Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

Chapter 554: Chapter 554: Coasting Through Life

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Another early morning.

Somehow having once again gotten into the locked bedroom, Kitty began her latest daily exercise routine—jumping around wildly on a certain Kryptonian’s bed.

Using her now well-over-550-pound body, rapidly marching toward 600 pounds, to test the durability of the mattress springs.

It had already been said countless times: a Kryptonian’s body of steel ensured he would not get injured, but that did not mean he felt nothing.

Henry was not made of wood or metal. He still had nerves. Of course he could feel Kitty causing chaos.

With both eyes half-crippled and his girlfriend mysteriously erased from existence, Henry had spent the recent period drifting through life in a daze.

He had even become too lazy to write a resignation letter to Tony Stark...

So these days, he still went to work every day just to coast around.

His attitude as a professional parasite had become painfully obvious.

Even if the old veterans at Stark Pictures disliked what they saw, none of them dared criticize him to his face.

Not because his authority as CEO determined their careers.

Rather, because he had already established movie-grade digital imaging technology and secured the massive investment returns from Titanic.

In a workplace where achievements determined everything, Henry could comfortably lie on his accomplishments and freeload for a very long time.

As for arriving late and leaving early?

That went without saying.

Henry did not even clock in.

The fact that he still remembered to show his face at the office and stamp documents every day was already enough for everyone else to feel grateful.

As a result, mornings spent sleeping in became increasingly common.

Kitty barging into his room every morning had already turned into a regular event.

She had even learned how to drag blankets off the bed with her teeth, and exactly how hard to bite someone so they hovered perfectly at the threshold where the Kryptonian wanted to retaliate but was too lazy to bother.

Previously, Kitty had once released an enormous puddle of spicy-smelling tiger urine directly onto the bed.

As punishment, she had immediately been tied up by her hind legs and hung upside down.

That day, she had nearly received the full ”bleeding, skinning, and processing” treatment—leaving behind only tiger bones and tiger penis as memorials.

Yes.

The Kryptonian might no longer shoot laser beams from his eyes these days, but his strength certainly had not diminished.

After that incident, Kitty’s behavior naturally became more restrained.

But her animal instincts had not changed.

If she was hungry, she caused trouble.

If nobody responded, she hunted for food herself.

That was simply the nature of a carnivore. Even a Kryptonian could not train it out of her.

Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Henry wandered into the bathroom to wash up.

With heat vision gone from both eyes, the biggest problem was not merely that all his crafting projects had ground to a halt.

It was his facial stubble and wildly growing hair becoming completely unmanageable.

After looking at the razor blades he had repeatedly chipped while trying to shave—only for the beard to remain stubbornly intact—Henry finally gave up.

After hastily washing up, he yawned and wandered into the combined kitchen and dining area.

These days, the butcher shop had switched to monthly billing for Kitty’s meat deliveries.

Henry simply paid the bill once per month in person.

Ordinary people naturally did not receive that kind of treatment, but the title of Stark Pictures CEO remained highly effective at bluffing people.

When the butcher’s delivery guy brought the meat, Henry did not even need to receive it personally.

BB had been designed with appropriate refrigeration and preservation functions.

As long as the butcher delivered fresh meat, BB automatically stored everything in the refrigerator.

As for dry-aging the meat...

How could he possibly age anything?

Henry had once arranged an entire rack of beef specifically for aging, only for Kitty to treat it as afternoon snacks.

A little disappeared every day until eventually not a single piece remained.

Henry was currently wondering:

BB’s automatic feeding function for Kitty’s food bowl was still active. Once the proper time arrived, the robot handled everything automatically.

That had been the entire purpose of creating the household robot system in the first place.

So why did Kitty insist on waking him up every morning?

Which meant the problem probably was not the food at all.

She simply wanted to play.

Although the tiger translator had already been completed—and was accurate enough for Henry and Kitty to communicate—the intelligence and worldview of a tiger still could not compare to a human’s.

Communication did not necessarily mean understanding.

Most of the time, Henry still had no idea what Kitty was truly thinking beneath whatever she expressed.

Just as he scratched his backside while lost in random thoughts, the phone rang.

After modifications, the telephones in Henry’s house not only had caller ID and voicemail functions, but could even play different ringtones depending on the caller.

Features that would become completely ordinary in the future were still astonishingly advanced for the present era.

Unfortunately, the person who used to make the phone ring with love songs urging him to answer would never call again.

Now, the ringtone was the opening music from Sesame Street.

Since the program targeted preschool children, the music was lively and cheerful.

Picking up the phone, Henry ignored all etiquette completely.

One hand shoved into his shirt to scratch his armpit while he spoke:

”Yeah? Tony, what is it? I just woke up.”

”Jesus Christ! What time is it already? I just sent two girls home, and even I didn’t sleep until noon like some lazy bum.”

Tony Stark—the man who had snapped his fingers and somehow still stubbornly survived—delivered his usual barrage of sarcastic mockery.

”What do you want? Hurry up. After this I’m going back to sleep.”

”Work, buddy. I’m paying your salary. Even if you’re just pretending, at least drag your ass into the office once in a while and let people see your fucking face.”

”Oh, please. It’s not like I punch a time clock.”

”You really need to fix this exploitative boss mentality of yours. Every time employees aren’t visibly busy, you immediately feel compelled to invent work for them, as if relaxing for a moment is some unforgivable sin.”

”Do you want us creating value, or pretending to look busy for eight hours?”

Toward this man—who had forgotten he once used magic and forgotten that he had snapped his fingers—Henry’s tone grew increasingly rude.

Even though he knew the true problem was not actually Tony Stark.

He could refrain from blaming him directly, but he could not stop himself from speaking recklessly.

The poor guy was probably getting verbally assaulted without understanding why.

After several rounds of this, he eventually became accustomed to their style of conversation: mutual mockery, constant sarcasm, and profanity every three sentences.

For a man already familiar with Henry’s personality, trying to negotiate politely was pointless against Henry’s evasive tactics.

So Tony Stark directly stated the purpose of the call.

”This year’s mid-year meeting. Come to New York.”

”Mid-year meeting? What the hell is that?”

”A bunch of minor shareholders using company funds as an excuse to eat and drink while forcing corporate representatives and department heads to report financial performance.”

”Basically a bullshit gathering where people create activity just to remind everyone they exist.”

”Then why do you need me there? Stark Pictures is entirely owned by you, isn’t it? Who exactly am I supposed to report to? You?”

”I’m inviting you to eat and drink for free.”

”And also, some people from my aunt’s side want to meet you.”

”Your aunt’s side?”

The only person Henry could recall Tony Stark referring to that way was Peggy Carter.

Was SHIELD trying to stir up trouble again?

Even now, Henry’s imagination was still insufficient to conceive of something like ”two SHIELDs” having once existed. Though by now, the two sides had already merged anyway.

Tony Stark replied casually:

”Someone over there said they wanted to give you a surprise. Personally, I don’t see how a gift prepared by another guy could possibly count as a surprise. But since my aunt asked, just come over.”

”A surprise? Hopefully not a shock. I really can’t handle a second blow right now,” Henry muttered.

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