I Siphon the Dead to Become the Strongest

”Hey everyone! First off—so sorry for the late update! I literally just woke up and my brain was still in ’loading’ mode. Thanks for bearing with me!

Now, let’s get into it. We’ve got a new dynamic here! Being ’pitied’ by the person who can slice a goblin in half is a very specific kind of torture for someone as prideful (and tired) as Ethan. I can’t wait to see how this ’charity’ grind session goes.

Enjoy the chapter!”

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Zane cocked his head, listening to the faint, chittering echoes bouncing down the damp left-hand tunnel. “Up ahead,” he whispered, with all the subtlety of a stage actor. “Three… maybe four? Common Forest Stinkers. Having a little moldy cheese party.”

Kaela, ever the efficient one, had already nocked an arrow to her sleek, modern compound bow. She bit the fletching of a second arrow in her teeth—a move that looked incredibly cool and mildly unhygienic—and began to draw the string, her form perfect in the green gloom.

But before she could loose it, Lindis stepped forward, placing a hand gently on her sister’s bow arm.

“I’ll do it,” Lindis declared, her voice a mix of determination and sudden excitement.

Kaela lowered her bow, pulling the spare arrow from her mouth with a raised eyebrow. Lindis hefted her massive axe, tightening her two-handed grip until her knuckles were white. She took a deep, dramatic breath.

I peered into the gloom. With my honestly-not-that-impressive Low-Light Vision, I could just make out three lumpy, greenish shapes huddled around what looked like a moldy boot. ”I guess we can leave it to her,” I said, shrugging. ”According to my supremely average ocular abilities, there are exactly three. And they’re practically spooning. A single, well-placed swing should deal with them in one fell swoop. Economical.”

Lindis shot me a grin over her shoulder. ”Heh. Guess Ethan’s on my side, huh?”

She didn’t wait for an answer. With a battle cry that was more ”HYAH!” than true intimidation, she charged. It was a fast, determined sprint, her boots pounding against the wet stone.

As she vanished into the darker patch of the tunnel, I happened to glance at Zane and Kaela. They were staring at each other. Not talking. Just... a shared, loaded look. Zane’s eyebrows were up near his hairline. Kaela gave the tiniest, most imperceptible shrug.

Huh, I thought. What’s with those two? Why do they look at each other like they’re sharing a single brain cell and it’s currently broadcasting a soap opera I’m not subscribed to?

We didn’t have time to ponder.

Lindis reached the three unsuspecting goblins—small, green, and currently squabbling over a piece of questionable fungus. She didn’t slow. Instead, she planted her lead foot and twisted her whole body, a violent pirouette that channeled pure kinetic force up through her core. As she spun, a visible, swirling vortex of earthy, brown energy erupted around the haft of her axe, spiraling up from her hands like a miniature tornado of pure, blunt-force trauma. It condensed and crackled along the monstrous blade’s edge just as her spin reached its zenith.

The horizontal swing that followed wasn’t just an attack; it was a declaration.

The air itself seemed to part with a sound like a giant tearing canvas. The brown energy flashed.

SCH-THUNK.

For a split second, nothing happened. Then, six neatly halved goblin torsos slid apart in perfect unison, collapsing into a gruesome, twitching pile.

Lindis let the axe’s momentum carry her through a full, finishing spin before she slammed the butt of the haft down on the ground with a final, authoritative CLANG. She stood amidst the carnage, breathing heavily, a fine mist of brown energy dissipating from her form.

She turned back to us, a huge, triumphant smile on her face. She gave a thumbs-up, her axe held casually in her other hand. ”Phew! Unique skill of mine: Cleaving Arc! Wonderful, right?!”

It was, objectively, incredibly badass. Also incredibly messy.

I managed a weak thumbs-up in return, my face a mask of polite horror. ”Yeah. Whoa. Good... riddance? Very... thorough.”

Behind me, I felt it again. The unmistakable silence of a shared glance between Zane and Kaela.

Why are they acting like that again? I screamed internally. Is this a D-Rank thing? A sibling thing? A ’we-know-a-secret-about-our-axe-wielding-friend-and-we’re-communicating-it-via-telepathic-side-eye’ thing?

Eight hours. That’s how long we’d been tramping through this damp, echoey, semi-absorbent version of hell. My bones felt like they’d been marinated in cold broth.

Zane finally called a halt at a familiar-looking junction. He sagged against a relatively dry pipe, his mace clanking on the ground. “Phew. I guess… that’s enough for today, yeah? We’re just going back and forth now. I’m starting to recognize individual patches of mold.”

Kaela gave a long, weary sigh and leaned her full weight against Zane. “It’s not just that the pipes smell like ass,” she muttered. “They are ass. This is the city’s collective colon.”

Zane chuckled. “Right! So! Let’s call it a day. We can meet again tomorrow!”

“You can go,” I interrupted, the words escaping before I could properly vet them. “I’ll… hunt a little bit more. Grind some credits. You know how it is.”

Zane stared at me. “Ehhhhh? Why? Your ‘shelf-reaching’ muscles must be exhausted!”

I backpedaled fast. “Well, since I didn’t help much with the fights—what with my shelf-reaching jumps and key-finding eyes—I’ll just… grab a few stragglers. The routine is simple: I smack it with the baton, I throw it at you tomorrow, you do the cool cleaving thing.”

The real reason was currently integrating in the back of my stolen-skill menu at a thrilling 70% completion:

[Shin-Kicker’s Surety] (Integration: 70%)

Common Forest Stinkers may be cowardly, but they are pragmatic. This skill ensures your kicks never miss the target’s kneecaps, or… their more sensitive, sacred “family jewels.” Accuracy +100% when targeting lower extremities.

I needed a few more minutes alone to let this… distinguished ability finish baking.

Zane was about to protest further when Lindis spoke up. “You can go as well, sister, brother,” she said, her voice firm.

The reaction was instantaneous. Zane’s jaw dropped. Kaela straightened up, her eyes wide. I flinched so hard I think I sprained a muscle in my neck.

WHY? my brain shrieked in a silent, five-alarm panic. Why... is she PITYING ME?! Is this some kind of D-Rank charity? “Adopt a Pathetic E-Ranker” day?!

“Why?” Zane blurted out.

Lindis shrugged, a determined set to her jaw. “Well, I’ll just help him. And while I’m at it, I’ll improve my abilities, too. My Stone Skin needs more… data points.”

Zane’s confusion melted into a soft, understanding smile. “Well… that is right.”

Kaela looked from her sister to me, her gaze analytical. “We just arrived at being D-Rank, you know. But be careful.”

Another one of those looks passed between Kaela and Zane. They shared a silent nod, then turned and began walking back the way we came, leaving me and Lindis alone in the green, dripping gloom.

I stared at Lindis. She gave me a small, surprisingly encouraging smile. I was now trapped in an awkward, potentially fatal grind session with a girl who had just massacred three goblins in a single, cinematic swipe… out of what appeared to be profound pity for my life choices.