I Became a Witch in a World Full of Urban Legends

Using the Paper Cicada Immortal as a hub, distance was no longer a barrier, and Zhang Huainan and Lu Yibei completed a gaze, in a subtle way. Zhang Huainan, “…” Damn! Why is this girl holding the Pure Lotus Sword? All the things I just did—could Senior Brother Qing Ji have seen them all? Subway, old man, cellphone.jpg

Lu Yibei, “…” Damn! Isn’t this old man the one selling melons on Xuanwu Terrace? How did the Paper Cicada Immortal end up in his hands? Curling into a corner in fear, “Gu Qianqian” limited.jpg

That brief gaze, not even a full second, left both of them deeply shaken and fearful. “Uh, greetings, senior.”

“Mm, and to you as well.”

After the awkward exchange, they simultaneously moved their eyes away and fell into silence again. ————

Lu Yibei, “…”

She felt that Fu Xinyi hadn’t followed her instructions at all to find a deserted place and properly toss the Paper Cicada Immortal, but had instead taken it straight and reported her! In her mind, a future flashed where she became the Great Pure Palace’s mascot girl, with only raw melons and eggs as her daily rations; she couldn’t help but shiver. Tch, who’d have thought that Fu Xinyi, that delicate and scholarly top student, would be such a two-faced person behind the scenes. This thing might well be the legendary [Dark Emperor]. Not only will I have no chance to watch him “eat melons,” I might even end up with my head pressed down and force-fed melons in return. This is big trouble! ——————

Zhang Huainan, “…”

The moment he saw this girl, she felt familiar; thinking carefully, he recalled seeing her in the latest issue of The Midnight Watchers Society’s Special Watchlist. It was a special list similar to a Wanted List, yet slightly different; the names on it were almost all solitary psychics. Most of them possessed considerable strength and, from a certain perspective, were potential threats to social stability, but at the same time there was no evidence that they wanted to, or had ever, carried out psychic energy attacks. 

Having the ability doesn’t mean one will act, so they were merely specially monitored as a preventative measure. And at the end of that list, number ninety-seven, the name Gu Qianqian stood out. The Pure Lotus Sword is in Gu Qianqian’s hands, and she can also make Paper Cicada Immortals; she must be closely connected to Lu Yibei—probably, like Huá Sāng, a match that Lu Ming arranged for that kid. If she tells Lu Yibei what she just saw through the Paper Cicada Immortal, and Lu Yibei then tells Senior Brother Qing Ji’s lingering soul, this old man’s situation will likely become, as difficult as when Senior Brother Qing Ji discovered me peeking at the former Headmaster’s diary. This is big trouble! ————After pondering for a moment, Zhang Huainan’s expression suddenly softened, and he smiled with narrowed eyes. “Young lady, where is Lu Yibei?”

“!!!”

Hearing this, before she had figured out how to handle the situation, Lu Yibei’s body trembled slightly, panic rising. Wait, what’s this old thing getting at? Has he already seen through my disguise? Or has he been monitoring me since Xuanwu Terrace, knowing everything, and is now hinting I should confess to get leniency? After waiting a moment and seeing that Lu Yibei said nothing, Zhang Huainan continued, “Gu Qianqian, that’s your name, right? You don’t need to be afraid. I know you and Lu Yibei have an unusual relationship.”

Lu Yibei, “???”

Hold on? Something’s off! He didn’t recognize me and mistook me for Gu Qianqian? In that case… I am Gu Qianqian. What business do you have? “Lu Yibei isn’t nearby right now. Whatever you have to say, say it to me. Telling me is the same as telling him,” Lu Yibei said. “Not nearby?” Zhang Huainan glanced at the Broken Sword in the girl’s hand and quietly let out a breath. “If not, then forget it. And don’t tell him anything about me afterward.”

Lu Yibei paused, then nodded slightly. “Mm, I understand.”

That’s right, I understand everything! Though for now I’m not sure what use it is to know… thought Lu Yibei. “By the way, Gu Qianqian,” Zhang Huainan shifted the topic, “our meeting is also a kind of fate. I wonder if you’d be interested in joining my Great Pure Palace?”

Just letting her go doesn’t quite set this old man at ease! If she joins the Great Pure Palace, she’ll be my disciple’s disciple; she wouldn’t commit a crime like betraying her teachers and ancestors then, right? Besides, this Gu Qianqian is quite gifted—if someone can give her proper guidance, she should achieve something remarkable in the future… Zhang Huainan thought. “This…” Lu Yibei froze for a moment, then hurriedly refused, “Thank you for your kind offer, senior, but I already have a lineage. To join the Great Pure Palace again would be against propriety.”

Although refusing a powerful stranger so abruptly carries at least a twenty percent chance of inciting his anger—a big risk—there’s no way I can keep wearing Gu Qianqian’s face in the Great Pure Palace, right? And dragging her in and forcing her to join is even more impossible. “I see,” Zhang Huainan sat up straight, stroked his beard slowly, and nodded thoughtfully. Makes sense—it’s reasonable she has a lineage. Otherwise, a solitary psychic, so young, without a teacher, escaping unscathed from the hunts of multiple illegal psychic organizations by her own power alone—her talent would be a bit too terrifying. “In that case, I won’t force you. I’ll hold on to your Paper Cicada Immortal for now; if necessary, I can also give you a pointer or two.”

Zhang Huainan spoke with a kindly, talent-loving demeanor, but then his expression darkened, and his whole tone shifted. “What happened today is our little secret, not to be told to outsiders. Those who break their word must swallow a thousand needles, okay?”

Lu Yibei, “…”

Damn! This old thing made it sound so nice, but he just wants to monitor me, right? With that trick of locking onto me via the Paper Cicada Immortal alone, there’s no way to hide! Under these circumstances, even contacting the PL girl would probably be discovered by him… What do I do? Sensing her shifting gaze and guessing her thoughts, Zhang Huainan chuckled. “Haha, Gu Qianqian, don’t worry. I’ve been upright and aboveboard my whole life. I wouldn’t do anything strange like that.”

Lu Yibei, “…” You, a shifty melon peddler, telling me you’re upright and aboveboard? “In a moment I’ll seal this Paper Cicada Immortal with a spell formation and stow it away. Unless you contact me first, I absolutely won’t pry into your affairs. How about that?”

“…” Lu Yibei pondered a few seconds, then gritted her teeth. “I don’t believe you—unless you put it in writing—uh, no, swear an oath! With a spell formation attached!”

At this point, so be it! Only a fool trusts a verbal agreement. If you want to restrain a psychic’s actions, an oath is more reliable! Anyway, if the sky falls, even if we all lie flat, Gu Qianqian’s towering figure will hold it up. Hearing this, the corner of Zhang Huainan’s mouth twitched; he scowled in silence for a while, then said in a low voice, “In that case, you must also swear not to tell anyone what you saw through the Paper Cicada Immortal.”

Though he felt this Gu Qianqian was pushing her luck a bit, he was, after all, the Headmaster of the Great Pure Palace—an upright gentleman; taking an oath was no problem. Lu Yibei pondered for two seconds, her eyes rolling once, then nodded. “Mm, that’s fair!”

“Good! Then let’s proceed!” Zhang Huainan raised his right hand. “Heaven above bears witness, Houtu below is vast; let heaven and earth be my witness. I, Zhang Huainan, hereby swear never to pry into Gu Qianqian’s life!”

Lu Yibei, “???”

Wait a second? Did I hear that right? He said he’s Zhang… right? I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel confident again about watching him ‘eat melons.’ “Why are you spacing out? Your turn!” Zhang Huainan prompted. “Oh, oh!” Lu Yibei came back to herself, hurriedly raised her right hand, and mimicked Zhang Huainan’s words. “Heaven above bears witness, Houtu below is vast; let heaven and earth be my witness. I…”

Mid-sentence, as if she suddenly remembered something, she paused for about half a second, then continued, “Hereby swear that Gu Qianqian will never divulge a single thing of what was seen or heard today through the Paper Cicada Immortal to anyone!”

Thus, two vows that were both valid yet “invalid” were established, and the two of them immediately felt a subtle resonance in their hearts. Zhang Huainan sensed that Gu Qianqian would never divulge what was seen today through the Paper Cicada Immortal, and nodded in satisfaction. Although he noticed that something was off with “Gu Qianqian’s” vow when she swore it, since the vow had already been established, he couldn’t be bothered to fuss over such minor details. 

It was just a matter of a single sentence anyway; he agreed to swear mainly to dispel the doubts in “Gu Qianqian’s” mind so she could rest assured and keep the secret. At his age, how could he be so petty as to haggle with a young girl? Besides, as for whether the little secret would be leaked, he would do a divination later. If Gu Qianqian failed to keep her word… then he would simply let her know what it meant for a centenarian to lose his temper and strike someone. In any case, if he wanted to find Gu Qianqian, he had plenty of ways far simpler than peeking through the Paper Cicada Immortal…

Lu Yibei sensed that Zhang Huainan would never pry into Gu Qianqian’s life, and secretly let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness, thank goodness! She hadn’t expected such words would actually let her muddle through…

Lu Yibei only suddenly realized halfway through the vow that if she swore in Gu Qianqian’s name, it might very well fail, but what was done was done; she could only slightly adjust the word order and grit her teeth to finish. However, she must never let him know that the Gu Qianqian he saw was her in disguise. Otherwise…

He vowed to refrain from prying into Gu Qianqian—what does that have to do with me, Lu Yibei? Lu Yibei thought.

That night, within the illusion of the bamboo slips. A large, black, hideous fish shaped like a monkfish hovered before the Alchemy platform, silently channeling psychic energy into that lump of dark red flesh on the platform. As the psychic energy continued to pour in, the dark red flesh proliferated and differentiated; it quickly took on the outline of a domestic piglet. But the change did not stop there: the flesh along the piglet’s spine writhed and swiftly formed six pairs of wings, and then…

With a “poof!” the dark red flesh instantly burst into a cloud of blood mist. “Ugh—!” the systems let out a long sigh. “Failed again. This is so hard!”

Ever since it had picked up those chunks of Beast of Inheritance flesh, it had successfully produced a large number of plants and animals adapted to the illusion of the bamboo slips. But the pig with chicken wings that Gu Qianqian so insistently wanted had yet to succeed. After all, creating other plants and animals was, strictly speaking, still copying existing species—only tweaking their habits according to the special nature of the illusion of the bamboo slips. But to make a pig with chicken wings was tantamount to creating an entirely new species. Even with Beast of Inheritance flesh, without a template, success would take painstaking, gradual work. “Go on, spoil her! Wasting so much time on this—totally not worth it, right?!”

Cursing itself a few times, the systems sighed silently, took out another small piece of Beast of Inheritance flesh, and was about to try again when it sensed a psychic energy fluctuation from outside—the portal to the illusion of the bamboo slips opening—and immediately after heard Gu Qianqian’s pig-slaughtering screech. “Systems, systems, come quick! Something huge happened!”

“Alright, alright, what are you yelling for? What now? Somebody after you again?” the systems asked impatiently while floating out. Although, ever since a large number of psychics and hauntings were swallowed and killed by Qi Nanzhu’s special spatial construct last time, those illegal psychic energy organizations had been less aggressive in their pursuit of Gu Qianqian than before, they hadn’t stopped completely. Gu Qianqian would get backstabbed from time to time; the systems had long gotten used to it. They were just delivering themselves anyway, and if she couldn’t win she could still run—treat it as adding real combat experience for Gu Qianqian, and they could collect some nutrients to cultivate Beast of Inheritance flesh along the way. Gu Qianqian rushed in from outside. Seeing the systems floating toward her, she adjusted her breathing a bit and said anxiously, “No one’s chasing me! It’s, it’s…”

“It’s what?”

“I somehow completed a quest—an Epic Quest at that!” Gu Qianqian said earnestly. “I clearly didn’t do anything! Systems, are you malfunctioning? But even if you are, you still have to give me my reward!”

“You’re the one malfunctioning!” the systems snapped, then pondered silently. Epic Quests mostly involved, aside from world-destroying factors, at least catastrophe-class, generally A+ and above…

Gu Qianqian had been staying in Hua City lately and hadn’t gone anywhere—how could she have completed one? Could it be that I really… No, damn it, I almost got led astray by that idiot Gu Qianqian. Mulling this over, the systems quietly opened the quest list condensed from its power. In the completed list, it was slightly taken aback by the newest entry. [Refuse to join the Great Pure Palace (Completed √)]

“What the heck! Gu Qianqian, when did you ever have contact with people from the Great Pure Palace?”

“Mm…” Gu Qianqian thought seriously, then shook her head. “I never… Oh! Right, could it be that Daoist who tried to sell me ‘Innate Skill’1 a few days ago?”

“I really wanted to buy it, but he wanted 1,500 grams of gold. I only had fifty-two point eight on me. When I tried to haggle, he even spat at me.”

“Are you stupid? That’s obviously a scam!”

“Huh? Fake?” Gu Qianqian pouted. “But I looked it over—the publisher was ZG Social Sciences Press!”

“Like hell ZG Social Sciences Press would publish ‘Innate Skill.’ Even if it were real, ‘Innate Skill’ belongs to the Quanzhen Sect2, while the Great Pure Palace is Zhengyi Sect3!” the systems griped. “Forget it—go rest! Let me think.”

“What about my reward?” Gu Qianqian pressed. [Ding-dong—! Congratulations to the host for completing an Epic Quest. Rewards: McDico‑K Family Joy Bucket X10, Roasted Pig Trotters X20]

To keep Gu Qianqian from pestering further, the systems promptly gave her what she wanted. Ever since they’d had Beast of Inheritance flesh, surplus had grown, and it had become more generous. With a bit more development, it could even be like those systems in novels and directly “add points” for Gu Qianqian! Although that was just “force-feeding medicine” with a different skin, it perfectly avoided the problem that Gu Qianqian didn’t like taking medicine. “Yay!” Gu Qianqian cheered, claimed five Roasted Pig Trotters, and ran off happily. Watching her go, the systems sighed silently. 

This is killing me—at this rate, when will she ever reach catastrophe-class? Perhaps the advancement path I planned for her from the start was wrong; I never should’ve had her try to advance along the “Shennong” route—that power requires great wisdom to acquire. Someone like her, advancing toward a “God of Blind Folly,” might actually soar to the skies. After a few jabs at Gu Qianqian, its thoughts returned to that inexplicably completed Epic Quest, and the systems grew heavy-hearted. I remember Calamity seems to have gone to the Great Pure Palace recently, right? Could it be her? First Plague Taisui, then Profanation, and now Calamitous Corruption… What is Calamity trying to do?

After a bit of thought, cool analysis, and bold conjecture, it reached no conclusion—but felt quite pleased. Though it couldn’t figure out why Calamity, this time, was frequently contacting other world-destroying factors, it knew that Calamity had really gone courting death this time! The reason Gu Qianqian’s quest log included [Refuse to join the Great Pure Palace] was precisely because it knew what would soon happen at the Great Pure Palace. In fact, it had tried arranging the route of having the host join the Great Pure Palace and cultivate with a great backing, but the outcome was that one morning, upon waking, the vast majority of the Great Pure Palace disciples—including the host—had become devotees of Calamitous Corruption, twisted beings half-human, half-thing. It all happened in utter silence, with no obvious warning signs beforehand—like wild grass secretly growing rampant in a fine drizzle.

“Could that guy really think that just because he lucked out defeating the Profanation and Plague Taisui’s avatar, he can do whatever he wants now?”

In the systems’ view, Calamity against Calamitous Corruption wouldn’t be a total fall, but there was absolutely no chance of victory either! As for the earlier Plague Taisui and Beast of Inheritance: the former was only an avatar, not the entity; the latter was similar to her—born with a low initial psychic energy fluctuation level but with an extremely high growth ceiling. But Calamitous Corruption was different. From the very day it awoke, its power was complete; the only thing separating it from peak strength was the accumulation of psychic energy, which could be remedied simply by gaining enough devotees. 

And judging by the speed at which it corrupted psychics and hauntings, in just about half a month the area around the Great Pure Palace would be utterly overrun. Could Calamity possibly stop Calamitous Corruption from awakening? No way! Even Zhang Huainan couldn’t do it—how could she, at her current level, possibly manage it? Unless a miracle occurred! the systems thought with conviction. “Emmm, should I be thinking about Calamity’s next move after she gets severely wounded by Calamitous Corruption?”

“If that happens… uh, would that be a bit too cruel? Then how about this… heh heh heh…”

As it thought, the systems’ laughter grew increasingly deranged. ————

After sensing Zhang Huainan’s prying gaze fade, Lu Yibei waited in place for a moment. Confirming that his lecherous stare hadn’t reappeared, she loudly spewed a string of sarcastic yin-yang jabs and filthy insults, and finally “helpfully” shared a few embarrassing stories from Zhang Huainan’s youth. Of course, everything revolved around the title “old geezer.” First, phrasing it that way would leave her some room to argue if discovered. Second, having witnessed Zhang Huainan’s strength, she suspected that merely mentioning his name might draw his attention. After probing a bit and seeing nothing happen, she finally let out a sigh of relief, looked at the fallen Fang Ji, and was just plotting how to deal with the guy when her phone buzzed twice.

She pulled it out, unlocked the screen, and took a glance—it was a message from Lin Nian via Alipay. Lin Nian: “I found the info you wanted. Four years ago, the fake identity Hu Chuan used was Gu He.”

Gu He, huh? Lu Yibei memorized the name, then waited a moment. Seeing that Lin Nian was slow to send the rest, she frowned. Gu Qianqian: “And? I paid you so much—don’t tell me you only found a name.”

Lin Nian: “So much? You f—ing serious? Hu Chuan clearly isn’t a high-tier psychic—that ‘fee’ doesn’t even cover the scraps!”

Lu Yibei, “…”

Hiss—how does this girl turn into one of those rage bros the moment she’s online? Really has the vibe of my keyboard-warrior years! But what does it mean that Hu Chuan is a high-tier psychic? Has his psychic energy fluctuation level already reached Class A? But Zhang Shuo is an A+ Class Psychic—already very strong—but producing a Class A Psychic takes time and effort and isn’t guaranteed. He’d have no reason to do that! Mulling it over, Lu Yibei typed. Gu Qianqian: “He’s a high-tier psychic? Where’d you hear that?”

However, as soon as she hit send, she immediately got a “Send Failed” notice. She stared at the phone for a few seconds, suddenly realizing that Lin Nian had probably blocked her.

“Tsk-hey~! That girl! I’ve only ever blocked others—this is the first time someone’s blocked me. Bold of you! Just wait, I’ll make sure I give you trouble!”

Muttering to herself, she was about to ask the Online Old Pervert to help empty Lin Nian’s savings and ping her location when—whoosh! whoosh! Two black shadows dropped from the sky and landed in front of her, making her jump. Focusing her gaze, her brow twitched. If the newcomers weren’t the two guys who’d sent her threatening letters, then who were they?

Lu Yibei, “…”

I went out of my way to avoid you, and you chase me down here? Looking for a beating, huh? Don’t blame me, Gu Qianqian, for being ruthless! She tightened her grip on the Pure Lotus Sword, quietly mustering her psychic energy, and was just about to act when the scene before her froze her in place.

Thud! Thud! Two dull sounds. Shem and Salih dropped to one knee in turn, clasped their fists and raised them over their heads, and spoke in unison, “We greet the Holy Son!”

Lu Yibei, “???”

What the hell! Miracle Saint Child? Where? Could they mean Fang Ji? Flustered, she looked around, then back at the two men, frowning. The two gazed up at her, eyes blazing, steadfast as bedrock, as if their look said, “Stop searching—we mean you.”

Lu Yibei, “…”

Are they… talking about me? What’s going on? I’m freaking stunned here!

Footnote:

Innate Skill(先天功): A fictional internal martial art often associated with Daoist or wuxia settings, usually implying the cultivation of innate qi. Here it is used as a scam item, creating a comic contrast.Quanzhen Sect(全真): The Quanzhen Sect is a major school of Chinese Daoism and is also commonly portrayed in wuxia fiction as a Daoist martial lineage.Zhengyi Sect(正一): The Zhengyi Sect is another major school of Chinese Daoism, distinct from Quanzhen in lineage, ritual practice, and cultivation style. The joke is that the scammer is selling Innate Skill as if it belonged to the Great Pure Palace, even though the text frames the Great Pure Palace as Zhengyi rather than Quanzhen.