Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

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Alexei sat on the floor with his back against the wall he had spent so much time punching.

Henry crouched in front of him, looking the man straight in the eye.

Countless thoughts flashed through his mind.

”Have you thought about a few things?” Henry asked one by one.

”Suppose you really get out. What are you going to do?

”And I imagine the famous Red Guardian attracts plenty of attention. No matter where you go, someone will recognize you.

”So how exactly are you planning to avoid the people who might come after you? Not just the Russians—possibly the Americans too, if you head to the United States.

”And one last question.

”If I help you, what do I get out of it?”

Realizing the questions were serious, Alexei straightened up.

”I don’t know what I’ll do after I leave. Honestly, I never even imagined I’d make it out alive.

”But you’re wrong about everyone recognizing me everywhere.

”Besides combat training, I spent my entire career being trained as an intelligence operative. Infiltrating foreign countries and carrying out covert missions was my primary job.

”You don’t seriously think there are still giant battlefields everywhere like during World War II, do you?

”If I hadn’t personally taken action during my last mission in America, Americans probably wouldn’t even know I spent five years hiding in Ohio.”

Then he addressed the final question.

”As for what you get in return...

”I’ve already lost everything.

”What exactly do you expect to obtain from me?

”Loyalty?

”If I simply said I’d give you that, would you honestly trust me?”

Putting aside whether he had any interest in building an organization, the Alexei Shostakov sitting before him was nothing like the version from the movies—the middle-aged, pot-bellied man who had to suck in his stomach just to fit into his Red Guardian uniform.

Henry didn’t know how long Alexei had been imprisoned in Siberia.

But judging by his physique and appearance, he was still very much in his physical prime.

His condition had hardly deteriorated.

Which meant his spirit was equally intact.

Unlike the movie version, who had spent fifteen or twenty years behind bars until much of his edge had been worn away, leaving him desperate only for a hug from his daughters.

Releasing a devoted ideological warrior whose faith remained strong, but whose object of loyalty had disappeared...

Would that actually benefit Henry?

A man like that wasn’t someone who could be easily controlled.

Then Henry laughed at himself.

Why was he even worrying about this?

He had no plans to build a faction or create an organization.

He might as well consider it planting a seed of goodwill.

Maybe someday it would prove useful.

As for changing Alexei’s fate and causing unforeseen butterfly effects, Henry honestly didn’t care.

This world was already an irredeemable mess.

There was no way the Time Variance Authority could possibly exist here.

And if it did exist...

Then it could stop existing.

Having already been manipulated once by the Ancient One, the Kryptonian was still simmering with irritation.

He was more than willing to vent some frustration on anyone foolish enough to stand in his way.

---

Somewhere else.

Kang stared blankly at timeline branches that had already veered a hundred thousand miles off course and exploded outward like fireworks.

Half the TVA’s personnel were gone.

Faced with the chaos, he simply didn’t dare send agents to prune that critical nexus event and restore the Sacred Timeline.

All he could do was clutch his hair and worry.

---

Having finished weighing the pros and cons, Henry looked at the Red Guardian before him—a man entirely different from the one in his memories—and finally spoke.

”Helping you escape isn’t impossible.

”Just consider it a favor you owe me.

”But there’s one thing I need to make clear first.

”Don’t mention me to anyone.

”And don’t casually reveal information related to me.

”I might not necessarily be able to punish you if you do, but any help I’m willing to provide ends immediately.

”You don’t need to worry that I belong to the CIA, MI6, the KGB, Mossad, or any other organization.

”I’m connected to none of them.

”I represent only myself.

”Which means you may never get a chance to repay this debt.

”Because I don’t actually need your help.

”So just avoid becoming a burden.

”Can you agree to that?”

Henry extended a hand.

Alexei Shostakov, however, did not immediately seize this apparent lifeline.

Instead, he asked:

”Then why did you come here in the first place?

”To settle scores with those two Russians?”

”A personal grudge.”

Alexei emphasized the words.

”A personal grudge?

”Not a mission target?

”Not silencing witnesses?

”Not trying to extract some critical intelligence?”

He paused.

”Oh. They’re dead now.

”Or should be.

”So I guess it’s too late to get any information from them anyway.

”Unless you’re a telepath and already dug the secrets straight out of their brains.”

Henry smiled.

”No.

”It really was just a personal grudge.

”They did some unpleasant things to me in the past.

”So I came here for revenge.”

”Just those two?”

”No.”

Henry answered honestly.

”There are twenty-four more left.”

”I can help.”

”That would defeat the point.”

Henry chuckled and waved his free hand dismissively.

”Suka blyat!”

Alexei grabbed Henry’s hand and pulled himself to his feet.

”Fine.

”So what’s the escape plan?”

”Can you run?”

”How fast?”

Alexei grinned proudly.

”Take an Olympic hundred-meter champion and make him run a marathon against me.

”He still wouldn’t win.

”You don’t actually think a super-soldier’s physical abilities are merely equal to elite athletes, do you?”

Henry immediately deadpanned:

”The guy trains for a hundred meters.

”You’re dragging him into a marathon.

”Wouldn’t it be strange if he did beat you?

”Forget it. I’m not even going to argue over your logic.

”Just run as hard as you can.

”Hopefully the prison response team won’t be too enthusiastic.

”My original escape plan didn’t include you.

”Now I need to make some adjustments, and that takes time.”

Alexei continued asking questions.

”Are we escaping by plane?

”Or car?

”A plane would be best.

”With weather like this, cars don’t need snow chains, but the prison has several high-powered off-road vehicles.

”Ordinary cars can’t outrun them on the surrounding roads.

”And another thing—”

To be honest, Henry was beginning to regret his decision.

Since when had Red Guardian been a chatterbox?

Or was it simply a Marvel Universe rule that anyone wearing red automatically inherited certain personality traits?

Spider-Man.

Deadpool.

And now Red Guardian.

All of them seemed physically incapable of shutting up.

Finally losing patience, Henry grabbed Alexei by the back of the neck.

The super-soldier instinctively prepared to resist—

Only to discover an overwhelming force driving him headfirst toward the wall.

Being used as a battering ram was something Alexei understood very well.

Normally he was the one smashing other people’s faces into walls.

Experiencing the reverse for the first time felt profoundly unnatural.

He barely managed not to scream.

Both hands shot forward instinctively, trying to brace against the wall and soften the impact.

Yet the expected resistance never came.

Nor any pain.

His vision blurred.

Then suddenly—

He found himself on the other side of the wall.

Not in the interior corridor beyond the cell.

Outside.

In the open air.

”How did you—”

”Run.”

Henry interrupted him.

”You don’t need me holding your hand, do you?”

After tossing out the remark, Henry immediately broke into a sprint.

Alexei Shostakov had no choice but to run after him.

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