The Overlord of Puluo

After a long, fruitless search, the watermelon men returned to the front courtyard. One was injured, and watermelon juice leaked from the wound.

Immediately, Geng Zhiwei ordered a clerk to bandage the injured watermelon man. Beside him, Jia Quansheng said, ”Brother, you’re too cautious. They aren’t even living.”

Geng Zhiwei shot him a look. ”Do you know what one of these costs? If not for you, would I be investing this much money?”

”Right, right,” Jia Quansheng said with a fawning smile. ”It’s all because of me.”

Jia Quansheng said the words, but bitterness rose in him. Geng Zhiwei acted like he was taking a loss, yet he had already taken Chubby Qin’s ten Speckled-Snake Pills, and Yu Nan’s cloth shope would end up his too.

In the end, he had sacrificed only one Rong Jin’an and bought a little over twenty watermelon men.

Jia Quansheng had met the Agrarian Cultivator before. Each watermelon man sold for just over twenty thousand. All the watermelon men that Geng Zhiwei bought would help him gain a cloth shop. How was this a loss?

Besides, these watermelon men could serve for a year, and if they were hurt, a splash of water would heal them. At that price for something so useful, how was Geng Zhiwei losing anything? Of course, Jia Quansheng kept all of this to himself and did not dare say it out loud.

The watermelon men could not speak. Since one was hurt, Geng Zhiwei assumed an ambush had happened. He led his men to check the back courtyard himself. When he found no one, he ordered them to burn the Yu family’s old residence.

The flames rolled through the residence, and it turned to ash.

”Post a notice in Inner Gully tomorrow,” Geng Zhiwei said to Jia Quansheng. ”Yu Nan is not allowed to show her face in Medicine King Gully. Anyone who sees her and does not report it to me will be my enemy.”

Geng Zhiwei shouted, ”Walk!”

His subordinates walked behind Geng Zhiwei while the watermelon men formed a formation and followed.

Inside his Pocket Dwelling, Li Banfeng quietly stroked the gramophone and asked softly, ”My dear wifey, what level of Agrarian Cultivator would it take to nurture watermelon men like these? I don’t want to fight him. I just want to be his friend and buy something good back home for you next time.

”My wifey, what do you think of cucumber men? The kind with spikes.

”My wifey, say something to me. I’m staying in today for quite a while. If you keep quiet like this, you’ll bore me to death.”

Pop… crackle… pop…

The gramophone started to speak.

Clang! Clang! Clang!

Drums and gongs thundered, and the gramophone started singing opera.

”Su San! From Hongdong I set out, from Hongdong I set out…To the street front I arrived… I hear Luoyang’s flowers gleam like brocade… Yet when I arrive… frost and bitter cold… greet me so cruelly… ahhh!”

The line came from a well-known aria in The Jade Hall of Spring, specifically the scene where Su San is escorted.

The gramophone sang with feeling. After two lines, its voice trembled as if it were crying.

No, it was crying. Between puffs of steam, beads formed on the horn and slid down like tears.

Li Banfeng wasn’t a hopelessly straight guy with no sense of romance or empathy. He had a soft heart. When he saw the gramophone crying, he hurried over to comfort her. ”My wifey, why are you crying?”

”Sob… sob…” The gramophone choked back tears, then chanted, ”My husband brings no rice… for many, many days… This lowly wife… holds a starving belly… Ahhhh… ahhhh… ahhhh…”

The drawn-out cadence lingered, echoing endlessly through the air.

”Couldn’t you just say you’re hungry?” Li Banfeng was displeased. ”I fed you so much at that old woman’s house. You even ate Rong Jin’an the day before yesterday and that was fresh! And now you are hungry again?”

Clang, clang, clang~

The gramophone shifted its rhythm and continued to sing, ”Poor couple! Poor couple! All is sorrow! My husband labors outside, hardship upon hardship! One meal hungry and one meal full, I dare not complain. Heeey yaaa… ahhh yaaa… ahhh~~”

At that, the gramophone broke into sobs again. Li Banfeng let out a weary sigh. ”My wifey, you stuffed yourself last time and stretched that belly of yours...”

She wept miserably, and her voice grew sharper with each word. ”This little wife never complained of bitter rice, never complained of plain tea. Hard life, plain life, I endured without a word. Why does my husband mock me? Yaa… yaa… yaa… ahhh…”

”Stop crying!” Li Banfeng snapped. He was not in the best of moods. By rights, since they lived under the same roof, he ought to give his wifey something decent to eat.

Money was not the problem for Li Banfeng. He could not promise delicacies every day, but it was unreasonable to let her go hungry at one meal and full at the next. Unfortunately, his wifey only ate special things, and such precious ingredients were hard to find.

”My wifey, I’ll catch a watermelon man for you to eat later. How does that sound?” Li Banfeng said as he pulled out the remaining watermelon pulp.

Tsk! The gramophone let out a snort.

”This watermelon was grown by an Agrarian Cultivator. It has no soul. How am I supposed to eat it?”

Since this little wife did not like watermelon, Li Banfeng said, ”Then I’ll fetch you some corpses to eat.”

Tsk, tsk. ”This little wife does not eat corpses!”

Li Banfeng knit his brows. ”Why must you be so choosy? The lotus devours with joy.”

”Husband, don’t you mention that wretch Honglian[1]!”

Honglian? Is she talking about the Arcane Crimson Lotus? Li Banfeng wondered.

The gramophone carried on with its aria. ”My dear husband dotes, dotes on that wretch. All the best food, all the finest drink, you give to her. This little wife, ahhh, this little wife you cast aside. Whether I live or whether I die, you do not care. Ahhh… ahhh… ahhh~”

You make no sense. Li Banfeng called out, ”My wifey, the corpses are before you. If you wish to eat, then eat.”

Pfft! Steam burst from the horn in a sharp spray, as though she spat at him.

”How can this little wife swallow such filthy stuff? Honglian does not eat the living, ahhh does not eat the living! This little wife does not eat the dead, ahhh does not eat the dead!”

Li Banfeng grew angry. ”Woman, you are too difficult to please!”

”My husband does not cherish this little wife… Does not cherish me, does not cherish me… Ahhh~”

Sizzle~

A sheet of steam surged out, scalding Li Banfeng until his whole body flushed red. He said nothing, and the gramophone fell silent.

Honglian did not eat the living, which meant that she fed on corpses, medicinal herbs, and even certain special weapons. The gramophone did not eat the dead. That meant she refused lifeless things. She fed instead on spirits who had died with resentment still clinging to them. However, such vengeful spirits were not easy to come by.

Li Banfeng had an idea, but it was an idea with great risk.

***

When Geng Zhiwei returned to the medicinal trading house, he specially cleared a sunlit room to house the watermelon men.

The room contained more than twenty buckets, one for each watermelon man. They stood upright with their feet in the water bucket. Their strength would recover after a full day and night and they would be ready to fight the following day.

During the day, the watermelon men basked in the sun and all their wounds healed. When night fell, clerks from the medicinal trading house then came by to refill their water.

At one in the morning, a watermelon man’s belly swelled. With a sharp crack, its body split apart.

Clutching the key, Li Banfeng rose from a water bucket of watermelon pulps. The Pocket Dwelling followed the key, and the key had arrived here with the watermelon man.

Li Banfeng crawled out from the watermelon man’s belly and found himself inside the Geng Family Medicinal Trading House.

The shattered watermelon man remained calm, and the others stood in silence. They had not been fed fertilizer and lacked the power to fight.

Li Banfeng devoured the watermelon pulp in heavy bites. Around him, the watermelon men stood still, showing no sign of hostility.

After eating, sweat streamed down his body. He glanced around the watermelon room, then quickly crouched.

This house had several glass windows with excellent light, allowing him to see the situation in the courtyard clearly.

Two guards stood outside the door. They were Geng Zhiwei’s trusted men, assigned there because the watermelon men were very important.

Having heard the watermelon man explode, the two of them were peering inside. Luckily for Li Banfeng, the one that had the key in its stomach had been standing in the corner by the wall, just out of sight from the windows.

One of them whispered, ”You keep watch here. I’ll go in and take a look.”

The other shook his head. ”What’s there to see? These things give me the creeps.”

”You have things that you are afraid of? When Young Master Geng asked you to collect a debt from a family of several people last month, you killed all the men and slept with all the girls. Even ghosts would shiver at the sight of you. How are these watermelons scary?”

”How is that the same? These are watermelons that have gained sentience. You saw it in the fight during the day. They are downright evil!”

”The young master paid a high price for these. We can’t afford to have anything happen to it. How about we both go in and take a look?”

”You really are something…”

The two guards unlocked the door and edged into the room. A watermelon man lay in pieces, pulp and rind scattered on the floor.

Both of them were stunned and one of them asked, ”What happened?”

The other one looked back at the other watermelon men and saw that each one stood in its bucket, neatly in place, with none missing.

Not a single one is missing. Then why is there a shattered one? Could there be an extra? How is that possible?

The thoughts flickered through this guard’s mind. His hair stood on end as he scanned the watermelon men once more. That was when he realized that something was wrong.

In truth, one watermelon man was missing. With a blank expression, Li Banfeng stood upright in a water bucket and posed as a watermelon man.

As a Homebound Cultivator, he was often overlooked by people. And so, the two guards failed to see him at first glance.

The guard edged up to Li Banfeng, eyes widening in shock. ”Isn’t this—”

Pfft! The sickle flashed, and Li Banfeng slit the man’s throat in one clean motion.

The other guard was examining the shattered watermelon on the floor when he heard a faint noise behind him. As he began to turn, he felt a sickle brushing coldly across his throat.

”Don’t make a sound. I’m a good man,” Li Banfeng whispered in his ear.

The man dared not make a sound and Li Banfeng asked again, ”Answer truthfully and I’ll let you go. Where do you keep the valuable medicines in this trading house?”

”They are all in the medicine storeroom, which is located in the east-side room of the front courtyard.”

”What good medicine do you have?”

”Do you mean medicinal herbs or pills?” the guard stammered. ”I can’t identify all the herbs, but I do know some of the pills.”

”Then tell me about the pills.”

”There are dozens of Speckled-Snake Pills, though I don’t know the exact number.”

Li Banfeng did not believe him. ”A medicinal trading house as large as the Geng Family’s has only Speckled-Snake Pills? Don’t lie to me. I am a good man.”

”The really good ones aren’t on display. They’re all kept at the master’s residence.”

The guard was not lying. A medicinal trading house generally did not keep very precious pills on site. If someone wanted to buy them, they had to set a time in advance so the seller could fetch the goods.

Li Banfeng asked again, ”Where is the money in the trading house kept?”

”There’s some at the front counter. The larger sums are in the rear courtyard, in the young master’s room.”

”Where does your young master live?”

”In the rear courtyard. He sleeps in the third concubine’s room.”

”Are there guards in the rear courtyard?”

”There are. Usually ten.”

”Do they have cultivation?”

”Yes. The top thug, Song Boming, is a second-level Physique Cultivator. Under him are two first-level Martial Cultivators.”

There was one cultivator at the second level, two at the first, and seven lackeys. If Li Banfeng went out, the situation would become difficult. This was not something he could handle alone.

Recalling that Geng Zhiwei commanded more than thirty men, Li Banfeng asked, ”What about the rest of the guards?”

”The others are asleep in this compound. I’m telling the truth. You are a good guy. You promised to let me go. Please spare my life. I swear I won’t alert the others,” the guard cried. At this point, he was already in tears.

”Fine, I’ll let you go,” Li Banfeng said with a smile. ”Actually, I heard it all earlier. You didn’t even spare a single person in that family of more than a dozen.”

With tears streaming down his face, the guard pleaded, ”Good fella, it was the young master’s order. We only do what he tells us. Don’t believe that bastard’s words. He is crueler than me and has killed more than I ever have!”

”More than you… I see.” Li Banfeng glanced at the corpse on the ground. ”It seems you two shared a deep bond. I’ll send you off with him.”

”Spare m—” The guard’s plea broke off as his voice failed. Li Banfeng’s blade had swept across his throat, silencing him forever.

1. This is basically a transliterated version of Crimson Lotus ☜