Data-Driven Daoist

All around, disciples perked up their ears. Yu Han would bet money that they too were part of some group or gang. Factions. Maybe even courtyards and pavilions?

“Yu Han, my friend,” one of the thugs said. “That lamb looking fresh as a wench’s fat arse.”

“You are?” he asked.

The thug reached for the lamb but Yu Han pulled the plate away.

The thug’s face fell. “Now that ain’t fair. A good cultivator is one who shares. That’s what the books say, you get me? Word has it you’ve got plenty of gold to go around.”

“I don’t remember that?” Yu Han said, tilting his head.

“Don’t be modest, brother,” the thug said. “A poor man’s sin is hoarding stolen jade. But we aren’t poor men. We’re cultivators!”

You look poor as shit to me.

“What do you want?” Yu Han said.

“Can a man not go without screaming like a little girl for one hour?” Li Yao asked, and all the other thugs backed away. “Can I not eat my chicken feet unmolested? Do you wanna guess how loud my voice is?”

“There’s no need for that. We’re here to negotiate is all,” the leading thug said. “Wang Daming’s a fool with three fathers, two of’em his mum don’t know. We’re not like him, ’kay? Word around the street is you’ve a courtyard token to sell. Half a million’s fair… if you’re not greedy, don’t you think?”

“Half a million what now?” Yu Han was genuinely confused.

And his confusion seemed to confuse the thug.

“Look here, brother. Selling is a base thing, right? Like those dirty merchants,” the thug said. “We’re cultivators. Tell you what. You and me, we can go to the Administration hall right now, no waiting. You let me be the leader, and you and Junior Li here can be the vice leaders. The only vice leaders if you know what I mean.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Yu Han said.

“Don’t be like that. What’s a man if he ain’t big? You bro look big as hell,” the thug said. “Big heart. Very big.”

His friends snickered.

“It’s not a bad deal,” the thug continued. “You get us making sure no other nasties get their hands on ya. How’s that? Tell you what? I promise we’ll give you half all our profits for the first decade? You know how long a decade is?”

“Ten years?” Yu Han said. Was this guy dumb?

“With my fist and my bro’s business brain,” the thug pointed at another thug, who tapped his head. “That’s gonna be way more than half a million spirit stones. Maybe a full one million? Heck, could even be two!”

No. What the hell? Just no. He wanted to ask who the hell told them he was selling the token for half a million. But before that, he had a bone to pick with that business proposition.

“So you and all the courtyard members will sign a soul-binding death-enforcing accord witnessed by the gods above and ghosts below? By the sect, the halls and the palaces?” Yu Han asked. “Since it’s a long-term plan. Let’s time the money by ten for ten years. 5 million. You pay me in installments. For each year after that, there’s a cyclical interest of 17.5%. How’s that sound?”

The thug’s smile cracked. His gaze darkened. “Are you messing with me?”

“Are you?” Yu Han shot back. “Do you know who we were just with? Where we just came from? What we were talking about?”

He alternated his gaze with Li Yao, then the seven thugs. Finally, the surrounding tables and a passing crowd that tried their best to pretend as if they weren’t listening in.

“Do you have any idea what games are being played here, and at what level?” Yu Han grinned. He was pulling bullcrap out of his arse, but they didn’t need to know that. “You don’t. How could you? Inner-court disciples are but pieces on a game of go, and core disciples are barely the weakest players.”

“What kinda pills did you take, fatty?” one thug exclaimed. “Boss, I say he’s lying.”

Yu Han shook his head. “Don’t believe me? Well, ask around. Find out what you guys are getting. Or you won’t know for how much you were sold of. Maybe you’ll be helping some noble brat count the money while they put the collar on you.” He cocked his head back and laughed, slapping the table repeatedly which seemed to piss the thugs off even more.

“It was Strong Shan, that two-side playing son of a rusty sword, wasn’t it?” Yu Han asked.

The thug leader was expressionless but one of his companions flinched.

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“Who’s that?” the thug leader asked.

“Word of advice. He didn’t lie,” Yu Han shrugged as if he was admitting to some grand secret. “He just didn’t tell you the full truth. Tell you what? Find me in a few days and tell me the name of the game. Then we can talk 10-year plans, brother.”

“You’re just some rookie, and not even a decent one,” the leading thug said. “Don’t get all high and mighty.” He put one leg up on the bench and leaned in, his fingers rapping the table in a constant rhythm. “It don’t matter what games are going on. Without big brothers like us watching your back, you think any little courtyard can last a week?”

Yu Han stayed silent, eyes tracing every twitch and flicker. The clenched jaw, the tapping fingers, the bored-looking ones and the ones who bit their lips when he looked their way. They didn’t hold his gaze for long.

“We’re done wasting time, kid,” the leading thug slammed the table. “Daylight’s burning. Better to wrap things up in the Administration hall ‘fore it gets dark. Who knows what can happen after the sun sets.”

“Who knows indeed,” Yu Han said. “We’re expected at the Law Enforcement hall though. If we don’t show up in a quarter bell’s time, they might get worried. Senior Brother, tell me your name so that I can give them a proper explanation.”

“Whoa, what’s the hurry? We’ll get to know each other over drinks when we celebrate! A courtyard’s a big—”

“Didn’t you say we’re done wasting time?” Yu Han asked. He ripped out another piece of lamb and put it on his plate. The stringy meal had cooled down and hardened. It tasted dry now, even with the dipping sauce.

The leading thug’s stoney eyes followed Yu Han’s chopstick. He smiled, but with flared nostrils and clenched jaws, it didn’t look like a happy one.

“It’s not nice to interrupt when your leader speaking,” he said. “Did your girl know you got no manners? What’s her name?”

“Huang Niuniu,” one of his fellows said with a dark snicker. “She ain’t much but she has some talent if you know what I mean, boss.”

Yu Han’s hand rested on the table, still and flat. Only the faintest tremor betrayed him when the thug said her name. He let his shoulder drop.

The leading thug grinned.

“Looks like you figured out how the world works, ey kid?”

Yu Han rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue.

“Well, looks like I’ll have to hurt my lungs again,” Li Yao sighed. “So who do I scream for? Tan Ruoxuan, or maybe Brother Duan Xiaolong this time?”

As Li Yao spoke, the leading thug’s posture instantly closed off. The others behind shifted their weight back as if prepared to run away, or rush in, any time.

“Xu Jinshui, it’s a bit too early to get your guts kicked again, don’t you think?” a deep, raspy voice inserted itself without a care for invitation. “Did your face miss kissing the dirt so much?”

“Don’t butt in—Sun Tao!”

“Now listen here, I don’t want no trouble—”

The familiar phrase might have induced PTSD in the thugs as they kicked backward all at once and brought out their weapons. Xu Jinshui, the leading thug, even somersaulted out of the bench. It looked mighty impressive.

“—if you want no trouble,” Sun Tao, the old peddler, finished his sentence with a grin. He was missing a bunch of teeth. Tall and slightly hunched, so thin that even a gust of wind might have folded him in half. His head was full of messy greying hair loosely tied to a bun. His grey beard forked like a split snake tongue, and he smelled faintly of spice and smoke. He had a basket slung over his shoulder that might’ve been full of his wares. His sect robes were old, washed and mended countless times with one patch here and two more there.

“Heh. Old Sun gave you pups a good scare last time, eh?” the lumbering giant of a man behind Sun Tao spoke. His voice was also deep, but broader and younger, with more ups and downs in tone and vigour. He was tanned so much his skin appeared tropical brown. All over him from his forearms to his face and bald head, were countless scars. Some long and narrow, others wide or deep.

“Li Tieniu, you’re not much different from us after all. Huh?” Xu Jinshui spat. “You brag about earning your own courtyard rights with blood and sweat, without licking the feet of noble elders. But look who’s here trying to get his black hooves on the rookies. Next time you preach about right and wrong you better take a long look in a puddle of piss. A hypocrite’ll be staring back.”

“Who’s doin’ what now?” Li Tieniu rumbled. “I saw a bunch of gutless vultures circlin’ a few kids. Thought I’d kick some sense into ’em.”

“Don’t think just ‘cause you’re higher level you getta—”

“Talk back again, and I’ll have you picking your teeth off the ground,” Li Tieniu said. His voice so low it could scrape the ground. “I got levels. You got nothing. Trash.”

Xu Jinshui inhaled through his flared nostril and snorted like a pig, exhaling as his eyes turned bloodshot. His fingers clawed.

“Fine, but this ain’t over,” Xu Jinshui said. He backed away without turning, as if Sun Tao and Li Tieniu were fierce predators and showing any weakness would prompt a hunt.

“Xu Jinshui,” Yu Han called out.

The thugs stopped.

“That’s your name. The rest of you have names too. Names I can find out,” Yu Han said, pointing his chopstick at each of them. “Core disciples love names that are findoutable. They need new pieces for their game.” His chopstick stopped at the guy who talked about Huang Niuniu. “And you look like you have some talent. If you know what I mean.”

The thug’s face turned blue.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Xu Jinshui cut in. “You’re not the first one who said that to us. You won’t be the last. But you will be sorry.”

Yu Han might. But he was done being the punching bag. If the sect wanted to use them for their games like Dong Tianlan said, he might as well use the sect back.

The thugs left, and soon enough so did a lot of the eavesdroppers from the other tables.

Yu Han picked up a cut of beef and yam from the stir fry. “It’s gotten cold too.” He looked up at the two older disciples. “Care for a meal?”

“I won’t be Old Sun if I don’t take a bite out of free food,” Sun Tao placed his basket on the ground and took a seat on the bench. He didn’t hesitate at all and ripped off part of the lamb leg. He dipped it in the sauce and took a hearty bite. But then he frowned. “Too much ground anise. Whoever cooked this should have their spice jar confiscated. Waste of good lamb, and worse, good anise!”

Li Tieniu picked up a chicken foot and tossed it into his mouth. “Tastes fine to me.”

Sun Tao hissed. “Fine for you, you don’t have my delicate palate. In my days, cooking like this would make a restaurant go out of business in three weeks—”

Li Yao finished up the fish. He ate so fast as if he didn’t want to share. That was strange for the extrovert, as he was the one who was usually throwing drinks and food around.

“I’ve heard of you guys,” Li Yao said. “Well, I’ve heard of Senior Brother Li Tieniu. You’re one of the more famous monster hunter groups of the outer sect.”