura of cool, untouchable authority as he walked toward the center of the room.

”This is exactly what I am going to deal with for the rest of the year if I don’t execute this plan flawlessly,” Orion thought back, feeling a spike of genuine irritation at the sheer volume of attention.

He stopped a few feet away from Draco’s group.

Draco was already on his feet, his grey eyes wide, his posture a mixture of intense sibling rivalry and desperate curiosity. Pansy Parkinson looked as though she might faint from sheer excitement, clutching Millicent’s arm tightly. Crabbe and Goyle just stared, looking slightly more confused than usual.

”Orion!” Draco called out, his voice cracking slightly before he cleared his throat, trying to regain his usual swagger. ”Can you finally tell me now? Where did Snape take you? What did the Headmaster want? Can you tell me about the Chamber?”

Draco took a step forward, lowering his voice to a frantic hiss. ”Everyone is saying you found it. That you fought the monster.”

Orion didn’t answer the questions directly. He simply looked at his twin, his blue eyes glinting with a calculated, theatrical intensity.

”Best get ready, Draco,” Orion announced, pitching his voice just loud enough to carry across the breathless silence of the common room.

Draco blinked, stopping in his tracks. ”Huh? Why?”

”You already know I have been to the Chamber, Draco,” Orion said smoothly, confirming the wildest rumors with a casual shrug, as if discussing a trip to the library. A collective, sharp intake of breath rippled through the older students who had not heard him confirming the same at lunch.

Orion continued, ignoring the reaction. ”The Ministry of Magic has currently barricaded the entrance for a highly classified operation. I cannot say much more about the specifics of the beast, or the nature of the threat. It is a matter of school security.”

He let the gravity of the words sink in, watching Draco’s face pale slightly at the mention of the Ministry.

”But,” Orion said, stepping closer to his brother and clapping a hand firmly on his shoulder, ”the thing is, I have just finished speaking with the Minister of Magic himself, the Headmaster, and the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.”

Draco’s jaw dropped. The name-dropping was a tactical strike that hit Draco right in his pureblood vanity.

”I personally secured a special request,” Orion declared, his voice ringing clear and proud. ”A request that my brother be allowed to accompany me when I return down into the Chamber this afternoon for the official Ministry debriefing and inspection.”

”What?!” Pansy squealed, her hands flying to her mouth.

”Yep,” Orion nodded, looking incredibly magnanimous. ”I was allowed one person of my choice to view the secured site. And of course, my brother is the only one who truly deserves to witness the legacy of our Founder firsthand.”

He squeezed Draco’s shoulder, offering a brilliant, entirely fake smile.

”Come on, brother,” Orion urged, turning Draco toward the boys’ dormitories. ”Let’s get you prepped up. Wear your best boots. It’s going to be a ride.”

Draco didn’t resist. He was entirely paralyzed by shock, awe, and an overwhelming surge of ego. He allowed Orion to practically drag his stunned body away from the fireplace and toward the heavy oak door of the second-year dorm.

The moment the dormitory door clicked shut behind them, the Slytherin common room erupted into absolute, pandemonium-level chaos. Whispers turned into shouts. Older students began furiously debating the implications.

”Did you hear that?!” a fifth-year hissed. ”He just casually admitted he fought the monster! And he’s taking Draco down there!”

”The Minister himself authorized it!” another student gasped.

Orion leaned against the closed dormitory door, listening to the muffled roar of gossip filtering through the wood. He let out a long, slow sigh of profound relief.

The trap had been sprung perfectly. The narrative had shifted.

Draco, who had finally recovered the use of his vocal cords, spun around, his face flushed a brilliant, manic pink.

”Orion!” Draco practically screamed, grabbing Orion’s arms. ”Are you serious?! We’re going into the Chamber of Secrets?! The real one?! With the Minister?!”

”We are going into the antechamber, yes,” Orion corrected calmly, gently extricating himself from his brother’s grip. ”The beast is dead, Draco. The area is secure. The Ministry is currently preparing to harvest the carcass for potion ingredients. I ensured we have front-row seats.”

Draco let out a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob. He stumbled backward, staring at his trunk. ”I... I need to change. I need my dragon-hide boots. Father is going to be so proud! I’m going to see Salazar Slytherin’s actual lair!”

He threw himself at his trunk, tearing through his meticulously folded robes with reckless abandon, muttering excitedly about the historical significance and how he was going to describe the dead monster to Crabbe and Goyle in excruciating detail.

Orion walked over to his own bed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress and watching his twin’s frantic preparations with a cool, satisfied smirk.

By the time the appointed hour arrived, Draco was dressed impeccably, looking every inch the arrogant, privileged heir he was born to be. He was practically vibrating with nervous energy.

Orion, dressed in his dark, tactical robes, looked like he was going for a walk in the park.

”Ready?” Orion asked, checking his pocket to ensure Robin was asleep.

”Born ready,” Draco breathed, puffing out his chest.

They walked out of the dormitory side-by-side.

The common room fell silent once again as they emerged. The students parted, creating a wide, respectful path toward the exit. The stares were a mixture of intense jealousy, awe, and a healthy dose of fear.

Orion ignored them all, his eyes fixed straight ahead. Draco, however, soaked it in, his chin held high, offering a smug, superior sneer to a passing fifth-year.

The message was clear to everyone present.

Two second-year Slytherins were walking out the door, and they were about to descend into the legend that had haunted the castle for a millennium.

The heavy stone door ground open, and the Malfoy twins stepped out into the damp, cold corridor, leaving the rumors to burn in their wake.