World’s Cutest Alchemist

I groggily opened my eyes, stretching my arms wide as I woke up. I felt refreshed, today was going to be a good day.

Sitting up, I glanced beside me and saw Luna was still quietly sleeping.

I gently brushed her hair before continuing on with my morning routine.

…

While the bacon was cooking, I decided to see if anything interesting had happened recently.

Turning on my phone, I stared at the influx of notifications that appeared; Now, getting a lot of notifications isn’t particularly new, however, this was excessive. The app didn’t even count all of them, simply sitting at 999+.

The only times I’ve gotten this many notifications, tags, or messages, were when I did something outrageous. It happened when I got the association to post that I’m the cutest, it happened when I cleared the fifth floor, and it happened when I showcased my bouncy bouncy potions.

So now, the only thing on my mind was: What did I do this time?

I really can’t remember causing trouble! Did I do something in my sleep or something? For the past few days, I’ve been really quiet. Just steadily selling 50 mana potions a day while brewing bouncy potions for the rest of it.

I haven’t even trolled or browsed the forums in like a week!

“Haah…” I sighed. The only thing I could do was bite the bullet.

Let’s see what they’re mad at me for today…

“…” I paused as I read the headlines.

[Little Bomber’s relationship revealed!?]

[Raccoon’s secret significant other!?]

[LEAKED! Raccoon, the Little Bomber is in a relationship!]

[Private Bouncy Bouncy Potion details!]

[Bouncy Bouncy Potions New LEAKED Information!]

[Who is the Little Bomber’s partner?]

“PFFT!” I nearly burst out laughing as I read the headlines.

It wasn’t me who made the headlines! It was Luna! Well, I mean, I’m definitely caught in it but it wasn’t me who caused it.

That’s absolutely hilarious.

Considering that ‘ElectricTypeMouse’ or ‘Luna’ hadn’t appeared anywhere in any headlines I saw, I don’t think she’s been exposed directly, so, I’m not upset.

I decided to click on the most popular post.

[Raccoon, the Little Bomber’s relationship exposed! Plus, NEW info about ‘Bouncy Bouncy Potions’]

Author: Gossip Seller

Recently, it’s been leaked that Raccoon, the Little Bomber, is currently in a relationship with someone at this time.

During a late night dinner at restaurant: xx. Someone overheard a party enjoying a meal together after a tough gate clear. The person tried to fill in what they didn’t hear, highlighted in brackets; This is the transcript:

Male 1: “You know, I’m still dying of curiosity of what was in that [vultures(?)] lair. Sucks that we skipped exploring it.]

Male 2: “Ahaha, well, it was either that or killing those [inaudible]. I definitely rather the latter.”

Female 1: “Should’ve just left it to me. I’d had [done(?)] it.”

Female 2: “Now, now, if there’s anything important in there the [association(?)] will let us know. If nothing’s there, we just saved time.]

Male 1: “But it’s not satisfying if I don’t explore it myself! That’s what an [explorer(?)] does!”

Male 2: [Laughs heartily]

Female 3: “You know what surprised me though? [Inaudible] and Raccoon!”

Female 4: [Laughs] “For real! Do you remember how silent the room got when Ms. [inaudible] pulled out that potion?”

Female 3: “Everyone was way too stunned to [speak(?)]!”

This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author’s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Male 1: “I was busy being flabbergasted by that potion’s name! ‘The Adorable [inaudible] Anti-Goat [inaudible]’!? Even before seeing the [creator(?)] that name had Raccoon written all over it!”

Male 2: “[Laughs heartily] I agree. But, man, was [inaudible] scary. Both halves of that couple are terrifying! [Raccoon(?)] with her bombs, [inaudible] with her [magic(?)]!”

Female 5: [Inaudible] was really [pretty(?)] though…I didn’t know Ms. [Raccoon(?)] swung that way but, I can [see(?)] why.”

From this brief transcript, we can tell quite a bit, even though most of it is inaudible. Assuming that everything said is true, we can tell that:

One: Raccoon is dating someone, likely another girl and that she’s also an awakener.

Two: Raccoon gave this person a potion specifically for this gate.

Three: Raccoon did not enter this gate with them.

Unfortunately, the person who sold this information didn’t get to hear more info about Raccoon and their partner. However, the seller did manage to hear information about the ‘Bouncy Bouncy Potion’ teased earlier this year by Raccoon.

This is the transcript related to that:

Male 2: “It’s a shame we didn’t get to hear more about those [Bouncy Bouncy Potions(?)]. I wanted to ask [inaudible] about them at this dinner.”

Female 5: “Me too…But [at least(?)] we learned that they haven’t been [forgotten(?).]

Female 1: “I agree. It’s a shame that they only last for 5 minutes per [bottle(?)] but, it’s enough time to mess with and test things. I’d like to try [applying(?)] it to my arrows and see if they ricochet off the walls.”

If this is true, this is the first information we’ve gotten about ‘Bouncy Bouncy Potions’ in over three months. It’s unconfirmed if this is after a lot of work and upgrades to the potion, or if it’s the same version that we saw in Raccoon’s Tawer post months ago.

Currently, we have not heard any statements from Raccoon, the party, or the presumed partner. This story is still unconfirmed.

For the latest awakener gossip follow and turn on notifications! And, if you have any tips or stories to sell, contact us here!

→ [Hold on, if this is all true, does that mean she was actually trying to impress a girl instead of a guy when she got revealed at the arcade!?]

↳ [#1 Lil Bomber Fan: That’s my goat!]

→ [Raccoon swings that way? Does this mean I have a chance!?]

↳ [Probably not with her, but, you have a chance with me ;)]

↳ [Ew, no.]

→ [In approximately three hours, we’ll see Raccoon post on her tawer: I Love Woman!]

↳ [PFFT! FR LOLOL]

↳ [Based and absolutely true]

↳ [Why does this sound exactly like something she would post?]

→ [NOOOO! WHY COULDN’T IT BE ME!!!]

→ [FINALLY! MORE INFO ABOUT THE BOUNCY BOUNCY POTIONS!]

→ [Hear me out, what if this is a triple IQ chess move that Raccoon planned all along?!]

↳ [Get on back in your wheelchair, grandpa.]

↳ [lol, there’s absolutely nothing she’s promoting. Unless she just wanted to brag that she’s in a relationship, all we learned is that the bouncy points last for five minutes.]

→ [Come to think of it, what has Raccoon been doing? She still only sells 50 mana potions a day(even though she could sell more) and she’s been radio silent on her Tawer. Is she preparing to stir a storm?]

↳ [Idk but I’m scared.]

↳ [Real.]

→ [What’re the chances she responds to this?]

↳ [Knowing Raccoon? Very VERY likely. She’ll probably just troll and be a gremlin as usual.]

↳ [Agreed. Either that or she’ll actually set proper boundaries and tell people to not care about her relationship status or sexuality.]

→ [Addicted To Sweet Potions: I NEED MORE POTIONS!!!]

“Pfft,” I chuckled, closing the post.

From what I understand, Luna’s party went to a celebratory dinner after their gate clear. And, it seems like they were being a little too loud as a stranger listened in and overheard some details.

If that’s the story, that’s pretty funny. Honestly, I was expecting worse.

I thought that one of the party members would personally expose or intentionally leak information, but, this seems like a genuine accident.

Oh well, at least it’s funny. As long as Luna doesn’t care, then there’s no problem.

The oven beeped and I opened it, enjoying the delicious scent of bacon.

…

“By the way,” I started.

“Hm?” Luna glanced at me curiously, as she bit into a slice of bacon.

“Have you opened the internet today yet?” I asked.

“Huh? No,” She shook her head, “Why?” She started to take a sip of water.

“Oh, well, nothing major, it’s just that you exposed us.”

“PFFT”! She spat out the water in her mouth and couched repeatedly. After a moment, she cleared throat and looked at me with the most shocked face, “E-Excuse me? What did you say?”

“Oh,” I picked up a slice of a bacon and started to chew on it before speaking nonchalantly, “You blew up the internet, everyone’s talking about ‘Raccoon’s Relationship’ right about now.”

Luna stared at me blankly for a few moments. She blinked once, twice, and three times before her hand slowly moved towards her phone.

She turned it on and…

She had gotten a lot of notifications. Her previous party was messaging her.

[Flowers123: Ms. Luna! I’m so sorry! Please contact me when you can.]

[GogglesWarrior: Ah! I’m so sorry!!! During the after-gate dinner, we might have been a bit too loud! I’m really sorry!! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?]

[PhantomDiver: I’M SORRY!!]

The messages continued. Just about everyone except for Water had apologized. There was no way they hadn’t seen what was going on online right about now.

Luna stared at the messages for a moment before turning to me.

“U-Um…S-Sorry, the party seems to have accidentally exposed us…” Luna said.

“Hehe,” I giggled and bumped my shoulder against hers, “Are you okay, Mouse?”

“Am I okay?” She repeated questioningly.

“Yeah, I actually read through a bit of it. All they know is that I have a girlfriend, they didn’t hear your name at all.” I said, “But, one day, that will be public, it’s unavoidable. Your name will be out there right next to mine. I’m asking if that’s something you want to avoid. If it stresses you out or makes you scared, I can deal with it.”

We stared at each other for a moment.

“I’m…I’m more worried about you.” She said, “Are you sure there will be no problems with our relationship being exposed?”

“None that I’ll ever be concerned with.” I said, placing my hand on top of hers, “So, tell me, is this something I should nip in the bud or handle my usual way?”

“If…If it doesn’t cause you any problems and you’re not worried about it…” She said, taking a deep breath and smiling, “Then, handle it as you’d like. I’m not ashamed or fearful of anything, I’m proud and happy to be together.”

“Hehe,” I giggled and smiled. I leaned my head against her shoulder, “I’m super happy and proud too~”

“How are you going to respond?” Luna asked.

“Hehehehe…”

“…I’m feeling a little concerned now.”

“Oh, don’t worry~ It just takes a little bit of set-up. Plus! I’ll get to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. For now, let’s focus on your party, what’re you going to do?” I asked.

“Hm…” Luna tapped her finger against the table, “I think it was a genuine mistake. They probably didn’t expect anyone to be at the restaurant they went to. Plus, everyone was tired and hungry and likely not thinking about it too closely.”

“Mhm,” I nodded, “I think so too.”

“It’d be different if it was intentional, but, if it’s not then it’s just unlucky.” Luna shrugged, “Do you have an opinion?” She asked.

“Hehe, yes!” I smiled happily.

“…What’s with the evil smile?” She asked.

“Evil? Where?” I cleared my expression and asked innocently.

“…I’m worried…”

“Don’t be! Don’t be!” I said, “Anyways! Just set up a meeting with them somewhere! Private room! Can be anytime~”

“…Now I’m really worried and concerned…” Luna said but sent the message anyways.

“Perfect!”

After we finished dinner, I pulled Luna to the bedroom and told her to sit at her makeup table.

“What’re we doing?” She asked curiously.

I smiled as a reply before looking through the exchange.

[Purchase Successful]

On the table in front of her, appeared a full nail painting kit.

“Hehe, we’re going to paint our nails!” I said cheerfully.

“Paint our nails?” Luna asked.

“Yep!”

…

A few hours after the ‘Raccoon dating rumors’ had spread, the person in question had finally spoke on the situation.

When people got the notification that Raccoon had made a Tawer post, they all flocked there instantly.

What would she say? Would she deny it? Confirm it? Just what would she do.

If it were another famous person, people could guess what the response would be. But, for Raccoon? It was up in the air.

So, as everyone clicked on the post, they laughed.

‘As expected.’ some would say.

[Raccoon: (picture of two people’s hands on top of one another. The ring finger of both hands was painted. One was white with a cute mouse design. The other was black with a cute raccoon design.)]

[Raccoon: I LOVE WOMEN!]