I'm Just an Innkeeper, Why Are You All Kneeling?

Lin Fan adjusted the wooden clipboard resting on the main table of the dining hall, taking a deep breath to steel his nerves. In the competitive, cutthroat realm of immortal cultivators, few trials were as treacherous as the one he was currently attempting to execute: a standard corporate job interview. Standing directly behind him was Crimson, towering, posture pristine, exuding an aura so chillingly administrative that she looked less like an ancient demon lord and more like a ruthless senior HR manager preparing to conduct a performance review. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest, her ruby-red eyes scanning the front entrance with cold, uncompromising judgment. Any candidate hoping to secure a position in the system-recognized establishment would have to pass through a gauntlet of service standards that made surviving a heavenly lightning tribulation look like a gentle walk in the park.

”Remember the guidelines, Crimson,” Lin Fan murmured under his breath without turning around. ”We are not hiring for world-shattering combat prowess or high-tier martial arts. We need basic punctuality, hygiene, situational awareness, and above all, an absolute commitment to not threatening our paying customers with summary execution.”

Crimson gave a sharp, terrifyingly efficient nod. ”Understood, Master. If any applicant fails to demonstrate proper deference to the guest experience, I shall break their legs and throw them into the alley behind the kitchen.”

”A bit aggressive on the severance policy, but I appreciate the dedication,” Lin Fan muttered, smoothing down his tunic and tapping his wooden pen against the desk. ”Let us begin. Send in the first applicant.”

The heavy front doors burst open with a dramatic slam. Stepping across the threshold was a young man clad in flowing azure robes, a gleaming spirit sword hovering inches above his right shoulder. A radiant Golden Core aura swirled around him in visible waves, kicking up an artificial, dramatic breeze that flapped his sleeves. He carried himself with the supreme, unearned confidence of someone who had never worked a single hour of manual labor in his entire life.

”Greetings, Shopkeeper!” the young cultivator announced, his voice echoing loudly off the walls. ”I am Lu Chen, outer disciple of the Azure Cloud Sect! I have mastered the Telekinetic Sword Drive and achieved the third realm of Sword Intent! I hear your establishment seeks a high-capacity server capable of managing rapid table service!”

Lin Fan blinked, eyeing his notes. ”Right. Welcome, Lu Chen. This is a front-of-house hospitality role. How do you propose using sword intent to enhance the dining experience?”

Lu Chen smiled smugly, whipping his hand forward. ”Allow me to demonstrate the ultimate fusion of martial art and refreshment!” With a sharp flick of his fingers, he summoned five tea-filled cups into the air. ”Observe! The Flying Sword Five-Cup Torrent!”

He thrust his palms forward, sending a surge of raw Golden Core energy blasting through the room. The five teacups shot through the air at near-supersonic speeds, whistling like incoming artillery shells. The sudden gale-force wind swept across the room, instantly scattering Lin Fan’s interview notes everywhere. The cups rocketed toward a corner table, spinning in wild, unpredictable aerial loops.

However, Lu Chen had completely failed to account for basic fluid dynamics.

The teacups themselves were system-provided heavenly items—forged from indestructible celestial materials capable of withstanding the strike of a divine Tribulation lightning bolt without taking a single scratch. But the boiling tea contained inside them possessed no such celestial immunity. The immense wind pressure instantly whipped the scalding liquid straight out of the spinning cups, vaporizing it into a roaring wave of hot, fragrant mist. A second later, the five indestructible heavenly cups slammed directly into the side wall with a deafening thunderclap.

Because they were indestructible system objects, the cups did not break. Instead, they bounced cleanly off the unblemished wooden wall with violent kinetic energy, flying backward through the air and smacking Lu Chen squarely across the face in rapid succession before clattering onto the floor, completely undamaged.

The wall was thoroughly drenched in boiling green tea. The air smelled of scorched leaves and bruised ego. Lu Chen lay flat on his back, groaning softly as a row of massive red bumps swelled across his forehead.

Lin Fan stared at the dripping wall, then at the indestructible cups rolling across the floor, and finally at the twitching sword disciple. He raised his ink stamp and slammed it down onto the parchment with finality.

”Verdict: Rejected,” Lin Fan said deadpan. ”Reasoning: Severe fluid containment failure, extreme workplace safety hazard, and high probability of scalding high-paying patrons.”

The second applicant strode in twenty minutes later, intentionally stomping his high-end, gold-embroidered boots to ensure maximum attention. He wore silk robes worth a small fortune and carried a folding fan that he snapped open with a sharp clack. His chin was tilted so high toward the ceiling that Lin Fan wondered if he was actively checking the rafters for dust.

”I am Young Master Zhao of the Iron Sun Clan,” the cultivator declared, sweeping his gaze across the room with open disdain. ”A warrior at the peak of the Foundation Establishment realm. I have deigned to grace your humble establishment with my presence.”

Lin Fan rubbed his temples, feeling a headache forming behind his eyes. ”Right. Young Master Zhao. Let us skip the grand declarations. How do you plan to handle a customer who hesitates to order or complains about the prices?”

Zhao sneered, waving his fan dismissively. ”Ha! Simple! Mortals and weaklings lack discipline. If a customer hesitates for even a second, I shall unleash my full spiritual pressure upon their soul! I will press them into their seats until their knees tremble and their teeth chatter! Under the terrifying aura of my clan, they will panic-order the most expensive items on the menu just to save their own lives!”

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Lin Fan stared at him, stunned. ”You... you would use spiritual intimidation on our guests?”

”Of course!” Zhao chuckled arrogantly, puffing out his chest. ”Efficiency at its finest! Furthermore, when presenting the bill, I will subtly flex my killing intent. They will eagerly hand over extra spirit stones as a tip just to ensure I do not eradicate their family lineage! Your daily revenue will triple!”

Behind Lin Fan, Crimson’s eyes flared with a lethal red light. The temperature in the dining room plummeted ten degrees instantly.

Lin Fan’s face twitched in pure retail horror. ”You want to run a protection racket under the guise of table service. You want to extort tips using death threats.”

”I call it aggressive sales management,” Zhao corrected with a smirk.

Lin Fan did not even bother dipping his stamp into the ink pad. He brought it down on the form so hard the wooden clipboard cracked down the middle.

”Verdict: Rejected,” Lin Fan snapped with profound disgust. ”Reasoning: Toxic sales strategy, extortion, complete lack of basic ethics, and guaranteed health code violations. Get out before my HR director demonstrates what actual killing intent feels like.”

Zhao opened his mouth to shout an angry curse, but Crimson took half a step forward. The crushing, overwhelming pressure of an ancient demon lord settled onto his shoulders like a falling mountain. Squeaking in sheer terror, the Young Master turned on his heel and bolted out the door so fast his silk robes blurred.

Lin Fan slumped forward, burying his face in his hands. ”I can’t do this, Crimson. I really can’t. Cultivators are absolute, irredeemable retail-incapable idiots. Their brains have been completely rotted by spiritual energy and ego. If I put any of these megalomaniacs out on the floor, we’ll have three duels to the death before the lunch rush even begins.”

Crimson adjusted her cuffs, her tone pragmatic. ”They view service as subjugation, Master. They lack the discipline of true work.”

Before Lin Fan could reply, the heavy front doors creaked open once again. This time, there was no loud announcement, no flying sword intent, and no arrogant laughter. There were only the quiet, hesitant footsteps of small, bare feet against the floorboards.

Lin Fan looked up.

Standing in the doorway was a young mortal boy, no older than fifteen. His clothes were threadbare and covered in faint patches of soot, his thin frame swallowed by an oversized, faded tunic. In his left and right hands, he tightly held the small fingers of two tiny girls—his younger sisters, who looked to be around six and eight years old. Their eyes were wide with awe and fear, their cheeks hollowed by hunger, and their tiny stomachs let out a loud, collective rumble that echoed through the quiet hall.

The boy swallowed hard, holding his sisters close to his sides. He bowed deeply toward Lin Fan, his voice trembling but remarkably polite. ”E-Excuse me, honored Shopkeeper... Are you still accepting applications for work?”

Lin Fan’s tired expression softened instantly. He gestured toward the chairs opposite his desk. ”Please, sit down. All three of you.”

The boy hesitated, eyeing the clean, system-crafted polished wood chairs, clearly terrified his dusty clothes might ruin them. But seeing his sisters swaying from exhaustion, he carefully guided them onto the seats before sitting down himself.

”Thank you, sir,” the boy said softly. ”My name is Xiao Yu. These are my little sisters, Xiao Ling and Xiao Mei.”

”I’m Lin Fan,” the shopkeeper replied gently. ”And this is Crimson. Don’t worry about her. Tell me, Xiao Yu, do you have any prior experience in restaurant work?”

Xiao Yu nodded eagerly, a tiny spark of pride illuminating his tired eyes. ”Yes, sir! For two years, I was the lead server at the Golden Jade Teahouse down in the lower district. I know how to welcome guests, balance heavy trays, memorize orders without mistakes, sweep the floors, and keep the tea pots warm without burning the leaves!”

Lin Fan blinked in surprise. Actual service experience? Real restaurant terminology? ”The Golden Jade Teahouse? Why did you leave?”

Xiao Yu’s shoulders sloped, and deep sorrow crossed his face. ”I didn’t leave voluntarily, sir... A few weeks ago, the teahouse mysteriously caught fire and burned to the ground overnight. The owner disappeared right after. Ever since then, no other shop in the market would hire mortal workers because the local cultivator sects took over. We lost our housing, our savings ran out, and... we haven’t had a real meal in three days.”

Lin Fan froze.

A few weeks ago... Golden Jade Teahouse... rival owner... burned down...

A sharp, icy bolt of sudden realization struck Lin Fan right in the chest. A massive wave of modern corporate retail guilt washed over him.

It was him.

During his earlier confrontation with the corrupt rival shopkeeper who had tried to sabotage his restaurant, Lin Fan had completely destroyed the man’s business and flattened the Golden Jade Teahouse in the process. He had considered it a victory against an arrogant villain—a classic Xianxia resolution. But he had completely overlooked the collateral damage. He had accidentally caused local structural unemployment! He had turned three innocent mortal orphans into homeless, starving refugees!

Lin Fan swallowed hard, looking at the trembling family in front of him. Xiao Yu was looking at him with desperate, hopeful eyes, begging for a chance to work for a single copper coin.

Lin Fan didn’t hesitate. He picked up his red stamp, slammed it firmly onto a fresh piece of parchment, and set the clipboard aside.

”Xiao Yu,” Lin Fan said, his voice firm and warm. ”You’re hired. As Head Server.”

The boy’s eyes went wide. ”W-What? Just like that?”

”Just like that,” Lin Fan nodded. He turned his gaze to the two little girls, who were staring at him with big, round eyes. ”And these two are hired as our official Assistant Welcome Committee. Their job description includes smiling at guests, looking adorable, and eating three full meals a day.”

Xiao Ling and Xiao Mei gasped, clutching their brother’s tunic. ”Three meals?” the smaller one whispered in disbelief.

”Three heavy, nutrient-rich meals every single day,” Lin Fan confirmed with a warm smile. ”Starting right now. You will all get fair daily pay, brand new uniforms, and full housing accommodations in the private courtyard out back. Free of charge.”

Xiao Yu’s lips quivered. Tears welled up in his eyes, spilling over his dusty cheeks as he dropped to his knees, bowing his head toward the floor. ”Thank you, Shopkeeper Lin! Thank you! I promise I will work harder than anyone in the entire city! I won’t let you down!”

”Get up, kid. In this restaurant, we don’t bow to the boss,” Lin Fan said softly, stepping around the table to lift the boy back to his feet. He glanced over at Crimson, who was standing near the kitchen doorway.

”Crimson,” Lin Fan called out. ”Fire up the stove. Prepare three large bowls of high-grade spirit-rice porridge, braised meat, and warm honey tea. Immediate staff orientation starts in five minutes.”

Crimson bowed slightly, her usual icy demeanor softening into a rare, faint sign of approval. ”At once, Shopkeeper.”

As the children were led toward the warm, fragrant kitchen, Lin Fan looked around his clean, peaceful dining hall. Cultivators might rule the heavens with sword and flame, but when it came to running a proper restaurant, it was the mortals who truly held the world together. And for the first time all day, Lin Fan felt completely satisfied.