Return of the Antagonistic Lady Boss

Chapter 913: Chapter 887: Thoughts Lag Behind Ability

After getting a simple understanding of the situation, Qian also had a basic grasp of Zhuzi’s wife’s experiences.

Qian gave her a simple test and found that due to the lack of fatherly love in childhood, she had emotional deficiencies, and later experienced low moods because of postpartum depression.

Currently, Zhuzi’s wife is in a very dangerous state.

In her heart, she has motherly love for her daughter, but she also can’t help but hate this clingy child. The child takes her all, but leaves her helpless. Her love for her daughter is true love, as she’d rather withstand the pressure of divorce from her husband. Yet when she hates the child, it is also real hatred, especially when the child cries and fights with her husband, she really can’t stand it at all.

She has given too much for this child, yet her efforts seem not to be rewarded. Sometimes she can’t help but wonder, without this child, would she live such a worrisome life?

This feeling only arises during arguments with her husband and when the child overly depends on her. After the emotion of hating the child passes, she falls into deep self-blame, feeling she is not a good woman and unworthy of being a mother.

She even started to agree with her husband’s claim that she has mental problems, though she doesn’t understand why she sometimes hates the child so much.

All of these, she said while crying.

”I really want to give more care to the child, but when she clings to me especially and I’ve been exhausted at work all day, seeing her like that makes me furious. I hate her for not understanding me. I’ve already put all my efforts into her surgery, how can she treat me like this? But then I think, she is only a few years old, still an ignorant child. It’s so selfish to hate her. I am so conflicted and helpless...”

Zhuzi’s wife covered her face and cried, while Qian just watched her silently crying.

Through this helpless woman, she felt as if she saw thousands and thousands of women just like Zhuzi’s wife.

They are as ordinary as passersby brushing past on the street every day, they want to contribute more, like the great mothers praised in countless literary works, but their enlightened thoughts can’t keep up with their abilities. This stark contrast causes a great deal of self-denial among these women.

Many seemingly contradictory traits come together: love and hate, dependence and independence, wanting a divorce yet having to succumb to the shell of family for the sake of the child, this is the plight of most women during society’s transitional period.

”Actually, hating children is normal.”

”What?” The crying Zhuzi’s wife looked up at Qian. It was the first time she had heard such a statement.

”Let me tell you, if psychological research shows that hating children is actually a normal reaction, would you believe it?”

”But everyone says mothers should be great and should give everything to the child.”

”Yes, that’s what’s said. When a woman says she hates children, everyone criticizes her, even thinking she is unworthy of being a person. But when a man says he hates children, many people find it normal. We should look at children dialectically, they cry, make noise, refuse to listen, endlessly demanding emotions from you, especially just after they are born, they can be outright detestable.”

Some children can cry particularly loudly, crying and fussing all night after being born. If the father believes caring for the child is solely the mother’s responsibility, then it becomes a tragedy.

Getting up numerous times at night to feed or change diapers, regardless of whether you are sick or sleeping soundly, as soon as the wailing starts, you have to get up and dutifully care for the baby.

Since the child came, life changed drastically.

It’s not just physical exhaustion, but a resentment of how life’s trajectory has changed.

Before having a child, there were occasional outings with friends, doing things you like, enjoying oneself.

After having a child, everything is done for the child.

The concept of ”self” becomes a luxury after several years of motherhood, especially when the baby is still an infant. In order to care for this ignorant little being, you must give your all, and any slip-up invites public criticism.

”The most feared thing is when the child gets sick, then ignorant people immediately ask ’how do you take care of the kid?’ Many women don’t like their kids during the first six months of birth, which is quite normal. Particularly when dealing with a non-understanding, unhelpful husband. If a baby lacks fatherly love, they instinctively demand more emotionally from the mother. This exhausts the mother further. Don’t think that men earning money is all there is to it. At least, he needs to provide love to the wife and child. Lack of this causes the mother’s depression and the child’s anxiety.”

Qian said so much simply to tell her that hating children isn’t an unforgivable sin, because most women, more or less, have this mentality when they first have a child.

”But everyone around me loves kids. All conversations revolve around them. Only I...”

”If I tell you that many women who say they love kids are pretending, would you believe it?”

Looking at problems from a professional perspective differs greatly from everyday perceptions, and once again Zhuzi’s wife was shaken. Pretending?

”Because of the rigid societal expectations about the role of mothers, many women subconsciously tell themselves they’ll be socially rejected if they dislike kids. Therefore, they publicly show they like showing off their kids. The more intensely they show off, the more empty inside they actually are. There’s a saying that you like to show off what you lack. However, it doesn’t mean what these women do is wrong. After identities change, many women use various methods to hypnotize themselves, saying they should love kids and invest emotions.”

”You’ve given me a different insight into the role of a mother... Could it be that all mothers don’t love children?”

”Of course not. What I’m describing is just a very normal adjustment of mindset for new mothers. A little bit of dislike due to fatigue or other reasons is a normal reaction. With time spent with the baby, 99.9% of mothers will fall in love with their children and be willing to dedicate their lives. I’m sure of the greatness of maternal love but I don’t agree that it’s innate. In reality, the bond between mother and child is formed over time, through daily interactions. The baby’s trusting smile and dependent gaze compel us to willfully give, gradually becoming a lifetime bond.”

Maternal love is the greatest affection in the world.

But from a human emotional perspective, newborns bring mothers more trouble than joy. If there’s someone to help share the child-rearing burdens it is better, but if there’s a hands-off husband who thinks that just providing is enough, then who knows of the mother’s hardships?”