World’s Cutest Alchemist

“Hehe!” I giggled maniacally like an evil villain as comments rolled in under my post.

→ [Excuse me??? WE didn’t get to see the rubber ball part!!]

→ [Is this a joke to you!? Do you wanna fight!? Show us what happens!!!]

→ [She must be the devil’s incarnate…]

→ [The rubber ball! What happens to the rubber ball!?!??]

→ [Raccoon, please, I’m a single father of six and I’m on my deathbed, my last wish…my last wish! Please show me the what happens to the rubber ball!]

→ [Everyone’s talking about that rubber ball, but nothing about the potion itself.]

↳ [Cause she baited us!!!]

→ [I can’t think straight…My mind is too curious about what happens to the rubber ball…Does it become even more bouncy? Does it not have any effect? Maybe it transforms into a new trait? And most importantly…I want to see it!!! Show me!!]

→ [Raccoon, I will send you 2,000 points if you show me the ending of that video. Please!]

→ [The world may have been better off without Raccoon creating a public presence…She might just be a gremlin.]

→ [Her hands were so tiny and cute!!~~]

↳ [Yeah, no one’s talking about the important stuff! Raccoon has actually revealed herself willingly for the first time and not through a floor clear!]

↳ [Not much to really talk about? “She has delicate, small hands”? Everyone can see that.]

↳ [She also made cute animal shadows with her fingers!]

↳ [I agree, that was cute.]

↳ [The Little Bomber is going to show up at the front door of everyone in this thread’s doorsteps.]

→ [Rubber ball aside, the ‘Bouncy Bouncy Potion’? What’s with the name?]

↳ [It’s a potion that makes things ‘Bouncy Bouncy’? I don’t see the issue.]

↳ [It sounds like a child named it!]

↳ [It’s purposefully named that way!!]

↳ [Well…If it sounds like a child named it…There might be one blaring reason why.]

↳ [Ah…]

↳ [She is called Little Bomber for a reason.]

↳ [No!! She’s just short!!!]

→ [This potion might have a lot of utility though? Did you see how when she added it to the blade, it became harmless? If someone could find a way to apply it to enemy weapons, things might get a lot safer?]

↳ [Or, we could apply it to our own weapons—the handle—and catch an enemy off guard?]

↳ [What if we apply it to the ground? Could it act as a trampoline?]

↳ [What happens if we apply it to our shoes before jumping up from a high place?]

↳ [You’re all missing the bigger picture—Apply it to ourselves and become a rubber-rubber person!]

↳ [You’re going to need a lot of potions for that then.]

↳ [The real use is making strange things you’d never expect to bounce, bounce. Like, could you imagine throwing a college book at your teacher and it just bounces off of them?]

↳ [That’s a crime.]

↳ [I wonder if Raccoon thought of all these possibilities when creating the potion.]

↳ [She’s a genius, so probably?]

↳ [Or, she just made it because she wants things to go ‘Bouncy Bouncy~’]

“Hehe…” I giggled.

Out of all the comments, the closest one to my true intentions was that last one.

I really did just want to make things go bouncy~ bouncy~ at first. But, after a little bit of thinking, I did realize a lot of possibilities and utility that could come with this potion. Of course, human mind is limited so I don’t know everything. But, I’ve got a good grasp on it.

As for that trampoline comment? Yep, that’s one of the main things I was looking forward to. I love jumping around on my bed, so, I made it possible for everywhere to be the bed.

Does fall damage nullify? No clue! And I’m not gonna test it, that’s for sure.

Maybe at a higher grade, potion…But, at this grade, I doubt it could be that OP.

[Bouncy Bouncy Potion]

Grade D

Creator: Raccoon

A physics-altering potion created by a ‘(genius!!!!)’ alchemist. This potion changes the properties of anything it absorbs itself into temporarily, making anything ‘Bouncy~ Bouncy~’

However, when applied to something with stronger properties than the potion, the potion will not take affect.

* Not meant for consumption!

* I’m not responsible for any mishaps!!!

“Bouncy~ Bouncy~ Bounce~”

An aspect of creation that I haven’t really touched is the description. Creators can edit their description at their discretion, granted they don’t lie or over-exaggerate in the process.

This is mandated and governed by the system, so it’s 100% reliable.

Clearly, the system recognizes me as a genius, else they wouldn’t have allowed it. I don’t know why it put the parenthesis and apostrophe there though.

I usually just leave the description entirely up to the system—maybe adding a few bits and bobs. But, since I created this potion, I figured I might as well be a creator to the end.

Basically, any good part of the description you see, is something I wrote. Anything else is the system’s fault!

“Mm…I should probably respond to some of them though.” I mumbled. Trolling was fun, but too much can be annoying. There’s a thin line you have to tread.

[Raccoon: Ask me anything about the potion.]

→ [What happens when you used it on the rubber ball!?!?]

→ [Hello! This is Junior from TAN News, first, I’d like to ask if it’s okay for us to use these answers in a news article. Second: What inspired you to create this type of potion?]

↳ [Raccoon: yeah, sure. I wanted to make things go bouncy~ bouncy~, so I made a potion that could do that.]

→ [Are you aware of the impact your dynokali potions could make on the world? Both in a good and bad way?]

↳ [Raccoon: wrong potion. My bouncy bouncy potions are nothing but good!]

→ [What happens when you use it on a rubber ball?]

→ [How much do you intend to sell them for?]

↳ [Raccoon: 20,000 per.]

↳ [More than the mana potions?]

↳ [Raccoon: Due to materials and complexity. They have a completely different use than the standard buff or regeneration potions. You’re paying more for the uniqueness and utility aspect of the potion.]

→ [What happens if you drink it? Do you become a rubber-rubber person?]

↳ [Raccoon: Not meant for consumption, but nothing should happen. It’s been tested that the body’s properties are stronger than the potion’s.]

↳ [Who did…Who did you test this on?]

↳ [Raccoon: No one.]

↳ […I’m scared.]

→ [What does it taste like?]

↳ [Raccoon: Sweet.]

↳ [?? Didn’t you just say that they’re not meant for consumption?]

↳ [Raccoon: Curiosity.]

↳ […I’m speechless.]

→ [How much does it cost to make a potion?]

↳ [Raccoon: For these? Around 7-9 thousand per if I buy the materials in bulk. Standalone? Maybe 12-15k?]

→ [How do you plan to sell them?]

↳ [Raccoon: Just like the mana potions. They’ll be listed on the exchange at the same time.]

↳ […So, we only get 20 per day?]

↳ [Raccoon: Yep]

→ [What about the rubber ball?]

→ [Can you show us a picture of your alchemy setup? I’ve always been curious of how an alchemist not affiliated with a guild works.]

↳ [Raccoon: Not related to the potion—but, it’s just my kitchen.]

↳ [You have a cauldron in your kitchen?]

↳ [Raccoon: Nope, too broke to afford a cauldron. I just use a pot.]

↳ [?]

↳ [??]

↳ [??????]

↳ [?????????]

↳ [Wait…So, dynokali potions…mana potions…those buff potions…and even these new ones…They’re all made with some random pot you could use for ramen?]

↳ [Raccoon: pretty much.]

↳ [???????????????????????]

→ [Could you show us the potion’s description?]

↳ [Raccoon: (picture)]

↳ […Is this description made by you?]

↳ [Raccoon: Only the good and accurate parts.]

→ [How long does it take to make a potion?]

↳ [Raccoon: For a single potion, around 2 hours since I haven’t perfected it yet. Once I do, I can cut that to around an hour. For a batch? Should take around 3 hours? Hopefully I can cut it down to an hour and a half.]

↳ [Why does 1 potion take nearly the same amount of time as a batch does?]

↳ [Raccoon: Batch making is basically creating a single potion. Just with more materials and takes more concentration.]

↳ [Oh! I see, thank you.]

→ [Wait-wait-wait, no, we’re not skipping past this. Every potion Raccoon has made so far, has come out of a POT!?!?!]

↳ [She’s ignoring further questions about it, what can we do?]

↳ [I have an idea…]

→ [You’re making the bouncy bouncy potion with a pot, correct? If so, do other potions take a similar amount of time to create in said pot. And, if you were to use a cauldron instead, how much time would be cut down?]

↳ [Raccoon: lolololol. I’m not some sort of trickster genie where you have to word questions with very carefully to get your answer.]

↳ [Damn it…Worth a shot.]

↳ [Raccoon: Though, I’ll answer since you made me laugh. Every potion I’ve made thus far has been made with a pot. Using it is a real hassle, but it’s possible. If I were to use a cauldron, I could cut the production time of every potion by more than half.]

↳ [Then, why don’t you just use a cauldron?]

↳ [Raccoon: Too expensive, I’m broke.]

↳ [Surely you’ve made enough by now to at least afford a cheap cauldron. On the exchange, there’s a few listed for just a million points. Couldn’t you buy that and make your points back quickly?]

↳ [Raccoon: Excuse me?]

↳ [Raccoon: You want me…To buy a cheap cauldron?]

↳ [Raccoon: To use a cheap cauldron like it’s some second-hand shirt to use as a rag!?]

↳ [Raccoon: Blasphemy!!!!!]

↳ [Raccoon: A cauldron is an alchemist’s life and soul!!!!! I’m not settling for my partner being some expensive piece of scrap! AND! They look absolutely hideous! Have you seen them?! I’d rather brew potions from a bucket of popcorn than use those oversized, malformed kid’s toy! Don’t even get me started on—]

…

↳ [Raccoon: —And one more thing! Using such a cheap knockoff of a cauldron would be an insult to the alchemist pride! Would you sell your dignity, pride, and soul for a mere million points!?]

↳ [Sorry..]

↳ [I’m sorry…please….enough.]

↳ [So sorry…please stop…]

↳ [we apologize]

↳ [please no more…]

↳ [this is exactly like being forced to listen to my girlfriend…]

↳ [we’ll never ask again..]

↳ [Yeah!!! You set them straight! Asking an alchemist to disgrace themselves with such kid’s toys?! Shameful!!]

↳ [Hahaha! It makes me happy to see that Raccoon is a true alchemist!!]

↳ [You put it in words so beautifully!! When I was a rookie alchemist at my guild, they asked me if it’d be fine to purchase some cheap hunk of scrap! I didn’t know how to put it into words then, but you’ve done it!]

↳ […Ah…Raccoon is an alchemist after all…]

↳ […And all alchemists are crazy.]

…

There were plenty more questions I answered and even more I skipped past. I mean, stop asking me about stuff unrelated to the bouncy bouncy potion!

Did they really think I was going to do a QnA right now? I’m just trying to promote my product!

But, even with all the annoying questions and unrelated topics, I enjoyed myself. Seeing them treat me like some sort of trickster genie was funny.

Plus! They completely understand now, right? No one should ever use a piece of junk for alchemy. If they don’t, I can put it into words more nicely?

…

A shiver ran through the spines of people worldwide.

…

Overall, they learnt more about the potion, its uses and even a bit about myself. And I, got to troll a bit, promote my product, and have fun! It’s a win-win for everyone, right?

…

A certain government agent, Nero, suddenly furrowed his brow.

…

The only concern was whether or not I hyped it up too much. This potion isn’t anything groundbreaking. At most, it’d be a useful utility thing to have but not need.

But, I wasn’t concerned about it. After all, at the end of the day, I made it for myself to have fun.

“Haah…” I yawned, stretching my body.

Today was a good day. But, it was a little too busy for my liking.

I did get a lot of important stuff done. So, there should be no more hassles to do.

“Hm…” I flopped onto my bed, in thought.

I guess the next important thing is hanging out with Mouse on Saturday?

“Hehe…I can’t wait.” I mumbled, closing my eyes and drifting off to dreamland.