World’s Cutest Alchemist

“With that, you are now officially registered as an awakener, Raccoon.” Nero said.

I proudly showed off my card to Luna,

“B+ mana purity, I’m just that impressive.” I exaggerated a yawn.

Luna smiled,

“It’s even higher than mine.” She said.

“It’s okay, you’ll reach my level one day.” I patted her shoulder empathetically.

Luna just slowly shook her head, amused.

“Ms. Raccoon,” Nero said.

“Mm?” I turned to him.

“Would you like us to assign you a personal agent? They would be able to handle all of your association needs.” He asked.

“For free?” I questioned. As they always say! No cookie is free!

Or is that something only I say? I don’t know, but it remains true!

“Currently, the association has you marked as a high-profile awakener. Similarly to Ms. Hailey Burnip, we offer top-tier treatment to awakeners with the potential to be a ranker or have high influence in the future. To put it extremely simply, we’re trying to get on your good side while you’re just starting so you’re more likely to cooperate with us in the future. Think of it as investment.” Nero explained.

Mm…I pondered his explanation for a moment. Honestly, it felt reasonable and understandable; Being on my good side now will make me want to help them out later when I’m more desirable.

“But, I’m not government-affiliated like dragon girl,” I pointedly said, “If you invest in me and I join a random guild instead, wouldn’t you try and recuperate your losses?”

“No,” Nero immediately shook his head, “It doesn’t matter if you’re affiliated with us or not. Even if you were already in a guild, we’d still offer this treatment. Plus, you don’t seem like the type of person who’d like to deal with the hassle.”

I tapped my cheek for a moment before nodding,

“Is this agent a spy?!” I suddenly exclaimed, “I know your tricks! In the books, they’re always the type to secretly report every detail and secret they find out over the course of years!”

“Uh-” Nero looked speechless, “…No, we’d employ them to you for a year after which, you’d have to hire them separately with your own funds.”

“Aha! This is all a ploy for me to go bankrupt! After which, you’ll sweep in and act like a knight saving the princess! “I’ll pay off all your debts, just sign this contract.” You’ll say this and then smile evilly in a place I can’t see!”

“…” Nero stared at me, unable to speak. Aha! I’ve caught him! His plans were laid bare before the brilliant, officially stated by the system, genius alchemist!

“Knock if off already.” Luna tapped my head with her knuckles with an amused smile. It looked like she was trying to hide her laughter.

“Ehehe~” I giggled, “How much is an personal agent usually?” I asked Luna.

“They range anywhere from 50 grand a year to 300 grand a year, the last I checked.”

“That much?” I asked.

“The more expensive ones act as a personal assistant as well. The cheaper ones usually just do association stuff.” Luna explained.

“Ahem,” Nero suddenly cleared his throat, “The one we assign would be on the more expensive side. We’d only cover her salary for a year, after which, you can choose to hire her yourself, if you choose not to, she’ll come back to work for us.”

“Mm…” I tapped my cheek, “A whole year of free labor…”

“Please note, she is free to quit working for you and come back to us at any time.” Nero hurriedly added.

Pfft, messing with this guy is fun.

“So, technically I’ll be her boss for a year?”

“…She will be working for you, yes.”

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“Can I also assign her to handle association tasks for Mouse?” I asked, before adding, “Luna.”

“She is specialized in assisting awakeners one-on-one, however, adding another shouldn’t be a problem…But, I am not her spokesperson.”

“But you do know her?” I asked, “This agent you guys would be assigning me?”

“She has worked with us for years now.” Nero said, “She has been an agent for rankers before, such as Lightning Lord, or the Sword Princess.”

“And she stopped. Why?”

“The Sword Princess hired another person to be her agent, someone from her guild, I presume. Lightning Lord works with us directly and has no need for an agent.”

“Mm, well, I’ll at least meet her.” I said, “If I like her, I’ll hire her with your money~!”

“Understood.” Nero nodded undeterred, “May I have your contact information to give to her so that she can contact you? Or, should I have her contact Ms. Luna, instead?”

I looked at Luna and she nodded.

“Just send the message to her.” I gestured to Luna.

“Understood. With that, you’re completely registered. Any further association matters can be handled at a later time, whether with an agent or by you. Are you going to linger here or will you be leaving immediately?” Nero asked.

“Hm…What about my post?” I asked.

“…We will post what you requested a little after you leave so that people don’t suspect that you are Raccoon.”

“Hehe, just post it in five minutes.” I said, “Mouse and I will just be in the lobby. I want to see how people react~”

“…If that’s your choice.” Nero nodded.

Luna gave me a look but I only shrugged.

“Then, see you later, mister stalker!”

“No, it’s just…” Nero gave up speaking as Luna and I headed back to the lobby.

…

After Nero watched the two walk away, he turned to head into a room—a employee rest room. It was empty at the moment as this area was closed off to allow Raccoon to move freely without worrying about people discovering her.

He flopped onto the brown couch and let out a long sigh.

“Haaaaaaaah.” He really felt like smoking right about now.

Actually meeting with the Little Bomber in person was…More than expected.

He had a presumption of her personality based on the info he gathered from her Tawer, and chatting with her in messages. But, in person? He wasn’t prepared at all.

It was like she was a gremlin incarnate.

Perhaps it would’ve been better for her to have stayed anonymous. Who knows what she’ll be up to now that she’s registered.

Nero had a strong feeling that things were going to get hectic.

“Okay…” Nero let out, taking a deep breath. His day wasn’t over yet.

He opened Raccoon’s profile in the association database, one that only people with high-level clearance could access. Under the notes section, he began to add information.

* Plays the innocent fool while asking sharp questions.

* Has a great relationship with awakener, ElectricTypeMouse, possibly partners.

* Mana-focused awakener, low physical abilities.

After adding those notes, he paused and added one last bullet point before closing the profile.

* Gremlin.

…

“Ehehe~ Look, I’m officially registered now.” I cheerfully said as we headed to the lobby.

“Congratulations,” Luna smiled, “Now you won’t have a problem finding a party.”

“Right, I have to set those preferences thingy, how does that work?” I asked.

“It’s basically just what you will and won’t do; what you want and don’t want.” Luna said, “If you decide to hire the agent, they’ll do it all for you. If not, you’ll have to go to set an appointment and set everything up another time.”

“Couldn’t I have just done it now?”

“Would you have done it now?”

“Nope~ Hehe.”

Luna rolled her eyes as we entered the lobby. It was still just as populated as before.

“Say,” I started, “Is there a database I can look up awakeners?” I asked.

“A public one? I believe so,” Luna nodded, “It’s primarily used to check out your party members before meeting them. It records your gate history, stats, and specialties. Of course, you have the option to hide these if you don’t want them shown.”

“Is this another thing you have to visit the association to check?”

“Surprisingly not. It’s just a website you have to visit. Everything is publicly available.”

“Wow, that’s a shocker.” I said as we took a seat on an empty bench.

This place got a good view of everyone. From the people waiting around the bulletin board, to the people sharing some stories, I had a good view of it all.

“So, me and the party leader were the only ones not incapacitated! While everyone was passed out, we had to carry them out of the gate, lugging them over our shoulders like a sack of rice!” One person loudly shared.

“Oh, that’s nothing!” Another shook their head, “Talk to me when you have to carry everyone, party leader included, on your back while crossing a mountain!”

…Okay, that guy’s lying.

Luna and I chatted for a bit until finally, I saw the post I’ve been waiting to see.

[Awakener’s Association Official: We are excited to share this great news with everyone. Earlier today, Raccoon, otherwise known as the ‘Little Bomber’ is officially the cutest awakener to register with the association.]

“PFFT! Bahahaha!” I burst out laughing as I read the post.

“They really did it…” Luna mumbled.

Instantly, I could see the replies and likes start to roll in.

→ [???]

→ [I was half-expecting this announcement, but what the hell is this!?]

→ [LMAOOO NO WAY, RACCOON ACTUALLY MADE THEM POST THE ANNOUNCEMENT LIKE THIS!?]

→ [It’s official, Raccoon is the cutest awakener out there. Everyone else, pack up your bags, you’ll never be as cute as her.]

→ [Raccoon is finally no longer unregistered! Does this mean she’ll also join a guild?]

→ [Little Bomber is the cutest?? Association, were you blackmailed? Blink twice if you need help.]

→ [I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Little Bomber, I kneel, no troll shall ever match you.]

→ [Were you threatened or something!? How could the announcement be like this?]

→ [Other awakener’s announcements: We’re happy to share xx has registered with the association, we’re looking forward to their future!

Little Bomber’s registration announcement: She’s the cutest awakener ever.

LMAOOOO]

→ [You claim she’s the cutest??? Show us then!! We need to judge this for ourselves!]

→ [I’m imagining Raccoon and Richard Miller in a room together; Raccoon slams a dynokali potion on the table as Richard trembles, “Announce it like this.” Raccoon says threateningly.

“N-No! We can’t!” Richard replies. But inevitably, faced under the Little Bomber’s bombs, he has no choice but to approve the message.]

↳ [Dude wrote fan fiction in the comment section, that’s crazy.]

→ [I find it absolutely hilarious that they had to have negotiated this. Raccoon must’ve drawn a hard line at this announcement and the association had to comply.]

↳ [I’m almost certain they’d rather have paid money LMAOOO]

→ [LOLOLOLOL #CutestLittleBomber]

↳ [LOLOLOL #CutestLittleBomber]

↳ [XDXDLOL #CutestLittleBomber]

→ [#CutestLittleBomber]

“Hehehe! Cutest Little Bomber~” I said.

“You really made a mess.” Luna sighed with a smile.

“You like it though, don’t you?” I asked, bumping my head against her shoulder.

“Mm…It’s definitely funny,” She said, stifling a laugh.

Suddenly, I heard someone shout from near the bulletin board,

“Hold on a second!” He said, “The association just posted information about the Little Bomber.”

Not everyone had their notifications enabled for association posts, so, when he said that, several people paused and checked it out.

One after another, laughter started to spread,

“Pfft!”

“Oh my! The cutest!?”

“Bahahaha! She got them with this one, didn’t she?”

“Hold on,” One guy said, “If she registered with the association, could she have come here again? Could she be here right now?”

“No way, idiot.” Someone immediately replied, “Since she’s keeping anonymity, it’s obviously something they’d have posted hours after she registered.”

“Fair point.” He said before starting to laugh, “Bahaha! She actually made them post something like this on their official Tawer page!”

“It’s just another thing to be curious about,” Someone said, “First, we’re curious about what happened to the bouncy ball, now, we’re curious about just how cute she actually is.”

“Ugh! Don’t remind us about that damned bouncy ball! When is she selling those bouncy bouncy potions! I need to test it myself!”

They continued to banter for a while.

“Hehe, shall we go home?” I asked, standing up.

“Mhm, let’s go.” Luna replied.

Our hands naturally came together as we walked out of the association building.