Back Then, I Adored You

The light was off in the house. She waited for him to get closer and, through the faint light shining through the window, Qin Zhi’ai finally managed to see the exhaustion that lingered between Gu Yusheng’s sharp, handsome eyebrows.

Because he had disappeared for such a long time without a word or reason, Qin Zhi’ai felt slightly resentful but that feeling immediately changed to heartache. The words that came out of her mouth, however, still had a hint of reproach. “Yusheng, where have you been?”

Gu Yusheng had experienced too many things over the last 24 hours, and he was slightly at a loss as to how to explain. He stared at her for some time and asked her a question instead. “Is your body still feeling unwell?”

Qin Zhi’ai blamed him slightly for not answering her question, but she still shook her head.

Gu Yusheng nodded slightly and did not say anything. Instead, he walked to the changing room, retrieved a coat, and draped it over Qin Zhi’ai’s body. He roughly tidied up her clothes, which had been rumpled from her sleeping. He then said, “Let’s go. Let’s take a trip.”

……

After they arrived at the hospital, instead of going to the main building or the emergency room, Gu Yusheng took her to the mortuary, situated at the innermost part of the hospital. Qin Zhi’ai was puzzled about why he would take her there but, after a moment of hesitation, she followed after him as he held onto her hand and walked in.

Three corpses were lying inside, each covered with a white cloth. Gu Yusheng stepped forward and lifted each cloth one by one. The bodies had been cleaned up, and their features could be seen clearly. Qin Zhi’ai felt that one of them looked particularly familiar. She did not speak and merely turned her head to take one glance at the side profile of Gu Yusheng.

Gu Yusheng seemed to understand what she was thinking, and he stared at the three bodies for a long time before he re-covered each of them with their white cloth. He then pointed to the three corpses and said, “He was shot right in the middle of his chest and died on the spot. He was killed by a bomb and lost his arm. He had up to 18 wounds on his body…”

Qin Zhi’ai knew that what Gu Yusheng had said was not the main point, so she continued to remain silent. The atmosphere in the morgue was so eerie that Gu Yusheng held her hand and walked out. Upon reaching the back of the main building of the hospital, he finally said, “They were all my comrades. A few months ago, we even had a drink together in Beijing. You were aware of that night…”

Qin Zhi’ai finally realized why the man in the middle had been familiar to her. Back then, before she had left her job at Hui Shi, she had been worried about Gu Yusheng going to his reunion with his old comrades, so she had made a trip down to the Majestic Clubhouse and waited across the street from the entrance to see him. At that time, she had seen all his comrades as they had stood at the entrance, and the man who had stood next to Gu Yusheng was who she had recognized in the morgue.

“Now, they are lying inside there…” Gu Yusheng turned and looked at the mortuary behind him. Holding onto Qin Zhi’ai’s hand, they walked out of the hospital, and he said in a light, casual tone, “One of them was like me. He was preparing for his wedding, to take place before ours. But a few days ago, he had received an urgent mission. He had been on vacation, but he still went to the front line. The wedding preparations are already complete, but he is no longer here…”

“…Another one you saw… His wife had passed away from breast cancer a few years ago and left behind a six-year-old son, who went to live with his grandparents. As he hardly had time to go home, his son had only known that he was his father. They were not close at all. He was the only son in his family…”